“If I Thought It Would Help …”

The lawman’s words at the end of the press conference were …

“If I thought it would help, I’d apologize.”

Rather like a spouse trying to end an argument saying, “Okay, fine, whatever it is you’re mad about, I’m sorry for whatever it is I did.”  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Or that old classic, “I’m sorry, but …”

Law enforcement of every stripe that showed up in Uvalde, Texas last Tuesday deserve no kudos, no thumbs-up, for they were cowards … to a man, they were cowards.  When you put on that badge, you are expected to do everything in your power to protect the citizens of your city/county/state, even if it means putting your own life at risk.  You are expected to be courageous.  The response by law enforcement to a shooter murdering children inside Robb Elementary School that day was reminiscent of Keystone Kops.  The bungling Toody and Muldoon of Car 54 Where Are You were one thousand times braver than the police in Uvalde that day.  And as a result, 19 children died … children!!!  Children who might have grown up to be president someday, who might have found a cure for cancer or saved lives in some other fashion.  But nope, because the cops spent well over an hour wringing their hands and debating what to do, those children have no future and their family’s hearts are broken.  The collective hearts of this nation are broken.

Since the spate of police killing unarmed Black men over the past decade or two, I’ve largely lost much of the respect I once had for officers of the law.  This week, I lost whatever small bit of respect remained.  They tell us to respect and honour our ‘men in blue’, but how can we when we know they are more concerned with their own safety than with that of our children?

Our ‘men in blue’ are oh-so-brave when facing an unarmed Black man, or an unarmed Black woman asleep in her bed, but when faced with a man with an assault weapon, they freeze, they wonder around scratching themselves saying, “Duh … whaddya think we ought ta do?” … while children are being murdered.  78 minutes.  It took 78 minutes from the time the murderer entered the school until law enforcement officers found the janitor with a key to the classroom, entered the classroom, and killed the gunman.  How many of the 21 people killed might have lived if it had taken them, say, 4 minutes instead of 78 to get off their arses?  How many of the 17 wounded might have come out unscathed?

Those cops have blood on their hands just as surely as the gunman.  Oh yes, folks, there is lots and lots of blood to go around … Ted Cruz, every Republican who has voted against gun legislation, Greg Abbott, Donald Trump … they all have blood on their hands, a stain that will never wash out.

This is the post I hoped never to write, but the facts are there, and even law enforcement isn’t denying them, even Governor Abbott has verified the facts.  Cowards all.  I hope that every single one of them lose their jobs and end up digging roadside ditches for the rest of their lives.  I hope their consciences keep them awake every single night for the rest of their pathetic lives. Vengeful?  Me?  Yes, indeed I am.  I am furious because a) that stupid 18-year-old child should never have had access to a gun, and b) the men and women we pay to protect us simply shrugged their shoulders and determined that their own lives had more value than the lives of the children and teachers in the school that day.

But the worst thing I have heard said amidst it all were the words of Texas Department of Public Safety Director Steve McGraw … “If I thought it would help, I’d apologize.”  What a slap in the face to every single one of us in this nation and especially the people of Uvalde.  No, asshole, your apology wouldn’t bring back the lives of those 19 children and two teachers, but it might go a long way to showing you are a human, that you at least give a rat’s ass about our kids!!!  But no, that was too much trouble for you, wasn’t it?  I wonder … if those children had not been mostly Hispanic, but had the same skin tone as Mr. McGraw if he might have felt differently?

56 thoughts on ““If I Thought It Would Help …”

  1. Thank you for sharing!!… there is a closed minded element in today’s society and have this mindset about guns (as well as religion, climate, etc.) and are desperate to prevent change.. what we can do is make our voices heard using today’s technology, letting the gun owners know they are on the wrong side of history… one may even be able to make subtle changes in the neighborhood, they did it during the frontier days, getting guns off the streets, schools, etc… 🙂

    Until we meet again..
    May love and laughter light your days,
    and warm your heart and home.
    May good and faithful friends be yours,
    wherever you may roam.
    May peace and plenty bless your world
    with joy that long endures.
    May all life’s passing seasons
    bring the best to you and yours!
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re right … I suppose that such an element has always existed — people who reject change, and who will desperately cling to their beliefs even once those beliefs have been disproven. Change is sometime frightening, even when it’s positive change. But we simply MUST make some changes … long overdue changes … in the way we view guns and gun ownership “rights”. Far too many people for far too long have stretched the definition of the 2nd Amendment, while at the same time rejecting the responsibilities that must, by definition, accompany all ‘rights’. It’s wearing this nation down, we are tired of so many things, including the gun violence, racism, wealth privilege, and more. But you’re right … we must not stop using our voices and whatever other resources we might have to try to educate and awaken those who cannot see clearly. Thanks, my friend, and your Irish Saying has already lightened my day!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It will take time but change will come, we must not quit… “Victory is not always winning the battle, but rising every time you fall” (Napoleon Bonaparte).. 🙂

        Until we meet again..
        May your day be touched
        by a bit of Irish luck,
        Brightened by a song
        in your heart,
        And warmed by the smiles
        of people you love.
        (Irish Saying)

        Liked by 2 people

        • Ah, but will those of us of a certain age still be here to see it? Methinks it’s unlikely. Still … I Rise!

          My day is brightened by such caring words from a dear friend … thank you, Dutch!


          • Perhaps we will not be here to see it, but we will leave this mortal world knowing we gave it our best shot to help make this world a better place.. “It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, the man who at best knows achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” ( Theodore Roosevelt ).. 🙂

            Until we meet again..
            May the love that you give
            Always return to you,
            That family and friends are many
            And always remain true,
            May your mind only know peace
            No suffering or strife,
            May your heart only know love and happiness
            On your journey through life.
            (Larry “Dutch” Woller)

            Liked by 1 person

  2. I can feel the raw anger from you Jill and all of your American friends.
    I would suggest, firstly you, each and everyone compile photos of the victims either by print or attachment (for e-mail) and send them to the various folk who have made pro-gun excuses in the light of the recent slaughters. Not just once, but persistently and encourage others of like mind to do so, and just keep on, and on and on. And if they try and block you one way (such as by e-mail). use another way. Just do not let them forget what they are responsible for.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I totally agree with you. every singleone of those 19 officers, as well as the fat ass chief who told them to stand down should be fired, lose their pensions and I’d even advocate for a bit of jail time as they were accessories to the murders of every one of those 19 hcildren. The teacher who propped open the door should be punished even more harshly as if it wasn’t for whoever the hell that was, this shit probably wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Andi if that was one of the two teachers who was killed, and i don’t know if it was, but if it was, then good, that jackass deserved to die.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wouldn’t say that whoever left the door open deserves to die, but I agree with the rest of what you say. I remember, though, being in school … many decades ago … and schools had heat, but no air-conditioning, so in warmer weather every window and door was kept open. The least of our worries was a gunman. Ah, the good ol’ days, eh?


      • Hello. The fact is that the teacher had already shut the door. She had blocked it open to carry in supplies from her car, and then shut the door. There is dispute whether the door lock was working or if there was another reason / place the shooter got in. But the door was not blocked open, and the teacher is innocent of the internet outrage against her. But she has received so many attacks online that she has had to hire legal representation. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I read that earlier this evening … the door was shut, but there is some dispute about whether the locking mechanism worked or not. Bottom line … WHY should our children have to be locked in to be safe??? I wasn’t EVER locked in to a classroom as a child! We didn’t have air-conditioning, so windows and doors were open in the summer and we did not have to worry about a madman with a gun. Why should our children have to? I am just so disgusted with this nation today … people are f*cking idiots!!! Sigh. Hugs

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Can’t even blame the police for their inaction, a number of conscionable officers broke rank and gave interviews admitting that they were cowards!
    A few of the officers standing around outside the school discussed whether to enter the school anyway, “There was almost a mutiny… we wanted to go in and save lives… but were directly ordered to stand down, it made no sense at all!”
    That Uvalde police chief, Arredondo, should be investigated why he gave that order, which was contrary to standard procedure outlined in their operations manual. When confronted with an active shooter, the priority is to disarm the perpetrator and control the situation. Well, they most certainly did not do that!
    Also, everything you need to know about the Republican stance on gun control, pitiful:

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This case still just, brings out the selfish nature in humans, how, in these cases of emergency, we look out only, for, our own next of kin, and, this is, truly bad, because, the next time another shooting like this happens, who’s not to say, that, these law enforcement officers, aren’t going to, save those who are, related, to, them first, but I guess, it’s only sound, that we save those who are, related to us, before we try to, save, others, from an, evolutionary, angle.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are so right, my friend. Talk is cheap … action means far more than words, and when action was required, this nation fell down on its promise. Human nature to protect our own first? Maybe, but in this case, there were some 36 students and 2 teachers who were relying on these police officers … the officers let them down … big time. And now, more than half are dead and we should hold the officers accountable. Sigh.


  6. I keep hearing it said that many officers went into the school during that 70+ minutes in order to rescue their own children. That being the case why am I not hearing that they also escorted many others to safety along with their kids?Hero Officers I would expect the headline to be.
    It’s sickning of cours to hear people suggest this was another false flag like they said of Sandy Hook.A deliberate fraud by the Government to gain sympathy for the Gun Reform movement using actors to play out these terrible scenes. That suggestion takes a really sick attitude and seriously maligns all the poor familys who lost people on both occasions.

    Liked by 5 people

    • I wonder if we will ever know precisely what transpired, but I think some officers did escort children from other classrooms outside to safety. But those children in the two conjoined classrooms where the shooter was were doomed. The cops could have broken windows to get in, they could have broken down the door, but instead they awaited orders, then went and asked the janitor for a key. Meanwhile … 19 children and two teachers were murdered. There were no heroes on that day.

      As you say, Columbine, Sandy Hook, Parkland, and now Uvalde. They stay in the headlines for a time, then fade away until the next one. Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist who said Sandy Hook was a ‘false flag’ operation and has since lost lawsuits by the parents of those children, actually did comment on Uvalde. He didn’t claim it was fake, but he did say he thought it was “opportune timing”. You’d think he would have learned a lesson, since he’s damn near bankrupt from having to pay for his prior perfidy.



      Liked by 2 people

  7. I just found a website that tracks gun violence in the States, not necessarily mass murders. It tells me there has been 368 events recorded in the past 72 hours, and counting. How many events are not reported, 1000? I do not understand. How can any sane person not be in favour of gun control?

    Liked by 4 people

    • There are a couple such websites, the one I usually use and have found reliable is the Gun Violence Archive (GVA). Remember, though, that an ‘event’ doesn’t necessarily mean a loss of life, and is not in and of itself a mass shooting. Like you, I don’t know how anybody … ANYBODY in their right mind could be comfortable with the gun situation in this nation, and the majority are not. The majority do support stricter laws, age restrictions, background checks, bans on assault weapons, etc., but the NRA is paying our lawmakers more than we are paying them, apparently.

      Liked by 3 people

    • From the Guardian

      Days after a massacre at an elementary school in Texas, the Memorial Day weekend in the US was marked by yet more mass shootings, at least 14 incidents total.
      Overall, gun violence over the weekend from 5am on Friday to early Tuesday saw 156 people dead and 412 injured.

      Among the mass shootings over the long weekend were six injured by gunfire at a high school graduation in Anniston, Alabama.
      The killing of three children under 10 and a woman dead at a private residence in Mecosta county, Michigan.

      Two women were shot in the head, both fatally, in Philadelphia’s Port Richmond, where a teenager also suffered a gunshot wound to the shoulder and a man was found shot a block away; he is listed in critical condition. The victims ranged in age from 14 to 21. Police said they had recovered 47 shell casings at the scene. It was the city’s second double homicide scene in two hours: earlier that day, a father and his nine-year-old son were shot inside their car in the city.

      On Saturday, six teenagers between the ages of 13 and 15 were injured by gunfire in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

      In Taft, Oklahoma, one person was killed and seven people were injured. The suspect, 26-year-old Skyler Buckner, turned himself in to authorities.

      A shooting at a party in Merced county, California, resulted in the death of one person and three others injured, including one listed as critical.

      On Monday, the gun violence included one man dead and six injured close to a liquor store in Benton Harbor, Michigan.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I had heard there were “at least” 11, but the number has increased to 14 now. I keep hearing about “America First” … well, we are “first” alright … FIRST in gun violence, mass shootings, gun deaths, and stupidity!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Your outrage is well placed Jill, and Rawgod and Brosephus add so much to the discussion. It strikes me that a big part of the ‘We need guns’ argument is that guns protect us from the bad guys. Was it the Other Guy who said “How do you stop a bad guy with a gun? Get a good guy with a gun.” Or something like that. So here we have a situation where a bad guy is murdering children and the ‘good’ guys, with guns are still cowards. And wasn’t there talk at some point about arming teachers? So they expect teachers to do what the trained law enforcement officers were unable to do.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Thank you, Anne. I felt horrible after seeing Brosephus’ comment, for I know he is a police officer and … I should not have painted them all with a broad brush as I did. My only defense is anger … I was beyond anger, seriously enraged at that moment. But yes, he and rawgod both made some excellent points. And, as rg just pointed out, there have now been at least 11 more mass shootings in this nation this weekend.

      We have a situation here whereby any Tom, Dick, or Harry can legally buy a gun, can buy as much ammunition as he wishes, and can carry gun and ammo around in public. Many states don’t even require a license anymore. The NRA has preached that “the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun” line of malarky until it sounds like the sick joke it is. Good guys, except police and military, don’t have guns, don’t want guns, and don’t need guns. I have survived nearly 71 years on this planet without ever owning or firing a gun, though I have twice had guns pointed at me. I used my wits and my mouth to stay alive. Sadly, I think too many people today don’t have much in the way of wits, so they think a gun is better. Oh yes, the Republican solution to the school shootings has long been to arm teachers. Until a few years ago when a teacher left his gun in his desk drawer while he stepped out into the hallway to speak to another teacher and one of the students got hold of the gun. Still, they are calling for armed teachers, for nearly a lockdown situation in schools, turning schools into veritable prisons, all to keep from having to pass gun legislation. Sigh.

      Liked by 2 people

    • It is tragic, and it begs so many questions. I hope this is the turning point, that citizens of this nation start to vote out those who are indebted to the NRA, but I’m not holding my breath. Sigh. xx

      Liked by 2 people

  9. The first thing I said, when I heard the truth, is that every cop there should be charged with murder for every child killed while they ran around outside like headless chickens, and attempted murder for every child wounded during that time. The problem is, will we ever know how many there were. It is possible the carnage was over by the time they got there, but I doubt that. Apparently they were hearing gun shots throughout that time.
    Was race a factor? Probably. Was fear a factor? We already know it was, some cops admitted to it. But debilitating fear? Why didn’t even one of them take it upon themselves to try to do something! Folliwing orrders? Orders like that should have been disobeyed.
    But I think what we are seeing hear is the disease afflicting almost every law enforcement agent in America right now. Such fear that they shoot to kill right off the bat, even if a peron is unarmed. Sure, it is easier to hit a person in the torso, but they do not have to aim to kill just because they are scared.
    In Uvalde cops failed to act. But all over the States, cops act with one thing in mind, murdering the person they are firing at. And that is just wrong in so many ways.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Sigh. You are quite right in all you say, my friend. There have been so many cases of ‘abuse of force’ or killing unarmed Black men with little or no provocation that many of us, myself included, tend to forget that saying in the song “a few bad apples don’t spoil the whole bunch”. You saw Brosephus’ comment … he is, I have no doubt, one good cop and had I been thinking clearly instead of letting emotion drive me, I would not have said all that I said. But Uvalde has torn our heartstrings and … sometimes emotion wins out over thought. There ARE bad cops, which is why I’ve long advocated for better training and screening in EVERY police department from Federal down to county. But there are also some good cops. Just as there are some doctors who I wouldn’t trust to clip my fingernails, there are also some brilliant ones who will treat patients who cannot pay, simply because they took an oath and they believe in preserving life.

      Liked by 3 people

  10. I completely understand your feelings and frustration, and I say this as a 15 year officer within DHS. I tried to stop listening to the reports out of Uvalde because I got angrier and sicker as more information came out.

    I’ve done active shooter training for years and volunteered to be part of our response team at work. I try to not think of the bad, but I know that I may have to place my life in danger to save others. I’m okay with that. It’s part of what I agree to every single day I put on my uniform and go to work. It’s my responsibility to stay recurrent with my training to keep myself alive so that I can protect others who don’t have that training.

    I’m not a super hero, nor am I a super soldier. I study these incidents to think of how I would have reacted or responded if I were there.

    Uvalde broke me. The officers there did nothing right other than evacuating the rest of the school. Aaron Salter in Buffalo gave his life trying to stop the racist shooter there. He went handgun against rifle without hesitation because he knew the seriousness of the situation. He didn’t cower in fear in a hallway waiting on backup. He took the fight to the shooter and gave his own life trying to save everyone around him.

    I’ve gotten good at holding back emotions over the years, but May 2022 has tested me harder than I’ve been tested before. I no longer take anything for granted because I know I could be like Mr. Salter one day.

    Hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend, and my apologies for dropping this on your post.

    Liked by 9 people

    • Someone needs to teach me to engage my brain before my mouth opens. Lo siento, Bro … I wasn’t thinking of your position, else I would not have said what I did. I DO respect you, the job you do, and I DO know there are good police officers in this nation. When I’m not running my mouth ranting, I often think of the brave officers who lost their lives trying to save others on 9/11. This month has been heart-wrenching, and I cannot imagine what it must be like for you and other officers who KNOW they would have acted with courage and done everything humanly possible to save those children. Just take care as best you can, my friend, and do NOT apologize for your comment … it was fine and far more gracious than I would have been, I think. Again, I am sorry to have gone on a tear about “all” police officers … I know better, but anger and a broken heart interfered with the connection between mouth and brain.

      I did have a good weekend and hope you did the same, Bro.

      Liked by 1 person

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