There is an epidemic, a genuine health care crisis in the United States, and I, dear friends and readers, have contracted a case of it. At first I wasn’t sure what it was, thought perhaps it was a normal part of the aging process. But, as time went on and more symptoms began to appear, I realized something was not right … something was quite wrong! The final straw came about because of my shoes. Yes, yes, I said my shoes. They have long had holes in the toes, but most recently also sprang holes in the heels, which for most people would necessitate a trip to a shoe store, or more likely Amazon, for a new pair. But, a few pieces of duct tape, and they are functional as long as I don’t walk through puddles. Now you are wondering what this has to do with my illness, right? It is a symptom. I have very holey shoes and I don’t care. I have a cracked bone in my hand, and I don’t care. There is a load of clothes sitting wrinkled in the dryer, and I don’t care. Dinner? I don’t care. Raining? I don’t care. Cat just puked on the carpet? Oh well.
I was about to name this disease I-don’t-care-itis until I began to assess the other symptoms, including sleeplessness, loss of appetite, funky heartbeat, bad temper, aversion to outdoors, exhaustion, crying over a dead bee, and more. So, I started scouring the internet for a name for my mysterious disease, hoping to find a simple cure, like drinking orange juice thrice times a day. Well, I found a name for it, but sadly, my friends, there is no cure.
It turns out, the answer was right on our friend Gronda’s blog post of 28 April 2017, one that I had somehow missed.
“Trumpitis which is a strain causing the spread of anxiety and fear. The symptoms of weariness, exhaustion, temper outbreaks, mood swings to outright depression has taken hold of a large number of Americans especially those who are non-supporters of the republican President Donald Trump.”
That’s it … that is the disease with which I am afflicted! I was briefly encouraged by a comment on Gronda’s post saying that the cure was something called Mugwumps. I immediately called the local pharmacist, but he informed me that Mugwumps had been banned in the U.S. since January 2017. Figures. I contacted the Canadian pharmacy where I buy my insulin, but they said they are not allowed to ship Mugwumps to the United States. Sigh. I am doomed … doomed, I tell ya!
However, as I continued to troll the ‘net, seeking assistance or asylum, I came across a few things that just might help! First, a colouring book …I suppose it would be something of a stress-reducer to colour his hair, say … hot pink, and his tie a garish lime green! But wait … how about this one, folks …Oh, man … I used to be really great at hitting the bullseye when I was a kid playing darts with my dad. I wonder if I still have that magic touch?
Are Trump’s attitudes and behaviors bringing you down?
This practical, surprising and hopeful self-help guide will provide you with the tools to address the despair, panic and tragedy that Trump’s election and daily nightmare circus has created. It consists of 365 easy to digest prompts that are perfect for regular self-care and reflection.
For the good of the country you need to take care of yourself, provide political resistance and show the world that what Trump represents is America at it’s [sic] worst. As a nation we can do better and this book will help keep you, your family, your friends sane and energized until the end of the Era of 45.
I have downloaded a sample of the book to my Kindle and will let you know if it helps.
I am relieved, upon Googling ‘trumpitis’ to find that I am far from being the only sufferer of this disease. Even children as young as age four have been diagnosed with this disease. There is a hashtag #trumpitis and there is even a Twitter account/page for it . One site indicated that scientists are working on a cure, but it looks to be >10 years away. Sigh.
From the Twitter feed #Trumpitis …
“It’s ok #USA. We know you have a horrible infection & are not yourself!! #Trumpitis is temporary. Sadly it will take a few years to pass but know we do realize it and will welcome you back when you feel better! #CanadiansArePatient #TrumpConcentrationCamps #WeAreNotPerfectEither”
“I walked away from relationships because they acquired
#Trumpitis I’m not sure but I’m beginning to believe it’s a Terminal diagnosis! I say Good riddance !”
It seems the only option is to move out of the country to one where I can obtain Mugwumps, else suffer until the bitter end. I have directed Chris that upon my demise she is to sue the hell out of the person who brought this terrible malady to our shores.
Meanwhile, I shall not come into physical contact with any of my friends, for I believe the disease is highly contagious. I considered using this as an opportunity to be heroic, to fix that which is broken in our nation by infecting as many republicans as possible, but I recently discovered that they have a natural immunity to the disease … some sort of antibody they were born with. Ah well, Wonder Woman I ain’t.
Protect yourselves, my friends! If you do not already have symptoms, stay in, keep the television off, stay away from the news. SAVE YOURSELVES!!!