Heeeeere’s MONDAY!!!

 

Here we are once again, yet another fine Monday morning!  I always look forward to these Monday mornings … I do so enjoy finding things to bring smiles to your faces.  Last week, Colette and Jack really enjoyed the apple, but a few others were disappointed and I had to promise my friend Steve extra donuts this week!  So grab a treat or two … hey Steve – leave a few for the rest of the gang!!!  Here … have some coffee … sit back and get ready for a chuckle or two!


Green beer, Green Eggs & Ham, and now ….

Imagine, if you will, the surprise Louise Sutherland experienced last week when, assisting her 3-year old golden retriever, Rio, give birth, one of the puppies came out … GREEN!

Monday-green puppyI will let Louise tell you the story in her own words …

“The first pup was stuck, so myself and my daughter Claire managed to free him and pull him out safely. It was all hands on deck but then as the puppies started to arrive, we noticed that one of the puppies had green fur. We couldn’t believe it. When we checked it out later we found out it is very unusual and to do with the placenta. The colour has faded quite a bit already and will be gone soon, I’m told. We’ve named him Forest.”

Monday-green puppy-2Turns out that, while very rare, this has happened before.  In 2014, two puppies from a litter born in the Spanish province of Valladolid were born green. The breeder, Aida Vallelado Molina, said, “I thought the puppies were dirty and tried to clean them, but the colour wouldn’t come off.”  And in 2012, a green Labrador puppy was born in England.

The green colour is caused by a bile pigment called biliverdin that is found in the placenta of dogs which can stain the puppy’s coat.  In the past cases, the colour has faded within about 10 days.  Too bad … I think a green dog would be quite the novelty!

Monday-green puppy-toon


A fool and his money …

Two stories about shoes lead me to think, not for the first time, that some people have much more money than they have good sense.  Take a look at this pair of shoes and tell me what you think the price tag might read:

Monday-shoesSo what’s your guess?  $15.99 would have been mine … and that is about $16 more than I would pay for them anyway.  But no, you are wrong … no, not $100 … nope, not that either.  The price for this pair of uncomfortable-looking shoes is $799!

“The Birkenstock classic Arizona model has been recreated in the finest imbued and oiled natural leather in navy blue for this designer collection. The sterling silver buckles; which originate from the metalwork studio of jewelry designer Patrik Muff; are the highlight of the luxury sandals,” the product description reads.

But wait … if you thought that was bad …

Monday-shoes-2This is the “Future Destroyed High-Top Sneaker” sold by upscale retailer Neiman-Marcus.

“Maison Margiela deconstructs their “Future” high-top sneaker with heavy distressing. Leather and textile upper. Round toe. Lace-up front with side lace guards. Logo patch at tongue. Padded collar. Cushioned heel counter. Rubber outsole. Made in Italy.”  Retail price?  $1,425.

Sigh.  And for those who would purchase these shoes, why not pair them with these jeans from Nordstrom that come with pre-caked mud … for a mere $425!!!  Insta-grunge!

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I recently saw this headline:  Neiman Marcus considers sale in wake of financial woes.  Gee, I wonder why?  And by the way … the ‘pre-destroyed’ shoes … have sold out …


When life hands you lemons …

Make lemonade, right?  A lemonade stand run by kids on a hot summer day is almost as iconic as … as … oh heck, I don’t know – it’s just iconic, okay?

Monday-lemonadeAndre Spicer helped his 5-year-old daughter set up her lemonade stand last Saturday in the east London borough of Tower Hamlets.  The little girl was having great fun and was quite successful in her venture, as there was a concert nearby, and many on their way to the concert were charmed by the little girl’s smile and purchased her lemonade.

But then … then came the cops …

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“The lemonade quickly disappeared and her little money tin filled up. A happy scene. And then, after about 30 minutes, four local council enforcement officers stormed up to her little table,” said the senior Spicer.

The charge?  Operating the lemonade stand without a trading permit.

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After being informed that he would be fined £150 ($194 USD), Mr. Spicer sent a message to the council stating he “realized there were broader issues at stake, including how society treats children.”  Ultimately all charges were dropped and an apology tendered:

Monday-lemonade-3“We are very sorry that this has happened. We expect our enforcement officers to show common sense, and to use their powers sensibly. This clearly did not happen, The fine will be canceled immediately and we have contacted Professor Spicer and his daughter to apologize.”


Which one of these parts does not belong? …

Monday-dog-engineLidiane Braga Carlos of Campo Largo, Brazil had been out running errands one day last week and was on her way home when her car suddenly started spluttering and ground to a halt.

“My car just died in the middle of the street and suddenly didn’t want to work anymore so I pulled over to pop the hood and take a look. When I opened the bonnet and saw the dog I almost had a heart attack. ‘The poor little thing was very scared and I called the fire department straight away but before they arrived we managed to get him out. I’m so glad he didn’t get hurt. I took him to the vet but thankfully he was all okay.”

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Lidiane is currently caring for the dog at her home and hopes it’s owner will come forward to claim him.


Dumb … Dumber … Dumbest

David Blackmon, age 32, of Fort Walton Beach in Okaloosa County Florida called police to report a theft on 16 July.  Nothing too unusual there, right?  The stolen items, however, included $50 cash and a bag of cocaine that he claims were stolen from the center console of his vehicle.  Now … how dumb is it to call the cops to report a stolen bag of a highly illegal substance?  Pretty dumb, but it gets even dumber, for it turns out that David is a drug-dealer.  And to add insult to injury, the police found an assortment of drugs and drug paraphernalia in various locations throughout the car.  And dumbest of all … they police found the cocaine David claimed had been stolen, right where he said it was stolen from … in the center console!

David was charged with resisting an officer without violence, possessing drug paraphernalia and possessing cocaine, a felony charge.  He is currently out of jail on $4,000 bail, but I think this guy seriously needs to spend some time … somewhere … perhaps school?  But apparently David is not the only one …

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And so concludes another Jolly Monday together.  I am sad to see you go, but you must go do useful things so you can get a paycheck, and I must go fold yet more laundry and cut up some veggies for tonight’s Pasta Primavera, one of my favourite dishes to make!  If you do just one good thing today, let it be to share that gorgeous smile you have with somebody who needs one.  So go forth and be productive … keep safe and try to stay cool.  Have a happy week!!!

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That extra 1/4 mile will get you a ticket!!!

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This one’s for you, Steve!

If Dr. Trump Were Your Surgeon …

As my long-time readers know, New York Times writer Nicholas Kristof is among my favourite editorial writers. While it is not my habit to copy an entire column, this one was simply too good to pass up!  Mr. Kristof has written a very humorous piece on Donald Trump and health care. I think you will find it both funny and relevant.

It’s a dark and stormy night, and the hospital corridor is eerily illuminated by lightning flashes as Dr. Trump and Dr. McConnell enter a patient’s room and approach the bed of a young woman, Janet.

“We have the best health care plan ever for you!” Dr. Trump says exultantly, to a thunderclap outside. “Tremendous! I’m the best! I take care of everybody.” He uses his stethoscope to listen to Janet’s heart, and frowns slightly.

“Er, doctor?” Janet says. “I think my heart is on my left side, not the right.”

“Let me double-check,” Dr. Trump replies, and he hurriedly moves the stethoscope over. “Who knew health could be so complicated?”

He looks into Janet’s eyes, holds her hand in his own, and says in a silky voice, “Beautiful Janet, you’re in such great shape.”

Janet, creeped out by the doctor’s inappropriate bedside manner, pulls back her hand and tightens her gown around her neck. Dr. Trump doesn’t notice and continues: “Your heart is a disaster. You need a new one, and that’s why we suggest a transplant. We don’t happen to have a replacement ready for you, but never mind.

 “Normally we do ‘remove and replace,’” Dr. Trump adds. “But in this case, if we can’t settle on a replacement, we’ll just do a flat removal. Nothing to worry about. Huge benefits. Huge!”

Dr. McConnell tries to smile reassuringly, but succeeds only in looking constipated. “Once your heart is out,” he explains, “there’ll be new urgency to solve the problem.”

Janet’s eyes have grown wide, so Dr. McConnell attempts reassurance: “Anyway, I’ve never found a heart necessary.”

Janet bites her lip. “You know, you’re the only doctors who ever said my heart had to come out,” she says. “My previous cardiologist, Dr. Obama, tweaked my diet and medications, and it was ticking along fine.”

“NO, it’s a disaster!” Dr. Trump bellows. “That Obama — it’s all his fault. Don’t listen to any other doctors!”

“I just want to be informed,” she says softly.

“Horrible idea!” Dr. Trump says, and then he pats his pockets down. “What did I do with my phone? I have a thought for a great tweet: ‘A closed mind is a terrible thing to waste.’ I know I had my phone during my last surgery, because I tweeted, and then I set the phone down — oh, no! I bet I left it ——”

“In the operating room?” Janet asks.

“In the patient.”

Janet gulps, and her anxiety increases as a peal of thunder is followed by a shrill alarm sounding from a patient’s room somewhere down the corridor. Very politely, she explains that maybe she doesn’t want surgery after all.

“Fine!” replies Dr. Trump. “Go ahead and die. Your heart is failing. It’s a disaster. And it’s all their fault.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s the Democrats,” Dr. Trump says, and a flash of lightning captures his eyes rolling crazily. “We may be running the hospital, but they’re to blame.”

“Don’t you have any other patients you need to see?” she asks. “And maybe you should put that scalpel down?”

“Don’t you see?” Dr. Trump says, as a thunderclap shakes the hospital. “You’re going to die anyway. All Obama’s patients are dying. I’ve always said, let the patient fail.”

“But I’m not failing,” Janet replies firmly. “I’m fine. Just a little nervous watching you with that scalpel.”

Dr. Trump shakes his head. “No, you’re imploding,” he insists. “I can see it. You’re self-destructing.”

“Help!” Janet calls out. “I can’t breathe.”

Dr. McConnell looks sadly at Dr. Trump. “I knew this would happen. But maybe it’s time to move on so we can work on our hospital tax plan? You know, if we just make the medical assistants and custodians pay a surcharge, we can give a break to surgeons. The result will be a leap in innovation that will benefit everybody.”

“Help!” Janet cries weakly.

Dr. Trump looks down at her and shakes his head as she lies gasping. “So sad but inevitable,” he says. “She was bound to implode. Always going to fail. That’s what happens when you get a Kenyan-born doctor. The patient dies on her own.”

“But, but,” Janet tries to speak, “the problem is that you’re stepping on my oxygen hose. You’re the problem.”

Dr. Trump steps more firmly on the hose. “Poor Janet is imploding right in front of us. Democrats created the mess. We’re not going to own it. I’m not going to own it.” He checks for a pulse, finds none, and doesn’t realize he’s checking in the wrong spot. “O.K., Dr. McConnell, I’m just going to FaceTime my buddy Vladimir, and then on to the tax plan?”

“Take my heart,” Janet moans in her last breath, and a thunderclap drowns out her death rattle. “You need it.”

If Dr. Trump Were Your Surgeon – Nicholas Kristof, 20 July 2017

Winnie The Pooh BANNED In China!!!

Friends, it is with deep sadness that I must tell you our favourite ‘bear of very little brain’, Winnie the Pooh, is now persona non grata in the country of China.  What did he do, you ask?  Did he eat too much honey, leaving none for the 1.4 billion citizens of China?  Did he cause an earthquake with his rumbly tumbly antics?  Pooh loves everybody and it is hard to imagine what he might have done to be banned from the entire country.

Turns out his crime was to mock Chinese President Xi Jinping.  Now I am certain that Pooh never intended to hurt Xi’s tender feelings nor to bruise his fragile ego, but Xi is a sensitive man, a man who does not take perceived criticism lightly.  And now, not only Pooh, but his friends have also been expelled from the country and his presence removed from the internet.

It all started back in 2013, when Barack Obama was president of the U.S. and visited Xi Jinping.  The two were photographed walking down the street, then the next day, Pooh and Tigger decided to emulate that photo …

Pooh-1Xi, it is said, hated the picture, while Obama thought it was great fun! Then the following year, after seeing a picture of Xi shaking hands with the Japanese prime minister, Shinzo Abe, Pooh and Eeyore thought it would be great fun to emulate that photo as well, so they posed and piglet snapped the shot …

Pooh-2All in good fun, for we know that our friends in the Hundred Acre Wood have not a single malicious bone in their collective, furry bodies.  But, apparently by this time, Xi is getting a bit annoyed with the whole thing.  Well then one day in 2015, Rabbit saw a picture of Xi standing up through the roof of a parade car, looking rather ridiculous, as it were.  It just so happened that later that day, Pooh drove his toy car over to visit Rabbit, to see if perhaps Rabbit might just have a little smackerel of honey, and Rabbit snapped his picture as he arrived …

Pooh-3This one must have really gotten under Xi’s thin skin, for it became China’s ‘most censored photo’ of the year!  Now, I do not know if Pooh & friends have done anything more to mock President Xi since the 2015 picture, but on Monday morning, attempts to post the Chinese characters for Winnie’s name on Weibo, China’s equivalent of Facebook and Twitter, returned the message “content is illegal”.  Stickers, GIFs and other Pooh-related content was no longer available to the Chinese public.  Poof!  Gone!

No official explanation for the censoring of Winnie the Pooh has been given, but sources say that the government will not tolerate ridicule of the country’s leader, they do not want this beloved children’s character becoming a kind of online euphemism for the Communist Party’s general secretary.

I spoke briefly by phone with Pooh yesterday, who said only, “Oh bother”.

Pooh-sad

Pooh is not alone in being designated ‘persona non grata’ … President Xi has also banned a beetle that was named in his honour …

Pooh-Xi-beetle

And On This Jolly Monday, Ye Shall …. SMILE!!!

Once again we face the daunting task of a new week … 7 days, 168 hours … and we do so with a smile, right folks?  We … wha … who said “No”?  Yes, we shall, now sit down and smile!  Now, I usually bake cinnamon rolls or some such treat for our Monday morning, but today I have decided to keep our treat gluten-free for a couple of readers who didn’t eat the cinnamon rolls, so …

apple

gluten-free apple

 

 

So, let us move on, for I know that some of you have jobs to go to and cannot lollygag around here all day.


Electrifying speech by father of the bride …

“It was a beautiful wedding,” said the mother of the bride.  The wedding, held in the family’s apple orchard in Lower Woodstock, New Brunswick, had gone off without a hitch and now it was time for some celebrating.  The father of the bride, JP Nadeau, had just begun his toast with, “You know, Adam, you are one lucky guy …”, when out of the blue (literally) came a bolt of lightning (again, literally).

Monday-wedding“As soon as I said that, my daughter’s eyes – she was looking at me – just popped right out. Because all of a sudden there was this lightning flash that hit right behind me. The electricity went through the wire, because I was holding a microphone. I saw lightning in my hand. I was really freaked out. I had the microphone and the shock jumped into the sound system and my hand just lit up and I saw the spark. And I’m looking at my hand and it’s all flared up … It was like I was holding a lightning bolt in my hand, it was amazing. I felt the current go right through me, but it was my hand I was worried about, because I’m a piano man. I want to keep playing. I don’t care if I die. I want to keep playing.”

After determining the only damage was a small scorch mark on his thumb, Nadeau continued his toast, only to be interrupted yet again by the people in the sound booth who were frantically yelling at him to bring back the microphone he was holding. He calmly walked over to the sound booth to hand them the microphone as the wedding guests looked on, stunned. “They thought I was going to drop dead.”

Monday-lightningNonetheless, the party resumed, albeit under a tent, for the lightning bolt was, predictably, followed by wind and rain.  It is said that a good time was had by all, and JP Nadeau is well aware that son-in-law Adam was not the only ‘lucky guy’ that day!


Not Candid Camera …

Imagine that you go to the ATM, conduct your business, and in lieu of a receipt, this is what comes through the slot …

Monday-atm-noteMost people at this point would be looking around for a hidden camera.  Many took it as a joke and simply drove off.  But finally, after three hours and who knows how many notes, somebody flagged down police Officer Richard Olden.  The officer was also inclined to brush it off as a prank, but as he approached the ATM he could hear a faint voice.

What happened?  A repairman was called to the ATM in a bank under construction to repair a door lock.  Leaving his cell phone in his truck, he entered the ATM and with a sinking feeling, heard the door close behind him.  Oopsie.  So he began writing notes.  I wonder just how many such notes he had to write before finally somebody took it seriously? Lucky he didn’t leave his pen and notepad in the truck with his cellphone!


Hubby storage …

Most of us leave our hubbies or significant others home when we go to the mall.  (Actually, I HATE malls and as it happens, in my family the girls leave ME home, for which I am thankful.)  Malls and men mostly do not mix.  But every now and then, one gets stuck taking hubby who, being totally bored, exhibits eye-rolling and deep sighs, not-so-furtive glances at his watch, and occasional foot-tapping.  By this time, it seems just simpler to leave than to continue whatever shopping we set out to do.  But a mall in China may have hit on a brilliant solution for both wife and hubby … hubby storage pods!!!

Monday-hubby-pods.jpg

“According to The Paper, the Global Harbour mall in Shanghai has erected a number of glass pods for wives to leave any disgruntled husbands that don’t want to be dragged around the shops.

Inside each individual pod is a chair, monitor, computer and gamepad, and men can sit and play retro 1990s games. Currently, the service is free, but staff told the newspaper that in future months, users will be able to scan a QR code and pay a small sum for the service using their mobile phones.” – BBC, 14 July 2017

I think it is a pretty good idea that may catch on, but … I can picture many a wife finishing her shopping and going home, accidentally (or not) forgetting hubby back at the mall!


More avocado art …

Monday-avacadoRemember a few weeks ago when I posted the above picture of an avocado that had been intricately carved into a thing of beauty?  Well now comes this …

Monday-avocado-pitThe story is that Jan Campbell was preparing an avocado for lunch one day when she was struck by the beauty of the pit inside. After weeks of pondering its potential (people really have time to spend weeks pondering an avocado pit???), a deeply pigmented surface scratch inspired her to carve away its layers until a beautiful piece of art appeared.

Ever since that day, the Irish artisan has been turning avocado pits (or ‘stones,’ as she calls them) into tiny, intricately detailed figurines inspired by Celtic folklore. She carves the tranquil faces of forest spirits, the flowing hair of ancient goddesses, and even a handful of wild mushrooms now and then.

Though I mock, I must admit that this is actually pretty, and will certainly last longer than the carving done from the fruit itself.  Yes, the avocado is technically a fruit, and even more specifically, a single-seeded berry. Who knew?

You can view more of Jan’s carvings , but I warn you … the one pictured above goes for €111.00, or about $127 USD, so don’t become too attached!

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Friends …

Kathryn Ryckman of Boerne, Texas posted two videos of friends, Maizey, a 10-year-old Labrador Retriever, and Bailey, a horse of unknown age.  The two are long-time friends, as you will see in these two short clips:


Let us wrap it up with a few more of those funny signs …

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174 km is about 108 miles … very helpful in case of emergency!

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Sorry folks, I just couldn’t resist …


Okay, folks … I am sorry to tell you this, but it is that time, once again.  Awwww …. don’t look so sad … be thankful that at least you are not having to don coats, hats and gloves to go out and shovel the drive … well, except for my friends in Australia, where it is now winter.  I hope everyone has a wonderful week … try not to let things get you down this week … remember that there is always something, usually many things to be thankful for.  Keep smiling, and keep sharing the smiles … keep safe and have a great week!

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Bring It On, Monday!

Monday-flutter-birdGood Monday Morning, fellow travelers!  I hope that you had a restful weekend and are ready to jump back into the fray of madness this morning! I was more than ready to write something light and humorous this morning, so I was happy to find a number of fun stories filling my inbox and postie-notes.

So, pull up a coffee and grab some chair … no wait … grab some coffee and pull up a chair … and let us try to find something to laugh about before we must set out and face the cold, cruel world. Although I’m sure mine aren’t as good as Mary’s, I made scones, so help yourself!  Oh … and Hugh … I splurged and got you a little extra treat …


When this story first caught my eye, I was sure it was going to be about somebody having thrown their alarm clock into the wall, and I thought it would be a perfect way to lead on a Jolly Monday post.  Turns out, the story isn’t quite … what bird??? … what I first thought, but still funny.

Monday-alarmBack in 2004 in a community outside of Pittsburgh, homeowner Jerry Lynn was attempting to do some home repairs. Part of his plan was to drill a hole in the living room wall to install a television … I am assuming one of those wall-mount, flat-screen things.  Well, he got a smart idea to tie a battery-operated alarm clock to a string and lower it into the ductwork in order to determine where, precisely, to drill the hole.  I’m guessing he was seeking a wall stud, but I know from experience that there are better ways to locate a stud (no jokes here, please).  Anyway, as luck would have it, Jerry accidentally let go of the string and the clock dropped.

Presumably Jerry found another method for drilling his hole and mounting the television, while his long-suffering wife Sylvia went to Target and bought another alarm clock.  That evening at precisely 7:50 p.m., they heard a sound … the alarm clock stuck in the ductwork was ringing.  I don’t know why these people had their alarm set for evening … perhaps one or both work nights … but ring it did.  That evening … and the next … and the next.  For 13 years that clock has been ringing every evening at the same time!

Monday-Energizer-bunnyGiven that it was a battery operated clock, and did not even have an Energizer battery but merely a Rayovac, the Lynns were certain it would die within a few months.  WRONG!  After 13 years – 4,732 annoying rings – Jerry Lynn sought help (no, not psychiatric help, though in my opinion … ) and hired a professional heating & cooling company to extricate the clock.  I hear that Silvia dared Jerry to ever do home repairs again.  My solution would have been to tie a strong magnet onto a long pole, like perhaps a mop handle, and try to get the clock that way, but then … what do I know?  And I also wonder … why bother to pay to have it removed after 13 years?  Surely they were inured to it by then???


Monday-flutter-bird-2.gifI know little-to-nothing about boats.  I do have a funny personal story about one, though.  Many years ago when my husband was alive, I answered the phone to a man on the other end saying that he was calling about the boat we had advertised in the local paper.  Actually, we hadn’t and didn’t even own a boat, which I told him.  He said, “Are you sure?”  I said yes, I was quite sure, then he replied, rather belligerently, “Let me talk to your husband.” Either he thought I was lying, or too stupid (being a woman, y’know) to know if we owned a boat.  Sigh.  Anyway … here is the story I meant to tell you before I got side-tracked …

A 37-foot motorboat can cost up to … well, a lot of money.  I tried to do some quick and dirty research, but got so many varied estimates that I gave up.  The most expensive I saw was $499,000.  So why would you buy an expensive boat and leave it lying alongside the highway? what bird???

July 7 (UPI) – “Police in New Jersey are trying to figure out who abandoned a 37-foot boat at the side of a busy highway.

The South Brunswick Police Department tweeted a photo Thursday afternoon showing the boat, named Maraliya, at the side of Route 1, about 40 miles southwest of New York City.

Monday-boat.jpgThe police said the boat, labeled as being based out of Larchmont, N.Y., was at the side of the road for about five hours before being removed by officers.”

I wonder … if nobody claims the boat, do they raffle it off?  And shouldn’t a boat have something similar to the Vehicle Identification Number (VIN) on cars … perhaps a BIN?  And … was the boat abandoned because it was used in the commission of a crime?  So many questions …


And speaking of things found alongside the road … what would you surmise about a wedding dress left on a road named Bridle Road?  It’s true … I swear to you I don’t make this stuff up!

Monday-wedding-dressEventually an unnamed woman came forward to claim the dress, saying it had fallen out of her vehicle.  Now, there is something fishy going on here.  First, as you are driving along, how does an article of clothing just “fall” out of your car.  And a wedding dress?  And the name of the road … Bridle Road.  Sure, Bridle sounds just like ‘bridal’, but I’m more along the lines of thinking ‘bridle’, as in ‘reined in’, controlled …

And then there is what she did with the dress after she recovered it from the police … she took it to a consignment shop!  Trust me here … this lady does NOT plan to get married any time soon!Monday-flutter-bird-3


Spike is his name; art is his game. Spike is six months old and lives in Japan with his girl Mandy, where he creates works of art.  Spike is a … er … um … stag beetle.  Mandy also has three other stag beetles as pets:  Sally, Julius and Cleo. (Two males & two females … I have to ask … how does one determine the gender of a beetle???) In Japan, cats and dogs are less popular as pets, because of limited living space, so most kids have somewhat smaller friends for those moments when they need something with which to … snuggle.  Says Mandy, “Like any small pet, they’re not affectionate, but they’re very fun to watch, especially docus species. If you are careful you can handle them, although some species are more aggressive than others.”

Spike’s art went viral about a week ago when he got his own Twitter and Instagram accounts, where he exhibits his artwork.  Mandy is planning to auction his paintings, with 15% of the proceeds from that auction going toward “stag conservation.” When Mandy, an English teacher, put a few of Spike’s drawings on Ebay, the top bid was $150!  Not bad for a little guy … you can buy a lotta bananas, Spike’s favourite food, with $150!


And on that note …what bird??? …  it is time to rinse out the cups, put on the ties and let’s all get out and find somebody to share a smile with!  I challenge you today to give out three unsolicited smiles!  Keep safe and have a great week!  Hugs ‘n love from Filosofa!

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I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it! It cost me $11.20, but I did it and I am having a chuckle or two … a bigly chuckle, actually!  I can see you shaking your heads and rolling your eyes, wondering just what the heck I am up to now … well be patient, for I am about to tell you.  What I did was sent a small gift to none other than Mr. Donald Trump!  No, no cyanide was involved or white powdery substances, just a book.  A very simple book, actually …

Yertle the TurtleI actually owe this bit of fun to Roger (Woebegone but hopeful) who made the suggestion a week or so ago.  He mentioned, and I considered, Green Eggs and Ham, but then Miss Goose said that Yertle the Turtle would be better, and when I went back and re-read it, I had to agree.  From the description on Amazon:

“Dr. Seuss presents three modern fables in the rhyming favorite Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories. The collection features tales about greed (“Yertle the Turtle”), vanity (“Gertrude McFuzz”), and pride (“The Big Brag”). In no other book does a small burp have such political importance! Yet again, Dr. Seuss proves that he and classic picture books go hand in hand.”

Greed, vanity and pride … all traits that Mr. Trump exhibits in spades, and he could stand to learn a few of the simple lessons found in these three stories.  I ordered it from Amazon, so I got free shipping as a member in good standing of their Prime program, and he will receive it next Tuesday, 11 July!  I also had them enclose a gift card that will read …

“This is a book.  You can read it to learn new words and enjoy the pictures too! Enjoy – Jill Dennison”

In hindsight, I should have signed it ‘Filosofa’ and perhaps it would have led him to my blog where he could gain further enlightenment!

Theodor Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss, has stated that the titular character Yertle represented Adolf Hitler, with Yertle’s despotic rule of the pond. In 2003, reporter John J. Miller also compared Yertle to the former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, saying that “[i]ts final lines apply as much to Saddam Hussein as they once did to the European fascists”. More recently, the striking visual similarities between Yertle the Turtle and US Senator Mitch McConnell has been publicly promoted by comedian Jon Stewart.

Yertle-McconnellThe last lines of Yertle the Turtle read: “And turtles, of course … all the turtles are free / As turtles, and maybe, all creatures should be.”

Now, I am a frugal being, as my family will tell you, and not one to waste money, as I have little enough of it.  But … with all the current frustrations Trump has caused us all, I was in the mood for open rebellion … just one small act of defiance.  Spitting in the wind?  Yes, I’m sure … but it was worth every penny of the $11.20!  I will cut back on something next week to make up for the $11.20. I am operating here under the assumption that we still live in a fairly free society, but in the event you do not see any posts or comments from me after Tuesday, perhaps you should all get together and start baking a very large cake with a file in it!

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If anybody is interested, you can access a .pdf file with the full text off Yertle the Turtle.

It’s … A … Monday … SO SMILE!!!

Welcome to Monday once again!  Some of you in the U.S. are probably on holiday from work, due to the Independence Day holiday tomorrow.  Others, like my daughter, had to drag yourselves out of bed bright and early to go to work.  Either way, though, never fear for Filosofa is HERE … working away at the task of bringing a few smiles and a chuckle into your Monday morning!  So sit down here for a few minutes and give yourself a break, lighten up and think of happy things, then take a smile on your way out to share with others!


I have written a few posts about self-driving cars:

Well, it looks as if I wrote about this several times! Those who have read my posts are aware that I am not a big fan of this concept, thinking of them as a disaster-looking-for-a-place-to-happen.  That said, I am also not a big fan of ‘driving humans’, as they are prone to distractions, carelessness, and just plain ol’ stupidity.  Like the lady who broadsided me in a parking lot a few years ago.  “Oh … I’m so sorry … I was talking to my husband on the phone and forgot to look left!”  Or the one who rear-ended me a few years before that because we were stopped at a red light, she was putting on her mascara, and just hit the gas before the light turned green.  Sigh.  Self-driving cars may ultimately be the solution, much as I hate to admit it.  But I do not think the technology is good enough just yet, and I for one am not ready.  This is especially true in light of this headline in the Guardian:

Volvo Admits Its Self-Driving Cars Are Confused By Kangaroos 

Monday-kangaroo.jpgUm … okay … well, I cannot remember the last time a kangaroo crossed my path on a street or highway.  But wait!  Perhaps in Australia???  According to the article:

“Volvo’s self-driving car is unable to detect kangaroos because hopping confounds its systems, the Swedish carmaker says.

The company’s “Large Animal Detection system” can identify and avoid deer, elk and caribou, but early testing in Australia shows it cannot adjust to the kangaroo’s unique method of movement.

Kangaroos cause more accidents than any other animal in Australia – the marsupials are responsible for about 90% of collisions between vehicles and animals – although most are not serious.”

Volvo plans to unleash … errrr … make available it’s self-driving cars in 2020.  Hold on to your hats, folks … and watch out for the bloomin’ kangaroos!


The Cereal Wars

Meanwhile, in neighboring New Zealand, there is a cereal war brewing.  Yes, you heard right … nooooo, not a ‘serial’ war, but a ‘cereal’ war.  Cereal … the stuff some of you eat for breakfast, or if you’re like H, breakfast AND dinner!  Here’s what happened …

Customs officers in New Zealand have seized and impounded hundreds of boxes of the breakfast cereal Weetabix after complaints by rival cereal giant Weet-Bix that it could confuse customers. The pallet of Weetabix – about 300 boxes – arrived in a container load of British goods last week, destined for the shelves of A Little Bit of Britain grocery store in Christchurch, which largely caters to British expats. But New Zealand customs officials detained the pallet at the request of Sanitarium, which claimed the cereal infringed its trademark cereal Weet-Bix, which is a staple in many New Zealand homes.

Sanitarium sent a letter to Lisa Wilson, the co-owner of A Little Bit of Britain, saying it would release her cereal shipment if she placed a sticker over the offending Weetabix label once the item was on her shelves, and blanked out the name Weetabix when she sold the cereal on line. Other British stores in the North Island have complied with Sanitarium’s demands, but Wilson has decided to fight the company, which she accuses of “bullying” her small, family-run business.

Monday-Lisa Wilson“They [Sanitarium] walk in and slap an agreement down and it is quite daunting for a very small business … they are trying to bully the small guys. They are trying to force us to do what they want because they are a multi million-dollar company, but we are not willing to bow to Sanitarium’s demands as we don’t believe there is a case of trademark infringement here and we are standing up for that principle.”

And soooo … Ms. Wilson must sell a lot of Weetabix in order to put up such a fight, eh?  Oh yes … about seven (7) boxes per week!  Sometimes you just have to stand firm on principle. And though I do understand this, and I stand firm on principle often, I also adhere to the motto “pick your battles”.  ‘Nuff said.


Run, potty, run … 

In Moscow, you just never know what will happen next!  Last Friday, heavy rains and strong winds combined to send port-a-potties sliding down the street, chasing pedestrians.  People were scurrying to get out of the way of the toilets!  See video clip here!


I debated about using this next one, so I consulted the family … they both agreed that it was funny, even though as a rule we would not find much humour in a man getting run over by a bus!  But what made this particular video so funny is that the man, Simon Smith of Reading, England, was apparently heading for the local pub.  The bus comes around the corner and … well, just watch the clip …

 

The man was unhurt and simply proceeded to enter the pub … I hope the bartender gave him one on the house!


Monday-cop-carIn Hialeah, Florida, 46-year-old Milton Morales-Perez, in what appeared to be a routine traffic stop, pulled up next to a black Ford Taurus, flashed his badge, and motioned the driver to pull over.  Kenia Fallat did just that, but continued talking on her cell phone, even after Perez instructed her to hang up the phone and turn off the motor.

Ms. Fallat, you see, is an actual Miami Police Department official and was in full uniform at the time.  Apparently Perez wasn’t quite bright enough to put 2 + 2 together in time, Fallat called for backup, and Morales-Perez was arrested.  Turns out his was a security guard, hence the badge.  When asked why he thought it was a good idea to impersonate a police officer, he said only, “she was on the phone, and it is very dangerous to be on the phone while driving.”


'Yes, I know we're hyenas - but sometimes I just don't feel like laughing, Kate.'Alright folks … I sense that my attempts at humour may have fallen a bit flat today … that has been happening a lot lately … and I apologize, but I hope you at least grinned once or twice.  If not, I shall just have to double up on the funny-quotient next week, eh?  How about a few cartoons to send you on your way … and take a smile from the basket … I got them just for you to take and to share!  Have a safe and fun holiday tomorrow, and a great week!  Hugs ‘n love from Filosofa!Monday-basket-smiles


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'When I said getting more sleep would help reduce stress I meant AT HOME!''The chicks can't sleep...have you been telling them Colonel Sanders horror stories again?'

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On Pogo Sticks, Pancakes, and Why Van Gogh Cut Off His Ear …

“The Governor was stuck with a difficult decision. Due to the nation holiday falling on the second Saturday of May; National Pogo-Stick Day was on the same day as State Celebrate Pancake Spinning Day. How were they going to balance the competing celebrations?” – Roger L, 29 June 2017

I have occasionally included National something-or-another days in my Jolly Monday posts, and as you have probably noticed, frequently there are more than one special occasion days happening simultaneously.  For example, today, 30 June, is both ‘National Media Watch Day’ and ‘Social Media Day’.  Those two go pretty much hand-in-hand and shouldn’t cause problems.  Now yesterday, however, there were some six ‘National Days’:

  • National Parchment Day
  • National Almond Buttercrunch Day
  • National Camera Day
  • National Waffle Iron Day
  • National Bomb Pop Day – Last Thursday in June
  • National Handshake Day – Last Thursday in June

I still don’t see a lot of conflict here.  One can honour Parchment Day by making some Buttercrunch, dropping it by the scoopful onto some parchment paper (known as ‘butter paper’ in the Middle East, as I discovered when my sweet neighbor Maha came one day to ask to borrow some ‘butter paper’), then taking a picture of it for National Camera Day!  Simple … three birds with one stone, so to speak.  I do not know what a ‘Bomb Pop’ is, so I will take a pass on that one.  But, one could, while the yummy buttercrunch is cooling on the parchment paper, cook up some waffles (cinnamon in mine, please) and then stand on the street corner passing them out to hungry people and shaking their hands at the same time.  See … you just have to do a bit of pre-planning.  But …

buttercrunchOn the other side of the pond, a recent dilemma nearly became an issue of national security!  Imagine, if you will, trying to combine National Pogo Stick Day and State Celebrate Pancake Spinning Day!  Now, I know what a pogo stick is … I think we all tried one at least once in our youth.  I … um … wasn’t very good at it.  As a kid who wore leg braces and special shoes until age 8, pogo-sticking wasn’t my forte. At age 60 or so, I tried my neighbor kids’ scooter and I wasn’t very good at that, either.  He wouldn’t let me try it again a few days later.  Anyway,

pogo-1 pancake-1

Now, imagine the poor Guv trying to figure out how to combine these two holidays, both of which fall on the 2nd Saturday of May, or else choose one and only one to honour!  I would not want that responsibility, but … this year it got worse!  The dilemma wasn’t just one of which holiday to celebrate, but the Pogo-stickers demanded … DEMANDED, I tell you … to be allowed to spin pancakes whilst hopping happily on their pogo sticks.  Never mind that no single pogo-er had ever spun so much as a single bloomin’ pancake, nor had a single pancake spinner ever hopped so much as a ha’block on a pogo stick!  Oh what to do, what to do???

pogo-2Well, the Guv called together his most trusted advisors and, one by one, they came up with some ideas.  First came the idea for a Tandem Pogo Stick, a pogo-stick-built-for-two, as it were.  One would bounce the pogo stick, while the other would spin the pancakes.  The other best option was to divide the day … pancake spinning in the morning, pogo-sticking in the afternoon.  The tandem thing ended in …'So, do you want me to give that pogo stick to the charity shop. Or, do you want another go at it when you get out of here?'Which left no choice but for the split-day.  Simple, yes?  Wellllllll … maybe not.  See, the pogo-ers claimed the first half of the day, for they would be too tired and heavy after a morning spent eating pancakes.  But … the pancake-spinners … well, pancakes are breakfast food, so of course they got mornings.  The pogo-ers ate too many pancakes, fell flat on their arses, and …

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next year the Guv had better come up with a better plan. And then there were the cows, but that is a story for another day …

 

'There goes another damned pogo stick!'

 

A bit of explanation for this bizarre post … yesterday, when I wrote this post, I was having a very down day, and all my attempts to be humorous turned dark.  My dear friend Roger, understanding as always, offered me a line and challenged me to do something humorous with it.  He made me laugh, and then he inspired me, and that, friends, is the source of this post.  I needed to laugh and couldn’t.  In fact, I had decided that THIS was why Van Gogh cut his ear off … to find some inspiration, a bit of humour. Many thanks to Roger for always knowing how to pull me back out of my dark places without me losing an ear … and for always making me laugh!

Great News …. The Toe Has Been Returned!!!

Last week I wrote about the stolen toe which is used in Dawson City’s (Yukon) Sourdough Saloon’s popular “Sourtoe Cocktail.”  This is a follow-up to that story …

Now, I am fairly certain that at least some of you, like me, have lost sleep worrying about this toe and its whereabouts, but today you can rest easy!  The toe has been returned to its rightful owner and will return to its place of prominence in the Sourtoe Cocktail!  It was really rather anti-climactic.  Last Tuesday afternoon the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) say they received a call from the alleged thief, who said he had mailed the toe to the hotel. He also said he had called the hotel to say the toe was on its way and offered a verbal apology.

The hotel received the package two days later, and the RCMP was called in to open the package … just in case there was more than just a toe inside.  But no, all was well, the toe arrived in good condition (well, as good as a mummified toe is likely to be anyway), and a letter of apology was included. The obvious question is why did he steal the toe in the first place if he was going to return it and suffer a pang of conscience as well?

puzzledNow, an interesting twist here.  The toe was stolen on Saturday, 17 June.  Yesterday, 26 June, the Vancouver Courier carried the following headline:

Donate Your Toe To Win A Trip To The Yukon

Toes will be collected posthumously for use in the famous Sourtoe Cocktail

The article begins …

“An incident last week in Dawson City, Yukon, almost became a one of national security when the famous toe from the Sourtoe Cocktail was stolen from the Downtown Hotel in Dawson City. Luckily, the toe has now been returned. Because of this tragedy Tourism Yukon is on the lookout for a backup toe to ensure the Sourtoe Cocktail can continue on should this happen again. The person willing to part with it will win a free Yukon getaway for two.”

In case any of my readers might be interested in donating their toes to win the free trip, here are the abbreviated rules:

  • To win: Upload a photo of your mouth-watering digit onto Instagram
  • Tag @travelyukon
  • Add the hashtag #makeatoenation for a chance to win a free Yukon getaway for two.

Hotel manager Adam Gerle says, “We’re delighted the toe has been returned and this contest will help ensure the tradition of the legendary Sourtoe Cocktail will continue for many years to come”.

All the toes people are willing to donate will be displayed on makeatoenation.com. The selected winner will agree to donate their toe postmortem. And yes, this is a real contest. Big toes are preferred. Full contest rules here. If you’re interested, the deadline is 07 July, and as you can see on the makeatoenation site, there are already many entries, so you need to get busy!

So, folks, you will sleep better tonight, knowing that the missing toe has been returned safe and sound. Y’know … I’ve never been to the Yukon … and I wouldn’t mind seeing the sights … heck, I might even decide to live out my days there … far away from the Buffoon-in-Chief!  I asked my girls if either of them would be interested in a trip to the Yukon.  For some reason, they looked at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head!  Goose did mention something about Yukon Cornelius, though, so perhaps I can convince her yet.

yukonSpecial thanks to my friend Diane for alerting me that the toe had been returned!

This Monday Morning Is Brought To You By … Eeyore!

I am on hiatus until tomorrow, but did not want to disappoint all of you who depend on my Jolly Monday posts to get your week off to a start with a smile.  So, I am reposting this from last June … it is one of the better ones, I think.  I hope it brings a glimmer of a smile to your face and that you share that smile with others.  Hugs and love to you all!

Note to readers:  As you all know by now, my hiatus did not pan out, but I am leaving this re-post for two reasons:  1) it was a pretty good one, and 2) I am lazy today.  I promise fresh jolly material next Monday, however!

Grounded

It was the moment that every parent dreads, hopes never to have happen.  That moment when you find unidentified pills in your teenager’s room.  What do you do?  Do you confront him/her?  How do you handle the situation?  Honest conversation or punishment?  Well, 16-year-old Ashley Banks forgot her calculator on the day she was scheduled to take the SAT test, so she sent a text message to her mom asking her to get the calculator from her room and leave it in the mailbox so she could pick it up on her way. In the process, her mother found some strange pills and did what most of us would probably have done … she panicked and sent the following message back to Ashley:

“Ashley Carol I will not have drugs in my house. Come home right now. As soon as your dad comes home from California we will discuss your consequences.  As for now [you’re] grounded and you will not be leaving the house, come home this instant.” 

Imagine mom’s surprise when Ashley’s response was a couple of laughing emojis followed by “go put them in water.”  Mom put the ‘pills’ in water and …. Well, you can see the results for yourself in the picture.  Needless to say, mom had some egg on her face!

dino

 

It rather reminds me of the time my late mother-in-law found marijuana in her grandson’s dresser drawer!  She decided to destroy it, so she took it outside to a container she used to burn paper and set it afire.  Wanting to be certain it all burned up, she stood right over the container and after a few minutes of inhaling the smoke, she was higher than a kite!


Blind Cat Hikes Highest Peak in Ireland

Spooky, our oldest cat, died in March.  He was blind, and as such was sometimes quite a challenge to take care of.  He turned food and water dishes over more often than he actually ate or drank from them, had to be carried to the litter box, and in general required at least ten times as much time and effort as any of the others.  We did this without complaint (mostly), however, as he was quite old, we had him since he was just a few weeks old, and he had given us many years of love and joy.  But I cannot picture hiking up a mountain with him.  So you can imagine my surprise when I heard of Stevie, the blind cat who shares her home and life with her human companion, Patrick Corr, hiking!  Not just hiking, but hiking to the top of Carrauntoohil, Ireland’s highest peak (3,406 feet)!  Stevie mostly walks with a harness and leash, though she (yes, Stevie is a girl) is allowed briefly off the leash on occasion.  And Patrick carries her on his shoulder or in a carrier where the terrain is rocky.   You can check out the short (3+ mins) video here (video will open in separate tab)

stevie“Her comfort was our number one priority,” says Corr.  “Stevie was only allowed to walk on the path leading to the base and during the climb itself, she was free to walk wherever there was a soft surface – any section of the mountainside that was too rocky, she was carried on my shoulder and via a cat carrier bag that we had specially for the trip.”  The pair also took “lots of breaks” and he made sure Stevie always had access to food and water. The climb up and down the peak took between five and six hours.  Great job Stevie!  Oh, and you too, Patrick!


Hope For Hope

hopeLakeland, Florida Police Officer Kareem Garibaldi had worked a 12-hour shift, was tired and just wanted to go home.  When he reached his car, however, he found Hope, a small stray puppy under the car.  Officer Garibaldi took Hope home, and after three days of caring for her and trying to find her owners, he decided to take her to the SPCA for a health check.  This picture was snapped of both Officer Garibaldi and Hope snoozing, while waiting to be seen by the vet.  This photo went viral on social media, though sadly some had negative responses, saying that the officer was merely trying to get attention for himself, but most of the 234 comments on Facebook were very positive.  The best part?  Hope now has a ‘forever home’ with Officer G!  Hats off to Officer Kareem Garibaldi for compassion and humanity!


 

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