In the once just nation in between two big ponds, there lived a ruler of very little brain. His name was Donald Trump. By the calendar of the human species, it was on the day 23 April 2020 that the witless wonder made his second foray into the practice of medicine, much to the fear and chagrin of the people of his land.
The first time he decided that he was a qualified man of healing, a great pandemic had spread across his land. For much time, he pretended that it was nothing, that nobody would die, but then after many thousands of his people died, and when the natives threatened to rise up against their ruler, he recanted and told them that “only he” had the cure, a drug called hydroxychloroquine. And the people of his kingdom, used to following blindly his orders, clamored for it.
Trouble was, the drug he touted killed even more people than it helped, for what was known to scientists, but apparently not to King Trump, was that it caused serious heart damage, and about 28% who were given hydroxychloroquine plus usual care died, versus 11% of those getting routine care alone. But still the people believed King Donald, for they were not shown the test results, and the man, Rick Bright, who tried to tell King Trump that hydroxychloroquine would not kill the dreaded coronavirus, but would kill otherwise healthy people, was fired and banished from the kingdom, for, King Trump could abide no opinion contrary to his own. He was, after all, a very stable genius (who belonged in the stable with the other asses).
The second time King Trump played doctor (though he had done so many, many times before with unsuspecting young ladies, but that is a story for another day), was still yet in the time of the horrible pandemic.
King Trump had heard that a combination of ultraviolet light and disinfectants could kill the dreaded coronavirus on surfaces, such as wiping countertops down with bleach or other disinfectants intended to kill germs. And thus it happened that King Donald got a brilliant idea! If light + disinfectants could kill the virus on surfaces, why not IN the human body???
“I see the disinfectant that knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleaning? Because you see it gets inside the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that. So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light — and I think you said that hasn’t been checked but you’re going to test it. And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way.”
And the scientists cringed, and the Earth stood still for just a moment as it tried not to shudder, and the forces of the Universe let out a collective groan. But some real doctors of conscience stepped forward once King Donnie left the stable, to caution the people …
“Please don’t drink bleach or isopropyl alcohol to remove #COVID19 from your saliva!”
“Please don’t do this. Respectfully, all toxicologists.”
But the warnings fell on deaf ears of some, and that was how the once just nation ended.