The Great Chocolate Riots of 2016???

cadburyPeople take their chocolate seriously. Now, I like chocolate just fine, but I don’t claim to be a connoisseur, and I am just about as content with a plain old Hershey bar as some more expensive chocolates. Around this time of year, we see the Cadbury Crème Eggs in stores, and I do enjoy one of those on occasion. But let the buyer beware … apparently the Crème Eggs are not what they once were! Last year, Cadbury announced that they would be switching the chocolate in these eggs from “Dairy Milk” to a less expensive variety of chocolate. GASP … the horror! Actually, it must have been a traumatic event for some, as Cadbury is said to have suffered losses of £6m (~ $8.6 million USD) after the announcement last year. Still, imagine my surprise when in my daily news trolling I came across the following article on an Irish news website:

3 Dead After Cadbury’s Creme Egg Protest Turns Violent In Dublin

GARDAÍ in Dublin have called for calm this afternoon after three people were reported killed and another 17 injured after violent clashes outside the Cadbury’s chocolate factory in Coolock.

An estimated 16,000 people took to the Malahide road in protest of the company’s new Creme Egg recipe, which they claim is ‘inferior’ to its original predecessor.

Starting from the city centre, the large crowd of protesters made their way to the factory in Coolock, causing massive traffic disruption, thus forcing Gardaí to engage.

“Everything was fine until we got to the factory. Then it all kicked off when some spokesperson for Kraft addressed the crowd, saying: ‘It’s no longer Dairy Milk. It’s similar, but not exactly Dairy Milk’,” recalled one eyewitness. “Next thing, someone threw a shoe. Then another person threw a box of cream eggs. Then, before you knew it, there were people being thrown at the factory gates.”

Two men and one woman were pronounced dead after becoming impaled on the high fencing around the perimeter of the factory.

“We believe they volunteered themselves to be thrown as missiles,” said one Garda. “I haven’t seen anything like this before, but Cadbury’s would really want to rethink their recipe.”

I read the story three times, too stunned for words and yet, at the same time, laughing so hard that I was unable to tell my daughter what I was laughing about! I mean, seriously? I might become a murderous matron if Caribou changed the recipe of my morning brew, but a chocolate egg??? 16,000 people protested over a chocolate egg???? Still shaking my head over this one, I happened to glance at the “Breaking News” banner scrolling across the top of the screen and this headline caught my eye:

“I Can’t Believe I’m Still Getting Away With This S#%^” – Donald Trump

REPUBLICAN presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump has admitted that he wakes up every morning soaked in sweat at the thoughts of the American public finally calling him on his negative points, any one of which could see his bid for the White House come tumbling down.

Instead, Trump continues to rack up support in key states despite widespread outrage from protestors, something which even the man himself says he cannot believe.

“All I do is go out there and slag off minorities before saying ‘let’s make America great again’… and nobody has pulled me up on it yet,” said Trump, during a four-hour hair and makeup process. “It’s nerve-wracking at times. I go out there in front of tens of thousands, and I’ve got my speech in front of me that says I hate Mexicans or whatever… and I always just hold my breath a bit before I deliver the line. I expect to be met with boos, but so far, all I get are cheers and praise from the American people”.

Although Trump admits that he threw his name in the presidential ring as a joke, and truly believed he would have been eliminated long ago, he now thinks he might actually be in with a shot at winning.

It was at this point that I began to suspect something was not quite as it seemed here, so I checked out some other headlines:

• Woman Would Floss After Brushing But The F#$%-ing Effort Of It All

• Scented Candle Hacks Family To Death

• Car Critical After Crashing Into Pedestrian

• Luas Strike Leaves Commuters With Fewer Places To Puke On St. Patrick’s Day

• Local Man Describes Agonising 3 Second Wait For Bank Door To Open

Okay, I admit to being a bit slow on the uptake here, but finally the red flag went up, the lightbulb above my head came on and the bells in my head began that annoying “ding ding ding” thing they do. This “Irish news website” is the Irish equivalent of our Onion! At first I was bummed, thinking I was going to need to go back to the drawing board for my daily blog post, but then I thought that, as much as I enjoyed this website, despite finding out it was not what I first thought, why not share the humour on my blog? So, I am including the link:  Next time (probably right about now) you’re fed up and stressed over the latest political “news”, you have had more than your fill of poll numbers and predictions, head on over to the Waterford Whispers News! I guarantee you will find something to chuckle over!

I would like to hear your opinion, so please comment if you feel so inclined.

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