Confessions of an Unkind Filosofa …

Yesterday I was ornery.  I was, perhaps, unkind.  I was fed up and I let my fed-up-ed-ness get the best of me.  I am not always a nice person, though I try … I really do try.  Here is what happened:

A Facebook friend opined that her life is terrible because she is “in a rut”.

Yes, friends, that is all it took to set me off.  Nothing more than that, but it came at the wrong time.  It came on a day when I needed help plugging in my vacuum cleaner because I could not see the wall outlet.  It came at the end of a week when I grieved with a dear friend over the death of her young granddaughter.  It came on a week when another dear friend has learned that her son will not likely live to see Christmas.  It came at the wrong time, when I had shared true grief with people whom I love and when my compassion meter was running on fumes.  Sorry, but “in a rut” simply does not evoke my empathy.

My response to her was, perhaps, unkind … and that is not my nature.  It was not thoughtful, but rather off-the-cuff, and my cuffs were worn and frayed at the time.  This is not the ‘ME’ I want to be.  However, I offer no apologies, because after the passage of a day, a night’s sleep, and much soul-searching, I realize that I spoke honestly, and one should never apologize for honesty.

“In a rut”.  “Bored”.  I suppose I should be thankful that I have no context for these words.  The last time I was bored, I was ten years old.  And the last time I was in a rut was … never.  Luck or design?  Both, I suppose.  But this whole episode led me to think about the concept of being bored and in a rut.

First, I do not see how, with all the books in the world, with the wonders of nature right outside our front door, a person can possibly be bored.  But that said, if you are bored and your life is a rut, why not do something different?  Whose responsibility is your life?  It is not mine … I’ve got enough on my plate.  If you are ‘in a rut’, why not change something?  Volunteer your time at a homeless shelter or the local Humane Society.  Volunteer at the library.  Volunteer as a classroom aide at the local elementary school.  Take online classes in a topic that interests you.  Start writing your memoirs.  Go explore a new park or hiking trail.  Try a new recipe.  Learn to knit.  Play Sudoku. Learn a new language. For Pete’s sake, there are so many opportunities out there … there is simply no excuse for being “in a rut”.

We are each responsible for what our lives have become.  Throughout our lives we have made choices, have come to forks in the road and had to choose a path.  Each choice, each path, leads to consequences … some desirable, some less so … but each of us are responsible for those choices … nobody else … just us.

I rarely dwell on my problems because I have better things to do. When I do whine, I confine it to my soulmate, H, rather than inflict my mood on the general public. I do not make it a habit to publicly bemoan my problems, nor do I often allow myself to dwell on them, for that simply causes them to loom larger-than-life.  Life is short … I want to enjoy my days, not spend them feeling sorry for myself and engaging in self-pity.

sad-imgSo no, I am not proud of the manner in which I responded to my friend, but neither am I repentant.  I am mostly saddened by the fact that she, and others I know, have chosen to waste their lives focusing on what they perceive they are missing, rather than trying to broaden their horizons, do things that have value such as helping others, furthering their knowledge, and focusing on the good in their lives.  It is a sad statement of the human condition. It is a damn shame.

I am not a psychologist, but I do know that we each hold the keys to our own lives and our happiness.  Nobody else can give us either of these … we must make our own choices.  There is an old saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.  It is trite, but really, if you think about it, it’s true.  We can either whine and feel sorry for ourselves for what is making us unhappy, or we can change it.  If we cannot change it, then we can learn to live with it and move on.  Social media is chock full of people engaging in pity parties, pathetically asking the world to give them sympathy, empty commiseration, rather than turning their lives into whatever it is they want.  Sorry, folks … that ain’t the way it works.

However, I will try to be nicer in the future, or, as H advised me, just scroll on by.  🙂


28 thoughts on “Confessions of an Unkind Filosofa …

  1. Sometimes, the truth is hurtful but necessary to change a life for the better. Your words may not have been unkind at all. Change for the better often comes from a ‘boot up the backside’ from a knowing friend. All change must come from within a person. Boredom is simply the manifestation of inaction and apathy. Anyone feeling in ‘a rut,’ needs to take a walk outside to forget self and to open up to all that is out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Jill,
    You are so right. If one is down in the dumps or seriously depressed, this person needs to seek real help.

    One day of visiting a nursing home or an hospice, seeing and talking to peoples whose lives are ending should give anyone the impetus to get on with living. If one is on a budget, then do something like going to the beach, or the library, join a book club or some other group, or even learn a new skill. One of my favorite things to do is to spend a part of a day at a Barnes ‘n Nobles book store. After a cup of tea and some book perusing, I feel like a million dollars.

    People who are going through what I call a rough patch, it is often because something big is happening like a family member being ill, or the children are going through a divorce, etc, loss of a job, etc. This does require the blessing of a couple of very close friends who can commiserate with them and/ or or a faith in God to guide them through difficult times.
    Hugs, Gronda

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent post (as usual). You are absolutely right. No matter how pissed off we get about the state of the world there are so many things to focus on that make us happy. We are very lucky compared to so many people in the world. And as far as boredom is concerned, I have always thought it tells us a great deal about the state of the person’s mind who claims to be bored. For a mind alive there is no such thing as boredom!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh dear, don’t trawl through too many of my blog posts! I am quite introspective – part of what comes of spending most of every day alone and having the time to think. I have shared my woes online, but I hope they have been wrapped up in thoughts or issues or other subject mater to which other people can relate. I hope! I completely understand, though, that – ‘oh for goodness sake count your blessings’ – moment. When someone can’t find what they want in the shops or their infinity pool in the Maldives isn’t scattered with rose petals and I’ve just got back from Zambia, for example, you might find me grinding my teeth! What this says above all is we are all human and each of us has our ‘don’t cross this line’ point. And ruts are for carts not people!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Jill,
    I get it.
    I also know that most people at times need support. I am not thinking about someone who is bored, but I am thinking about those who are hurting and grieving.
    On WP, the reaching out of others to the Blogger to show that they get it, can be extremely helpful . It is similar to a support group with the advantage that people can remain anonymous if they want to.
    I have also noticed that people who at times respond a bit snarky are often grieving themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No argument there. And I truly am sympathetic with those who are going through problems … but to me, ‘stuck in a rut’ just doesn’t evoke a lot of sympathy. And I’m still not a fan of seeking sympathy on Facebook. I hope that doesn’t make me seem cold and callous, because I’m really not … it’s just that I am a pragmatist, and so many people have real problems that are not of their own making. And snark is my middle name … 🙂 But no, I’m not grieving over anything … I’m 99% pretty upbeat!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. ‘I do not make it a habit to publicly bemoan my problems, nor do I often allow myself to dwell on them, for that simply causes them to loom larger-than-life. Life is short … I want to enjoy my days, not spend them feeling sorry for myself and engaging in self-pity.’
    In a word, yes.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. We all have a point beyond which it’s wise not to venture.The reaction that comes isn’t possible to stop, even if the person who was the cause had no idea about the trigger. I think if we don’t react there’s a chemical breakdown that causes us to spontaneously explode causing massive fallout over a wide area. It is therefore in the interests of public safety that we don’t suffer fools too gladly and ensure the brake is on release approaching crisis point.
    xxx Cwtch Mawr xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You taught me a new phrase: “in a rut” … I had not come across that one before … 😉 Life and learn. 🙂
    But, on a more serious note, it is true that sometimes you need a wake-up-call to realise that the things you moan about are nothing really. Yesterday it was a newspaper article that did it to me, about a very brave woman who does not let illness destroy her joy in life. After reading about these things I tend to be quite humble and not rant (at least for a while).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Really??? Somehow I thought that phrase was international … who knew? Well, it basically means that life is ‘ho-hum’, ‘same ol’, same ol”, and boring.

      Yes, we all DO need a wake-up call sometimes. It’s like the expression, “I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man with no feet.”


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