‘Tis the holiday season and no doubt you are still searching high and low for those last-minute gift ideas, that unique thing that will bring joy to Aunt Harriet, Grandpa Joe, or that pesky neighbor whose dogs wake you at 5:00 every morning. Well, search no further, for I have a treasure trove of totally useless, unnecessary gift ideas for you!
Mittens are way better than gloves, for they allow the fingers to share the warmth in a cozy pod, rather than be separated from their brothers. But there is a disadvantage to mittens … if a driver cuts you off in traffic, or a woman bumps you with her grocery cart, you can’t very well flip them the bird with mittens on. So, leave it to that famed inventor Matty Benedetto to come up with a solution: Flippin’ Mittens …
Now, I was going to tell you where to order your flippin’ mittens, but it turns out they sold out rather quickly and aren’t expecting more in stock until after the holidays.
They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and in some cases that is absolutely true. How many times in the past week have you stubbed your toe on a piece of furniture that was obviously moved since the last time you walked through that room just five minutes before? I lost count years ago how many toes I have actually broken by walking blindly into a table leg (or once, by opening the freezer door and a roll of ground beef fell out on my foot). These little dandies will protect the tips of your toes …
They’re actually kind of cute, don’t you think? Personally, though, I would have named them ToeToppers. Each set of the StubStoppers come with two mini hard hats with an elastic strap to secure them to your big toe! The perfect gift for any clumsy person who can’t seem to stop running into everything! And for only $16, a real bargain! (Cheaper than an X-ray)
The Jigsaw Puzzle Coffee Table
For over nine months now, many of us have been mostly confined to our homes. Now, I’ve been confined to quarters, but I’m never bored, for I have a blog to write, email friends to stay in touch with, a home to keep (mostly) clean, 14 loads of laundry a week, meals to plan and prepare, and thousands of books just waiting for me to read them. In fact, the last time I was bored was 59 years ago when I was 10 years old and bedridden. Others, however, are not so blessed and have been, I am told … bored. I have a few friends, in fact, who claim to be “bored out of my gourd”. What better way to pass a few hours than a jigsaw puzzle, right? We had to give up jigsaw puzzles decades ago because … well, cats. But it is a relaxing and enjoyable thing, albeit not particularly productive. But at long last, you can turn that jigsaw hobby into something useful … a table!
It’s a steal at only $169! And the best part is you can ‘build’ it over and over again!
The Baguette Pack
Okay, now seriously … how many times in the past year have you been out somewhere and thought, “Damn … I’m hungry – if only I had my baguette with me!” It’s one of those annoying little things, isn’t it? Well, worry no more! FINALLY, a backpack specially designed for your delicious baguette. Hit your local bakery and pick up some steaming hot freshly baked bread knowing you will keep it safe, protected, and dry until your tummy starts to growl ‘n grumble.
101 Unnecessary Inventions: the Book
And last, but not least, if you want to find other unique gift ideas for that hard-to-please friend or relative, this book is chock full of useless and unnecessary products you can order today!
Or, better yet just give the book as a gift and let Cousin Roy pick out his own useless gift!
*Yes, I do realize it is Thursday and not Saturday, but frankly I couldn’t cope with another post tonight about you-know-what and you-know-who … I needed a humour break. Forgive me, please, and I’ll be back later today with more of the important crappola. Sigh.