Welcome, friends … take off your coats, hats, scarves and gloves and come over here by the fire. A chilling start this Monday morning, don’t you think? But never mind … we shall make it a Jolly Monday nonetheless by finding some humour, some things to laugh and smile about, yes? How was your weekend? Mine was far busier and more angst-producing than I like, so I am happy to return to the routine of a ‘normal’ week, whatever that is. Grab a cup of coffee and a bite o’ breakfast … my friend Steve was none too happy about my offering of fruit last week and he let me know about it, so … sigh … back to the lovely, gooey carbs …
Julie Ann Upright is none too upright …
54-year-old Julie Ann Upright was diligently working Sunday, stealing cement pavers from a home in Port Richey, Florida. Cement pavers are very heavy, yet she managed to get 42 of them in her car before driving off.
The homeowner later told detectives that he caught her in the act while doing a remodeling project. The blocks were about 4 feet from the roadway, and being that close they were just irresistible to the Florida woman. Pasco County is still under a state of emergency under chapter 252 after Irma, so there’s still plenty more home improvement stuff to steal.
Deputies caught up with Julie and took her to the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center. She told the cops it was all a misunderstanding, and that she “thought the blocks were just trash.”
Julie Ann Upright started feeling more like Julie Ann Hunched Over after all that exertion… Following the modern trend of blaming who’s not to blame, she threatened to sue the homeowner because she hurt her back while loading all those heavy blocks into her car.
They should have stuck with pumpkin pie and caramel apples …
Two stories caught my eye, tales of strange foods concocted for the Hallowe’en season …
First, Starbucks has unveiled the Zombie Frappuccino at its stores throughout the United States and Canada.
What is it? “The Zombie Frappuccino blended beverage has a ghastly green body made with frappuccino crème infused with flavors of tart apple and caramel and topped with pink whipped cream ‘brains’ and red mocha drizzle,” according to the Starbucks website.
Starbucks has celebrated Halloween since 2014, starting with the Franken Frappuccino blended beverage, followed by the Frappula Frappuccino in 2015 and 2016.
Then, an Australian fast-food joint called Huxtaburger outdid itself with the Bugstaburger, that will be sold only on Hallowe’en day.
Now, I thought that surely they were not using real insects … I mean, aren’t there rules against that sort of thing? But it turns out this ‘masterpiece’ is stacked full of edible mealworms and ant mayonnaise, atop a regular beef patty, cheese, etc., all sitting in a bright blue bun. I do hope my Aussie friends, Ian and Andrea, are not planning to try one of these, but if they do, it’ll cost them A$10.50, or $8.10 USD. A bit pricey for … bugs. Blech.
How do you guys feel about ramen noodles? We eat a lot of them in my house … they’re cheap, quick & easy, taste pretty good, and cost about 20 cents per pack, so we eat a lot of them! Now, my girls eat them with chopsticks, but I rather like the noodles actually making it into my mouth rather than slithering down the front of my shirt, so I crunch them up before cooking, then eat them with a spoon, like soup. Anyway, when eaten with chopsticks, one tends to make slurping sounds. Now there is a solution for offsetting those slurping sounds … a noise-canceling ramen fork!
How does it work, you ask? Well … a microphone embedded inside the large, white fork detects the sound of slurping, prompting the user’s smartphone to play a sound effect using near-field communication.
And how much does it cost, you ask? Sit down … $130. Yes, folks, for only one hundred and thirty dollars you, too, can eat your noodles without the embarrassment of slurping! But hurry … pre-orders are being taken only until December 15th! As for me, I’ll just stick with my spoon.
Check those Amazon packages closely …
A Florida couple ordered some plastic totes from Amazon … you know, those things that you store your Christmas decorations and summer clothes in? But when the totes arrived, the couple thought they seemed a bit heavier than they expected. Well, imagine their surprise when they opened them and found what turned out to be 65 pounds of marijuana in them! Hundreds of orders from Amazon over the past 15 years or so, and all I’ve ever gotten is toilet paper, Tide, etc. Sigh.
The funniest part, though, was that they tried for over a month to find out from Amazon just how this had happened, but never could get through to a supervisor or manager to get answers. Eventually, Amazon sent them an email with a gift card for $150 and a message that said, “I am unable to do anything else at this time.”
Politically incorrect? or … When you gotta go, you gotta go …
A friend told me about this one last week, and I just had to see for myself. Turns out French President Emmanuel Macron’s dog upstaged an on-camera meeting at Elysee palace by peeing on the fireplace! Check out this short (18 seconds) video …
And because tomorrow is Hallowe’en, I thought a few funny jokes appropriate to the holiday would be in order …
Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the Boos.
Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite drink?
A: Bloodveiser (or Blood Light)
Q: What do you get when you mix Frosty the Snowman with a vampire?
A: Frost bite.
Alright, alright … stop throwin’ the tomatoes … so, they’re corny, but isn’t that pretty much what Hallowe’en is about? Candy corny? OW!!!
Well, folks … that about wraps up another Monday … I have to go wash this tomato juice off before the moggies come after me! I hope you’ve enjoyed our time together … I know I have. Be careful tomorrow night, there will be little creatures in the streets, so slow down and watch out for them, okay? Have a safe and fun Hallowe’en, have a wonderful week, and as always … please share those smiles … as one who could use a few myself this week, I know how important it is, and you’ll feel happier too!