I Am A Failed Writer!

I thought I had, if not a talent for writing, at least moderate skill such that I was able to communicate with words and make my thoughts, my meaning, clear.  I have failed in that, and am thinking that if I am going to continue to write, I must take some classes, study harder, learn the tools of my trade better.  I am a failure … a complete and total failure … as a writer.

Let me ask you, dear friends and readers … have I not made myself clear about my feelings toward the MITWH, Donald Trump?  Have I somehow been too milquetoast in my daily diatribe (yes, I realize there is an oxymoron in there)? Do any of you think, based on my posts from the past two years, that I actually like, support or approve of Trump?  Where oh where have I failed?

Yes, yes … I am rambling and must get straight to the point.  The point, then, is that Donald Trump thinks I am a fan of his!  He has even begun emailing me!  I was tempted to delete my entire email box, burn its contents and close that account … an account that I have had for more than 25 years!  But, there were some special and important emails in there, so I could not do that.  Here is just one sample:

Friend,

No matter what the Fake News Media reports, we’re working to advance our agenda every day.

In the first 9 months alone, we’ve delivered on our promises and have proven we’re ready to fight for what we believe is right for the future of this great country.

We did it together in 2016, and there’s no doubt in my mind we have the momentum to keep it going. But I need to know you’re committed to our movement, Friend.

This is your last chance to update your record before our end-of-quarter deadline, and I’m hoping you’ll do so by renewing your Sustaining Membership:

Please contribute $250, $100, $75, $50, $35, or $10 to renew your Sustaining Membership for the 2017 year.

We cannot allow the Fake News Media and obstructionist Democrats to flood the airwaves and mislead the American people, Friend, and they are our strongest opponent yet.

So please, be sure to renew your 2017 Sustaining Membership before the September 30 deadline.

Thank you,

trump-sign_1468880899

Donald J. Trump

P.S. – I’ve requested a list of every person who steps up and renews their 2017 Sustaining Membership before the September 30 deadline. I hope to see your name on the list.

See what I mean?  He called me ‘friend’.  How could I possibly have miscommunicated my scorn, my wrath, my utter disdain for him to the extent that he considers me a ‘friend’?  I am a failure!  And … how did I get on the “nice” list anyway?  I want to be on the “naughty” list!  And does anybody else detect an implied threat in that very last line?

But then, it got even worse!  Look what else he sent me …

trump-coin.jpgWhy on earth would anybody want a Donald Trump coin???  Why, oh why, would they think that I, of all people, would want to own such a monstrosity?  The only reason I can think of is that I have failed to use my words to clarify my position. And can you imagine if I took their advice and gave this as a holiday gift to my friends???  I would not only have no friends left, but would likely be run out of town on a rail!

train.jpgSigh.  I must sign up today for some classes on writing, to learn to express myself better.  Please, dear friends, help me out and let me know what is missing in my snark that has enabled Trump to consider me a “friend”.  I need all the help I can get!

36 thoughts on “I Am A Failed Writer!

  1. I have been receiving the same/similar emails since he was on the campaign trail. At first, I assumed that one of my more cunning compatriots was participating in a well-played prank, but if they did, none would cop to it and my cohorts are not one to hide from dalliances in obscure comedy. I tried to delete myself from the email list many times, but the emails kept coming…and then they started to include surveys and that’s where the fun began. So, hang tight, polish those writing skills because soon enough, you’ll need them for open comment boxes. Will anyone ever read these comments? I have no idea, but I had a great time screenshotting (if that’s not a real word, I motion that it should be) them for my friends and we’ve had a good time with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that you found a way to have fun with them! So have I … I respond to the occasional survey and do not mince words about how horrible I think Trump is. When there is an opportunity to comment, I make full use of it. And still, they think I am their friend! A sure sign of their stupidity, yes? And I fully agree … screenshotting should be entered into Merriam-Webster next year! Thanks for dropping by and commenting … and welcome!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oooooh, this is so funny! … Sorry, can’t control myself …. (big-smiley-rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-hysterically). Best joke ever. Really. It’s true. (big-smiley-with-yellow-hair-and-manic-laughter)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Jill,
    Someone in this universe played a wicked joke on you..but which can turn lemons into lemonade. Please send him $10.00. It would be helpful to have a copy of his emails.
    LOL…LOL…LOL..tHIS IS FUNNY!
    Hugs, Gronda

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Be careful. This would be the perfect email to lure someone who doesn’t like him to send back an email and pick up an online virus. You know how sneaky some people can be. It can also be one of those Russian hackers cutting in. Beware. 😦 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Suzanne … but I’m not too worried. I suspect this is just part of a huge campaign to solicit funds. I never ever respond directly to emails from unknown or questionable sources, and because I have other people’s financial data on my computer (I am a CPA and still have a few clients), I have so much security on my computer that it would require help from the Russians to hack it! 😉 But I will be careful … and thanks.

      I did briefly consider buying a few of those coins and drawing Hitler-esque moustaches on them and giving them to some of my Trump-loving friends for Christmas 😀 But, I have better things to spend my money on! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I think your sub-conscious has been working on a very cunning level. It has been placing subliminal messages in your posts which are attuned to the sorry little minds of his camp and making them think you are a supporter. Now a contact has been established and these folk are in its thrall it will move onto Phase Two which will involve sending messages ‘Betray him’ ‘Bring him down. He is a socialist plant’
    Our minds work on many levels Jill.😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I believe you have hit the nail on the head, Roger!!! One part of my mind is working behind the scenes, so to speak! Why, I feel positively cunning and devious! 🕵️ vs 🕵️ And also likely to be vaporized by one side or the other, but it’s all good, as I will have given my life in service to the global good! 🌍 Thank you for helping me figure this all out … and now … on to the next stage … 🎭

      Liked by 1 person

    • Excellent idea! And the show name, “You’ve Been Hacked” sounds like it should already exist. But instead of holding up the coins, I think they should all throw them, aimed at his head of course, at the same time. They look pretty heavy … 😈

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Jill, one word: milquetoast. Wow. Word of the day, love it. And just think you are diverting a smidgeon of the campaign’s resources away from its other targets… no, it doesn’t work I know. But isn’t it interesting seeing what drivel they are pouring out – and how desperate.
    I wonder who stands to gain from sales of that coin btw?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad you liked the word, Mary! It is quaint, but sometimes just seems to fit the circumstances. Yes, it is interesting … and that is why, though there was an “opt out of future emails” link at the bottom of the email, and while my finger hovered over it, I didn’t, for I may get some more humour out of future ones! 😉 Might as well have some fun at the expense of the idiots, yes? I don’t know for certain who benefits from the sale of the coin, but I would guess the RNC. I wonder how many they actually sold … surely not more than 10 …

      Liked by 1 person

    • OH NO!!!! I never even considered that! I must find her and … sew her mouth shut and her fingers together! 🙃 Funny, but when I first read the email, I was stomping my feet at the part where it said “you helped make presidential history” … stomping my feet and saying “no I didn’t … No I did NOT!” But then, I calmed down and had to laugh! Only thing is … they better not be counting me as one of the 37% that support him, or I will be really mad! I must wear my Hillary shirt more often! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I think you should let me tie you down, I mean let me help tie you to your bed tonight so we can be sure you’re not getting up and sending him little love poems when you think you’re resting. I’ll be very disappointed if I find you’ve been giving him the come on.
    xxx Cwtch xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well … perhaps you are right and I should be confined to quarters at night, because perhaps I have started sleep-walking! OH NO!!! 😲 I would be horrified if I thought I was sending him love poems or even thinking about it! I would probably jump off a cliff! So yes, you may certainly tie me to my bed if you think it will solve this problem! Or to a train track 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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