The Conversation …

The following conversation actually took place … at least in my mind, and quite possibly in the Oval Office:

It was Thursday evening, and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell had been summoned, just before 5:00 as they were preparing to go home after a long day of pandering, boot-licking and patootie-kissing, to the White House for an impromptu meeting with Donald Trump.  They were to be there at 6:30, so they called their wives and told them not to hold supper, that they would be late.  They had a brief pow-wow, each trying to see if the other knew the reason for the summons, but they were both in the dark.  Neither of them could find the bloomin’ light switch in the conference room!ryan-mcconnelRyan and McConnell were escorted by the nighttime cleaning lady into the Oval Office, where Trump was just settling in with his nightly McDonald’s order:  3 Big Macs, 3 orders of fries, a jumbo milkshake, and a diet Pepsi.  Mouth full, he motioned the two to a chair, and kept on chewing, as food particles tumbled down his tie. trump-eat-burgerRyan and McConnell each reached for one of the remaining Big Macs, and got their hands smacked for their efforts.

trump-big-mac“MINE!”

“I called you two bozos here because I want to know how the budget bills are coming?”

“We’ve been passing bills, Mr. Trump … I know you’ve seen them,” said Ryan.

“I’ve seen the ridiculous garbage you sent up here, but there’s only one thing I haven’t seen that I need to see … the funding for my damn border wall!”

“Sir, you agreed to postpone the fight over the border wall until after the mid-term elections in November, remember?  We all agreed that a fight over the border wall right now could negatively impact the elections and swing some in favour of the democrats.  The border wall really is only popular among about 20% of the country, and the rest of the country hates it,” argued Mitch in a calm, yet obviously stressed voice.

BAM!!!  💢

Two fists came down hard on the 139-year-old Resolute desk.

“I said, ‘We’ll see’, when you to mentioned a postponement a few weeks ago.  I never agreed to it! I want my wall and I want it now!!!”  He slammed his little pudgie fists on the desk again for emphasis. “How have you managed to keep your job this long, Mitch?  Why do the people of the great state of … where is it you’re from again?  Missouri?”

ryan-mcconnell“Kentucky, sir.”

“Oh … that explains it, then.”

Ryan, sweating around his collar by now, tried again …

“Mr. Trump, the impor…”

“The important thing is MY WALL!  Who do you think pays your salary???  I’ll tell you who pays you and who can fire you tomorrow … maybe even tonight!”

Straightening his shoulders just a bit, thankful that he was leaving at the end of this term, Paul Ryan ventured bravely forth with …

“Actually, sir, the taxpayers pay my salary and no, sir, you cannot fire me.”

baby-trump-temper“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!  I am the president and I can do whatever I damn well please.  I have built the greatest economy and put the most judges on the bench of any other president in history.  The economy is doing great, just ask anyone!  The people all love me … everybody says so!  And what I want is A WALL!  I promised the people a wall and I’m gonna build them a big beautiful wall!”

“Sir … to be clear, the people thought Mexico was going to pay for the wall because you told them so.”

“SEE!  They love me, they trust me, they believe me!”

“But, Mr. Trump … Mexico isn’t going to pay for the wall.  You are spending money you don’t have, and the people will end up paying for it.”

Trump rolled his eyes, crossed his stubby, fat arms across his expansive chest as he is wont to do, and sighed a sigh of exasperation.

“It. Doesn’t. Matter.  Don’t you get it?  Are you seriously that stupid?  It doesn’t matter who pays, as long as I … er, the people … get the wall to keep all the murderers and rapists from coming in from shithole countries!”

Paul Ryan stands.  Removes his tie.  Turns and exits the Oval Office.

Trump, now on his third Big Mac, slurping the last of the milk shake, splutters and spits a bit of milk-laced burger on McConnel’s glasses.  But Mitch doesn’t notice, for all of a sudden it is dark in the Oval Office.  Paul Ryan had turned the lights off on his way out.  Turns out, Kellyanne is the only one who knows the location of the light switch.

To be continued …light history

37 thoughts on “The Conversation …

  1. An interesting conversation which I read twice and I’ve obviously some how missed the part where Ryan returns with a loaded gun and makes the other two hang themselves, Trump in tears as he hasn’t eaten his third Big Mac yet.It doesn’t matter what happens to Ryan afterwards but he doesn’t turn up for his Man of the Year award.
    Cwtch

    Liked by 3 people

  2. About the light switch, I think my husband has that same fear. I go to bed before he does, and I tend to get much earlier than he does. Many a morning I come out of the bedroom to find lights on all over the house. When I ask him if he left the lights on, he mumbles he doesn’t think so. 28 wonderful years and growing. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hah! Back in my married days, it was always me who left the lights on. Oh wait … it is still me, for I work until 4:00 – 5:00 in the morning and then I’m too tired to care if a light or two remain burning, so I just stumble up to bed. 😀 Congratulations on 28+ years! My own marriage lasted only about 15, and I’ve never tried again. I hope you have at least another 28! Hugs!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m rolling in the floor laughing at this one. I just posted it to my FB page so my intelligent friends can enjoy it as much as I did. Of course I know there will be some negative remarks from the less enlightened, but that’s okay too. Jill, you sure have Mitch down to a “T”. He should have been voted out of there a century ago. My favorite mental picture however, is of the T-man slurping down all that fat and pounding his fists on the desk. Well, I also loved the spoiled brat “MINE” when the others tried to take a burger! I just might have to print this one out and frame it for prosperity. Congrats my friend! You have a masterpiece here. (now how the heck am I gonna get up off this floor. Okay, first stop laughing. Oh,00000000 it hurts my ribs! Nah, can’t make it up til the laughing is over and it 0just keeps getting funnier and funnier. No more reading that one until I’m safely back in my chair!) 🤣🤭😇😊😆😇🤣😜🤑

    Liked by 4 people

    • You will never know how happy I am to hear that my writing had you rolling in the floor (though I seriously hope it was only a figure of speech!). I have trouble writing humour, though I enjoy doing it. I had my daughter read that piece before I posted it, for I feared that what I thought was funny might not actually come across that way. So, I posted and held my breath, and then came your comment, and I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled a big smile! 😊

      Let me know if you get any interesting comments on Facebook from it! And I’m glad you enjoyed it! I shall have to try to do humour more often, perhaps! Now, may I give you a hand to help you off the floor?

      Liked by 1 person

      • It is a great story and the next time I check my FB page I’ll let you know. I seldom go there since it turned into a gossip column but try to check once in a while to see if my family have posted anything new. Most of my 50+ cousins are on there, (um, that’a all the first cousins still living, I also check their extended families and there are close to 1000 of us scattered around the country,) So in order to keep up with each other we check in on FB. My usual day is mid week, but I’ll let you know if I get comments. Mostly I get the smiley face or the like thumbs up. I’m curious about that also since so many of my cousins think Trump is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It could be very interesting!

        It was much easier to just sit in my chair and let it roll while I laughed, so that’s what I did. Maybe I should have said split my sides laughing cause a couple of ribs still smart from it. Not to worry though, I love to laugh and when I do it’s usually a really good one!

        Okay, still have some stitches to add to that bag if I’m gonna carry it when I visit my Aunt on Thursday. Just a little bit anxious to show it off! Hugs! ((()))

        Like

        • HOLY CANNOLI, BATMAN!!! And I thought I had a lot of family, mostly in-laws!!! Heh heh … many of mine have ‘un-friended’ me for my political views and my ‘in-your-face’ way of expressing myself. I’m too old to play games, and I just say what I think … if they don’t like it, I’ve learned not to lose sleep over it. When they want money, it’ll be, “Auntie Jill … I’m sorry …”

          You’re not done with that bag yet??? Get busy, woman! Email me a picture! Have a great day! Hugs!!!

          Like

          • Almost done with the bag! Kinda got involved twith a few things and didn’t get to it til around midnight, fell asleep with bag in hand, woke up at 4 a.m. with the needle sticking in my finger, but the finishing touches will be done today! I’ll email you a photo when it’s done.

            At one time I had 72 first cousins with 5 of them double fìrsts! The oldest of the doubles passed away in July and several of the others have passeď on at various times and different ages, beginning with Kelly, age 8! Four of them, including Kelly had brain aneurysm and were gone before anyone knew something was wrong.

            Well, one like but no comments on the post! Too darn many of the cuzzin are fed up with the Preź and didn’t comment. I still have to laugh when I read it so I guess I have a more advanced sense of humor. Too many serious people lately! ! If you cant see the humor in it you might as well just pack it in and wait to die!

            Feelin a bit catty this morning! 😇😈

            Liked by 1 person

            • Oh OUCH!!! I have stuck needles in my fingers many a time … not fun. Actually, I stick little needles in my fingertips 6 times a day or so, and needles in my belly another 6 times, but I’m so used to those that they don’t count. Usually if I fall asleep unexpectedly, it is with a cigarette in hand, or a cup of coffee or a book. A rude awakening when a 500-page book smacks you in the face!

              How interesting that 4 people in the family died of brain aneurysms! Something hereditary there, for sure. 72 cousins!!! Wow! What is a ‘double first’? Is that where your mom’s sister married your dad’s brother and had children? I’ve never really understood lineage beyond just a plain ol’ cousin.

              I’m surprised … I figured you’d get some snarky comments on it. Perhaps your FB friends are like many of mine, and just tired of political posts, period. A lot of mine only read my special features, Jolly Monday, Good People Wednesday, and Saturday Surprise. They ignore the political ones.

              I’m happy to hear you’re feeling ‘catty’ this morning! Have a great day, my friend! I’ll be looking for the pic of the bag!

              Hugs!!!

              Liked by 1 person

              • My double firsts are the children of my mom’s brother and dad’s sister. We usually don’t think about it that much in my side of the family but that side are always talking about it. I’m not too up on it myself, like the twice removed thing? Removed to where? Who removed them and how is it I can be looking at them when they are supposedly removed? I think that is a very Southern thing, but could be mistaken. I was mistaken once before.

                I stick my fingers once a day when I remember it and can find my test strips and lancets, but since I lost a ton of weight everything is pretty much the same every time, 90 to 95. At one time I was sticking needles in my stomach too, but one night a few minutes after I stuck it in and shoved the plunger I had a reaction that had me wondering if I would make it thru the night. Read the small print and found out that 1 out of every 999.999 people will have that reaction with death as the usual outcome. I didn’t die, but how lucky can a person be to find out they are 1 in a million? And golly gee, why couldn’t I be that lucky when a few million dollars are the outcome instead of a heart attack!

                I got the bag finished, filled with my stuff and will be taking it with me on a shopping trip in a couple of hours. Took some pics, so I’ll be sending them — or maybe just see if I can post them on my blog and show everybody! I think I’ll try it that way now that I think about it since I’m already here and not at my email section. Just have to get some cherry coke and chocolate in my system first so I will stop yawning. Take care! Hugs. ((()))

                Liked by 1 person

                • I’ve never understood the ‘twice removed’ thing, either, and while somebody tried to explain it to me once, I simply don’t care enough to try to figure it out 😉 You’re right, I think it is a southern thing. GASP!!! Did you say you had been mistaken once before??? I cannot believe it … we truly are soul sisters, for I, too, was mistaken once! 🤣🤣🤣

                  Wow … if your blood sugar is in the 90-95 range, you’re doing great! Mine bounces from sometimes as low as 65 to well over 600 on a near-daily basis! Hence the need for testing every few hours. And, it isn’t what I eat, for I rarely eat sweets. Now my jaw dropped over your experience with insulin! I had no idea! What did your doctor say when you told him? I’ve been on insulin nearly all my life, and thankfully never had such a reaction … knock on wood … except on occasion when I take a bit too much or forget to eat and it dips below 100, which for me is too low. But, it could be worse, so I try not to complain.

                  Good job on finishing the bag! I will pop over to your blog in a little while and check it out! Something else we have in common … I love Cherry Coke! Well, actually I prefer Diet Cherry Pepsi, but same thing. I only drink about one a month, as my digestive system is not fond of fizzie things, but when I drink soda, that is my preference. And instead of chocolate, I shall have … slices of red/green peppers and celery! Have a great day! Hugs!! 🤗

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • My cherry coke consumption is ridiculous. But water makes me sick on an empty stomach, i don’t like coffee, and have to have my caffeine in the morning so I swallow 2 of them before my eyes are completely open every day. Only then can I think about moving but of course then you can guess where I start that move toward and the speed needed. I love red peppers but have dentures that refuse to stay in because of receding gums so they are now out of my diet. My sugar level has dropped a few times as low as 52, so I keep peanut butter next to my chair for a quick fix. I think that is the main reason I fall when I stand up too fast. And the chocolate is the only thing I could swallow at one time when I was having choking problems that lasted almost a year. I stayed alive by putting one section of Hershey’s in my mouth and letting it trickle down my throat each day. Lost a ton of weight but it kept me alive until I was able to swallow again

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • You, my friend, should write a book! I am in awe that, with all you have been through, you still have a sharp and wicked sense of humour and you are able to laugh about your trials & tribulations. My hat is off to you … and I think you are one awesome friend, even if you do have odd eating habits 😉

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Odd eating habits? Me? Just because I have ice cream, potato chips and cherry coke for breakfast? Cheeze!
                      Ya know, a lot of people have told me I should write a book. I think maybe I’ll try to get my resident poltergeist to “ghost write” one for me! That could be very interesting, doncha think?

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Yes, odd eating habits! I should know, for mine are also odd. I rarely eat anything during the morning or day, for I simply forget. I eat a small supper in the evening and a snack before bed, only so my glucose levels don’t plunge overnight. Food, to me, is a necessary evil. Except dark chocolate … dark chocolate and peanut butter … natures most perfect foods. 😉

                      I would LOVE to read whatever your resident poltergeist would write! Something else you and David have in common … he hopes to someday buy a house with a resident ghost! And if you ever really want to write a book, I would … I think it would be fascinating!!!!

                      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha, ha! Funny stuff! BTW, the fear of electrocution was very real in those days and it was started by a frustrated Thomas Edison who was losing, and eventually lost, the so-called “War of the Currents.” His direct current (DC) design was inferior to the alternating current (AC) design of Nikola Tesla and George Westinghouse over long distances. So, he tried to scare people about AC through a series of public demonstrations which brutally killed a number of animals including an full-grown elephant! What an a$$hole!

    Liked by 5 people

        • Apologies Jill it’s my browsing mind I was just thinking electricity is not much more than a hundred years old and over soon we will have the artificial womb ; the speed of progress defies imagination.

          Liked by 1 person

          • No apology necessary … I was just scratching my head and wondering if I’d been so wrapped up in Trump that I had missed some breaking scientific news! 😉 And yes, the speed of ‘progress’ defies the imagination, but I have to ask how much is really progress, how much actually benefits the earth and its inhabitants vs how much is done just to prove it can be done. In many ways, it seems that nearly everything we call progress carries some offsetting side effects. Take, for example, the internet. A great tool for communicating, for research and learning. But the downside is that social media has far too much influence on the masses, and far too many don’t bother with research, but log onto Twitter and believe everything they read there. And now I shall step down off my soapbox!

            Like

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