Yep, my friends, ol’ Monday has rolled back around again … already. It’s blustery here, but we only have an inch or so of snow, whereas in other parts of the eastern half of the U.S., they have much more! My friend Herb in the wilds of Pennsylvania tells me they are getting between 8-9 inches tonight, added to the 3 inches they already had. It’s been a few years since we’ve had that kind of snow, but I remember it well. I remember one year decades ago when we got some 20 inches the week of Christmas, and I didn’t yet have all my Christmas shopping done! Luckily, the liquor store was within walking distance, so I was able to at least finish my shopping and stock up on supplies! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I hope you all had a good weekend and are ready to face a new week head on! My weekend? C-c-cold. Since it is Monday, we should probably try to find some chuckles this morning and get this week started out on the right foot, yes? Joyful wouldn’t let me come see what she was working on in the kitchen, but I see she’s loaded up the snack table, so let’s go see what treats she has for us, shall we?
I didn’t find any funny stories last night for our Jolly Monday, so I decided to start with a few jokes … lawyer/courtroom humour straight from Reader’s Digest …
SIX DUMB QUESTIONS REAL LAWYERS ASKED IN COURT
“How many times have you committed suicide?” “Were you alone or by yourself?” “Was it you or your brother who was killed?” “Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next.” “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?” “Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?” From The Dumb Book (Reader’s Digest Books)
A LITTLE TOO LITERAL
If you’re interested in becoming a lawyer, you’ll need a degree. But as these court transcripts reveal, the question is, in what?
Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
Witness: “By death.”
Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”
I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter.
“Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor,” I said.
“Linda Jones, probation officer.”
“Sam Clark, public defender.”
“John,” said the teen who was on trial. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”
PROTESTING TOO MUCH
Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously.
“He’s lying!” he yelled. “There were only three of us.”
RUNNING THE SHOW
I am a deputy sheriff assigned to courthouse security. As part of my job, I explain court procedures to visitors. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom. “This is where the judge sits,” I began, pointing to the bench. “The lawyers sit at these tables. The court clerk sits over there. The court recorder, or stenographer, sits over here. Near the judge is the witness stand and over there is where the jury sits. As you can see,” I finished, “there are a lot of people involved in making this system work.”
At that point, the prisoner raised his cuffed hands and said, “Yeah, but I’m the one who makes it all happen.”
Luckily, our friend Phil over at Phil’s Phun had a good selection of ‘toons and memes to start our week out right!
I haven’t heard from our friend Hugh for a bit, so I’m thinking let’s send him something special …
We need an ‘Awwwww moment’, so take a look at these adorable pics …
And of course we cannot end Jolly Monday without a cute animal video, now can we? This one, at 8:38, is a wee bit longer than I usually post, but the monkeys are just so darned cute … I couldn’t resist!
Okay, folks, let’s get this really big shew on the road, as Ed Sullivan used to say! Have a great week ahead, keep safe, wear your mask when in a public venue, keep warm, and share those beautiful smiles, please? Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa, Jolly, and Joyful!