Today is a special day … it is the 20th Monday of the year 2017! We have survived 19 of them already! Give yourselves a hand and a pat on the back! I hope you all enjoyed the weekend! I had a laid back weekend, just how I like it, so I have no funny stories to relate of my own. However, as always, I challenge myself to find ways to brighten your Monday morn with a chuckle or two, so pull up a chair, grab your … coffee … and spend a few minutes with me here.
A record-breaker …
World records are hard to set. I’ve never set one, have you? Seems that whatever one might want to do, somebody else has done first, like eating a 12 inch pizza in 23.62 seconds, or building a 13-foot-5-inch chocolate structure that weighed in at 22,458 pounds to create the heaviest chocolate sculpture of all time. Most of us are unlikely to set world records in our lifetime, but Ashrita Furman of New York holds over 200 Guinness records, has broken more than 600 in his lifetime, and is known as the holder of the most world records … ever. One of his records was for ‘pushing an orange with his nose for one mile’. Okay … well … just last week he set yet another record. This is one that I do not advise you to try to break … just let Mr. Furman keep this record. What did he do? He broke the world record for extinguishing matches with tongue. How many? 37 flaming matches within one minute. OWWWW! The previous record, by the way, was 30. This is one of those that I just have to ask … Why?
You can see for yourself some of Ashrita Furman’s other very interesting records! He is an interesting man, and I could easily write an entire post about him … perhaps I will one day soon.
A yabba-dabba doozy …
Poor 75-year-old Maureen of Kingston, Ontario, was ready to trade in her 2006 Chevrolet Uplander SUV, but ran into a bit of a glitch. Turns out there was a lien against the vehicle by … wait for it … Fred and Pebbles Flintstone! Documents listed the Flintstones address as 9 Yellow Brick Road, Markham, Ont. and included a birthdate of Jan. 1, 1950 for Pebbles.
Hackers? An angry friend or relative seeking revenge? Nope … Ontario’s Ministry of Government and Consumer Services, as it turns out. They were, at some point, as a means to test vehicle identification numbers in the government’s computer system, using fake names, but since they were never removed the lien remained on Maureen’s SUV. It took poor Maureen nine months and an attorney to clear up the lien, despite the fact that it was clearly the government’s error.
Progressive Conservative MPP Randy Hillier had some fun with it saying, “Clearly, we all knew this was an act of gross incompetence as everyone knows the Flintstones live on Rocky Road in Bedrock, U.S.A., and Fred drives a foot-mobile, not a 2006 Chev Uplander. How many more ‘Mystery Machines’ have had liens placed on them in the names of Scooby-Doo and the gang and other Saturday morning cartoon personalities?”
And another MP said privately, “if this mess happened to me I’d be sending Bamm-Bamm over.”
Typos, typos, typos …
Typos … we all make them. I generally catch mine, but every now and then one slips through and my friend H, who has a Pacman sitting on his shoulder, always catches them. But my typos and yours aren’t quite as widely viewed as one on, say, a sign that hundreds or even thousands of people pass every day. And the ultimate humiliation?
The above sign was placed near the entrance to North Branford High School in Connecticut in August 2016. It remained in place until last week, because all the educators … teachers, principals, administrators … failed to notice that the word ‘entrance’ had an extra ‘E’. They were finally informed by a local radio show host. School Superintendent Scott Schoonmaker said, “I’ve probably driven by that sign a thousand times, but you’re not paying attention you’re coming and going.” The sign has since been taken down and will be auctioned for charity.
Need we ask again why young people today cannot spell?
His name is Huckleberry and he likes to be on the roof. Simple, okay? Who doesn’t like to get away from it all sometimes? And who doesn’t occasionally enjoy seeing ‘the bigger picture’? Huckleberry is quite capable of getting both onto and off of the roof, but neighbors continually knock on the front door to let Huck’s people know that he is on the roof. After a time, they got a mite tired of being notified and put up this sign …
Now I’m thinking that if they could convince him to wear a Santa suit come December, they would have a ready-made Christmas display!
Finally, the joke of the week:
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”
Alrighty, folks … I’ve got work to do and so do you, so let’s rinse the coffee mugs, be thankful you don’t need your winter coat, hat, gloves and scarves, and head on out the door. Remember to pass that smile along as you go through the day. Somewhere in your journeys, you will cross paths with somebody who really needs one! Keep safe and have a great Monday!