It’s Another Jolly Monday!!!!

Good Monday morning, dear friends … thanks for dropping by!  As I promised last week, I have fresh-baked cinnamon rolls for you today!

Monday-cinnamon-rollsI hope you all enjoyed your weekend!  It was hot here … hot and humid.  Those of you who are fathers, I hope your family spoiled you with special love and treats yesterday … Happy Belated Father’s Day!

Now grab your coffee and a cinnamon roll and let’s have a few chuckles together before you head out into the frozen tundra to make your way to work.  Oh wait … it is the middle of June … no frozen tundra here, although my friends in Australia may be seeing some!

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Monday-beerWe all know that the Germans like their beer, right?  What would a German festival be without beer?  So, it’s never too early to start preparing for the Wacken Open Air (WOA) hard rock festival, which kicks off in northern Germany in August. Good planning is the key to a successful festival, and the Germans are on top of this one.  They are building a 4-mile (7 km) pipeline that will deliver a glass of beer per second!  While oil pipelines have been the topic of much controversy in recent years, I am betting this pipeline will have no naysayers!

Monday-beer-pipelineThe WOA festival runs August 3-5, in case any of you are interested in attending.  This year’s festival will feature such bands as Megadeth, Alice Cooper and Trivium, and is expected to draw a crowd of 75,000.  It is anticipated that each of those 75,000 will consume 5.1 litres (nine pints) of beer during the festival. Um … that’s a lot of beer!

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New sport … Pizza Acrobatics!  Yes, you’ve all seen how some experts in the making of pizza dough can toss the dough into the air, catch it on their fist and twirl it around, making it all seem so effortless?  Well, I can tell you from personal experience (read, failure) that it is NOT as easy as they make it look!  I have tried this a few times and most often my efforts end up either splattered on my face or else on the floor.  But …

Every year in Las Vegas, pizza acrobats from across the globe convene to compete in the star-studded World Pizza Games. A subset of the city’s annual Pizza Expo, the games showcase athletes, many of whom are also chefs, as they take dough to new heights. (There’s a similar competition—known as the World Pizza Championships—in Italy each year.)

World Pizza Champion Tony Gemignani currently holds the record for most consecutive across-the-shoulder rolls of pizza dough in 30 seconds with 37 rolls. During the competition, the acrobats perform a variety of tricks for a small panel of judges. For two to three minutes, as a song plays in the background, they toss their dough into the air as they jump, spin, and do cartwheels.

Check out this video of Tony Gemignani … you will be AMAZED!


What do you do if you’ve been out with friends and had just a wee bit too much … er … fun?  Your car is parked in a metred lot, and yet you know it isn’t a good idea for you to drive, but how much of a fine might your car wrack up over night?  Well, here is what one person in Wausau, Wisconsin did:

Monday-note-on-carHe or she left the above hand-written sign on the window of the car, saying:

“Please take pity on me. I walked home… safe choices!” And she (or he, but I’m thinking it was a ‘she’) drew a little smiley on the bottom.

It worked!  Officer Jim Hellrood did take pity on her and left his own note on the car, reading: “Pity granted, just a warning.”  Remember this for future reference, folks!


Short question:  what would you think of pizza-flavoured ice cream?  Yeah, that was what I thought too.  Little Baby’s Ice Cream in the Fishtown neighborhood of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, created the pizza ice cream flavour, as an homage to Pizza Brain, a museum located near the shop, and the flavour has been a hit with patrons. It contains crushed tomatoes, salt, crushed red pepper, oregano, raw garlic paste, and basil.

Monday-pizza-ice creamTurns out that Little Baby’s may not be the first to come up with the idea, however, as I found an article from 2015 reporting that: “Coolhaus—which has ice cream trucks in Southern California, New York, and Dallas, as well as two brick-and-mortar locations in the Los Angeles area—has up and decided to go there and interpret the salty, greasy wonder known as pizza into a frozen dessert.”  Interestingly, I also learned that Coolhaus has ‘Whiskey Lucky Charms Ice Cream Sandwiches’.

Monday-pizza-ice cream-2I have been told that I do not have an adventurous palate, and it must be true, because neither the pizza-flavoured ice cream, nor the Whiskey Lucky Charms Ice Cream Sandwiches hold any appeal for my boring palate.

 


Monday-math-signThis sign was seen at a deli in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  Gotta wonder what happened that led to the need for this sign?  Some humorous speculations:

“Perhaps they thought those conversations were getting too irrational?”

“Some of them got downright complex.”

“You’ve gotta ask!!! I’m imagining fisticuffs over fibonaci or something like that.”


Joke of the Week:

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”

“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”


Well, friends, I’ve enjoyed our Monday morning together, and I do hope I’ve given you at least a little bit of a smile with which to start your week.  I hope you all have a really great week, and that you share your gorgeous smile with a few others!  A smile is a funny thing … it has a domino effect and yet, no matter how many you share, there is always at least one left.  Keep safe and keep smiling!  Hugs and love from Filosofa!

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zzzzzzzzzZZZZZzzz … MONDAY???? Already???

Wha … huh … OH!  If you’re here already, I must’ve overslept!  Hold on just a minute … somebody hand me my glasses, please?  So sorry about that, but I’ve been keeping some pretty late hours lately.  So … this must mean it’s Monday, right?  Okay … Monday, Monday … can’t trust that day … rainy days and Mondays … YAWWWWNNN.  I’m afraid I didn’t bake any cinnamon rolls this morning, but I’ll have the coffee up in two shakes of a lamb’s tail …

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There we go … that’s better, isn’t it?  What, Hugh?  Oh yes … just a sec …

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Now, are we all set and ready to get this week off to a start with a bit of humour?  Who said that my bedhead was humorous enough???  Might have known it would be you, Jack … alright … here we go … prepare to chuckle or at least give me a smile …


When you go to a restaurant what is your favourite thing to order?  For me, it depends on the restaurant, but generally it is some sort of fish … either batter-fried cod, or salmon, or sometimes shrimp-fried-rice.  So, say you order salmon with a side salad and perhaps some rice pilaf, but when the server returns with you food in 20 minutes or so, she brings you fried chicken tenders and fries.  What do you do?  Send it back, or keep it and be satisfied?  Well, at The Restaurant of Order Mistakes (yes, that is its real name), you should be prepared to get something other than what you ordered!  The restaurant is in Tokyo’s Toyosu district, and its mission is to hire servers with dementia.

Monday-restaurantThe restaurant is what is called a ‘pop-up’ restaurant – one that is temporary for anywhere from a few days to a few months.  This particular one was located inside Maggie’s Tokyo, the Japanese version of the UK’s Maggie’s Centers, which are support centers for cancer patients and their families. The pop-up lasted for three days, and another is planned in September for World Alzheimer’s Day. I think it is a great and fun idea, and I would love to try it once … assuming, that is, that there are no utterly disgusting things on the menu that I might inadvertently get stuck with, like eel, snake eggs, or snails!  Yes, I have a non-adventurous palate.


I am not sure if this gal just really, really wanted a drink, or if she had already had a tad too much and was just another obnoxious customer, but she sure as heck busted up the liquor store!  She strutted into a Southern California liquor store Monday and refused to go quietly, leaving behind aisles of shattered bottles that were knocked from shelves in a spirited encounter with an enforcement officer.  The damage is estimated at about $500, mostly champagne … the dame has expensive tastes.

Monday-peahenOh, and did I happen to mention that the customer in question was a … peahen?  (In case you don’t know, that is the female version of a peacock.)  Store manager Rani Ghanem was unaware of the peahen until a customer said, “Hey, uh, you have a bird inside your store.”  Rani deals with birds on a daily basis, but usually his encounters are limited to Wild Turkey and Grey Goose, so he was a bit unsure what to do, especially when the bird swooped right over his head!  So, he called the Pasadena Humane Society and SPCA, and an animal control officer arrived shortly.  What ensued was a 6 minute struggle between man and beast … er … bird … but eventually the man won.  The peahen was last heard singing, “♫ I fought the law ♪ and the law won ♫” as she was carried out the door.  Yep, I believe she had a bit too much of the bubbly! You can watch the struggle between man and bird here.


Ever hear of a police officer being fired for being too friendly?  Well, such was the fate of Gavel, a German Shephard who was attending the police academy in Queensland, Australia.  See, Gavel much preferred getting belly rubs and tickles to tackling hardened criminals.  Police in Australia felt he “did not display the necessary aptitude for a life on the front line”.

Monday-GavelNow, in government jobs, as we are all well aware, it isn’t so much what you know as who you know.  Turns out that Gavel knew people in high places, for he had been fostered at the official residence of the Queensland governor since he was six weeks old. So when the governor heard that poor Gavel was facing a lifetime of unemployment, he gave him a job … a much cushier job than chasing criminals, as it happens.  Gavel is now the official greeter and public relations canine at the Queensland’s Government House.  He welcomes guests, helps guide tours, and participates in ceremonial occasions.  Plus … he gets a really cool uniform to wear with the state emblems of Queensland.  And fringe benefits?  All the snuggles, belly rubs and tickles he can handle!  Way to go, Gavel!!!

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Gavel with the Governor … Gov & Gav


In April, one of my ‘Jolly Monday’ posts included two stories about strange museums, an Ice Cream Museum and the Museum of Failures. Today I bring you another oddish museum, the Museum of Moist Towelettes.

Monday-museumHoused in the planetarium of the University of Michigan, the display features moist towelettes from all over the globe, all but one unopened.  The one that has been opened has historic value … it was used by Tom and Ray … you know, the car guys? Tom and Ray Magliozzi, the hosts of the radio program Car Talk. I used to read their column faithfully.  Other ‘interesting’ specimens include one called “Finger Pinkies,” which is advertised as “the secretary’s hand cleaner,” a few from the Hard Rock Cafés in Beijing and Kuala Lumpur, and a series with Star Trek-themed packaging from the show’s original run.

The display is said to be the least visited on campus … um gee, I wonder why?


Joke of the week:

laugh ani2A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”


Sigh.  Is it over already?  Do you have to go?  Couldn’t you just stay for an hour or so?  Sigh … okay, go if you must.  I’ve so enjoyed having you, and next Monday I promise to be awake, perky and have hot cinnamon rolls fresh out of the oven!  I hope your week is good, that you don’t face any major crises, and that nobody switches the buttons on your telephone!  Keep safe, my dear friends, and remember to share that beautiful smile!!!

Monday-avacado

Somebody actually carved this avocado.  Pretty, but …. why???

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And speaking of Simon & Garfunkel …

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Shhhhh …. Don’t Tell Anyone, But It’s …

 

Monday-fundayGood Monday Morning Friends!  Why do people hate Mondays?  Oh yes … I remember now … after a couple of days off, relaxing or doing fun things, time with friends and family, some (most) have to return to the world of ties and high heels, the world of corporate games-playing, the world of drudgery.  Having been retired for a number of years, I guess I rather forgot!  But … do you know the best thing about Monday?  Well … it’s ummm … let’s see … I … er … I will let you know later …

Meanwhile, let us pull up a chair, enjoy a cup of java (or whatever  J  )  and have a few smiles to start the week off right, shall we?


Happy Belated National Donut Day …

Monday-donutIn case you missed it, last Friday, 02 June, was National Donut Day.  I was not aware of it until my daughter came home from work Friday night and said they had free donuts at work in celebration of the event.  Just as well I didn’t know, else I might have felt it my patriotic duty to eat a donut … and that is a no-no for Filosofa!  However, in Denver, Colorado, it was celebrated in style by Lamar’s Donuts who delivered donuts throughout the city.   Nothing special about that, you say?  Well, it was the method of delivery that caught the eye of many, as they were delivered by drones!  Yes, even the mayor’s office received a special flying delivery!

Denver Mayor Michael B. Hancock shared live video of the drone delivering doughnuts from Denver-based chain Lamar’s Donuts to the Denver City and County Building  .  It looked to me that those donuts were taking some abuse from the wind, and I could not help but wonder about their condition upon arrival. In the video, the mayor does open the box of donuts, but I couldn’t tell their condition.

The doughnut shop teamed with Texas-based company Drone Dispatch and the Denver Salvation Army to fly boxes of donuts to various locations throughout the city, including the police and fire departments, and a local mall. The Salvation Army has a claim to National Doughnut Day, saying the holiday began in 1938 at its Chicago branch. Who knew?  All I know is that the ½ avocado I ate for breakfast has left me craving … a donut.  Oh well, I think there’s some yogurt in the fridge.

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It wasn’t me … mpfh … honest!


For the love of pizza …

Ivy League universities like Harvard and Yale have strict admissions requirements and not just any Joe Blow can be accepted.  But there is a secret “back channel”, one might say, and it has to do with … wait for it … pizza!  (Have you noticed that pizza has been in the news a lot lately?)

18-year-old Carolina Williams from Brentwood, Tennessee, was sending out college applications, and as we all know, one of the most critical parts of those applications is the essay.  Williams thought long and hard, and this was the result:

“The sound of my doorbell starts off high, then the pitch mellows out, and the whole effect mimics an instrumental interpretation of rain finally finding a steady pace at which to fall. I have spent several minutes analyzing its tone because I have had many opportunities to do so, as one thing I love to do is order pizza and have it delivered to my house. When the delivery person rings my doorbell, I instantly morph into one of Pavlov’s dogs, salivating to the sound that signals the arrival of the cheesy, circular glory. It smells like celebration, as I love to rejoice a happy occasion by calling Papa John’s for my favorite food. It tastes like comfort, since having pizza delivered to my quiet home is a way for me to unwind. It looks like self-sufficiency, because when I was young, ordering pizza made me feel grown-up, and it still provides that satisfaction for my child at heart. Accepting those warm cardboard boxes is second nature to me, but I will always love ordering pizza because of the way eight slices of something so ordinary are able to evoke feelings of independence, consolation, and joy.”

She received this response:

“I am so glad that I had the opportunity to read your application. As someone who kept trying to read books for fun on tops of thousands of applications this winter, I really loved your essay on reading 100 books in a year and I laughed so hard on your pizza essay. I kept thinking that you are the kind of person that I would love to be best friends with. I want you to know that every part of your application stood out in our process and we are thrilled to be able to offer you a spot at Yale …”

Remember the old adage, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”?  May be some truth in that.  Caroline, by the way, rejected Yale and chose Auburn University in Alabama instead.  I shall hold my tongue and refrain from the snarky remark I really, really want to make here.


The battle between 7/11 and 6/12 …

Monday-7-11Sunday night and you discover you have no coffee for tomorrow morning … what do you do?  Oops, just used the last roll of toilet tissue … what to do?  Friends coming for my famous quiche tomorrow morning and I forgot to buy eggs … what to do?  The answer, of course, is you run to the nearest 7/11 store, right?  Interesting bit of trivia here … 7/11 started out in 1927 as Tote’m Stores, because customers ‘toted’ their purchases.  In 1946 the name was changed to 7/11 because they were open from 7:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m. 7 days a week … a rarity back in those days when most stores closed in mid-evening and were rarely opened on Sunday.  Today, of course, 7/11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and most grocery and other stores are open 7 days a week.  Times have changed.

Anyway, on to the story.  Abu Musa ran a 7/11 franchise on East Broadway in South Boston.  The terms of his franchise required that he offer hot food such as taquitos and hot dogs, which customers rarely bought. “They’d sit there on the rollers, no one would buy them, and every day I would throw out $200 to $300 worth of food that I had to pay for,” Musa told the Boston Globe. And then, to add insult to injury, the regional headquarters office requested Mr. Musa to begin offering chicken wings and pizza at his store, in addition to hiring an employee to work the hot food counter at all times.

Poor Mr. Musa … there would be no profit left if he complied with the latest request!  The company tried to revoke his franchise, and they settled out of court, parting ways without an amicable handshake at the end.  “What next?” Mr. Musa asked himself.  What did he know how to do best?  Run a convenience store.  So … he opened his own, right across the street from the 7/11 he once operated, and he called it … wait for it … 6/12!  Apparently there was no ‘non-compete’ clause in the court settlement.  Musa says he can undercut 7/11 because he knows the price of everything they sell.

Monday-6-12“My goal is to get them to close. I know the price of everything in that store so I sell the same things cheaper.”

Thus far he has lured about half of his former 7/11 customers, not only by undercutting in price, but just because they like him …

“I come here because of him,” customer Dave Duffley said. “He greets everyone with a smile, and this feels like an American success story. Corporate pushed him out, so he went right across the street and opened his own shop. What’s not to love?”


Operation Extra Olives

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Another pizza story in the news.  And would you like some cocaine on that pizza, ma’am?  Apparently if you live in King County, Washington, that is an option.  Rather, it was an option until last week when authorities took umbrage and arrested five people, including two Papa John’s workers who had been selling cocaine and delivering it along with the pizzas!

Undercover detectives posing as hungry customers were able to establish a relationship with the drug dealers and after six months, provided enough evidence for the arrests.  Some people just aren’t real bright, are they?


Well, folks, sorry to say but that wraps up our Monday morning fun-time.  I really enjoy the time I spend with you all on Monday mornings!  Thanks so much for joining me for ‘coffee’ at the start of each week … it brightens my day, and I hope it starts your week out with a smile.  And speaking of smiles, remember to share yours with somebody who doesn’t have one today, okay?  Keep safe and have an awesome week!

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Bon Lundi Matin, Amis!!!

Good and lovely Monday morning dear friends from around the globe!!!  This is the final Monday in the month of May, and I am stunned … where has the year gone???  I think I must have passed much of it in a haze or daze, as I still think it should be March!  Just the other day a friend posted the number of days ’til Christmas, and my daughter mentioned something about decorating for Hallowe’en!  Nononono, people!  Somebody slow this world down … I need time to go slower so that I can at least remember the days!

ramadanI would like to wish my Muslim friends, readers and neighbors Ramadan mubarak. Ramadan began on Friday 26 May and goes until Saturday, 24 June.

And now, let us try to find a bit of humour to start this week off, shall we? So grab your coffee … or, um … whatever … and enjoy a bit of a chuckle …


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Burger King fast-food restaurants have many locations worldwide, including Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, and many of the countries in the European Union.  However they do not yet have a restaurant in Belgium.  They are slated to open a Belgium location next month, but there is some controversy here.  Apparently, the head honchos over at Burger King thought it would be cute to launch an advertising campaign with a website asking citizens of Belgium to choose between the Burger ‘King’, and Belgium’s own King Philippe.  Well, that did not go over too big with the Belgium Royal Family!

Monday-BK-2.pngA visit to the website prompts users to pick one: Belgian King Philippe, or the company’s mascot. If the user picks Philippe, the ad asks “Are you sure? He won’t be the one to cook your fries.” If they pick him again, then the only option offered is “no.”

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Is the Burger King drooling down his beard???

A spokesman for the Belgian royal family told the BBC the monarchy does not grant permission for photos to be used for profit, as in the case with Burger King’s marketing venture. “We disapprove of this approach,” royal spokesman Pierre Emmanuel de Bauw said. “Since it is for commercial purposes, we would not have given our authorization.” A mite touchy, aren’t they?


I have found the perfect job for me!  Only problem … it is in Ireland and I am … well, not in Ireland.  But it is a job at which I have plenty of experience.  Just Cats Veterinary Clinic and Cattery has a job opening for a professional “cat cuddler.” The job posting asks for “a crazy cat person who loves cats” with “gentle hands capable of petting and stroking cats for long periods of time.”

Monday-cat-1Are you a crazy cat person and loves cats?

Does cattitude come naturally to you?

Have you counted kittens before you go asleep?

Do you feed the stray cats in your locality?

Does petting cats make you feel warm and fuzzy?

If you answer yes to some or all of these questions, how about working with cats as a full time job at Just Cats Veterinary Clinic?

I already do this job … I just don’t get paid money for it, but I get paid in purrs and snuggles, so it’s all good!

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Now here’s a headline you don’t see often:

Girl, 11, Accuses Teacher Of ‘War Crime’ Under ‘Geneva Conventions’

The girl is 11-year-old Ava Cross of Glasgow, Scotland, and her father, author Mason Cross  , said he wasn’t sure whether to ground her or buy her ice cream when he learned of her response on the feedback form.  The form asked students to list things their teacher could do better, to which young Ava replied:  “Not use collective punishment as it is not fair on the many people who did nothing and under the 1949 Geneva Conventions it is a war crime.”  This girl is obviously getting a good education … at age 11, I don’t think I was quite aware what the Geneva Conventions even were!!!  Dad said the precocious youngster is “11 going on 47.”

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Here is a short one, but one of those that make you say ‘awwwwwwww’.  Or at least it made me say that, but then I have a soft, squishy heart when it comes to critters.  An unnamed owner of a home aquarium in Lidingo, Sweden, found one of his fish on the bottom of the tank one morning, apparently injured and unable to swim.  😥

Now, many would just write the fish off and either let it die, or help it along with a toilet flush, but not this man!  He went the extra mile and created a little harness from two twist ties and a floating piece of cork that allows the fish to move around the tank with his fishy friends!  Here is a short video of li’l fishie using his new device!


I guess you have to be Scottish to understand the outrage in this story … I just found it humorous.  Former President Obama traveled to Scotland last week, his first visit there.  While there, he took time for a round of golf on the world-famous course in St Andrews.  At some point, Obama was handed a bottle of the Scottish soda pop Irn Bru, and a photo was snapped.  No biggie, right?  WRONG.  The Scots are livid … well, some of them anyway.

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He’s lookin’ mighty good, at least from the backside, right ladies?

You might wonder why are they so angry. Isn’t Irn Bru an iconic Scottish drink, showing off the best of the wonderful country? Well, they gave him the sugar-free version. And Scots are NOT happy.

On Twitter:

“This is not a drill: Barack Obama has been given some Irn Bru in St Andrews.”

“Who the hell gave Obama sugar-free Irn Bru?!?!”

“What treachery to all that is scottish and holy is this?” 

“Imagine giving Obama diet Irn Bru. Could’ve been worse and handed him that new Xtra stuff that pretends to be sweet still but isn’t.”

Gutted that Obama has been given sugar-free Irn Bru instead of the real stuff #madefromgirders ”

“Someone gave Obama DIET irn bru! That’s not what he came here for lads. The big guy needs full fat.”

“@JamieRoss7 @thecommongreen Is that diet? Somebody wants to make sure he never comes back.”

“Obama has been given Diet Irn Bru. This is a major snub. If he were still President he would be justified in launching a nuclear war”

“@JamieRoss7 wait wait wait…is that sugar free? Arrest that man.”

“@JamieRoss7 @MhairiHunter Diet Irn Bru? Who did it, i demand their immediate arrest!?”

Now who knew that the Scots hated diet soda with such a passion???  At any rate, it is said that just a few minutes later, Obama was spotted drinking a bottle of Lipton tea, so I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.

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And I just had to throw in and old ad for Irn Bru I discovered along my travels:

Controversial Ad


Let us wrap up this Monday morn with a few Irish jokes, shall we?

  • Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub.  Paddy says to Seamus, ‘What a beautiful night, look at the moon.’Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, ‘You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.’ Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

    ‘Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

    Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?’  The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,

    ‘Sorry, I don’t live around here.’


  • A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.The doctor replies, ‘Ma’ am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.’

    The woman thinks to herself, ‘Oh No, not my brother… he’s an idiot!’ She asks the doctor, ‘Well, what’s the girl’s name?’ Denise.’

    ‘Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it! What’s the boy’s name?’

    ‘Denephew.’


  • A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, ‘Say, Father, what causes arthritis?’ Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man,’ ‘answers the priest.  ‘I’ll be damned,’ the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.

    The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologises. ‘ I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?’

    ‘Oh, I don’t have it, Father. But it says here that the Pope does.’


And so, my friends, it is time to … OH WAIT!!!  Today is Memorial Day in the U.S., so my local friends will NOT have to put on ties and death trap high heels to go to work today!  However, sadly my dear readers on the other side of the pond … you DO have to go to work today.  Whether you are preparing a family cookout or going to work today, I hope your day at least started out with a smile.  Whatever you do, keep safe and remember to share that smile … hugs and love to you all!

Just Another Jolly Monday …

Monday-alarmWAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!

You folks overslept and you are missing out on a beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful MONDAY MORNING!!!  I’ve been awake for hours (well, actually I’m writing this on Sunday afternoon, so I really have been awake for hours).  Did you enjoy your weekend?  Mine was so quiet you could hear a pin drop … daughter Chris was out of town at a band competition in Tennessee and Miss Goose was focused on her art, so except for the Significant Seven and their antics, the silence in this house was almost deafening.  Anyway, the weekend is over and it’s time to resume the routine, so let us find some fun things to start this week!

Grab your beverage of choice … I have a selection this week!

(don’t ask about the duck)

The cat’s name is Lord Bigglesworth, Mr. Biggles for short, and he is up for adoption.  I’m not sure how successful this venture will be, however, given the ad placed by Cat People of Melbourne rescue in Australia:

Mr Biggles (also known as Lord Bigglesworth) is an utter utter utter bastard. He looks gorgeous with his slinky shiny black fur and big yellow eyes… but beware. If he doesn’t like what you’re doing he will give you a nip! Sometimes he likes to swipe at your feet too. It just depends on what he can reach at the time.

Mr Biggles does not like to be thwarted. He throws a catty tantrum if he can’t go outside when he wants to be let out (and he wasn’t allowed outside for the first couple of weeks at his carers house so there was a few tantrums!). Not being fed on time, or allowed to strut across the kitchen benches helping himself to whatever is there is also a tantrum inducing exercise.

Mr Biggles is a despot and dictator, he will let you know he is not happy, which is often because things are often just not up to his high standards. There is some warning that Lord Bigglesworth is displeased with you, his eyes will go dark and tail will start swishing harder. Mr Biggles likes his cuddles on his terms, and will sit in your lap when he decides it’s time. If the stroking is not up to his standards, he will nip you.

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Lord Bigglesworth

Sounds like a lovely companion, don’t you think?  One of our Significant Seven would make a great companion for Mr. Biggles, for she is just like him … her name, inappropriately, is Tiger Lily, for when she was a babe, we knew not that she would turn into a terrorizer!

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Tiger-Lily in a rare peaceful moment

(don’t ask about the duck)

Remember back in March when I wrote about a woman who had crafted her wedding dress entirely from Taco Bell wrappers?  (♫ It’s The Most Wonderful Day Of The Week ♪)  Well … this ‘art’ of making wedding dresses from … er, shall we say, trash … seems to be becoming a trend.  Today I give you Emily Seilhamer,   a Pennsylvania woman who took it to an even higher level.  She fashioned her wedding dress from … wait for it … Starburst wrappers!

Monday-dress-1Yep, that little, tiny candy … care to guess how long it took her to collect enough wrappers for a dress?  Four years, and that was with help from friends and family!  But wait … there’s more.  After finally getting enough of the little ½” wrappers, Emily then organized them into colors, ironed them, folded them into links, and made candy wrapper chains. She ironed more than 10,000 Starburst wrappers!  First thing that came to my mind was, it’s a good thing she didn’t require a size 22 dress, else she would still be at the ironing board.

Monday-dress-ironAnd of course, the biggest question of all:  WHY???  Turns out that “My husband and I met when he offered me a pack of Starburst a few years before the project started. As his favorite candy he began to save grocery bags full of wrappers for me,” said Ms. Seilhamer.

And, for contributing to the dress by eating all those Starburst, hubby’s dentist is now able to afford a trip to the Bahamas!

(don’t ask about the duck)

Monday-carriage.jpgCharleston, South Carolina – a southern city with a leisurely pace, horse-drawn carriages seen on the streets.  Serene … peaceful … UNTIL last Thursday when a team of carriage horses was spooked, causing the driver to suffer a broken foot and people on the street to stop dead in their tracks.  What, you may ask, spooked the horses?  Well, folks, while we have been told by scientists that dinosaurs have been extinct for thousands of years … suspend your disbelief for just a moment, for it was none other than a Tyrannosaurus Rex that scared the horses, Yogi and Boo-Boo!  Hold on … I see you shaking your heads and rolling your eyes, thinking to yourself that Filosofa drank too much of that lovely red wine, but I kid you not!

Monday=dinoOkay, okay … turns out it was a person (a woman, as it were) dressed in a dinosaur costume, and there is some dispute about exactly what happened.  Some said that as the carriage passed by, the dinosaur began growling at the horses, thus spooking them and causing the carriage to strike an unoccupied vehicle, and the carriage driver to tumble out, falling under the wheel, which then ran over his foot.  Others, however, say the dinosaur was minding his own business and the horses were spooked, having always believed the creatures of yore to be extinct.  Either way, Yogi suffered only minor abrasions, Boo-Boo is fine and has had great fun telling the tale to his equine buddies back at the stable, and the unnamed driver will mend.

(don’t ask about the duck)

The majority of readers of this blog are not currently in the dating pool, but a few are, so I want to caution you to be careful what you do on a date … you could find yourself in court!

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Brandon Vezmar

Brandon Vezmar of Austin, Texas, is suing a woman for the $17.31 he spent on a date where he claims she texted throughout the movie they attended together. The lawsuit alleges the woman opened her phone to read and send text messages 10 to 20 times during the film, thereby “affecting his viewing experience”.  When he told her that her constant texting was driving him “a little bit nuts”, she responded, “I can’t not text my friend.”

Monday-texting-theaterOkay … Filosofa’s take on this:  First, if he were very good company, if she were truly interested in him, then texting her friend would be the last thing on her mind.  Second, if I had been in his shoes, I would have simply gotten up and walked out, gone home, and left her to wonder what went wrong.  And third … a lawsuit for $17.31????  Seriously????  Sounds to me like these two duds deserved each other!

(don’t ask about the duck)

And now, much as I hate to, I must send you on your jolly little ways … I’m sure you all have better things to do than sit and chuckle.  Wait … there’s something better to do than sit and chuckle?  But alas … in order to afford the electricity to keep that laptop going, you must go out there and earn a living.  I will return next Monday morning with more Jolly Monday for your viewing pleasure.  Meanwhile … go share that smile with a co-worker, neighbor, or even your boss!  Keep safe and have a wonderful week!

(don’t ask about the duck)

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Don’t ask about the duck!

A Monday Post … Without a Name?????

Monday-funny-2Today is a special day … it is the 20th Monday of the year 2017!  We have survived 19 of them already!  Give yourselves a hand and a pat on the back!  I hope you all enjoyed the weekend! I had a laid back weekend, just how I like it, so I have no funny stories to relate of my own.  However, as always, I challenge myself to find ways to brighten your Monday morn with a chuckle or two, so pull up a chair, grab your … coffee … and spend a few minutes with me here.

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A record-breaker …

World records are hard to set.  I’ve never set one, have you?  Seems that whatever one might want to do, somebody else has done first, like eating a 12 inch pizza in 23.62 seconds, or building a 13-foot-5-inch chocolate structure that weighed in at 22,458 pounds to create the heaviest chocolate sculpture of all time. Most of us are unlikely to set world records in our lifetime, but Ashrita Furman of New York holds over 200 Guinness records, has broken more than 600 in his lifetime, and is known as the holder of the most world records … ever.  One of his records was for ‘pushing an orange with his nose for one mile’. Okay … well … just last week he set yet another record. This is one that I do not advise you to try to break … just let Mr. Furman keep this record.  What did he do?  He broke the world record for extinguishing matches with tongue.  How many?  37 flaming matches within one minute.  OWWWW! The previous record, by the way, was 30.  This is one of those that I just have to ask … Why?

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You can see for yourself some of Ashrita Furman’s other very interesting records!  He is an interesting man, and I could easily write an entire post about him … perhaps I will one day soon.


A yabba-dabba doozy …

Poor 75-year-old Maureen of Kingston, Ontario, was ready to trade in her 2006 Chevrolet Uplander SUV, but ran into a bit of a glitch.  Turns out there was a lien against the vehicle by … wait for it … Fred and Pebbles Flintstone!  Documents listed the Flintstones address as 9 Yellow Brick Road, Markham, Ont. and included a birthdate of Jan. 1, 1950 for Pebbles.

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Hackers?  An angry friend or relative seeking revenge?  Nope … Ontario’s Ministry of Government and Consumer Services, as it turns out.  They were, at some point, as a means to test vehicle identification numbers in the government’s computer system, using fake names, but since they were never removed the lien remained on Maureen’s SUV. It took poor Maureen nine months and an attorney to clear up the lien, despite the fact that it was clearly the government’s error.

Progressive Conservative MPP Randy Hillier had some fun with it saying, “Clearly, we all knew this was an act of gross incompetence as everyone knows the Flintstones live on Rocky Road in Bedrock, U.S.A., and Fred drives a foot-mobile, not a 2006 Chev Uplander. How many more ‘Mystery Machines’ have had liens placed on them in the names of Scooby-Doo and the gang and other Saturday morning cartoon personalities?”

And another MP said privately, “if this mess happened to me I’d be sending Bamm-Bamm over.”

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Typos, typos, typos …

Typos … we all make them.  I generally catch mine, but every now and then one slips through and my friend H, who has a Pacman sitting on his shoulder, always catches them.  But my typos and yours aren’t quite as widely viewed as one on, say, a sign that hundreds or even thousands of people pass every day.  And the ultimate humiliation?

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The above sign was placed near the entrance to North Branford High School in Connecticut in August 2016. It remained in place until last week, because all the educators … teachers, principals, administrators … failed to notice that the word ‘entrance’ had an extra ‘E’.  They were finally informed by a local radio show host.  School Superintendent Scott Schoonmaker said, “I’ve probably driven by that sign a thousand times, but you’re not paying attention you’re coming and going.”  The sign has since been taken down and will be auctioned for charity.

Need we ask again why young people today cannot spell?


Rooftop decoration?

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His name is Huckleberry and he likes to be on the roof.  Simple, okay?  Who doesn’t like to get away from it all sometimes?  And who doesn’t occasionally enjoy seeing ‘the bigger picture’?  Huckleberry is quite capable of getting both onto and off of the roof, but neighbors continually knock on the front door to let Huck’s people know that he is on the roof.  After a time, they got a mite tired of being notified and put up this sign …

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Now I’m thinking that if they could convince him to wear a Santa suit come December, they would have a ready-made Christmas display!


Finally, the joke of the week:

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”


Alrighty, folks … I’ve got work to do and so do you, so let’s rinse the coffee mugs, be thankful you don’t need your winter coat, hat, gloves and scarves, and head on out the door.  Remember to pass that smile along as you go through the day.  Somewhere in your journeys, you will cross paths with somebody who really needs one!  Keep safe and have a great Monday!

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♫ Happy ♪ Happy ♫ Monday ♪ Morning ♫

Good Monday Morning, dear friends!  Yes, it is that time once again.  Time to start a new week, but take heart, for we all know that it will go by far too quickly and in the blink of an eye we will be saying, “what, it’s Friday already???  Where did the week go?”  Let us, as always, begin our week on the right foot … or the left … but either way, let us have a laugh or two, a chuckle to put us in a happy mood, and a smile that we can share with those who were not fortunate enough to read Filosofa’s Word.  Grab your coffee … see, I even made you cinnamon rolls …and pull up a chair …

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How much does it cost to get rid of a couple of opossums in your back yard?  Well, in the case of one Lancaster, Pennsylvania man, about $50,000.

Monday-OpossumThe man was upset by an opossum or two in his backyard, and also claimed to have been having trouble with bees whenever he stepped out, so he got the not-so-brilliant idea to scare both opossum and bees with a little bit of smoke.  The man, who remains unnamed, built a fire using dried leaves and charcoal starter fluid and … turns out he built the fire close to the house, which was made of wood, and … well, the rest is history.  The house has since been condemned, the fire ruled accidental, and the man … no word … I think he is still hiding from the landlord, or perhaps has moved to Tampico to escape the shame.

There is one final comment I could make on this, but since it is ‘No-Politics’ Monday, I shall behave.

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Think about this one for a minute.  You are a woman who has worked hard selling household electronics to save enough money for a long-desired trip to Panama.  You have saved between $7,000 and $9,000, surely enough for your dream trip, and you are so excited.  Until … your husband comes along and demands his share of the loot.  Now, I don’t know whether hubby helped her earn the money, or if he was just assuming community property laws, but he demanded a cut.  So, what does wifey do?  She eats the money, of course!  Yes, yes … you read that right … she swallowed between 70 and 90 $100 bills, then complained of severe stomach pain (may I say, ‘duh’) and had to be rushed into surgery.

Monday-money.jpgSurgeons were able to rescue 57 of the bills in redeemable condition, the rest were … well, I shall leave that to your imagination.  Her reason?  She wanted to get revenge on her husband.  Oh yes, I’m sure he is devastated!  Police are holding on the the $5,700 until they can verify that the woman was not attempting to smuggle the cash. This, folks, is one of those cases where the woman had more money than brains!


Thirty-four members of a drug gang were arrested last week in Sardinia and Northern Italy.  The raid involved hundreds of officers (not too efficient … hundreds of officers to arrest 34 people?).  But it wasn’t a drug bust … it was a … body bust?  The gang had been planning for a year-and-a-half to rob the grave of famed automaker Enzo Ferrari and hold it for ransom!  Ferrari died in 1988 and was buried in a tomb alongside his father in Modena, in central Italy.  The tomb even has a model Ferrari perched on top!

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In addition to the 34 arrests, at least 11 other people are under further investigation after officers also seized an unspecified but large amount of cocaine and arms.  The ringleader, Graziano Mesina, has been in prison since December on other charges.  It was during the latest investigation of Graziano, the one that landed him in the slammer, that the police got wind of the plot to steal Ferrari’s body and demand ransom from the Ferrari family.  Good police work, but wouldn’t you think that with over a year to plan, the crooks could have done a better job if it?  Dumb and dumber.


In the beginning of time, people had hands with which to eat.  Then in parts of Asia, chopsticks were invented.  Eventually, forks, spoons and knives came into being in countries where people could not get the knack of using chopsticks.  Actually, forks are the more recent, dating only back to the late 16th, early 17th century.  Spoons, however, may date back to 1000 b.c.e.  Then, some wiseacre decided to combine the spoon and the fork and call it a ‘spork’.  Sheesh.

monday-golden-archesBut now … a spoon, fork, knive, chopsticks and spork weren’t enough for they of the golden arches … nooooooo … they had to devise yet one more eating utensil … a ‘frork’.  grumble … grumble … grouse … grumble …

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The red silicone utensil has three holes into which one can insert real french fries, so that the fries stand in as the fork’s edible “prongs.” Then, the diner can carry on, scooping up wayward condiments and eating them with the “Frork.” Oh My Sainted Aunt! (thanks, Roger!)


I came across this joke, and it made me laugh, so I’m hoping it will make you laugh too!

Monday-pirateA pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really..”

“What about that eye patch?” “Oh,” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye.”

“You’re kidding,” said the bartender. “You couldn’t lose an eye just from bird shit.”

“Well, it was my first day with the hook.”


Okay, folks … if you didn’t get a chuckle today, drop me a line and I will send you a refund, okay?  For it is always my goal to make you smile on Monday mornings!  Now don those rain boots, hats and umbrellas, and let us go, in the words of a Truman supporter in 1948, “Give ’em hell, Harry!”  Have a safe and happy week, and share that smile!!!

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‘Tis The Day Before Tuesday, And We All Shall … Smile?

Welcome .. please, come in and share a bit of Monday morning with me … bring your own coffee, though.  It has been a rather gloomy weekend for Filosofa.  Thunderstorms have hung around all weekend, which I really don’t mind, but a little sunshine might have been nice.  My daughter was out of town on a trip to Virginia Beach for four days, and of course we missed her, since she is the only one in the family that actually talks every now and then!  But more practically, it meant double-duty on such things as litter-box scooping and trash-taking-out for Miss Goose and me.  Add to that a few other stresses, and all in all I am ready for Monday! I shall do my best to be funny, but if you detect some snarkiness somewhere, just chalk it up to climate change.  Now grab your coffee … Hugh and I will be having …

Monday-wine


Wedding guests for rent …

Do you know someone who is planning a wedding but having trouble finding guests who are willing to spend an entire day in fancy clothes just to watch them mumble a few words and share a kiss?  Well, if they live in Oregon, I just might have a solution!  Mtn Peaks Therapy Llamas & Alpacas, a non-profit animal therapy organization, will rent out llamas and alpacas to attend weddings!

“Our animals are ‘pros’ when it comes to parties and special events, always decorated to compliment, our llamas can easily handle all ages, and any size of crowd! More than just ‘entertainment,’ we provide a unique interactive experience for your guests, that most have never experienced before, and smiles that will last forever!”

All proceeds from the animal wedding packages, which start at $200 and $300 for two, go toward funding the organization’s Therapy and Education Program. I’m not quite sure whether the llamas get the therapy or they are rather like therapy dogs, providing solace for people in need.  After much (at least 30 seconds) thought, I believe the llamas are in need of therapy after having to attend all those weddings.  Did I mention that I dislike weddings?  The last one I attended was in 1997.

If it were not all the way on the other side of the country, I would swear this next story involved one of the forced llama wedding participants …


Llama on the Lam …

Early Thursday morning, just before 1:00 a.m., two troopers from the State Police Russell (Massachusetts) barracks responded to reports of a loose llama walking on Route 23 in Russell. Troopers Matthew Kane and Kyle Minnicucci responded and located a llama out on the lam from its home.  After visiting several houses in the area, trying to locate the llama’s family, the troopers decided to arrest the llama on charges of ‘public nuisance’, but they realized they had no means of transporting him to the jail.  So instead, they asked a local horse farm owner to take the llama for the night until his family could be located.

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No word on whether the llama’s family has been found, but all charges against the llama have been dropped.


Who Is Shaving Virginia’s Cats?

An unknown perpetrator is shaving (apparently) random cats across Waynesboro, Virginia, police there said Friday.

Since December, at least seven cats have been abducted and let loose again with their underbellies or legs carefully shorn, according to the Associated Press.

The felines, who all have collars and owners, have so far been returned otherwise unharmed, and even the seemingly baffled police aren’t exactly sure what, if any, law the perpetrator is breaking.

Which means that, for now, at least, Waynesboro’s cats might have to look out for themselves. Stay safe out there, cats of Waynesboro.


The Religious Feud in England Over … Asparagus?

Now, let me say right off that I make it a habit never to mock anybody’s religion.  I also do not wish to offend any of my UK friends.  Nor do I have anything against asparagus, though it is not my favourite veggie.  But this story was just too good to pass up.

On Sunday, April 23rd, churchgoers at England’s Worcester Cathedral were treated to an unusually fragrant and spiky service. To kick off the annual Asparagus Festival, the church decided to dedicate a few minutes of mass to a ceremonial blessing of this unique vegetable. During the ceremony, a man in a suit and tie carried a bundle of the vegetable to the front of the church, the Telegraph reports. He was followed by Gus the Asparagus Man—a man costumed as a spear of asparagus, and a frequent sight at Asparagus Festival events—and someone dressed up as St. George, shield and all. The cathedral’s Precentor then blessed the crop.

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Not everyone was happy. “This is an absurd pantomime-type scene that makes a mockery of Christian worship,” the leader of one lobbyist group told the Telegraph. A popular religious blogger took the trend to what he said was its natural conclusion: “Where’s the sprout liturgy, or equality for mushrooms? Would the Dean really permit a walking fungus to participate in an act of divine worship?”  Anything for an argument, I s’pose.

To me, the only real question is:  why asparagus???  I can eat the very thin, young asparagus, if doused in enough butter and lemon juice, but I would much prefer bell peppers, celery, carrots, scallions, or even broccoli!

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And on that note, it is time for some of you to straighten those ties, stick a pen or two in your pocket-protectors, and head on out the door … go earn a few bucks.  And please, remember to share a smile with somebody today.  Keep safe and have a great week!

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Alternative Spelling?

'Give me a hand! There's a Monday on the other side of this door.'

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No, “Good Monday Morning” Is NOT An Oxymoron!!!

Good Monday morning, friends!  Did you awaken to the sound of birdies chirping outside your window this morning?  I heard from at least one blogger-friend yesterday who said he spent the first part of the day shoveling snow, so I guess most of us already have something to be thankful for!  I hope you all had a fine weekend.  Mine was pretty laid back, as my daughter was studying for exams, so I had some extra time to write and read … and of course, do laundry!  12-15 loads a week for just three people … sigh.  Anyway, let us see if we can start this week off with some smiles, okay?  Grab your wine coffee and pull up a chair!


I am ‘navigationally challenged’.  I can read a map, given enough time (15-20 minutes) and plenty of light.  I can follow directions … maybe … if they do not involve more than 2-3 turns.  So, when my friend H tried to teach me to use Google Maps, I thought that might be the solution to my directional issues.  And sometimes it is, but other times … well, on my recent trip to Pennsylvania, I set Google Maps for starting and ending points, and asked it to choose the fastest route.  It did its job, but since I could not hear the voice in the phone, I was constantly saying, “huh?”  The voice in the phone never repeated herself … apparently she doesn’t understand “huh?” And, she (I have come to think of my GPS as a ‘she’) helped me hit every toll booth in Pennsylvania!  Then, when I started home on Monday and asked her to reverse the directions, she said, ‘no route found’.  Did I somehow offend her? Fortunately, I am better at finding my way home than I am finding my way there, so I only went ½ hour out of my way!  Anyway, this post is not about me, but about Google Maps.

Monday-GoogleGuess what?  Sometimes Google Maps makes a mistake!  Such was the case in Australia last week when Michael McElwee began receiving mail for a local pizza parlor.  First it was mail, then it was people asking to fill out job applications, and then it was customers wanting to know where their pizzas were.  Turns out that Google Maps had incorrectly labeled his house as Cucina Sotto Le Stelle, a pizzeria located in a park near his home. “My daughter has been approached by people wanting to know what time we open,” he said. “I don’t know how many people have turned up at my house thinking it was a pizza place.”

monday-pizzaNow … wouldn’t you think that a person of average intelligence would look at the residential house and realize that it was not, in fact, a pizza parlor?  Have we come to rely so heavily on technology that we don’t bother to take our brains out of our pockets anymore?  Still, I would have loved to have been a mouse in the corner and seen the expression on his face when hungry people started showing up at his door demanding their pizzas!  Possibly he could have found a way to make a profit from it!


If you’re planning to be in southern California this summer and have some extra money burning a hole in your pocket, you may want to check out the Ice Cream Museum.  The museum features 10 exhibits and each room features the smells and tastes associated with ice cream desserts.  There is, for example, the Pool of Sprinkles …

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And the Banana Room …

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And let us not forget the melting-Popsicle jungle …

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It even features scratch ‘n sniff walls!  And of course there are samples, though each ticket entitles the holder to only two.  And speaking of tickets … the going price is $29 for adults, $18 for children and seniors.  Personally, I’d rather just make a trip to Ben and Jerry’s, but then what do I know?


And speaking of museums …

Opening in the next few weeks in Helsingborg, Sweden, is the Museum of Failures.  The museum is the brainchild of Samuel West, an organizational psychologist (whatever that is) and formerly an innovation researcher (I repeat, whatever that is) at Lund University in Sweden.  West says he tired of hearing about all the success stories and wondered, “So where are all these failures? Why do we only read about the successes?” Hence, he began looking for those inventions that never quite saw the light of day, and after several years, had amassed quite a collection.

The collection includes …

Harley Davidson “Hot Road” perfume

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Colgate Beef Lasagne

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A Monopoly-style Trump Board Game

MUSEUM OF FAILURE

A face mask that electrocutes you to keep you from getting wrinkles

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All in all, it sounds more interesting than the Ice Cream Museum.  I could not find out what the price of admission will be, but I know that it will be too steep for me, since it would include a plane ticket halfway around the world.  If any of my readers live in, or plan to visit Sweden … send me some pictures!


On April 15th, Emma Morano died.  Yes, I know this is supposed to be a humorous post, and yes, I know death isn’t funny, but I’m coming to the humorous part if you’ll give me a chance.  And for goodness sake, the woman was 117 years old and had not left her home for 15 years!  She was, it turns out, the last person alive (until April 15th, anyway) who lived in the 19th century!  Quite an accomplishment to live to be 117, yes?

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In a previous interview with the New York Times, when asked to what she credited her longevity, she replied that remaining single for most of her life is one of the reasons and that eating two raw eggs in the morning every day for 90 years was the other.  And here we’ve been told that raw eggs are bad for you!  Personally, I’m not so sure about the raw eggs … I don’t think I could get them past my lips, but I’ll drink a toast to staying single!


Filosofa’s Tip Of The Day:  Never give the cat watermelon.

Okay, folks … I’ve got work to do and so do you, so let us make it a great week!  Go share some humour with a friend or co-worker, give them a smile too.  Smiles and chuckles are not near as much fun if you keep them to yourself!  Have a safe and happy week!

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Filosofa does this ALL the time!

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Eenie, Meenie, Minie, MONDAY!

Welcome, yet again, to another Jolly Monday!  Hope you all had a lovely Easter spent with family, friends, or cute baby owls.  Now this Monday is kind of special.  First, and from my perspective as a CPA this is important, it is the day before your taxes are due.  So if, like so many, you have procrastinated and are now in a fizz to get them done by midnight tomorrow, let me just say this:  DO NOT CALL ME. I am done for this year.  The ‘gone fishing’ sign is on the door.

But in addition, today has the distinction of being:

  • National Bat Appreciation Day (I wonder if they mean cute furry critters or the kind you can knock someone over the head with???)
  • National Cheeseball Day
  • National Haiku Poetry Day
  • National Poem in your Pocket Day

I appreciate bats – both kinds, and I make a superb cheeseball.  But the last two … poetry, unless quite simple, is far beyond my ability to comprehend, let alone write.  And what the heck is a ‘poem in your pocket’???  Anyway … go appreciate something today, even if it isn’t on the ‘official’ list!  Meanwhile, let us start this day off with some fun, shall we?


The Avondale Police Department in Arizona swore in a new member last week.  Not a big deal, you say?  Well, this new member has a beard.  So what, you ask?  The big deal is that this new member is a drug-sniffing bearded dragon!!!  Yes, you heard right …

“Research has shown that reptiles possess a strong sense of smell making their ability to detect certain illicit drugs possibly more accurate than K9s. Our pilot program drug sniffing bearded dragon will be assisting Officers in the City. Please help us welcome Iroh!”

Iroh has been working with the department for about a year as part of a pilot program, but proved his worth and has now been promoted, and even given a badge, though not a uniform on which to pin it.

“Iroh has turned out to be a valuable member of the Avondale Police family. His skill set is so extensive that we have cross trained him in many areas.”  He has been trained in dispatch, running radar, and even spent some time on paperwork with Assistant Chief Lynn Parkin. “Iroh has a keen eye for typos.”


The unthinkable has happened in Japan.  It is a disaster and is likely to have a severe effect on the Japanese people for years to come.  The country is currently facing shortages of … wait for it … potato chips!  You laugh?  Think if you went to your local grocery store the day before a big football game on television, only to find this …

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One of Japan’s largest snack-makers, Calbee, announced this week it is temporarily halting production of 15 of its most popular brands.  People panicked and ran out to buy as many potato chips as they could, and now the shelves are bare.

What happened is that last August, four separate typhoons hit Hokkaido, the nation’s largest potato-producing region, ruining this year’s crop. Calbee has imported some potatoes from the U.S., but Japanese law strictly limits the amount that can be imported.  Another company, Koikeya, does not import potatoes and has also announced a temporary suspension of their operations.

Some people have resorted to buying their chips from online auction sites where they pay 1,250 yen ($12 USD) per bag.  One newspaper, Nikkei, is referring to the shortage as the “potato crisis”.  Among the flavours that are currently unavailable are:  French Salad Dressing chips, Rich Consomme, and Plum chips. Okay, well … ’nuff said. Monday-yuck

 

I don’t chop wood these days, as we have only a gas furnace for heat.  But back in the day … we used a wood-burning stove for heat for at least a decade, back in the 1970s – 1980s, and while we bought most of our wood already cut, I did my fair share of splitting wood for kindling, and stacking wood into some semblance of order once it was delivered.  It wasn’t a bad chore, except on those rare occasions that a rodent who had been snoozing on a log startled awake and scurried up my arm!  But my stacks of wood were noticeably boring compared to some.  Take a look at the creative ways some of these people found to make their woodpiles more intriguing.

To see the rest, go to Bored Panda’s website.


Beware of changing your last name, ladies!  In St. Petersburg, Russia, a woman who works at a supermarket changed her last name to that of the store, Veniy, because the store was offering nearly $1,200 to anyone who would do so.  Heck, I would change my last name for $1,200!  Well, this woman’s husband didn’t like it too much … men are funny creatures sometimes … and he took revenge.

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He had a cement-mixer truck (I don’t know how he convinced the driver of the truck to do this) back up to his wife’s car, and placed the chute into one of the open windows, filling the car with cement!  Somebody captured the moment on video and you can see it here.

No word on the wife’s reaction, whether charges were filed, or whether the man remains alive!


Two men and a woman robbed the Chick-fil-A in Folsom, California last week, but they did not get any cash.  However, Matt Crane, owner of the franchise restaurant, says they got something of even greater value … cow costumes!  “I just want my cows back,” Crane said. “No plans to press charges, so if they show back up, we would just be incredibly grateful.”

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Okay friends, that’s a wrap for this Monday morning.  I hope something brought a bit of light into your spirit, a smile to your face, and most of all I hope you have a wonderful week! Share that smile with someone today … make someone’s day just a little brighter. Monday-calvin-hobbes

 

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