As I reported earlier in the week, the U.S. was bracing for the onset of CWII (Civil War II) yesterday as the nation celebrated the Independence Day holiday. Well, folks, you can come out now, for it didn’t happen and we seem safe, at least for the moment. America’s numero uno conspiracy theorist, Alex Jones, had pronounced on his InfoWars program earlier this week that he had been informed by reliable sources that the democrats had a huge plan to start the second Civil War on the symbolic Fourth of July, overthrowing Trump and taking over the government. Today, Alex Jones must be busily washing all the egg off his face, eh?Some got some humour from the whole thing, at least. Here are a few tweets …
The war isn’t going as planned. Our supply trucks are limited. I’m out of wine and sunscreen. The enemy burned all the books and there is no place to recharge my Kindle. The only music is an old CD of Justin Bieber. – All is lost.
“My love, I’m unsure you will ever read this. I was captured at the battle of Starbucks and have been forced to watch the Dukes of Hazard for what feels like eternity. When I asked for water, I was given Budweiser, when I asked for bread I was given KFC.”
Dear heart, today we took a captive. We forced him to do hard labor. So far he has baked 75 gay wedding cakes. Adam and Steve’s battle-side ceremony was beautiful, they thank you for the toaster.
Dear Ma and Pa, It’s Day 2 of the #SecondCivilWar. My comrades and I have set up camp in a library. There is absolutely no chance they will find us here. Love, Sam
My brothers and sisters: I regretfully report that I will not be able to make it to the battlefield for the #SecondCivilWar. I was drafting battle plans in a Starbucks when I was arrested for not buying anything. You must stay strong in my absence.
Dearest Parents, The mess hall has run out of avocados so I was forced to top my toast with jam. The fog of war is so trying at times that even my therapy unicorn brings no comfort. 😢
Dear General Rodham, we have gained on the enemy by building a wall of your emails, which they can’t get over.
We have snuck behind enemy lines and removed the gender-specific signage from their latrines. Now we wait for their bladders to explode.
I have to go to Ralph’s then need to shower but I can shower after the war I guess
Dear Alexa, we are pinned down and in urgent need of ammunition. Please send ASAP… but only if it qualifies for Amazon Prime’s free shipping.
Some people are saying that the war is over. Can this be true? Those of us in Texas remain sceptical, recalling the end of the first war, when the declaration of surrender got lost in the spam filter for two years.
And on it goes, for in the few minutes I spent on #secondcivilwarletters on Twitter searching for the above samples, over 100 more tweets had hit the site! I am glad that most found the humour in the lies that came from Jones’ mouth, for it had been my fear that enough would take him seriously to arm themselves as they went to various festivities. Since most of those festivities include massive amounts of alcohol, and since most people aren’t too level-headed after consuming massive amounts of alcohol, I was anticipating at least a few incidents. Jones’ claims were ridiculous enough that one would think they wouldn’t be taken seriously, but then … remember Pizzagate?
Personally I think he should have been arrested for trying to start a terrorist act…
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I agree. This is where I think there need to be more limits on Freedom of Speech. I strongly suspect that he was hoping to rile some people into starting trouble on the 4th. I’m glad it didn’t happen, but I remember Pizzagate and I realize how easily it could have happened. Responsible speech should be a part of free speech.
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Jill, people who believe what Alex Jones pitches need to find another source of information. He is far more than a conspiracy theorist – he is a con artist. His schtick is to sell his listeners/ viewers over priced stuff to guard against whatever he is foaming at the mouth about that week. The fact the President listens to this man speaks volumes about his own lack of veracity.
Like with Trump, I don’t believe a word the man says. The odds are in my favor. Keith
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You are kinder than I, for I think such people need to find a good psychiatrist! No, I don’t believe a word he says either, but there is very real danger in those who do, especially when they act on his lies. He throws it out there, and then sits back to watch the fireworks, just like the gossipy old neighbor who likes to start feuds between her other neighbors and then sit back & watch.
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Jill, the only hope is to ask people what there source of information is and just push back on the lack of veracity. “You know he is a con artist?” is a good question to ask. But, maybe if we start with “Help me understand how that makes any sense? What is your source?” Keith
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If CW II has begun, let us first attack by silencing the Trump tweet storm nightmare.
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If only we could!
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Dear Jill,
I can honestly say that I did not give a second’s thought to Alex Jone’s prediction on the 4TH of July for Civil War II. I guess Mr. Jones was bored and was hoping for more than fireworks.
I noticed that a lot of folks took solace at Starbucks. Personally, I am drawn to spending time with family or spending time at my favorite Barns and Nobles.
It has to be frustrating for Mr. Jones to have been so completely ignored.
Hugs, Gronda
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I didn’t give him a second glance, either, but the thing I did worry about was that enough Trump supporters might believe his trash-talk that they would start some violence. Fortunately it didn’t happen. I’m with you … a few hours spent at Barnes & Noble and I’m a happy camper! Hugs!!!
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Big sigh of relief, Jill! Do you think the Dems faked out Jones and is busy planning the CWII for November?
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Let us hope that is what happened! I would have loved to have the chance to ask him, face-to-face, “Hey Alex … what happened to your second Civil War? Did ye get yer dates mixed up???”
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Perhaps, when the swamp is drained by Trump… it could be transported and disposed into the one where Alex Jones resides. He’d probably never notice a little more muck. The Tweet storm is amusing! Thank-you!
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HAH!!! He isn’t ‘draining the swamp’! He has only brought in nastier alligators with bigger, sharper teeth and wearing clown hats to disguise their core of evilness! But yeah, let’s add Alex Jones and Sean Hannity to the mix … why not make it the most toxic mix ever, perhaps it will explode and shoot itself into the depths of outer space! Sigh. Thanks … glad you liked the tweets … we have to take our humour where we can find it these days.
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Well those are just amazing. 😀
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Glad you liked them!
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Hey, hey … ‘The U.S. was bracing for the onset of CWII (Civil War II) yesterday as the nation celebrated the Independence Day holiday.’
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Thanks, dear Horty! ❤
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Most welcome, sweet friend!! 🙏🏽
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Oh my gosh, those tweets are priceless!! 😂
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Glad you liked them! We have to find humour wherever we can these days!
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Geeeezus…and I mean that with all due respect,
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Yeah, I hear you. Sigh.
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Reblogged this on By Hook Or By Book and commented:
Just in case you missed numero uno conspiracy theorist Alex Jones’ dire warning of a second Civil War which was supposed to begin yesterday, Twitter users have once again stepped up to the plate. Thank you Jill for sharing these hysterical tweets!🤣
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Thanks a million for the re-blog, Kim! Glad you liked the tweets … we have to turn misery into humour somehow, yes? Good to see you! Thanks again!
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There’s precious little in laughable moment Jill, so indeed we do.
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Laugh Out Loud good. 😀
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Laughter is good for the soul … keep on laughing, my friend! Hugs!!!
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-grin- back at you!
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Brilliant!😂
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I fully agree for the USA, Jill! But i think inside the European Union we will get it in two years. ;-( Michael
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Thank you, Michael! I do hope you are wrong about the EU, but frankly, from everything I am reading, it would not surprise me. Perhaps Brexit was the beginning of the end, or perhaps we need to look all the way back to the beginning of the Arab Spring uprisings, but there is certainly discord. The EU, I think, is worth saving and I hope that people in power, people in high places agree with me and work toward compromise to salvage it. Hugs, Michael!
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Really Jill! With the Brexit the EU lost a very powerfulmemberund the peoples trust into the politics. Lets hope the best! Best wishes and greetings. Michael 😉
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Great Tweets. I’m glad CWII seems to have been cancelled from lack of interest though to be fair I rather hoped a raid on the White House and an execution on the front lawn of a traitor would have been acceptable.
Cwtch
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Thanks David! I’m glad you liked the tweets … we must find humour where we can, yes? I wonder how Mr. Jones explained himself this morning? I tried to find out, but it appears he was mostly silent. Imagine that!
The execution on the front lawn … well, okay … we’ll have to sell tickets, and I’m guessing at least 200 million people will want one … I’m not sure if Pennsylvania Avenue can handle that crowd … I only know that I want a front row seat!!! The ‘man’ has made my life a living hell and I want to see him go DOWN! 🙂 Me? Vengeful? Surely you jest?
Cwtch Mawr
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Oh right: Pizzagate being that Democrats were really somehow making pizza out of babies, pretty much, right?…that never registered on my radar until a woman whose father beieved it about her wrote an article about it. It still never registered as anything anyone would really believe, or most sane people would even make up–
These tweets are funny.
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Pizzagate was the conspiracy theory put forth by Jones that Hillary Clinton and John Podesta were running a child sex ring underneath a pizza restaurant in D.C. One man believed it to the point that he entered the restaurant with a gun and started shooting. Here’s a link to the piece I did about it back in December 2016 … https://jilldennison.com/2016/12/05/faux-news-runs-amok/
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But what was the pizzagate with the Dems and babies in pizza…? There was a piece in the Lenny newsletter about the woman whose dad actually got brainwashed and believed it. Here it is–it is the same scenario only with a little baby action in there. https://www.lennyletter.com/story/how-i-discovered-that-my-dad-is-a-right-wing-conspiracy-theorist
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Ahhh … interesting … this is the first I heard of that one. Sigh.
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Isn’t it rather astounding…? I mean, I know folks who were survivors of satanic and other ritual abuse, no joke, and they didn’t even do that, much less one of the two main political parties in a big country doing it.
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True, but I am finding that not much surprises me coming out of the republican camp anymore.
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Sad but true–things are so beyond surreal that even the movies and books from the past that projected this sort of dystopia missed all the really appalling banal horror. I’m pretty much viewing it as a verty bad dream that will lurch back into something good when enough people smarten up.
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I share your vision that this, too, shall pass, though I’m not convinced it will happen in my lifetime. We just have to find ways to step back every now and then and breathe, lest it become all-consuming.
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I agree that stepping back actually makes it all better, since then there’s less fighting-and-despair energy going around. Sometimes just putting my focus on being sane and a good person at home that day helps more than sending angry emails to everyone about something.
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You are so right! Our family, our friends, our life … that is what we must remember to focus on. I spend 12-14 hours a day buried in political drivel, and sometimes it is very hard for me to maintain balance, but a day with my girls is the best medicine around!
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Thoroughly enjoyed this. Hugs. ❤
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I’m so glad!!! Hugs!!!
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Hugs.
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i love these!
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I’m glad!!! We must find humour wherever we can these days!
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Jones achieves something which is no small feat, he is more reprehensible, onerous and obnoxious than the current occupant of the Whitehouse.
I would call him a moronic egotist but I’d only be accused of trying to win him over with flattery.
I have witnessed more pleasant things floating out of blocked sewers.
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That is indeed no small feat, but I’m not sure which I think is worse. Both are evil, vile creatures. Yes, insults only feed his ego. I love the way you phrase that … “I have witnessed more pleasant things floating out of blocked sewers.” I will have to remember that one! 🌲 🌳 🌲 🌳 🌲 🌳
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To paraphrase Churchill’s (virulent anti-communist) comment during the German invasion of Russia in 1941 (“If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons”)
If satan were to drag Jones down to hell tomorrow I would at least say the fellow seems to be doing his job
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We can only wish for that to happen! 😈
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To be condemned with ridicule and ignored as the fool that he is would be the most fitting punishment.
Roger…from Trefriw…..Yea WiFi!
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YEA WiFi … but aren’t you supposed to be enjoying life and putting all this out of your mind? Have fun, dear Roger!
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Oh yes, but I have to pop into the WP village from time to time 😃
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I’m so glad you do, for otherwise I would miss you terribly! Your comments are one of the brightest spots of my day! 🌞
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Awww shucks m’am 😌
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