Monday Morning Grumpies … er … Funnies

monday-springI, the purveyor of Monday morning chuckles, find myself in a bad mood as I write this post (remember I actually write it on Sunday night and tonight somebody stepped on my proverbial toes)  but I am determined to get over it so I can try to bring a smile, or at least a silly grin, to your face before you have to head out the door.  And HEY … I have a piece of great news for all of you who do not live in Florida … TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!  In fact, for most of my readers, spring is already officially here by the time you are reading this, as it happened at 6:28 a.m., Eastern Daylight Time!  I wouldn’t pack away the winter coats, hats and gloves just yet, but soon … I promise.  And now, grab your java and let us see if we can draw out a chuckle … or … how about a giggle?  Giggles are contagious!


In the land of frivolous lawsuits …

In 1954, the state of Wisconsin passed a law banning the sale of any butter that has not been tested and graded by official state butter tasters. For 63 years, the law has gone unchallenged.  Until last week, that is, when a lawsuit was filed against the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture by a specialty grocery store in Grafton, Wisconsin, and four consumers frustrated that they could not buy their favourite brand of butter.  And what is their favourite brand?  Kerrygold, made with natural, grass-fed, hormone-free cows’ milk on cooperative dairy farms. In Ireland.  And also packaged … in Ireland, thus it cannot be subjected to the rigorous taste-testing called for by the 1954 law.

Monday-Kerrygold

Monday-cow

Moo.

The plaintiffs in the suit complain that they have to travel over state lines to purchase Kerrygold, and they claim the law’s true motive lies in killing competition for Wisconsin’s dairy industry. Most likely they are correct in their claim, since Wisconsin, after all, leads the United States in the production of milk, cheese, and butter, providing 40% of the nation’s cheese and 20% of its butter.

Monday-Irish-cow


And speaking of dairy products …

Monday-dairy

Do you know what you get if you walk into a McDonald’s restaurant and ask for a “cheeseburger, with no onion, ketchup, mustard, pickles, bun, or meat?  You get this

Monday-cheese

Yep … a slice of cheese.  The price?  $1.22, same as a cheeseburger with meat, bun, and all the accoutrements.  The customer’s response?  “Not sure what I expected.”  A true head-shaking moment.


Monopoly update …

You remember back in February when, as a part of my Monday morning post I wrote about the retirement of some old Monopoly game pieces and a contest to vote on some new ones?  I promised to update you when the announcement of the new pieces was made on 17 March, so here is the news you have all been waiting for with bated breath:

The wheelbarrow, boot and thimble tokens have been replaced with ::: drumroll ::: the T-Rex, rubber ducky and penguin pieces!

Monday-monopoly-1

If you ask me, the penguin looks a bit bored

My only question is this:  Hasbro claimed that the reason for the change in player tokens was to upgrade to more modern icons.  Could somebody please tell me how a T-Rex is more modern than a thimble, a boot, or a wheelbarrow?

And while I’m on the topic of Monopoly, there are a couple of items I missed back in December:

  • On December 14th, Guinness World Records announced a student group at Wageningen University in the Netherlands broke a world record with a Monopoly board spanning more than 9,600 square feet.

Monday-monopoly-2

  • In the UK, from December 24th thru December 26th, Hasbro opened a “Monopoly hotline” to diffuse family arguments around the game! “We’ll have experts on hand with the official rulebooks to instantly settle any disputes, and advice on how to resolve common complaints …” A recent survey revealed that 51 percent of Monopoly games end in some kind of quarrel with people “making up the rules as they go along” as the most common cause. The survey also determined that most families are likely to be playing Monopoly between the hours of 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. with arguments most commonly occurring at around 6 p.m. Wow.  Words fail me.

Monday-monopoly-3


The way to a man’s heart …

Last Monday, I included a piece about the man who proposed to his future wife under the Aurora Borealis, and the Monday before that there was the woman who wanted to get married in a Taco Bell, so she made her wedding dress out of burrito wrappers.  Today I bring to you the woman who proposed to her beau with a bouquet … of … Doritos!

Monday-Doritos-bouquet


Oopsie … wrong couch …

Imagine, if you can, coming home at the end of a long day, your two young children with you … you walk into your living room and there, in the middle of your couch sits a stark naked woman!  What would you do?  I am not sure what I would do … it could range from anything to bashing her head in to calling the police.

Brianna Willey of Pevely, Missouri, asked the woman what she was doing, to which the woman replied she was there for the birthday party.  Well, that explains why she was wearing her ‘birthday suit’.  However, there was no birthday party scheduled for that day in Ms. Willey’s home, so she told the woman to put her clothes on, and meanwhile Brianna called the police.  The woman, Catherine Therrell, first put her clothes on backward, then removed them and tried to get them on correctly.  Meanwhile, officers showed up and arrested her for driving while intoxicated (her blood alcohol was 3 times the legal limit), and second-degree property damage.  Turns out she had done the same thing the month before in another part of town!

Ms. Willey would like to forget the incident, but with two children, ages 4 and 6, it is all they can talk about, and they have told the “tale of the naked lady” at school multiple times!  (Sorry, you get no pictures with this one …)


And with that, Filosofa has run out of humour for this morning, so it is time for you to all get to work and let me return to my wretched humour and curmudgeonly ways.  But first … a few ‘phunnies’ and a reminder to share that smile today.  Give someone a reason, even if it’s only for a minute, to smile back at you.  They might feel better, and I guarantee you will.  Too many people are walking around scowling these days … WE NEED SMILES!!!  So SMILE, dammit (told you I was in a bad mood)!

Monday-funny-4

Monday-funny-3

'Having one of those days I see.'

'Someone said 'good morning,' so I thought I'd leave work for the day while I was ahead.'

‘Someone said ‘good morning,’ so I thought I’d leave work for the day while I was ahead.’

 

 

17 thoughts on “Monday Morning Grumpies … er … Funnies

  1. Dear Jill, I am becoming addicted to your Monday blogs.

    First of all, I am a fan of Kerrygold butter because it does taste better than the competing brands.

    I actually had friends with a similar “naked lady” story. This elderly couple was in the kitchen fixing breakfast while their granddaughter was in another room watching TV. They heard her talking to someone and they went to check. There was a stark naked attractive (as per the husband) young lady sitting next to their grandchild while watching the TV. They called the police. It turned out she had been staying overnight at a neighbor’s home. Both had been drinking heavily and you can guess the rest of the story…

    Hugs, Gronda

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so glad you enjoy the Monday posts!
      I have never tried Kerrygold butter … I generally just buy whatever is cheapest, usually a one-pound block not even cut into quarters 🙂
      My my … I seriously hope I never find a naked person in my home … I fear it would not end well for either of us 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • I did get a good morning or two. Unfortunately circumstances at work this morning were not conducive to wanting to stay there, although I did. And I’ll be back tomorrow… My colleagues have hope things will change in time. I’m afraid my level of hope is much lower…hope I’m proved wrong. Hope you had a good Monday!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • My last job before I retired started out wonderful … 140 year old publishing company that treated its employees as family. I woke up actually looking forward to work every morning. Then the company was sold and … welcome to the (then) 20th century. The CEO was a jerk, and we hoped for him to leave. He eventually did, and was replaced with one even worse. So we hoped for him to leave, which he ultimately did, and … well, you get the picture. Thus, after a major reprimand one day for trying to do what I knew was the right thing, I finally said … here is my one-month notice of my retirement. Now my daughter is going through a similar situation, as is my friend Herb. I don’t know what it is these days, but I can’t say I know anybody who is truly happy at their job anymore. That’s sad, and counter-productive also. Hang in there, my friend!

          Liked by 1 person

          • It’s disappointing. It seems that jerks, assholes, and bullies are running rampant these days. At least I have colleagues who are in the same boat and we can stick up for each other! Makes the workdays bearable. Sorry you and your daughter had/have to go through this kind of crap too. Makes me appreciate fireplaces and kitties even more 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  2. “Naked lady on the couch” … 🙂 – By the way, how on earth did she get inside? 🙂 Never mind … it did make me grin. It is Monday here too, very windy, rather grey and wet, but somehow I am in quite a good mood – maybe because spring is on its way? Despite it behaving more like fall today, fresh green thingies are poking out all over my garden! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As the golfer is about to find out: it’s all downhill from there! Thanks for the grins and giggles. Have a good week — and try to keep your sense of humor. It’s that or the Home For the Bewildered, No?? 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad you got a chuckle and a giggle! I always think of you when I write these Monday posts! Yes, I am doing pretty good at maintaining my humour, though some days it is rather a dark humour. But when you share a house with 7 cats and an artiste, you cannot help but laugh multiple times a day! 😀 You have a good week also, Amigo!

      Liked by 1 person

I would like to hear your opinion, so please comment if you feel so inclined.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s