Filosofa’s Look Into The Present …

Yesterday I was riffling through some older posts, in search of the first post of my Monday morning, Jolly Monday, feature, which I never did find, but I came across an interesting post that I wrote in March 2016.  It was meant to be humorous, and was, in a dark sort of way … a predictive piece about what a Trump presidency would look like after the first six months.  Remember that at the time, I was sincerely convinced that Trump stood absolutely no chance of winning the election, so it was a bit easier then to be rather glib than it is today.  But still, there is some humour in it, and most importantly, it is somewhat of a comfort to see that at least some of my predictions did not come to pass.  At any rate, I thought I would share this today … if for no other reason than a chuckle or two, and to give you further reason to never trust my predictive skills.

DATELINE: 15 JULY 2017

It is July 2017, and President Donald Trump has been in office for six months now.  Much has changed since the beginning of the year.  Let us first look back at the past six months, then we will look at what is happening in the big Gold House today.
The immigration crisis in the U.S. has reversed itself and turned from a problem of immigration to one of mass emigration.  Whereas one year ago, we were mostly concerned with Syrian refugees flooding the country, the concern now is U.S. citizens trying to flee the country.  Some 250,000 fled over the U.S./Canadian border during the first quarter of 2017.  Canada closed its border to U.S. citizens at the end of March, and the latest wave of emigrants have been heading over the Mexican border or attempting the 90-mile journey to Cuba in yachts and other small pleasure craft.  So far there have been few mishaps, however as more and more people try to leave U.S. territory, that is likely to change soon.  A small number have fled to the European continent; however, the EU has made it clear that immigrants from the U.S. are persona non grata.  EU President Jean-Claude Juncker, in his statement last Friday, said, “Americans made their beds last November.  Let them wallow in them.”  Meanwhile, President Trump has issued an executive order stating that any U.S. citizen caught trying to leave the country will be imprisoned for a minimum of 90 days and subject to waterboarding during that time.  This is a reversal of the statement that Trump issued in February when the emigration began and he reportedly said, “I don’t give a shit.  Let them all go.  I don’t need them and they are the ones who will be sorry.  They will be sorry.”
President Trump and Vice President Palin recently returned from a trip to Russia where they met with Vladimir Putin and other Russian officials.  Trump pledged military aid to Russia for its effort to gain control over remaining Ukrainian and other territories.  “We’re gonna send them planes and bombs … lots of bombs … lots of bombs”, Trump told reporters yesterday.  Ms. Palin, asked what she felt was accomplished by the trip, answered “Oh MY … I did sooooo much shopping!  I got the most adorable little bolero!”
Trump News, formerly Fox News, is reporting that the senate failed to confirm Trumps nomination of Judith Sheindlin (aka Judge Judy) to fill the current opening on the Supreme Court.  Trump ordered the senate to reconsider the matter and take another vote on Monday, stating that if the confirmation is not forthcoming, he will “fire all the senators who voted against the nomination”.  Informed by aides that he does not have the power to fire senators, he responded “I will pass a law.  I will pass a law so that I can fire senators.  I will pass a law.”  Informed that he does not have the power to single-handedly pass a law, he fired the aides.
President Trump has announced that he will not attend the Global United Nations Climate Change Conference to be held in Johannesburg, South Africa in November.  “Climate change is all a hoax.  It’s all a hoax and those people are boring.  I like people who want to have fun.  All those people do is sit around and talk about a myth.  Climate change is a myth.  We’re gonna take the oil and we’re gonna burn the oil and we’re gonna burn the coal.  I like to spend my time with people who are fun.  Those people aren’t fun.”  In an interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo, Trump replied to the question of how he plans to ‘take the oil’: “We’re gonna take the oil, okay?  We’re gonna take the oil.  They are gonna give us the oil just so we don’t bomb the [bleep] out of them.”
Which brings us to today’s news.  Kim Jong-Un, Supreme Leader of the DPRK (North Korea) issued a warning that if all sanctions against North Korea are not lifted by the end of this month, he will launch missiles armed with nuclear warheads at the United States and other western nations.  President Trump responded by saying “we will bomb him first.  I’ve got a nuclear arsenal at my disposal and I will use it.  I will bomb all of Korea off the map.  I will bomb the shit out of them.  Bring me that red phone.  Where is that red phone?  I will bomb them now!”  An anonymous source within the White Gold House tells us that the red phone could not be found and that the president has ordered a new one to be delivered tomorrow. Defense Secretary Chris Christie was fired for apparently losing the red phone.  The world stands at the brink of all-out war, a brink as we have not seen since the Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962.  We can only hope that this is resolved without disaster, as was the Cuban Missile Crisis.  President Trump is no Kennedy.
I really started out with the intention of this being a humorous piece, but every time I read it, it seems less funny.  I considered not even posting it, but I will and let the chips fall where they may.  Feel free to remind me that humour is supposed to be funny.  I apparently forgot how to do funny. 
And the comments at the time:
  • “The six scariest words I have heard in some time, ‘President Trump and Vice President Palin’.”
  • “Yes, there is such a thing as dark humor…”
  • “It is funny, in a weird and twisted way… 😉 Funny, but also sad. Well, if you need to emigrate, I will vouch for you… and tell the EU administration that you definitely have not voted for Trump! 😉”

 

Happy Jolly Monday — 18 Months!!!

Good morning, dear friends, and welcome to Monday!  Since I started this feature 18 months ago, a number of readers have told me that they now look forward to Monday mornings!  You guys will never realize how wonderfully happy that makes me!  To be able to bring a smile to somebody’s face, to make someone laugh … is such a blessing, such an honour, and one that I do not take lightly.  I think that without the wonderful friends I have made through this blog, the interaction we share, I might have given up writing this at some point, but you all make it so much fun that I feel like I am among family when I’m with you!  So, before I cry, let us grab a cup of java, a munchie, and find some fun things to laugh about!


The other day I was chatting with my dear friend David from ‘cross the pond, and he told me that there is a town on the Welsh-English border, the town of Chester, where it is actually legal to shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow if said Welshman is foolish enough to still be in town after dusk.  Thinking that David was pulling my leg, I had to look this up for myself, and LO AND BEHOLD … it is the truth, though accounts vary as to whether the criteria is after dusk or after midnight.  And this, of course, led my mind down the path of other laws that seem rather strange today, but must have served some purpose at one time or another.

In addition to it being legal to shoot a Welshman with bow and arrows in Chester, England, it is legal to shoot a Scotsman with bow and arrow except on Sundays anywhere in the UK, I think. It is illegal in the UK to ‘handle a salmon in suspicious circumstances’, though I cannot imagine what those circumstances might be.  And the one that miffs me just a bit:  All land must be left to the eldest son.  HEY NOW!!!  It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour and also against the law to die there.  (Ma’am, please step outside to have that heart attack)

And in other places ‘round the world …

In Madrid, Spain, between the times of 3:29 PM and 6:47 PM, people cannot ask one another what time it is. The irony of somebody asking what time it is to avoid not breaking a rule of asking what time it is … ironic.

In Sweden, it is illegal for a woman to marry a tree, against the law for a parent to shame their child, but it is legal to sue yourself.  Sue yourself???  Can anybody think of a situation where that would make any sense?

France has one that says it is illegal to drink any alcohol at work, except wine, beer, cider, pear cider and a fermented honey drink called hydromel.  Also in France, it is against the law to name a pig, “Napoleon” or to marry a dead person.

The Swiss guard their Sundays, it would seem, for it is against the law to hang clothes to dry, mow the lawn or wash the car on Sundays.  But here’s the one that really got me … it is against the law to flush your toilet after 10:00 p.m.

Most Canadian laws actually make sense, but a few were rather humorous.  It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them (I guess you can kill them in other manners?), and also to show public affection on Sunday.

And some of the absolute strangest laws, not surprisingly, are found in the United States (surprised, aren’t you?) There are so many I could write a short book, but here are a few that caught my eye:

  • In Pennsylvania, any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue. It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors, and you also may not catch fish with your hands.
  • In North Carolina, it is against the law to sing off-key, to plow cotton fields with an elephant, and it is a felony to steal more than $1,000 of grease!
  • If you stop for a beer in North Dakota, you will not be getting any pretzels, for there is a law against serving beer & pretzels together, and … it is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
  • California bans women from driving in a housecoat, and bans animals from mating within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. It is also illegal for a dog to chase either a bear or a bobcat.
  • In Florida, it is against the law to sell your children. Unmarried women are forbidden from parachuting on Sunday, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit, and men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

I could go on and on, but I should save some for another day!  One thing of note is that almost every state I looked at has certain laws regulating who is allowed to engage in sex, under what conditions and in what manner they may do so.  Unenforceable laws, and I cannot help but wonder why these were ever considered a good idea?  Ah well … the mind boggles …

If any of you know of others, please do share them!

Disclaimer:  I did not do much verification, so it is entirely possible that some of these laws have been repealed by now.


Winter is coming along soon, and it is time to start thinking about sweaters.  I found a great deal (yuk, yuk, yuk) to help you keep those arms nice and warm this winter.

sleeves

That’s right, folks … it’s the exclusive Calvin Klein ‘sleeves only’ sweater, and what a steal at only $1,650!  Better hurry and order now, though, for they might be sold out by next week! In fact, I understand that it is already a sell-out on Canada-based online retailer Ssense.


dog-tux

See the picture … the cute doggie in the tuxedo, looking as if he wished he were almost anywhere else?  Well, that itty-bitty tuxedo cost his human her job.  Yep … Kristi Lyn Goss of Garland County, Arkansas,  somehow couldn’t resist buying that tux for the unnamed pup … only trouble was, she made the purchase on her government issued county credit card which was for work-related purchases.  Oh, and did I mention that she also purchased nearly $1,000 worth of Arkansas Razorbacks tickets, a diamond bracelet, clothing, school lunches for her children, and pet insurance in addition to the tux?

Needless to say, Kristi (age 44 and old enough to know better) is no longer employed with the Garland County Court, and is facing up to 10 years in prison.  And the pup would have been happier without the tux anyway!


Now that we’ve seen some funny laws, how about some funny signs?

sign-7


And now, dear friends, you have your work and I have mine, but we will meet back here soon enough.  I hope you found something to bring a smile to your gorgeous faces today and … please do remember to share those smiles with others you meet along the way today!  Love and hugs …

toon-1toon-2toon-3toon-4

 

 

 

 

Monday Again … Already??? Jolly!!!

Good Jolly Monday morning, all my dear friends!  I hope this day finds you safe, well and happy.  So tell me … how was your weekend?  Other than a grandson almost being shot, and a dear friend spending some time in jail (totally un-related incidents!), my weekend was fine.  Daughter Chris performed in a pipes and drums band competition in Indiana on Saturday, where her band took first place for best drum corps, best midsection, and best band for their grade!

Since last Monday was a holiday, last week was a short work week, so this week may seem a bit longer than usual to you.  So, sit back and let us share a cup of java, a bit of something sweet and a few things to smile about, okay?


Hide ‘N Seek …

Did you ever play ‘hide ‘n seek’ as a child?  Of course you did … every kid did.  I remember one time, around the age of 5-6, when a group of children (cousins, as it were) took me, the city kid, into the woods and told me to count to 100, then come find them, that they would be hiding behind trees.  Well, first of all, I didn’t know how to count to 100, and second, they went home, laughing uproariously, I’m sure.  Eventually, the ‘grown-ups’ dragged themselves away from their entertainment long enough to realize that some small bespectacled creature was missing and I was found, but I never much cared for hiding nor seeking after that.

In the northern Italy village of Consonno, last Friday marked the 8th annual Nascondino World Championships, a weekend-long romp that bills itself as “the only hide and seek international competition.” This year, 80 teams of five people each have signed up, and they come from 11 different countries, including the U.S., Japan, and Australia.

There are official rules for this competition:

“The hide and seek arena is split into five sections, and one member from each team must hide in each section. While the seekers (a ‘neutral’ team who have been “selected for their athleticism, visibility and sportsmanship”, according to organizers) count for one minute, players find a secluded spot among the obstacles set out, and then have to make it back to the ‘base’ before the seekers catch them.”The Local It

hide-seek.jpgTop prize for the winning team is called the Golden Fig Leaf.  At first I was scratching my head over this one, but then it began to make sense … a fig leaf, in mythological terms, hides a … um … certain part of the anatomy and there may be some who … err … seek to find what is ‘neath the fig leaf.  ‘Nuff said.

hide-seek-2.jpgSounds like great fun and a less terrifying experience than being left to die in the woods!


Butter Art …

I’d like you to think about butter for a minute.  What does your butter look like when you buy it?  Most people buy a pound of butter that has been precut into four, quarter-pound sticks, each individually wrapped in waxy paper.  I buy a one-pound block, uncut, as it saves me about $0.50 and I am cheap … err, frugal.  But back in the day …

Women farmers often took charge of making and selling butter while their husbands worked out in the fields, and some distinguished their wares by using pre-made molds to press patterns into them: flower, shapes, or their own brand names. One such farmer’s wife, Caroline Shawk Brooks, took ‘butter art’ to a whole new dimension, eventually becoming famous for her butter sculptures. She carved butter into animals, shells, and faces rather than simply using a mold.

butter-1.jpgFor the 1876 Centennial Exposition, in Philadelphia. Lucy Webb Hayes, the future first lady and a big fan of Brooks, commissioned her to carve a Dreaming Iolanthe for the Women’s Pavilion.

butter-2I am guessing one did not scrape off small amounts to put on one’s bagel or potato?  And I would be curious to know just how many pounds of butter went into this one. Anyway, butter-sculpting, for some reason that is beyond my comprehension, is still around today, mostly at such things as state fairs.  Take a look at a few …

Rather a waste of a food source, but then again … people don’t need to eat so much butter anyway!


A Fish for a Night …

Do you get lonely when you stay in hotels?  I don’t, because I am almost always with somebody, and even if I weren’t, I travel with a mini-library.  But a number of my friends are sales representatives who travel frequently and alone, so I imagine they sometimes long for a bit of companionship.

Well, a hotel in Belgium, Hotel Charleroi Airport, offers companionship to brighten those lonely nights.  No no no … it is not what you are thinking! It is … fish!  For only 3.50 euros ($4.17 USD) per night, guests can rent a fish to keep them company.

“We started a few years ago. The idea was to surprise our guests, as we always try to do,” said hotel manager David Dillen. “It’s brilliant to see how people react to it. They smile, they take pictures to put on social media. We rent a few fish per week.”

rent-a-fish


Raised Eyebrows …

Yes, eyebrows … except, not really.  Some lady named Huda Kattan who, I am told, is famous for her beauty, decided she wanted McDonald’s arches for her eyebrows.

eyebrows-1.jpgI try very hard not to criticize the variety of ways in which people ‘decorate’ their bodies … to each his own, live and let live, etc.  My daughter, back in her college days, had multiple lip and nose piercings, and I learned to keep my mouth shut.  It did, however, send me in search of other … err … ‘different’ eyebrow shapes …

Well, enough of that … I shall leave mine alone, for I have better things to do with my time.


Pigeon shoes …

pigeon-shoesJapanese shoemaker Kyoto Ohata walks through areas where there are many pigeons, and being possessed of a kind heart, she always felt a bit badly when the pigeons scattered in fear as she walked down the sidewalk, presumably in stilettos.  So, she designed these ‘pigeon-friendly’ shoes to ‘disguise her human presence’.  Must be working … those pigeons don’t look to be scared. I applaud her compassion for the birds, but I must say that as a fashion statement … um, no.


How about a short joke to wrap things up?

A woman was being tried for the murder of her third husband.

The prosecutor asked, “What happened to your first husband?”

“He died of mushroom poisoning.” said the wife.

“How about your second husband?” asked the prosecutor.

“He died of mushroom poisoning, too,” said the woman.

“Well, then,” pressed the prosecutor, “what about your third husband?”

The wife replied, “He died of a brain concussion.”

“A concussion?” The prosecutor asked “why did that happen?”

The wife paused and then said, “because he wouldn’t eat the mushrooms!”

And on that note, I hope I’ve brought a smile or even a chuckle to your beautiful faces this morning.  It’s always better to start the new week with a smile than a frown, yes?  Now go out there and show the world what you are made of … and don’t forget to share that wonderful smile with a few others today.  Hugs and good thoughts to all our friends in the path of, or dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Irma.

toon-1'Thanks, but my homework is a little beyond your skill set, Mom.'

 

It’s a Jolly Labour Day Monday!!!

And just what does that mean, you ask?  Well ask no more!  It means that those of you who usually have to hurry off to work, get to stay home today.  It means that some people will be grilling outdoors, others will venture forth to the zoo, amusement park, or aquarium, or to spend the day with friends and families.  And it means that some will spend it absorbing beer and thus have a not-so-jolly Tuesday, but that is their problem.  I don’t do Jolly Tuesdays!  And sadly, for all my friends across the pond, it is just another Monday.  Sorry, guys … but you had yours in May, and anyway, you get all those banking holidays.  We grilled out yesterday on our ancient Weber kettle grill (charcoal, not gas) with the bottom half rusted out.

So, to all my friends here in the WordPress world, Have a Happy and Safe Labour Day, and if you don’t read this until tomorrow, then have a Jolly Tuesday after all!  Since dear Steve B. was miffed over the lack of a treat last Monday, I got up early this morning and baked just for him …


Bees, bees, bees … 🐝

bees-toonLet me start by saying that I like bees.  I understand, as best a non-science lay person can, the important role bees play in our survival on this planet.  I talk to the bees when I water my flowers each morning.  I like bees.  But these two stories are just … no no no no no no no … NO!

Emily Mueller is pregnant with her fourth child, and is a full-time beekeeper.  Something made Emily want to have a photo shoot marking this memory of her pregnancy with her love of bees, and here are the results …

Bees-1.jpgHer best friend Kendrah Damis captured the images and was amazed when she heard her photos had been viewed more than 2 million times on social media! They say she was covered in 20,000 bees, but I have no idea how they know that, as I am fairly certain nobody actually counted! Mueller reports that she was stung only three times during the shoot when she unknowingly sat on a bee and accidentally crushed bees on her lip and arm. “None of the bees intentionally stung me. It was my own fault. I didn’t realize there was one on my arm.”

And then there was this …

A Canadian beekeeper set a Guinness World Record by wearing a “beard” of live bees for more than an hour.

Juan Carlos Noguez Ortiz let thousands of bees rest on his face for 61 minutes Wednesday at Yonge-Dundas Square in Toronto, for the record-breaking performance to promote the release of the horror film Blood Honey.

bees-2.jpgOrtiz is an employee at Dickey Bee Honey Farm in Cookstown, which provided the bees for the skin crawling stunt. “We brought 100,000 bees with us, so there are more bees with us today than ever. But we brought the gentle ones so that is very important when we are doing bearding,” said master bee keeper, Peter Dickey.

Ortiz had only practiced the stunt twice before, but wanted to show that bees aren’t quite as terrifying as they might appear in the film he was promoting. “I wanted to show people that they don’t have to be scared of the bees,” he said.

bees-endAs I said … I like bees, but … no, I will not be doing a photo shoot of me covered in bees, so don’t wait for it.


Oh please wear your pants …

Pennsylvania seems to be the start of some really odd things … that is where my friend H resides, so need I say more?  But this one dropped my jaw.

Thousands to cycle nude for annual Philly Naked Bike Ride

Turns out that September 9th is the date of the annual Philly Naked Bike Ride.  Who knew?  Better question … WHY?  The stated mission is “to celebrate body positivity, cycling advocacy and fuel conscious consumption. The ride also aims to desexualize nudity.” Ummm … okay.  Personally, as a lover of animals, I find the human body to be among the, shall we say, less attractive species … I always thought it was a trade-off for that supposedly larger brain. I also always thought we would look better with fur.

nude-bike-3And as if all that weren’t bad enough, H, a master hiker of the Appalachian Trail, tells me that there is a “Nude Hiking Day”.  That happens, my research shows, on June 21st each year.  This year, Colorado officials warned that rangers would be on the look out and ready to issue tickets to any found in an au natural state.

nude-hikeAgain, as I said about the bee stories … NO … just NO!


And at this point I see that Jolly Monday is turning into Weird Monday.  Let me change directions here … ahem …


A criminal on the bridge …

How about this tweet from the California Highway Patrol (CHiP) …

deer-on-bridgeAnd the caption that made it all just perfect read …

“This morning our officers stopped a doe for toll evasion, on the Bay Bridge. She said she usually pays it, but today she was a buck short.”


A share of the castle …

Who hasn’t dreamed of owning a castle in Europe, right?  Well, if you have €50 lying around to spare, you can now own (part of) a castle!  It would be the castle of Saint-Vincent-le-Paluel, a 15th-century chateau in Dordogne, France, best known for being torched by the Nazis during World War II, and for one memorable film appearance, in the 1968 comedy Le Tatoué.

castle

“Adopte un Château,” a group dedicated to restoring the 30,000 abandoned and damaged castles in France, has started a crowdfunding campaign in which for €50, donors receive a share in the building, and help to dictate its future.

It isn’t a sure thing: the castle is going up for auction on September 21st. By that point, the fund raisers will have to have drummed up enough money to outbid any other potential buyers. According to the Local, 400 people have bought into the scheme so far, raising around €30,000. The starting bid is €250,000, so they have a bit of a ways to go.

castle-2Let’s see … that would be about 4,400 more shares, convert eur to usd … ONLY $260,920 USD … I will write a check tomorrow!  Um … where’s that checkbook now … ???


And speaking of France …

You’ve all heard of the infamous French Underground, right?  Well, underground in Paris refers to the 150 miles of secret tunnels that snake around the city: the ancient Mines of Paris network. Tourists can visit one piece of one portion of it—Les Catacombes de Paris, ossuaries that hold the broken up remains of some two million people – dead people, that is.

Last week, in the wee hours of August 29th, thieves struck in the tunnels under Paris!  What did they take?  No, not mummified, or rather ossified remains.  No, not rocks and no, before you guess it, they did not find gold hidden by the Nazis.  They were after … WINE!  More than more than 300 bottles of vintage wine, as it happens.  HUGH!!!  Where were you on the morning of August 29th???

catacombs

Catacombs

The thieves stole the wine from the cellar of a high-end apartment building close to the leafy Jardin du Luxembourg. Detectives believe they drilled in through the limestone wall of the catacombs.


Well, friends, that about wraps it up for another Monday.  I hope that whatever you do with your Labour Day holiday you have a great time and a safe time.  No, Joe, I will NOT be doing a ‘Jolly Tuesday” piece for your return to work tomorrow.  This is it.  Remember, while you are enjoying your day, to keep that smile on your face … you might be surprised how much difference it makes!

 

cartoon-3 cartoon-5cartoon-1

cartoon-4

 

Monday … Again … YAYYYYYYY!!!

Yawn … stretch … yawn … it is Monday morning and …

back to sleep.jpg

NONONONONO … we must not do that!  It’s time to …

♫ Wake up, wake up you sleepy head

Get up, get up get out of bed  ♪

Cheer up, cheer up the sun is red

♫ Live, love, laugh and be happy

 from When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin’ Along by Al Jolson, rather poorly sung by the ancient Filosofa

So now that my singing has not only awakened you, but most likely sent you into paroxysms of either laughter or nausea, let us find some things to laugh, chuckle, or at least grin about on this fine almost-autumn Monday morn, shall we?


Sing it loud … just not in Denmark …

I love seeing street artists and musicians.  Even if they aren’t very good, it’s still fun to see people having a good time and doing their own thing without worrying about what other people will think.  But in Denmark, at least in the town of Aalborg, there are standards to be upheld.  Last week, a young guitarist set up shop outside a convenience store and began to play Wonderwall, a song initially sung by Liam Gallagher of British rock band Oasis.

street performer.jpgApparently he wasn’t pleasing to the ears of the local police who quickly sent him packing, “He certainly did not sound like Liam Gallagher,” police said. He was told by the officer to go home to practice, and given a final word of advice: “Just because you can play Wonderwall does not mean you should.” Awwwwww …. how mean!


A Final Touchdown …

56-year-old Jeffrey Riegel died last week.  Riegel had been a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles football team all his life and had been a season ticket holder for more than 30 years.  Still, he was disappointed that in his lifetime he had never seen them win a Super Bowl. Sometimes his wife, Donna, suggested that he follow a different team, but he always refused, saying, “I just can’t”.

Mr. Riegel did not lack a sense of humour, and in his obituary he requested “to have 8 Philadelphia Eagles as pall bearers so the Eagles can let him down one last time.”  He didn’t quite get his wish, but 8 friends decked out in Eagles’ jerseys did “let him down” one last time.

Eagles-pallbearers


Mary Poppins, anyone?

An ad on childcare.co.uk for a nanny received over 1,000 applicants within a few short days.  In fact, the parents who placed the ad followed up  with …

“Thank you to all the candidates that have responded to our advert so far. Due to the volume of applications received, we are unfortunately unable to respond to them all personally.”

mary-poppins.jpgI don’t think the reason for so many applicants is a sudden surge in the love of children and the desire to care for somebody else’s, but rather the incentives for doing so: The salary is £100,000, or roughly $126,000 USD.  And then there are the perks: meals prepared by a Michelin star chef, use of the family’s Porsche, Maserati and Range Rover and travel to Barbados, Cape Town, London and Atlanta.

bratMy first thought, being the snarky cynic that I am, was that the children must be mini-terrorists, and that thought was reinforced when I read …

“Ideally our nanny will be trained in self-defence, however if the right candidate doesn’t already have this training we will provide and pay for it. This is non-negotiable.”

The four children range from toddler to teen at ages 2, 5, 7 and 15. Requirements for the position include “a degree in child psychology, no children of their own and a minimum of 15 years of nannying experience”.  Well, guess that let’s me out!



An “honour” for Trudeau???

In March 2016, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was invited by the Toronto Zoo to announce the names of their latest panda cubs, Jia Panpan & Jia Yueyue.  Of course this resulted in an adorable photo-op …

trudeau-1I think perhaps it should have ended there, but no … this week at the Canadian National Exhibition, a statue based on the above photo was unveiled. That wouldn’t be so bad, but … the statue is carved in … butter!!!  The sculpture is the work of David Salazar and his team of artists.

trudeau-2.jpgNow, I understand that tastes in art vary … I am not a fan of Picasso, for example, but love Monet.  But somehow … this just holds no appeal for me at all. Mr. Trudeau seemed to like it well enough, though, for he tweeted “What is better than seeing yourself made of butter”.


A sandwich that packs a wallop …

It is said that people will go to extremes for a drink, and this woman was no exception.  Britain’s Southwell Racecourse does not allow alcohol.  Human nature being what it is, security guards routinely search bags and confiscate any alcohol they find.  I’m sure there have been some creative attempts to hide forbidden beverages, but this one may take the cake … er, um, the sandwich bun.

vodka-sandwichThe racecourse said the sandwich’s contraband contents were seized and the woman was told she could pick it up on her way out of the venue, but she declined to reclaim her vodka. A wee bit embarrassed, perhaps? But the story doesn’t end there …

One of the racetrack’s personnel posted a tweet with the above picture and the words, “You hide it, we find it!” The tweet was seen by the makers of Glen’s Vodka, which responded with the creation of a new drink: “The Glen’s Salami Sizzler.”

salami-sizzler.jpgUmmm … I think I shall pass on this one.


And speaking of sandwiches …

When you order a Big Mac at McDonald’s, it is generally served in this …

mcdonald-box-1

But to celebrate the company’s rollout of Signature Collection burgers, if you are lucky, you may find your burger in one of these boxes …

mcdonald-box-2

A thousand of the limited edition boxes will be available at special events in the coming months.  The box was designed by … wait for it … British fashion designer Julien Macdonald.  How appropriate!

“This is for people to look at and smile and make them happy and something to be a talking point,” he said. “I like funny things and things that make me laugh and if I saw a McDonalds box covered in jewels and embellished it would make me laugh – it is positive and lighthearted and everyone will like it.”

Well, it is different, but … somehow Filosofa says “no thanks” … but then, Filosofa does not eat McDonald’s anyway.


Okay friends, that about wraps it up for this morning … I do not wish to keep you from those important things you do on Mondays!  So, adjust that tie, straighten those shoulders, and remember to put on that wonderful smile you have!  A lot of people need to see that smile today, so be sure to share it. Keep safe and have a happy week, okay?  Love and hugs to you all …

smile-end.jpg

cartoon-2.jpg

 

Saturday Surprise — 1917

I am sorry I did not get a Saturday Surprise post scheduled last Saturday as I had promised, but I simply ran out of both time and energy before my trip.  One of the suggestions for Saturday Surprise posts came from Gronda, who suggested time travel – what was it like when …?

The year is 1917, and I think you will find life was just a little different back then.

If you woke up in the morning, you could consider yourself lucky, for the average life expectancy in 1917 was 48.4 years for men and 54 years for women.  Once out of bed, you likely built up a fire in the woodstove to cook breakfast and heat water to wash your face with, for only about 24% of homes had electricity.  Then, if you were a man, you likely headed out the door to either walk to work or take the streetcar. The cost of a car was a mere $400, but since you likely only earned about $0.22 per hour, it is unlikely you owned one. However, 1917 was the first year that traffic counts in New York showed more cars than horses. Oh, and if you did own a car, you would want to watch out for those speed limits which were 10 mph in most cities!

streetIf you were a woman, most likely you did not work outside the home, but if you did, you were probably a elementary or high school teacher. School boards preferred female teachers not only because they were seen as more loving, but also because they would do what male principals told them while accepting less than a man’s wage. The world literacy rate was only 23%, and only some 6% graduated from high school, as most dropped out to either help on the family farm or enter the workforce.

It is doubtful that you owned your home, but if you did, it probably cost around $5,000 (about 14% of what a new car costs today!).  In fact, you probably lived with one or more older generation, if they were lucky enough to outlive the average life expectancy.  Oh, and speaking of the elderly … there was no Social Security, Medicare, etc. Since the women were outliving the men by some six years, widows moved in with their adult children and children lived at home until they got married, at the average age of 21. Made for a crowded household sometimes.

Now, on the weekend, if you could afford it, you might take your family to the beach for the day.  Beach attire was just a tad different back then …

A trip to the grocery … remember you are only earning $0.22 per hour … could be a difficult proposition with food prices so high. You would have to work three hours just to buy a pound of butter and a dozen eggs!

Bread (1-lb loaf)                $0.07
Butter (lb)                           $0.36
Eggs (dozen)                      $0.34
Ground coffee (lb)           $0.30
Potatoes (10 lbs)              $0.15

And speaking of food … 1917 saw the invention of the hamburger bun, and thus the hamburger was born.  Today, the average American consumes 3 hamburgers per week!  My family and I are definitely below average on this one. And to go with that hamburger … it was in 1917 that Coca-Cola introduced the formula that is still popular today. And where did you buy that food?  The first supermarket opened just the year before, in September 1916 – Piggly Wiggly.  No, I am not calling you a piggly wiggly … that was the name of the store … honest!  Actually, I think these are still around in the south.

piggly-wiggly.jpgIt is doubtful that you were among the 8% of people who had a telephone, and by telephone I mean

phone.jpg

Not …

cell-phone

One person who could afford a telephone in 1917 was John D. Rockefeller who became the world’s first billionaire on September 20th.

Not everything was rosy in 1917, for it was on April 6th that the U.S. entered into what would become known as World War I.

War-nyt-April 6.jpgThough women would not get the right to vote for another three years, they did score in 1917 when Jeannette Rankin, of Montana, became the first woman to be elected to the U.S. House of Representatives!!!

Today we should be grateful for Mr. Gideon Sundback for his 1917 invention of the … zipper! Early on, zippers were mainly used on boots and pouches that held tobacco. It would be another 20 years before the fashion industry began to use zippers on clothing. So … how did pants stay … oh, never mind … not going there.

zipper.jpegAnd what music were Americans listening to on their ipods … er, um phonographs?

phonograph.jpgNora Bayes had the number one selling hit record titled “Over There”.

A sampling of the lyrics:

“Over there, over there

Sent the word, send the word over there

That the Yanks are coming

The ear drums rum-tumming

Everywhere

So prepare, say a prayer

Sent the word, send the word to beware

We’ll be over, we’re coming over

And we won’t come back till it’s over

Over there”

Others in the year’s top ten included:

At the Darktown Strutter’s Ball by Original Dixieland Jazz Band

Poor Butterfly by Victor Military Band

For Me and My Gal by Van and Schenck

And what were you watching on television in 1917?  Nothing, for television was still 10 years in the future.

Most of us have said, at one time or another, how we would love to go back to a simpler time.  We get frustrated with the hustle and bustle, with our electronic toys, and long for “the good ol’ days”. But when you think about it, life was hard (and short) 100 years ago.  I think I shall remain in this, the 21st century!

 

I hope you enjoyed today’s Saturday Surprise as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Quite honestly, I have been in a royal funk for a couple of days, but once I started researching for this post, I found I was having tons of fun!  Thank you, Gronda for this marvelous idea … one which we shall do again soon!

Clueless

Blogger-friend Brosephus has been off the radar for a while, taking a break from the angst of trump-ism, but the break did him good, for he is back in fine form! Enjoy this short post in which clarifies one of the memes-gone-viral this week! Thanks, Brosephus!

The Mind of Brosephus

Can someone please hide Trump’s phone or change his Twitter password?  I guess he does not understand what a solar eclipse is does he?

A solar eclipse occurs when the moon moves between the sun and the earth, temporarily blocking the light necessary for life itself.  It is only temporary and the sunlight returns to continue the circle of life.

Using the logic of his retweet shown above, Trump is claiming that he is temporarily blocking the life-sustaining light that Obama provided to the world and will move out of the way so that Obama can continue to shine.  In other words, Obama is the light and life giving while Trump is dark and void of life.  SMDH…

I could continue on and on with this, but I imagine that you get the picture.  If anything else, this meme is poking fun of Trump more than it makes him great. …

View original post 76 more words

Monday Is For … LAUGHING!!!

Good Jolly Monday morning, friends!  No, I am not home yet, but I wrote this last Thursday evening because … I did not want to let my friends down … I know how much you look forward to Jolly Mondays!  It is briefer than some, but I tried to do pure funny, so sit back, enjoy your coffee … oh, and there are chocolate éclairs … I must explain.  Remember last Monday when I wrote about the dead robot in the fountain and he didn’t have a name, so I named him after my friend Steve B.?  Well, Steve took umbrage at having a dead robot named for him, and to soothe his ruffled feathers, I offered to make donuts for today.  But, realizing he had the rare upper-hand here, he said he would prefer chocolate eclairs, so chocolate éclairs it is!  Steve is a sweetheart, but a little on the sensitive side these days!  So, enjoy an éclair with your coffee and let’s start this week out with some much-needed humour, shall we?


solar eclipse.jpgAs you all probably know by now, today is the much-anticipated solar eclipse.  The last one seen in the continental U.S. was in 1979, so it isn’t exactly an everyday event.  I am a little nervous that I will be driving home today, for my vision is too poor for me to drive at night anymore, and I may have to pull over for an hour or so.  But anyway, to the point, a woman in Dallas, Texas, has asked that the eclipse be rescheduled:

eclipse tweet.jpg

I wonder just who she thought ‘scheduled’ it to begin with?!?!?  Her tweet was taken down shortly thereafter, but some of the comments will leave you in stitches:

eclipse tweet comments.jpg

eclipse-comment-2

eclipse-comment-3.jpg

eclipse-comment-5

eclipse-comment-4.jpg


I saw this on Wednesday night when I was trying to catch up on reading blog posts, and I just absolutely loved it.  “Dear Kitten” was produced as a commercial for Friskies, demonstrating this cat’s strong preference for wet food over dry. The video beings with, “Dear Kitten, since I have hissed at you the customary 437 times, it is now my duty as the head of the household to begrudgingly welcome you.” Even if you don’t love kitties (WHO doesn’t love kitties???), you cannot watch this without smiling and laughing … I promise! The voice of the older cat, by the way, is none other than Morgan Freeman!  Morgan Freeman and cute kitties … why, it just doesn’t get much better!

Now wasn’t that adorable?


Derrick Lin works in advertising.  He claims it is chaotic and stressful, but folks … I have my doubts, because this man has far more time on his hands than I ever had during my accounting career.  But I must admit, the things he does to fill that spare time are so creative and cool, that I knew you would enjoy seeing a few of his creations.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

These are just a few of his thing-a-mabobs, so if you’re interested in seeing the rest, click here. 


Who among us have not sent a text or message from our phone, only to have spell check change a word or two?  Happens to me all the time.  Back in the early days of 2016, if I typed “Sarah Palin”, my phone would automatically change it to “Sarah Pain”.  I never corrected it, for I felt it provided the more accurate description.  Sometimes it’s annoying, but other times, especially if it happens to someone else, it is just downright funny.  Take a look at some of these …

text-1text-2text-3text-4‘Nuff said … It pays to double check those messages, folks!


Sometimes a business needs a gimmick to spice things up a bit, other times they just need cheap labour. The Kayabuki bar in Utsunomiya, Japan, found a solution to give a bit of a boost to their sagging business … monkeys!  Bar owner Kaoru Otsuka said his first pet monkey, Yacchan, was given to him by an acquaintance several years ago. When he brought Yacchan to work with him one day, the monkey grabbed a handful of napkins and began passing them out to customers!

Yacchan was given full-time employment, and before long, Otsuka added another, a macaque named Fuku-chan, seen in the video above. Fuku-chan began emulating Yacchan at an early age, and has become the best darned barmaid in the Far East!


My friends, I am sorry this is a bit shorter than my usual Jolly Monday fare, but I am writing it on Thursday night, as I prepare for my journey of a thousand miles (well, 489 miles each way … almost 1,000, and if, as is my habit, I get lost at least once, well …), I have yet to fold another load of laundry, put away clean dishes, clean one last bathroom, pack, take a shower, and answer comments and email.  So, apologies for the brevity, but I hope you had a smile, a chuckle or perhaps even a laugh.  Please, do remember to share your smile … you guys have the most beautiful smiles on earth, and they deserve to be shared.  Love and hugs, and Filosofa will be back in the saddle tomorrow!

poster-1poster-2poster-3

We Wish You A Jolly Monday …

yawn-3.jpgYAWN … sorry ‘bout that, folks … must have been all that wild partying over the weekend!  (Note that I may define ‘wild partying’ differently than most!)

Glad to see you all survived the weekend and are ready to tackle another week, starting with this bright, cheery Jolly Monday morning!  I think this Monday it may be even more important that we find some things to laugh about to start off the work-week on the right foot, so I tried extra hard to set the dial on my mind to “funny”.  So, grab a cuppa coffee, tea, or whatever you can find, and let us have a laugh, a chuckle, or at least a smile!


A great deal …

The single biggest monthly expense for most of us is housing – whether you own or rent.  Rental housing is particularly volatile in some areas.  For example, in the city of Amsterdam, there is a housing shortage which has driven rental prices sky high.  But consider this one …

Amsterday-apt.jpgThis one is a 35 sq metre (377 sq. ft.) apartment, boasting its own “private kitchen”, for a mere €1,100 ($1,300 USD) per month!  To put it into perspective, I have three times as much space and pay only $1,040 per month.  But that is not even the kicker here.  For there are just a couple of caveats:  cooking is strictly prohibited and no more than two people are allowed into the flat at any one time!  Now, I ask you … would you pay $1,300 per month for a home that is so tiny you have to step outside to turn around, and then not even be able to cook a meal?  And … what if you wish to invite your good friends Tom & Gina over for … well, you can’t invite them for a meal, but perhaps for drinks?  Nope.  Either Tom or Gina, but if they both come, then you must step outside, where at least you can turn around!  Perhaps you could talk to them through an open window?


An ancient jewel thief …

Doris Payne is 86 years old. Last month, poor Doris was arrested at a Wal-Mart in Chamblee, Georgia, for shoplifting.  Awwww …. poor Doris probably needed a bit of food, right? Well, perhaps so, but … when Doris was arrested, it was found that she was wearing an ankle monitor from a previous arrest for shoplifting. In fact, ‘poor’ Doris is known as a ‘serial shoplifter’, with crimes dating back to the 1950s when she was only in her 20s!

Doris-Payne.jpgPayne has served multiple jail terms for her crimes. She is thought to have stolen $2m in jewellery and was even profiled in a 2013 documentary titled The Life and Crimes of Doris Payne   .  She even has her own Wikipedia page. She is most noted as an international jewel thief and she had a winning tactic.  She would enter a jewelry store, posing as a well-to-do woman, typically looking for a diamond ring. Using her charm, she would engage the clerk, asking to see an assortment of items. Eventually, she would “cause the clerk to forget” just how many items were outside the case; and, at some point, she would leave with one or two pieces.

Her biggest heist ever is believed to have been stealing a 10-carat diamond ring, valued at $500,000, from Monte Carlo in the 1970s. But this latest was quite a comedown, as she stole only $86 worth of food and medical supplies.  Police say that in her sixty years as a jewel thief she has likely gotten away with more than she has been convicted of, so one might expect she would have sufficient funds for food, but perhaps she spent her ill-gotten gains on lawyers and bail!

Somehow, though, despite it all, I look at her picture and I cannot help feeling a little bit sorry for ol’ Doris.


Or was he pushed …

He was just doing his job – patrolling the streets of Washington, D.C., doing his part to ensure the public safety in a city that sees millions of tourists every year.  And then … he was no more … a step-accident left him drowned in a fountain.

robot.jpgThe article on the BBC’s website did not tell his name, so I am calling him “Steve” for the purpose of this article (after my friend Steve B.) because nobody should die alone, in a fountain, with no name.  Oh, did I happen to mention that Steve is a … robot?  You may have surmised that from the photo.  He is … was … one of several patrolling robots produced by Knightscope, a company that produces fully autonomous robots, used to monitor crimes in schools, businesses, and neighborhoods.

Steve’s cohorts have had accidents also, though not quite as deadly.  Last year, a 16-month-old toddler was run over by one of the autonomous devices in a Silicon Valley shopping center, and earlier this year, a Californian man was arrested after attacking a Knightscope robot. The man, who was drunk at the time of the incident, later said he wanted to “test” the machine. (The child, by the way, was running toward the robot and received only minor injuries, though she may grow up with a mistrust of robots!)

robots.jpg

Steve’s brothers and sister — awaiting the final word from the doc

I have to wonder, though … surely Steve had built-in safeguards to keep him from tumbling down the steps and into the fountain … it makes one wonder if, perhaps, foul play was involved?  R.I.P. Steve … you will be missed.


How many???

Any of my readers wear contact lenses?  I wanted to when I was in my 20s, but was told my eyes were “not round” and that they would not work well.  It’s probably just as well, as I tend to be careless and forgetful, so it likely would not have worked out well.  In fact, perhaps I would have ended up like the woman who went to Solihull Hospital in the UK for cataract surgery.  The opthamologist had previously noted a ‘bluish mass’ which turned out to be some 27 contact lenses fused together.  I will spare you the gory details, but once they were removed, the woman said her eyes felt much more comfortable.

eye.jpgNow, this leaves some things unanswered for me, like how the sam heck does one forget to take out the old before putting in the new … 27 times!!!  And … think about it … if I get a teesy-weensy speck of dust or makeup in my eye, it drives me crazy!  Wouldn’t one think that having 27 contact lenses in one eye would be well beyond “uncomfortable”?  I think perhaps this woman’s problems go deeper than her eyes …


A Smurf Village no more …

blue-village.jpgJúzcar, Spain, a bright blue cluster of buildings high in the Andalusian mountains. Delightful, yes?  Not only are the houses all Smurf-blue, but there are mushroom-capped public kiosks, and Smurf-impersonators meander through the streets.  You can even have a Smurf-themed wedding!  But sadly, every Smurf village must have its Gargamel, and Júzcar is no exception.

In 2011, as the movie The Smurfs was about to make its debut, Sony Pictures marketers approached the people of Júzcar and offered the village a deal.  The village could increase their tourism and put themselves on the map if they would allow Sony to paint all their houses, including churches and gravestones, Smurf-blue.  After a bit of thought, the villagers agreed, and after 4,200 liters of blue paint, the village looked like this …

But now, Gargamel … er, rather Pierre Culliford, the Smurf’s original creator, has ordered the village to remove all Smurf-related items and cease Smurfie activities, such as the weddings.  The village, which had 35% unemployment prior to 2011, had seen a surge of tourism … about 500%!  No word on what bee got into Mr. Culliford’s bonnet, as the village was already paying him 12% of their profits on Smurf-related revenue.  The village will remain blue, at least for the time being.

blue-village-4


And so, sadly, concludes our time … oh wait … I think I have something else … a short joke …

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”

Man: “I had to get to work.”

Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”

Man: “I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.”

Just one more …

The Judge asks the defendant, “When is your birthday Mr McKenzie?“

-“February 20th, Your Honor.”

-“And what year?”

“Every year, Your Honor.”

Okay … now we really need to get busy … just look at the time!  Please, dear friends, keep safe this week and remember to smile and share your smile.  We all need to remember to care for one another these days and a smile is the simplest, most basic way of saying “I care”.  Love and hugs from me to you all!

*Note to readers:  In light of Saturday’s horrific tragedy in Charlottesville, Virginia, I debated the appropriateness of doing my regular Jolly Monday post, but decided that we all needed a reason to step back and breathe for a minute.  I hope that humour at this time is not inappropriate or offensive.  In no way do I intend to diminish the seriousness of the event.  Please forgive me if I have offended anyone.

Monday-smiles

funny-1.jpg

Maxine.jpg

This one is for Hugh and David!!!

Your Tax Dollars At Work …

It has been good enough for more than sixty years, since 1948.  It was good enough for the Bushes, Senior and Junior, it was good enough for Presidents Obama, Clinton, Ford, Nixon, Carter, Johnson, Reagan.  But it is not good enough for Donald Trump, who is used to his accommodations in Trump Towers where he has gold bathroom fixtures!

It is reported that a few weeks ago, Trump was at his golf club in New Jersey chatting with other members when he explained his reason for coming to the New Jersey club every weekend is that “the White House is a dump”.  He later denied having said it, and since I was not privy to the conversation, I cannot say for sure, but it was reported by several people, including staff members who were present, so I am inclined to believe he said it.

So, during Trump’s 17-day vacation, while we are paying for him to play golf and eat steak every night, the White House is undergoing a renovation.  To be fair, some of the repairs are necessary, such as repair of a leak in the ceiling, HVAC repairs, etc.  And those repairs were approved before Trump took office.  Other renovations, however, seem unnecessary and a bit frivolous in these troubled times, for example new carpeting throughout the West Wing.

WH-oval-office

Empty Oval Office – 816.2 sq. ft.

The renovations will also include fresh landscaping and a granite curb … now, who needs a granite curb?  Isn’t concrete good enough?

WH-granite curbs.jpg

Workers installing granite curb

Apparently there has been a problem with house flies in the West Wing, and last month Business Insider reported that Trump called Reince Priebus to the Oval Office to kill a fly that was buzzing about. Flies … this is what happens when you fill a space with trash.

WH-trash.jpg

So, you may wonder how much all this is costing us.  The renovations will amount to $3.4 million: $1.965 million for upgrading the HVAC systems, $1.17 million for carpet replacements. and a fresh coat of paint will amount to $275,000.  I hesitate to mention that my carpet is 19 years old, and my home has not been painted since then, either.  My home needs plumbing repairs, and my 25-year-old stove/oven is on its last legs.

Deputy Press Secretary Lindsay Walters said the cost of the renovations is less than what the past three administrations have spent.  Perhaps, but consider the past three administrations’ costs were over a period of eight years each, not 7 months!  And if the past three administrations have each spent more than $3 million, should not the White House already be in pretty damn good condition?

Since the Trumps are not quite the personification of class, grace and dignity that the Obamas were, I had concerns that Trump’s idea of “Making the White House Great Again” might involve such tackiness as gold-plated fixtures, nude paintings, or hot-pink walls.  But my research reveals that any renovations must be approved by the Office of the Curator.

WH-renovation-2“The White House Office of the Curator is charged with the conservation and study of the collection of fine art, furniture and decorative objects used to furnish both the public and private rooms of the White House as an official residence and as an accredited historic house museum.” – Wikipedia

Phew!  That is a load off my mind, for in Trump Towers, Trump has a three-level penthouse  designed to look like the interior of Versailles, complete with gold and diamond accents, and miles of marble and hand-painted ceiling murals. Can we say “hedonistic”?  “Tacky”?

trump-tower-3trump-tower-2trump-tower-1

In my opinion, and mind you this is just my opinion, the thing that most needs to be replaced in the White House are its occupants.

WH-occupants.jpg