I, the purveyor of Monday morning chuckles, find myself in a bad mood as I write this post (remember I actually write it on Sunday night and tonight somebody stepped on my proverbial toes) but I am determined to get over it so I can try to bring a smile, or at least a silly grin, to your face before you have to head out the door. And HEY … I have a piece of great news for all of you who do not live in Florida … TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!! In fact, for most of my readers, spring is already officially here by the time you are reading this, as it happened at 6:28 a.m., Eastern Daylight Time! I wouldn’t pack away the winter coats, hats and gloves just yet, but soon … I promise. And now, grab your java and let us see if we can draw out a chuckle … or … how about a giggle? Giggles are contagious!
In the land of frivolous lawsuits …
In 1954, the state of Wisconsin passed a law banning the sale of any butter that has not been tested and graded by official state butter tasters. For 63 years, the law has gone unchallenged. Until last week, that is, when a lawsuit was filed against the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture by a specialty grocery store in Grafton, Wisconsin, and four consumers frustrated that they could not buy their favourite brand of butter. And what is their favourite brand? Kerrygold, made with natural, grass-fed, hormone-free cows’ milk on cooperative dairy farms. In Ireland. And also packaged … in Ireland, thus it cannot be subjected to the rigorous taste-testing called for by the 1954 law.
The plaintiffs in the suit complain that they have to travel over state lines to purchase Kerrygold, and they claim the law’s true motive lies in killing competition for Wisconsin’s dairy industry. Most likely they are correct in their claim, since Wisconsin, after all, leads the United States in the production of milk, cheese, and butter, providing 40% of the nation’s cheese and 20% of its butter.
And speaking of dairy products …
Do you know what you get if you walk into a McDonald’s restaurant and ask for a “cheeseburger, with no onion, ketchup, mustard, pickles, bun, or meat? You get this
Yep … a slice of cheese. The price? $1.22, same as a cheeseburger with meat, bun, and all the accoutrements. The customer’s response? “Not sure what I expected.” A true head-shaking moment.
Monopoly update …
You remember back in February when, as a part of my Monday morning post I wrote about the retirement of some old Monopoly game pieces and a contest to vote on some new ones? I promised to update you when the announcement of the new pieces was made on 17 March, so here is the news you have all been waiting for with bated breath:
The wheelbarrow, boot and thimble tokens have been replaced with ::: drumroll ::: the T-Rex, rubber ducky and penguin pieces!
My only question is this: Hasbro claimed that the reason for the change in player tokens was to upgrade to more modern icons. Could somebody please tell me how a T-Rex is more modern than a thimble, a boot, or a wheelbarrow?
And while I’m on the topic of Monopoly, there are a couple of items I missed back in December:
- On December 14th, Guinness World Records announced a student group at Wageningen University in the Netherlands broke a world record with a Monopoly board spanning more than 9,600 square feet.
- In the UK, from December 24th thru December 26th, Hasbro opened a “Monopoly hotline” to diffuse family arguments around the game! “We’ll have experts on hand with the official rulebooks to instantly settle any disputes, and advice on how to resolve common complaints …” A recent survey revealed that 51 percent of Monopoly games end in some kind of quarrel with people “making up the rules as they go along” as the most common cause. The survey also determined that most families are likely to be playing Monopoly between the hours of 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. with arguments most commonly occurring at around 6 p.m. Wow. Words fail me.
The way to a man’s heart …
Last Monday, I included a piece about the man who proposed to his future wife under the Aurora Borealis, and the Monday before that there was the woman who wanted to get married in a Taco Bell, so she made her wedding dress out of burrito wrappers. Today I bring to you the woman who proposed to her beau with a bouquet … of … Doritos!
Oopsie … wrong couch …
Imagine, if you can, coming home at the end of a long day, your two young children with you … you walk into your living room and there, in the middle of your couch sits a stark naked woman! What would you do? I am not sure what I would do … it could range from anything to bashing her head in to calling the police.
Brianna Willey of Pevely, Missouri, asked the woman what she was doing, to which the woman replied she was there for the birthday party. Well, that explains why she was wearing her ‘birthday suit’. However, there was no birthday party scheduled for that day in Ms. Willey’s home, so she told the woman to put her clothes on, and meanwhile Brianna called the police. The woman, Catherine Therrell, first put her clothes on backward, then removed them and tried to get them on correctly. Meanwhile, officers showed up and arrested her for driving while intoxicated (her blood alcohol was 3 times the legal limit), and second-degree property damage. Turns out she had done the same thing the month before in another part of town!
Ms. Willey would like to forget the incident, but with two children, ages 4 and 6, it is all they can talk about, and they have told the “tale of the naked lady” at school multiple times! (Sorry, you get no pictures with this one …)
And with that, Filosofa has run out of humour for this morning, so it is time for you to all get to work and let me return to my wretched humour and curmudgeonly ways. But first … a few ‘phunnies’ and a reminder to share that smile today. Give someone a reason, even if it’s only for a minute, to smile back at you. They might feel better, and I guarantee you will. Too many people are walking around scowling these days … WE NEED SMILES!!! So SMILE, dammit (told you I was in a bad mood)!