A Guest Post by My Friend Herb …

A little over a year ago, I asked my friend Herb to contribute to this blog on occasion.  At the time, although he considered it fleetingly, he had some things going on in his own life and ultimately declined.  Now he is giving it a second thought, and today I would like to share a piece he wrote back in September of 2014.  Herb is an anthropologist and far less political-minded than me, so he brings a different perspective, which I see as a plus.  He is less a politico, but a far better observer of human nature than I. And he injects humour into his writing far better than I.  Although he gave me permission to edit his words, I made no changes.  Please take a few minutes to read Herb’s work and help me talk him into joining the WordPress community!


More musings on the state of American Culture from the kitchen counter of an Armchair Anthropologistby Herb Brown – 13 September 2014armchair-2.jpg“WE NO POLK, WE NO POLK”, the Chinese dude hostilely barked. Not only did this Chinese restaurant not sell sweet and sour pork, pretty much a staple of Chinese restaurants everywhere, this guy wanted nothing to do with swine flesh of any sort. He resented the fact that I would dare ask for it and was letting me know. ‘Hmmm, Muslim thing?’, I wondered to myself, noticing a star and crescent flag standing near a kitchen counter back near the woks. I perused the menu some more noticing there was no pork of any kind on the menu. I finally ordered some Hunan Beef, extra spicy. Probably be cat, but I don’t care, long as they spice it up enough. The Chinese guy kinda let out a faint grin, nodded, and bellowed out something in Chinese, I assume, to his kitchen staff, “他媽的愚蠢的美國人毒死他”, but he could have been yelling at me with his back turned. Not sure if it was just my order, or something personal. I’ll never know.

 

Now, I really don’t give a rat’s ass if people worship Mohammed, Jesus, Buddha or a freaking golden calf statue. As long as they’re nice. And I certainly don’t give a damn what people will or will not eat because of their religious beliefs. So sorghum based food is the work of Satan? Fine! I’m okay with that! Really! I can certainly understand your not wanting to be turned into a pillar of salt or whatever. But if you own a restaurant…..just sayin’….

But we’ve got a real problem on our hands these days, my dear listeners, all three of you. The world has of late taken a left turn straight to hell in a major way, and the United States seems to be directing traffic…right toward us!

Which brings me to ISIS. Where the F did these guys come from? A couple of months ago nobody’s ever heard of them, and all of a sudden they’re trying to take over the world, beheading innocents left and right and promising to rid the world of infidels (that would be us, my humble pupils). I just don’t get it.

President “I bet they’re really scared now” Obama gave a speech the other night stating, “we will degrade, and ultimately destroy ISIS through a comprehensive and sustained counter-terrorism strategy” (whatever the F that is) and “This is a core principle of my presidency: If you threaten America, you will find no safe haven.” (except maybe in certain Chinese restaurants that don’t have sweet and sour pork…pssst, they’re there Mr. President)

So I guess we are now in the 10th Crusade. Yes, there have been at least nine so far, depending on who’s counting. These Christian versus Muslim wars have been erupting every so often since the middle ages, the first in the year 1095, folks, and apparently we ain’t done yet…cause the first nine just didn’t take.

And we no longer have chivalrous knights with cool names like Godfrey of Bouillon, Joan of Arc, Richard the Lionheart, or John the Fearless to lead this latest phase of the ongoing struggle between good (us) and evil (everyone else). They used to make saints out of such folk back in good old medieval times. They’re all gone now.

We have a fine military, granted, with many brave men and women who will happily smite the scimitar-swinging dark forces if given the go-ahead…without political protocol and “good manners” style warfare rules getting in the way. Just let’em go in and kick ass is what I say.

I’m just not sure we have the right kind of ruthless leaders we need in charge of our gallant crusaders. We could really use a Ghengis Khan or a Vlad the Impaler or even a Sauron type as Generalissimo in these troubled times. Screw the “oh let’s talk about this” diplomacy crap. We’re past that. These are barbaric heathens that smoke opium and cut off people’s heads…for fun! They’re not gonna join hands and sing “Kumbaya”!

We really need to take off the kid gloves. If they cut off one head of ours, we cut off a thousand of theirs. 1000 to 1 ratio. Simple math. Game over.

Gonna eat my Hunan Cat now, extra spicy…