I started my afternoon in fine spirits … I really did. And then, I sat down to troll the news. It never fails to wreck my mood, but today’s examples of extreme stupidity sent me from laughter to rage in a short 10 minutes … maybe only 5! So here are the four stories that led to a progressive declension of humour …
I laughed. 🤣 I couldn’t help myself … I laughed so hard that I scared Ollie off my lap! (They aren’t used to hearing me laugh much these days) And then I got choked and coughed for a while. And then I returned to the story and started at the very beginning to make certain I hadn’t mis-read it.
House Republican Wants American Taxpayers to Crowdfund Trump’s $20 Billion Border Wall
Turns out that U.S. Representative Diane Black from Tennessee has a really ignorant idea for funding Trump’s wall along the U.S.-Mexican border … We The People, in addition to paying our taxes for Trump’s other egomaniacal purposes, will then donate whatever monies we have left over to build the bloody wall!!! Ha ha ha ha … not a snowball’s chance in Hell!!!! I would donate to hungry children, I would donate to foodbanks and soup kitchens, homeless shelters and medical research facilities, animal shelters … almost anything but Trump’s infernal wall.
First, it has been proven by experts in the field, time and time again, that, a) it is not needed, and b) it will not stop illegal immigration from the south.
Second, wasn’t Mexico supposed to pay for the wall, Donnie? What happened? Did you have to eat some words there, Donnie?
Third, the current administration and Congress have been doing everything in their power to hurt We The People, especially the lower income ones. So, if I have anything to spare, it will go to help people, not to build a useless and costly wall that almost nobody wants except Donnie.
Ms. Black is the typical boot-licking republican congresswoman who threw her full support behind the donor tax cuts in 2017, is against nearly all EPA regulations, and has glowing endoresements from the likes of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. But we needn’t worry, for she will not be back in Congress next year, as she is instead running for governor of Tennessee. They can have her!
But lest you think there is no reward for donating to the ignominious wall, Ms. Black floated the idea of putting up plaques along the wall to commemorate those who donate. Um … who would want their name on such a hideous display of inhumanity?
Trump & Co currently claim the wall will cost $20 billion, but more realistic estimates run closer to as much as $75 billion. With that, every single man, woman and child would have to donate $247.52 in order to pay for the abomination. That is about … oh … $247.52 more than I would be willing to donate.
And then, this next one traded laughter for an eyeroll 🙄
White House Releases Commemorative Coin for North Korea Talks
FIRST … there has been no summit as yet.
SECOND … it is unlikely now that there will even BE a summit in June, as originally planned, for Trump and Bolton could not keep their mouths shut, and now Kim Jong-un is considering calling it off.
THIRD … they got Kim’s title wrong on the bloomin’ coin! Kim is not the Supreme Leader – ‘Chairman’ would have worked just fine. And the ‘U’ in ‘un’ is not supposed to be capitalized! It’s Kim Jong-un … don’t these people know anything???
I have tried to find out how much we, the taxpayers, paid to have 250 of these dud coins minted, and cannot, but whatever the cost, it was yet another egomaniacal waste of our money that could have been used to feed the poor.
Hear that sound, folks? That is the growl that has started somewhere at the bottom of my throat and is working its way up …
Assault Weapons Manufacturer Is Upset That School Shootings Are Costing It Money
“Vista Outdoor, a major manufacturer of assault weapons, is complaining that school shootings, particularly the massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School that left 17 dead, is having an adverse impact on its profits.
The company blames “a substantial increase in the use of social media platforms, including blogs, social media websites, and other forms of Internet-based communications, which allow individuals access to a broad audience of consumers.
In the case of the Parkland shooting, Vista Outdoor cites “a campaign…launched on social media seeking the boycott of certain Outdoor Products brands because of their association with the Company and its brands that operate in the shooting sports industry.”” – ThinkProgress, 20 May 2018
Awwww … pobrecitos
And now, folks, with this next one I have gone from laughter to full-scale $%&@#!
NRA President Blames Santa Fe School Shooting On Ritalin
“The problem we’ve got is we’re trying like the dickens to treat the symptom without treating the disease. And the disease, in this case, isn’t the Second Amendment. The disease is youngsters who are steeped in a culture of violence, they’ve been drugged in many cases. Nearly all of these perpetrators are male and they’re young teenagers in most cases. Many of these young boys have been on Ritalin since they were in kindergarten. Now I’m certainly not a doctor, I’m a marine, but I can see those kinds of things happening and endangering those two gals.”
Further, his proposal for a solution … not limiting guns in any reasonable manner, nor limiting who can get their hands on them, or banning assault weapons. No, ol’ Ollie’s solution is metal detectors in every doorway in every school! Brilliant, Oliver … we cannot pay our teachers a living wage, cannot afford to upgrade curricula, books and equipment, but we should invest millions, or more likely billions of dollars for bloomin’ metal detectors!!!
And so concludes another episode of America’s Stupidest People. Thank you for joining us and stay tuned next week …