People come into our lives seemingly at random, some stay a few minutes, some a lifetime, but many stay long enough to earn a place in our hearts and our memories. They may leave because of death, because of a disagreement, or simply physical distance, though the Internet has done much to shorten those physical spans. Today, I learned of the death of one such person … a friend … nay, a member of my blogging family … who left an indelible mark on my heart and who will be sorely missed. Many of you may remember him … Hugh Curtler.
A retired college professor of philosophy, Hugh was among the wisest men I knew. More than once, he pulled me back to the realm of reality when my take on the political situation went out of bounds, and while I always listened to his wise words, I often failed to live up to his standard. Like our mutual friend Keith, Hugh was my gold standard for common sense, for knowing how to respond to things said in the heat of a moment.
I knew that Hugh was battling cancer back in 2020, but for a long time he continued to post on his blog, email me fairly regularly, and comment on mine and others’ blog posts. His last posts were in January and February 2021, and emails to him later last year went unanswered. I knew … somewhere deep down, I knew … but I didn’t want to think about it, so like Scarlett O’Hara in Gone with the Wind, I didn’t think about it … much … except on those sleepless nights.
I have a book of Hugh’s, Alone in the Labyrinth, that he signed along with a short note and mailed to me back in early 2021. I will cherish it for the rest of my life.
There is much I probably could say about Hugh … he was a kind man, a good man, a wise man … but it is his own words that are best suited to remind us of who Hugh Curtler was. Below are links to just a few of my favourite among his many posts. Today, I am saddened by the loss of Hugh, but enriched for having known him.
Thank you, Hugh, for always being my rock, my ‘go-to’ when I needed a bit of good sense. I will miss you, as I know others will … you were a big part of our ‘blogging family’ and I loved you! R.I.P. Hugh Curtler
This comment may turn up twice…WP having one of its whimsies.
This is a worthy tribute to Hugh, I wish I had taken the time to know him better.
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Yep … it turned up twice!!! WP likes to keep us guessing …
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Don’ it just🤔
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I was not familiar with Hugh, but he sounds like a wonderful good man. I am sorry, Jill.
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Thanks, Mary! You would have liked him, I’m sure!
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Jill, this is a wonderful tribute to our friend. As you may recall, it was Hugh that sent me your way, saying I think you will like what this person writes about. He was ever the philosopher (but not pretentious), professor and coach. We bloggers did not fully appreciate the tennis coaching side of his persona. Without preaching it, I learned a lot about philosophy and great literature from Hugh.
He also was a staunch supporter of the environment, even inviting me to co-write an article for a magazine on perceptions of lay people on the environment and renewable energy. My first reaction to his invitation was Hugh I don’t think I am qualified to write this, but he insisted for its purpose, I was. I would not have done it without his push and co-authorship.
Finally, his comments on other blogs will be missed. I always look forward to what the professor might add, taking some pleasure if he agreed with my post or supported my comment. I wish you other readers who do not know Hugh’s work will check these suggested posts out. Thanks my friend, Keith
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Thank you, Keith! I had, in fact, forgotten that I had Hugh to thank for pointing you my way … and I treasure your friendship as I did his! Indeed, he had a way of imparting his vast knowledge without being ‘preachy’.
I don’t think I was aware that you had written an article for a magazine! Awesome … if you have a link, I’d like to read it.
Oh yes … even people who had never visited Hugh’s blog remembered his comments they saw on other blogs, like mine or yours. I will miss him … been missing him for over a year now, but the finality is … sad.
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We are more than bless, as we’d been, given the opportunities to meet up with these special people who touched our lives, and, even after thety are, gone, we still, carry the lessons, the values they instilled in us.
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That’s how I look at it, too! They touch our lives and leave a little piece of themselves with us when they leave.
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That’s a graceful tribute. I would have liked to meet him. Rawgod and Nan captured much of my thinking — the beauty of meeting people on the net who become friends, who open you to new ideas, but then vanish, leaving you to wonder, to hunt, to learn where they have gone. A bittersweet world. But you met someone that helped with life, lifting your spirits, opening you up to new ideas, and that’s always a wonderful gift.
Hugs, Michael
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Thanks, Michael! I figure … even if we only know them for a matter of a few years, or even months, they add value to our lives for that time and I’m grateful for that. Hopefully, we add something of value to their lives as well. Yes, Hugh left me with many good memories, as do so many of my blogging family, yourself included.
Hugs ‘n cheers, dear friend!
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So very sorry my friend!! Losing a friend is awful and I worry about that as I get so close to people on here. Closer than I ever thought I could get when I never met them in person.
How great that he touched your life so much and I am sure you touched his! Love you dear friend and big hugs!! ❤❤
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Thanks, Carolyn! Yes, we become so attached to some of our blogging buddies that it’s hard sometimes to remember that we’ve never actually met them! Hugh was a good man, a good influence on me, for sure! Love you back, dear Carolyn … hugs!!! 💖
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“…I am saddened by the loss of Hugh, but enriched for having known him…”
I second this statement.
Beautiful tribute.
Thank you, Jill.
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Thank YOU, Lisa, and thank you for letting Keith and I know of Hugh’s death. Hugs.
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We are partners in adjusting to this news. A zillion miles stretch between our three GPS points, yet we are linked by a unique triangle of solidarity, thanks to Hugh.
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As much as I grumble and grouse about social media and how it is used to spread lies, the one great thing about it is that we can meet new people, make new friends, create a whole new ‘family’, and stay in touch with those we might not otherwise be able to. Hugh was part of our blogging family and will always be remembered by you, me, and Keith among others! Hugs!!!
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Please kindly remember that his full name is Hugh Mercer Curtler.
Yours sincerely,
SoundEagle
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Edna Buchanan, the well known journalist and writer, said : “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.”
If one holds that to be true…then their absence and loss is also deeply felt. They also deserve mention and remembrance. You have lovingly given tribute to Hugh Curtler. WHAK!! Thank-you!
“People do not pass away/
They die/
And then they stay.”
From the 2018 book “Voices in the Air”
by American poet, Naomi Shihab Nye.
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Ms. Buchanan was quite right! I’ve long said that my ‘blogging family’ is in many ways closer than some of those with whom I share DNA! I hadn’t planned to post today, for I wasn’t feeling well, but after I received the news about Hugh, I just had to. He was one of the best. WHAK!!!
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I’m so sorry to hear this. His comments were always thoughtful and insightful.
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Yes, it wasn’t unexpected news, but it still made me very sad. He was insightful and had a good understanding of human nature.
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It’s always hard to lose a friend. Even an online friend. A nice tribute.
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Indeed so … I find that I am closer to some of my online friends who I’ve never met and likely never will, than to some family members and people I’ve known much of my adult life! Thanks, Nan!
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I am so sorry that you have lost such an important person Jill. My thoughts to his other friends and family too.
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Thank you, Anne! Hugh was one of the good ones and I will miss him.
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This IS a problem, being on the Internet, we never know when our friends have left. I have been wondering for a while, “Who is missing?” You and I have already discussed Colette’s absence, but there are more, Hugh being one of them. Do they die? Do they just stop using Word Press? Are they, like you last year, in a hospital somewhere, and we don’t know enough to reach out to them? Or have they become MAGAts, like our once friend Scott? Too many times we just don’t know.
Onto bigger and better things, Hugh! Make a new mark, wherever you end up!
Having said that, there are other reasons for losing friends, for instance, Sha’Tara. People change. They stop seeing eye-to-eye, or whatever. I saw her name in a comment of the post of Hugh’s that I read. We used to have some good discussions. But then, a disagreement led to a breakup. Why did it have to get to that point? I was as much responsible as anyone else. I asked her for some information that she was unwilling to provide, and it escalated from there. Where she is now, or what she is doing, I may never know. Shit happens. But why do we allow it to happen? We never know what straw is going to break the whale’s back. And online, there is almost no way to pick the straw back up!
Speaking of which, do you have any idea what happened to Gronda, I think her name was. When I first joined your readership she was omnipresent. I actually forgot all about her for quite a while. She just disappeared too.
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Interestingly, since you mention Scott … he still comments, but I moderate his comments and don’t publish the ones that are disrespectful or crude, but he also communicates with me on Twitter and there he is just like the old Scott … a friend who cares. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde! Sha’Tara didn’t really change, and I think she and Roger are still friends, but I said something once that (unintentionally) offended her, so she stopped visiting my blog.
As re Gronda … she’s still around, though not on her blog. She is on Twitter, though, and often re-tweets my blog posts there. She had some serious illness, which is why she stopped blogging, and I think she’s still having some troubles, but she does tweet daily, so I know she’s still alive ‘n kicking!
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Towards the end of my friendship with Sha’Tara, she took almost everything as offensive. Siometimes it was. Bad on me!
Glad to hear Gronda is still around, sorry to gear she is not doing so well.
Jeckyll and Hyde, hunh? I saw he was using a new name on your blog. I used to like him, but couldn’t understand the shift to MAGA thinking. I know he is rich, but…
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She did the same with me … perhaps she was going through something or was a very unhappy individual at that time.
Scott … rich??? Hardly! He gets disability, and his wife has a pretty good job, but I think they are far from being wealthy!
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He told me he had made millions off his record sales. I listened to some, and while it wasn’t my style, I could see a niche market for it. And him being wealthy goes a long way to explaining his political vomit. But I could be wrong…
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I think he told you a tall tale, rg. He makes next to nothing from sales of his music … it’s more of a hobby for him like blogging is for me!
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Well, at that time I had no reason to disbelieve him. And he has certainly never disputed anything I said to him over the years about having the kind of money he told me he has, including his story about living in a gated and guarded enclave, which only the rich can afford to do. Yes, I can be nsive, but I prefer to trust prople until they prove themselves untrustworthy. He has certainly proved himself a bigoted fool, but he has not yet proved himself untrustworthy. Time will tell…
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A worthy tribute Jill.
I wish I had made the time to know Hugh better
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Thanks, Roger! He was, like you and Keith, a good man. Good men are too far and few between these days.
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Thanks Jill.
Keeping on in his name is the best thing anyone can do.
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Sha’ Tara seems to have moved off on her own journey. I had not seen anything from her for a while unless last year, I posted a comment but there was no reply.
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Maybe she too is dead. At our time of life, shit happens. Or maybe her space people took her to Altair. I think she wanted to go. We will probably never know…
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Oh yeah, we do live with one eye on the clock; the immortality of youth, long, long gone.
I think I still have Sha-Tara’s e-mail address, so it’s worth a check.
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If you don’t have it, I do, so let me know if you need it … and let us know if you hear from her, please!
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I’ll be checking my e-mail records today Jill for Sha-Tara’s address .
Let you know how I get on
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Go for it.
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Will do.
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Hugh’s death has certainly made us all stop and think, hasn’t it? I’ve been pondering my own mortality for a couple of days now.
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I have been pondering my own mortality for almost 50 years. And I try my best to be worthy of having lived, in case I die unexpectedly. That is what keeps me respecting life, and the state of being alive.
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Agreed on all points.
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I also remember a woman from Guyana who I liked and another woman who had a site called Love Over Religion. I don’t remember her name but she had written a book. You do wonder and there have been others too.
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It’s true that they can disappear from our radar as easily as they came onto it, but each leaves a little part of themselves with us and enriches our life in some small, or sometimes big way.
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A good man, a keen intellect and major loss to the World. You were a good friend to him Jill.
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He was all of that and I will miss him. I’ve kept hoping he would overcome the cancer and return any day with an “I’m BAAAACK”, but such is not to be. Sigh. I went back through my emails with him this afternoon and found at least two where he wrote, saying he hadn’t heard from me for a few days and asking if I was okay … that’s the kind of friend he was.
Cwtch
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