Okay, folks … here is my big announcement:
I’ve decided to run for President of the United States in November 2020!
Um … don’t everybody wear your hands out applauding now … well, a little bit of applause might be nice … okay, I’ll settle for those few chuckles I heard.
Now, I can’t afford a huge campaign, and I will NOT take a single dime from any business or lobbying interest, so that puts me at a disadvantage before I even get to the gate. However, I do have a few advantages over the rest of the pack, but I’ll get to those in a minute.
First, a few of my highest priorities:
- The United States will immediately, the day after I take office, rejoin the Paris Accord
- Constitutional Issues
- Health Care
- International Relations
- We will begin re-building trust among our allies in whatever way possible
- There will be NO wall on our border
This is by no means a comprehensive list, but merely the top bullet points of my platform. Now, what do I bring to the table, since it damn sure isn’t money or fame?
Honesty and integrity, for starters. I will take not a single dime from any organization that seeks special favours or sees their donation as creating an obligation. I will not lie … if I cannot tell you something, I will simply say that I cannot discuss it, but I will not lie or over-inflate my achievements. I will demand the same from any cabinet members that I select.
Compassion and humanity. I will put the people of this nation … all the people … ahead of profit. One thing this means is that I will never demean or mock another human being. We’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime. I will not tolerate bigotry in any form. The emphasis of this government will be people, not weapons of war, not profit for the biggest corporations, but the well-being of people.
Literacy. Unlike my predecessor, I have studied politics and history all my life, hold a B.S. in both Accounting and Political Science, and an M.A. in International Relations. I have read the U.S. Constitution at least 50 times in the past 30 years and have taken a number of classes in Constitutional Law. I have studied past presidents. And I can write more than 5 words without a spelling error. In other words, I know the difference between ‘origins’ and ‘oranges’.
Common Sense. I am smart enough to realize that there are many, many things I will not know, but unlike my predecessor, I am willing to seek the advice of those who do know those things. I am also smart enough to realize that sometimes we all make mistakes, but the important thing is to admit those mistakes, then take steps to rectify the errors. This I will do.
And that, my friends, is all I have to offer. Now all I have to do is find a running mate who shares my values and vision. Any takers?