A few days ago my friend Linda sent me the following message on Facebook and suggested that she would like me to answer these questions that were keeping her awake at night.
“I am 54 and I have realized I still have so many unanswered questions! I never found out who let the dogs out… the way to get to Sesame Street… why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps… why we don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”… why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed… why “abbreviated” is such a long word… why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons… why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections… and, why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” where’s that extra penny going to… why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune… why did you just try to sing those two previous songs… and just what is Victoria’s secret? …and do you really think I am this witty ??”
Just what do I look like, a walking encyclopedia? Einstein? Anyway, as most of my readers know I always go for something non-political and leaning more toward humour on Monday mornings, since sometimes it is difficult to start the week with a smile. This is a departure from my usual Monday morning fare, but I hope you will all get at least a smile or a chuckle from it, and I sincerely hope that Linda will now be able to sleep at night!
Who let the dogs out?
The neighbors. The damn dogs were barking all night long, and the neighbors, who had to get up early for work the next day, were unable to get any sleep, so they quietly tippy-toed next door, unlatched the gate, and let the dogs out. Sadly, when they got up the next morning, they discovered that the very dogs they let out had demolished their flower garden and left little ‘gifts’ all over their yard. In the year 2000, the Baha Men released a song about it that has been dubbed the ‘worst song ever written’, although I rather liked it. Perhaps this is why my family says I buy my music in the ‘bad taste’ section!
How to get to Sesame Street?
Throughout the “Sesame Street” series, savvy viewers have picked up on subtle clues to the areas where the street could reside. It’s always been suspected that “Sesame Street” is in New York City, but through clues like zip codes and subway stations, you can theoretically figure out the real neighborhoods that could be home to the street. The New York Public Library (NYPL) points out that Queens is one of the most diverse neighborhoods in New York City and it seems like a great fit for Elmo and the gang. But the strongest evidence that “Sesame Street” is in Astoria, Queens, is that it’s actually filmed there.
Why doesn’t Dora use Google Maps?
Dora does not use Google Maps because Dora is smart. A little personal story will illustrate nicely. Last week I was taking my friend Maha to a location downtown, and since I generally avoid “downtown”, it is mostly uncharted territory for me. So I sought the assistance of Google Maps. Long story short, I was lost for the better part of an hour and 45 minutes, and ended up going some 25 miles out of my way, thanks to the instructions provided by Google Maps. Next time, I am calling Dora!
Why don’t we ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Because psychics know that every family member and friend they have ever had since kindergarten will suddenly show up at their door with their hands out, so they tick the ‘I want to remain anonymous’ box.
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Simple. If you are breathing through your nose, you will steam up the mirror, thereby making it more difficult to see what you are doing. With the mouth open, however, you can more easily control the direction of your breath. When asked this question, 98% of all men responded “because it is unnatural for a woman to keep her mouth shut under any circumstances”. A disproportionate number of these men are now either deceased or divorced.
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
So you can abbreviate it. Duh. Abbreviation, in itself, is not an abbreviation, so obviously it is not going to be small, and concise, but more of a broad word. The long word “abbreviation” started from the short Latin word brevis, meaning short. Multiple ways to abbreviate ‘abbreviation’ are: abbr., abbrv. or abbrev.
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, yet dish liquid is made with real lemons?
Many lemons are not fit to eat, so they are used for things like soaps (which probably improves the soap’s ability to clean off grime, etc.) But for lemonade that is sold to humans for consumption, the producers can only use the best lemons, so that the product tastes good and doesn’t make people sick! But real lemons are expensive, not to mention sour… and the lemonade producers can make more money if they use artificial sugars from corn, like high fructose corn syrup, for example. If you are unhappy with it, you can always drink the dish liquid.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Because if the needle is not sterilized, the person on the receiving end of that needle could get an infection and ultimately die. Another duh. Okay, so he is supposed to die anyway, but with so many botched lethal injections these days, there is no guarantee. The recipient is supposed to die by lethal injection, not infection, so if he gets an infection and dies, the prison would be open to a wrongful death lawsuit. (For the record, I am 100% against the death penalty)
Why do you have to put your two cents in, but it’s only a penny for your thoughts?
It is important to note here that the payee and the payor are, in fact, two different people. If I wish to put my two cents in, I am requesting an audience, expecting people to listen to me, an honour for which I must pay. I am often told that I should have to pay much more than two cents to get people to listen to me, and sometimes even though I pay, they still do not listen. Thus in that case, I am the payor. However, if you offer me a penny for my thoughts, then you are paying me, thus I am now the payee. You obviously did not think my thoughts were worth as much as I did, hence the difference in pay rates.
Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
The tune is actually a French melody, Ah! vous dirai-je, maman, which was published in 1761 and later arranged by several composers including Mozart with Twelve Variations on “Ah vous dirai-je, Maman”. “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” is a popular English lullaby. The lyrics are from an early 19th-century English poem by Ann Taylor, “The Star”. “The Alphabet Song” was first copyrighted in 1835 by the Boston-based music publisher Charles Bradlee, and given the title “The A.B.C.” The melody is also used by another famous children’s song, “Baa, Baa, Black Sheep”. As to “why?” … because it is a catchy tune and kids like it, obviously.
What is Victoria’s secret?
If I answer this question, it would no longer be a secret.
Do you really think I’m this witty?
No, but I do think you are enough of a smart-aleck to make me spend a Sunday afternoon coming up with answers for all these bloomin’ questions!
The language of the title, by the way, is Turkish.