Who Died Today?

Posted on by under Bits 'n Pieces, History, Personal, Random, Social commentary

Y’know … times have changed since I was a child.  (No sarcastic remarks from the peanut gallery, please 😄)  I remember back in the day, my grandmother, who seemed beyond ancient to me at the time, but was younger then than I am now, would bring in her daily newspaper from the front porch and immediately open it to the obituary section to see if any of her friends had died in the past day or two.  She lived in a small suburban town where pretty much everybody knew everybody else, and she worked at the only grocery store in town, so she knew more about more people than most.  We used to laugh and make fun of her for her morning perusal of the obituaries with her first cup o’ coffee.

Fast forward 70 years … today most all of us have high-speed internet connections whereby we can get immediate breaking news updates as they happen, can send a message to a friend, co-worker or family member within seconds and receive a response within a few more seconds, and communications are almost instantaneous.  So … we should be much better informed than back in the 1950s when television was in its pre-pubescent stage, radio in its dying throes, and the daily newspaper our main source for news … right?  Right??? 

But … somewhere there is a disconnect.  I think that maybe we’ve become so OVER-informed that it has overwhelmed us and we aren’t paying attention to the things our grandmothers prioritized.  We are bombarded daily with news, political crappola, emails, videos, blogs, emails, Facebook posts, Twitter tweets, emails, and more that we are on sensory overload.  Being on sensory overload, being attuned 24/7 to what is happening thousands of miles away, perhaps we are missing what is happening right in our own backyard.

What, you ask, has led me to this bit of introspection?  Death.  No, not mine, silly!  A few weeks ago, I learned that a friend had died … in 2020.  How had I not noticed that she no longer commented on my blogs or my Facebook posts?  Why didn’t anybody post about her death?  Well, turns out they did, but … I was busy and didn’t notice the posts.  Her name was Sylvia Wright.  She was born and raised in Germany, married an American soldier and moved to the U.S.  She worked for the same publishing company I did, and we became friends.  I shall miss Sylvia, and I feel ashamed that … I didn’t even notice she was gone … for TWO YEARS!  But wait … it doesn’t end there!

This week, another friend, Carol, died.  This stunned me, because she was even younger than I … really kind of brings it home when you stop and think about it.  I found about Carol’s death because my daughter happened to see a post about it on Facebook (Carol’s daughter and mine are friends).  As I was searching for Carol’s obituary online, I came across one for … Homer … a family friend, more a friend of my daughter’s, but I do remember many fun times when she was dating Homer and he hung out at our house most of the time.  I remember the time I came home from work to find them making a mess in the kitchen … they were trying to mash potatoes, but without cooking the potatoes first!  (Obviously, I failed to teach my daughter basic culinary skills!)  Homer died back in August, four months ago.  When Chris came home from work, I asked her when she last heard from Homer, and she replied that it had “been a few months.”  And then …

Granddaughter Natasha piped up and said, “Oh, that reminds me … I was looking at something online the other day and I saw an obituary for Phil who used to babysit me when I was little … he died in 2020!”  Again, two years ago.  Phil worked with my daughter back when she used to manage a convenience store, and he often watched Natasha until I got off work in the evenings.  He taught her to fish and to play cards … he was a part of our lives.

Back in the day before “instant communications” via the Internet, we probably would have known of the deaths of all these people shortly after they happened.  Back then, people called people, and those people called other people, and by word-of-mouth, everyone knew when someone died.  Today, the information is put out on the internet with millions of other bytes of information, and … lost in the shuffle of all the other bytes of information.  If you go looking, you will find it, but … if you don’t, you may find out two years later that someone who was once a close friend has died. 

If a celebrity or political persona halfway across the globe sneezes, we are instantly made aware, but if someone in our own backyard dies, it passes beneath our radar.  Rather like that old saying, “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” 

I have a love/hate relationship with the Internet … there is much value in being able to stay in touch with friends & family, to be able to know the news almost “as it happens”, to be able to do my Christmas shopping without leaving the comfort of my home, and to make new friends through my blog.  But there is also a downside.  We are more isolated; we rely too heavily on information coming to us when perhaps we should be going in search of it.  We have lost something, I think, of what makes us … human.

37 thoughts on “Who Died Today?”

  1. Pingback: Who Died Today? – DAILY GRUMPS AD

  2. I agree Jill. We have lost more than just something since the digital information has come and taken over. There’s just TOO much out there, and that detracts and makes us miss things we should keep an eye on. I’m sorry about the loss of your friends. 😦 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so correct on this. It has pros and cons for sure. Two negative things for me, are it has so ingrained my brain with short quick reads, like an article, blog or meme, that I can no longer concentrate on reading a book. And I use to love to read. It’s like my brain has been rewired.
    And reading one little article about trump or one of the other idiots in his realm, can instantly raise my blood pressure. Yet I’m drawn to keeping up with the news and the latest stuff.
    The old “stop and smell the roses” is becoming harder to do and I feel we should all try to change back to that a little..life was simpler before and really more conducive to a better peace of mind. Maybe something we should all think about…

    As for death, I am close to so few people anymore, that distant deaths would be no more than a simple curiosity…the few close to me, I would know that day…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing!!.. sometimes we get so engrossed in following our dreams that we lose track of others, especially in today’s world, where people follow their dreams and are able to travel great distances and scatter to the winds, unlike generations past where folks stayed near home where they were born.. 🙂

    Hope you are having a pleasant holiday, your path is paved with happiness and until we meet again..
    May your day be touched
    by a bit of Irish luck,
    Brightened by a song
    in your heart,
    And warmed by the smiles
    of people you love.
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, or we simply let day-to-day living dominate out time and thoughts. We clutter our lives with too much ‘stuff’ I sometimes think.

      I hope you are enjoying the holidays also, my friend! And thank you for the Irish Saying that brings a smile.

      Like

  6. The only time I ever look at the obits, online of course, is when I hear someone I knew has died. Notice the past tense. I lost track of all my childhood friends long ago, mostly because I moved away. Until my present home I moved at least every 7 years, usually less. This started in 1965, and except for my years with my ex, I was always on the move.
    Once the internet became available I looked up some old friends, but those I found just weren’t interesting anymore.
    Is there something missing in me? Maybe. But there are very few people I want to connect with anymore. It’s not that I don’t like people, I do. It’s just that I am different now, and new friends interest me more than old friends.
    As internet friends go, you are probably my “oldest internet friend.” Funnily, you mean something to me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • No, nothing missing in you, my friend. We move on, our lives change, we drift apart or are sometimes torn apart by different ideologies. I can only remember one of the names of a childhood friend! But it is sad to lose touch of people I worked with for 15-20 years, ate lunch with, occasionally went out for dinner with, and all of a sudden, poof … they’re off the radar and half the time I don’t even notice. Sigh. Awwww … thank you, rg. You mean a lot to me, as well. LuL

      Like

  7. That really hit home for me Jill. My aunt and I have wondered for a few years about a cousin of mine who lived in Port Arthur, TX. I tried to find her through all the wonders of the internet, but had no way of knowing if she had even survived a hurricane they had there a few years ago. Tried writing but it came back as undeliverable. A couple of weeks ago my sister sent me a copy of her obituary, dated November, 2020, two years ago. It’s good to know finally, but at the same time, when my brother died in Colorado two years ago I was informed by email! That’s definitely no way to let someone know they have lost a brother, or even a cousin. My kids don’t call now, they text. My grandkids don’t even know how to talk to a person face to face. Some of the technology is great to have, but while face to face is best it would have helped me cope with my brother’s death if I had received a phone call.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It’s like a punch in the gut, isn’t it? I am REALLY sorry, though, that you had to learn of your brother’s death via email … I understand why that was so disturbing! Your BROTHER, for Pete’s sake!!! Somebody should have had the courtesy to visit you and let you know, or at the very least a personal phone call!!! Our society is becoming one that will forget how to communicate in person, I fear. Sigh. Hugs, dear Angie.

      Liked by 1 person

      • When my little brother found out he had cancer, he sent me a text, I remember I was standing in my kitchen when I got it. Maybe he just couldn’t actually talk at that moment without breaking down so it’s understandable. Then there was the year a relative sent me a birthday text, it just said ‘Happy BDay’ and I was like, what the hell is this? At least take the effort to write it out. I didn’t even respond to that silliness, it’s obvious there was really no effort involved in that communication. At least he or she spelled out happy so that’s something I suppose. Trying to look on the bright side, that’s not my strength though, especially these days.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I can imagine how you felt, but as you said, perhaps he really couldn’t talk about it just then, so I can kind of understand that. But, I am 100% with you on the “Happy BDay” one … I am so often annoyed by people who us UR instead of typing “you are” … it’s six letters, for Pete’s sake … have people gotten so lazy they have to communicate in abbreviations and acronyms? You’re right, my friend, it’s hard to stay on the bright side these days. Hang in there.

          Like

      • I guess when we are scattered all over the country it’s easier for someone to write one email than to make several calls, but as close and Steve and I were they should have known to pick up the phone. Almost heard about a cousin who died this morning by email as well, but my aunt called me before I checked the email. I’m so glad she did because I don’t check email every day and wouldn’t have kown for a few days if I had to depend on opening the laptop. Thank God it is working again anyway.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Sigh … yeah, I see your point. Still, the personal touch means so much. Oh my … I’m sorry to hear you’ve had yet another loss! I’m very glad at least you got a phone call instead of a text or email, though. How are you doing these days, my friend? Love you. ❤

          Like

  8. Jill, I am sorry for the losses of your friends and acquaintances. You are so right about finding out trivial matters quickly, while important matters are revealed slowly. Remember, it took us a long while to realize Hugh had passed. Take care and remember these folks well. Keith

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Keith. Yes, I well remember it was a while before we found out about Hugh’s death, and we might still not know today had it not been for Lisa letting us know. I wonder how many other of our blogging friends have died and we just assume they got bored with our blogs? I will, my friend … and thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I had a blogging friend Larry who passed away after I had to postpone a trip to take care of my mother. His wife posted his passing on his blog. He was an interesting person with well-thought out opinions and a hobby of making artistic cutting boards. I love that his wife did that as it let us all know. Keith

        Liked by 1 person

        • That was really kind of her to let his blogging friends know! I imagine that if I die suddenly, David will let everyone know, and then you and others can spread the word. We should all designate someone to put the word out so people aren’t just left to wonder.

          Liked by 1 person

  12. I’d noticed Sylvia missing, too, and went looking for her. I do this frequently when someone who often comments or visits is suddenly absent. I know so little about them, yet I attach importance to their existence. I worry about them and check their blogs for clues, or search for them on social media. Sometimes they have a pet mentioned in their posts, and now the pet is no longer included…

    And I do the same around the neighborhood. Where is old Mr Ed? Is he still alive in another city or state? I never knew his last name but we talked almost every day as we encountered one another while walking, a casual friendship which we both enjoyed. What happened to the black cat that’s usually eyeing me as I walk by? Where is the little barking dog?

    I have found, though, that I can hear about celebrity deaths and then forget whether they died. But not the people who I really know. The net adds an interesting dimension to our lives.

    Intriguing post. Hugs and cheers to you. M

    Liked by 2 people

    • I didn’t know you knew Sylvia! Cool … another connection. It’s funny, but blogging friends drop off our radar and typically I assume that they either got bored with my blog or were offended by something I wrote (not, mind you, that I would EVER write anything controversial!) But we don’t know if some of those who dropped off our radar have died, moved to Siberia, or what? I did have two blogging friends, Suzanne and Hugh, who I know died in the past year, but I only knew because their families got in touch we me, David, and Keith and let us know, otherwise I’d still wonder whenever I thought of them. And yeah … even the local critters … I used to commune daily with several bumblebees when watering flowers in the summer mornings, but the last two years, only one has come to chat with me. And there are fewer squirrels partaking of the peanuts I put out every morning. Sigh.

      Celebrity deaths usually don’t much phase me, unless it is someone for whom I had respect outside of their celebrity role.

      Thanks, Michael! Hugs and cheers to you, dear friend!

      Liked by 2 people

  13. I have always said that, though mediums like texting and email are good and convenient for the most part, they hav taken away some of our vulnerability, or we have allowed them to do so. One of the disadvantages of digital communication is that it lacks the inherent body language that comes as an aspect of the default verbal communication in which we engage, and though I am totally blind and miss this aspect of it, I don’t miss things like inflection, tone of voice, pauses between the words and all of those other very subtle attributes which are an inherent part of the way that we used to communicate before the internet.
    Having to physically speak your truth to someone demands a particular human vulnerability that we just don’t have from behind a keyboard or smart phone and it’s in those moments of vulnerability where we are most human.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, there is both a positive and a negative side to technology, just like anything else. Does the convenience outweigh the loss of personal connection? You’re right … the Internet and social media have taken away some of our vulnerability and perhaps some of our humanity as well. You mention your blindness … I have long been friends with another who is also blind … we used to work together. I found that he usually was able to ‘see’ through a third person’s b.s. better than I could, because he was so attuned to those things like inflection and tone of voice. But on the internet, it’s all the same. I was with my daughter in her car not long ago when her automated computer thing-a-ma-jig read off a text message she had received. No inflection, no emotion, it was simply a computer saying the letters that comprised the words. Perhaps that is the world we’re moving toward. I enjoy the convenience technology gives us, but I admit I am sad over the loss of human contact.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.