Humorous Snippets

I seem to have a mental block today about anything pertaining to you-know-who and you-know-what, so instead I’ve written about a few somewhat humorous stories I came across as I trolled the news today.


Only in America

David Werking is a 42-year-old male, recently divorced, who moved in with his parents in Grand Haven, Michigan, after the divorce.  Among his possessions was 12 full boxes of pornography plus two boxes of “sex toys” as well as over 1,600 pornographic DVDs and videotapes.  Now, most parents wouldn’t take too kindly to him bringing such trash into their home.  An occasional Playboy magazine is one thing, but all this … I would have done the same thing Mr. Werking’s parents did … destroyed it all.

Werking took umbrage, claimed his porn collection was worth some $25,000, and he decided to sue his parents.  Nice way to repay them for all the did for him, both in his childhood, and letting him move back in after the divorce, eh?

Long story short, District Judge Paul Maloney ruled that the parents, Beth and Paul Werking, had no right to destroy their son’s personal property and ordered them to pay restitution.  The only question remaining is the amount of restitution.  While David Werking claims the porn was worth $25,000, a fair assessment is to be done by an expert from the Erotic Heritage Museum in Nevada (who knew there was such a thing???)  The son’s attorney is asking for treble damages, or three times the amount of the value, once determined.  Seriously???  Sheesh.  Only in America.


Another government regulation abolished

You know how Trump has determinedly spent the last four years attempting to roll back any and all regulations and policies that were put into place during President Obama’s administration?  These included environmental rules, drilling for oil on public lands, and even affordable healthcare.  But this latest move on Wednesday will leave you speechless!

The Food and Drug Administration on Wednesday proposed scrapping its rules governing the makeup of … frozen cherry pies.  GASP!!!

cherry-pieFor decades, the FDA has set precise and detailed standards for all kinds of food products, spelling out, for example, the proportion of fruit that goes into a jam, mandating that gumbo must contain okra (unless it’s labeled “Creole-style”), and dictating that fajitas must contain no less than 15 percent meat.

Under the FDA’s dictate, there can be no artificial sweeteners in such a product. Actual fruit must make up at least a quarter of the pie’s weight.  And no more than 15 percent of the cherries may be blemished.

But no more!  The FDA wrote in its ruling …

“We tentatively conclude that the standards of identity and quality for frozen cherry pie are no longer necessary to promote honesty and fair dealing in the interest of consumers and revoking these standards will provide greater flexibility in the product’s manufacture, consistent with comparable, non-standardized foods available in the marketplace.”

Never mind that here in the U.S., upward of 3,000 human beings are dying each day from the coronavirus, and never mind that there are issues surrounding the two approved vaccines that the FDA might turn their attention to … for after all, cherry pie is much more consequential, right?

I’ll never buy another frozen cherry pie … oh wait … I’ve never bought a frozen cherry pie, or any other kind of frozen pie, in the first place.  Whew!  Luckily for me, I know how to make & bake pies from scratch, and I don’t use blemished cherries!!!


Lest you think all the craziness is on this side of the pond …

Imagine you’re a lorry (truck) driver, setting off for a long haul.  You may be gone several days, so you pack a few sandwiches and put them in your cooler to eat on the road.  One of them just happens to be a ham & cheese sandwich.  Throw in a few bags of chips, some bottled water and soda pop, and you’re all set to go.  You leave London, headed toward Paris with your load, but at the border you are stopped, your load checked, and border agents confiscate and destroy your ham & cheese sandwich, leaving you only the peanut butter & jelly ones!

Why?

New European Union regulations say that Lorry drivers will be banned from taking a ham and cheese sandwich or other meat and dairy products from the UK into the EU effective January 1st, even if it is just to eat while driving.  The European commission says the restrictions are all part of maintaining a biosecure border.

“Personal goods containing meat, milk or their products brought into the EU continue to present a real threat to animal health throughout the union. It is known, for example, that dangerous pathogens that cause animal diseases such as foot-and-mouth disease and classical swine fever can reside in meat, milk or their products.”

Just what, I wonder, are the odds of people in France of Germany contracting foot-and-mouth disease because a truck driver entered their country while eating his ham & cheese sammie?  .000000000001, I should think, in other words, nil.  However, I suspect it’s more about punishing the UK for Brexit than from any logical health-related concern.  They may have been taking lessons from Trump.

19 thoughts on “Humorous Snippets

  1. I call BS on the meat and dairy restrictions, if foot and mouth disease were transmissible from sandwich meats, that’s called contamination which would lead to food poisoning. Consumers would be deathly ill before infecting animals. Another reason not to eat processed sandwich meats and cheeses. Besides, there’s only a million fast food joints along the way, i doubt drivers would starve. Nice try EU bureaucrats.

    Like

    • No no … not yet, anyway. That was a hypothetical, but will become the reality on January 1st, as I read it. This whole thing seems petty and vindictive to me, but then … I live in a country where ‘petty and vindictive’ are the rules of the game, so who am I to critique? Sigh. There are so much bigger issues to focus on, yet our governments want to nitpick the dumb small stuff.
      Cwtch

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Jill, to sum up:
    – Parents do not take in your porn loving son, but if you do, say he must find a place for it not in your home
    – Truck drivers must scarf their ham and cheese sandwiches before the border (think John Belushi in the cafeteria in the movie “Animal House”
    – As for Cherry pies, I guess we should make homemade ones.

    Keith

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hmmmm … in the words of Professor Henry Higgins (sort of) … By Jove, I think he’s got it!

      The porn story caused my jaw to drop … no wonder the dude’s wife divorced him! It also reminded me of the time my mother-in-law’s grandson moved in with her … he was in his early 20s. She was putting his laundry away one day and found his stash of pot. Well, she took that pot right out to her barrel where she burned the trash, and she set it afire, and she stood right there over it to make sure every last bit burned up. Long story short, she was high as a kite from inhaling those fumes!

      Yes, definitely make your own cherry pie … much better!

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      • Jill, my wife and I had her parents in for a nice lunch and she baked a store bought cherry pie. They brought a home made dessert with them – a cherry pie. Their pie was much better as it used these more tart cherries from a tree on the farm. Plus, my wife’s Aunt Mary made the pie. No contest. Keith

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yep, I sometimes use a mix or a frozen something-or-other in the interest of time, but most often what I cook or bake is from raw materials, scratch, and I do think it tastes so much better. Healthier, too, without all the additives!

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  3. The porn case is precisely why the rest of the world reads stories about cases that come to court there and laughs. It’s not as though anyone there would ever bring a law suit because he didn’t like an outcome, is it? Oh…

    If only all the negative effects of Brexit were that trivial. Losing his sarnie is going to be the least of that guy’s worries soon, and that goes for all of us.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I could probably write this entire blog, 2 posts per day, on just the ridiculous court cases in this country. This is a nation of guns, racism, and frivolous lawsuits.

      Oh, I know that the ‘ham & cheese rule’ is the least of it, but I just needed a bit of humour tonight, and that one fit the bill. My fingers are crossed for you guys.

      Liked by 1 person

            • I saw and I heard that! My dear friend David, who lives in Wales, tells me they are now under a total lockdown, and like you, he may not get to see his daughter and grandchildren. This is so heartbreaking … I don’t even have words. 😥

              Liked by 1 person

              • We’ve been moved into a new level. They call it Tier 4, which is just another way of saying total lockdown, like in Wales. I don’t deny that it is necessary, but if they hadn’t spent more than a month doing nothing at the outset, when it was obvious that action was required, things might not have come to this.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Like you, I don’t deny the urgency of the situation, especially now with this new strain, but … my heart just breaks for all of you. Christmas time is a time of joy for some, but depression for others in the best of circumstances. I can only imagine what this Christmas is for so many who will be isolated from their families. Here, there have been no nationwide restrictions and we are paying the price … a heavy price of 3,000+ deaths a day … every damn day. And still, people are packing the stores, planning big holiday celebrations. Sigh. There has to be balance … a happy medium between complete lockdown and unfettered freedom. You are in my thoughts, my friend … I wish things were different, but my wishing doesn’t make it so.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • I recognise that things are just as bad, if not worse there: two governments led by morons who didn’t act when they were advised to, whose countries are paying the price. Thank you for your kind words of comfort 😊

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Sigh. I’d like to think lessons have been learned and now we can expect a better year ahead, but frankly, I think politics is getting in the way of good, sensible leadership both here and there. Still, let us hope that the coming year brings brighter days.

                      Liked by 1 person

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