As we near the end of this mind-boggling election that has occupied our thoughts for the last year-and-a-half, some speculate that there is a possibility that da trumpeter might actually become the next President of the United States (POTUS). I cringe and shudder, and still I believe that common sense will prevail next Tuesday and in just over two months we will be seeing the inauguration of President Hillary Clinton. But just for the sake of argument, I thought it might be fun to consider what a Trump presidency might actually look like. The writers at Politico must have had the same thought, as they published an article yesterday speculating who da trumpeter would take to the White House with him as advisors. Based on the choices of the Politico writers, let us take a look at those who would surround da man:
Ivanka Trump, Special Advisor — Since by all accounts, Trump relies heavily on at least some of his children to provide advice and assistance in his campaign, it only stands to reason they would continue to do so as he transitions into the Oval Office. However, somebody has to stay behind and run the multiple business Trump owns, and it is, in Trump’s view, a ‘man’s world’, so the boys, Eric and what’s-his-name, will handle the bankruptcy filings and lawsuits for the Trump Corporation. This leaves his favourite child, Ivanka, to serve on Trump’s advisory team. Ivanka is more intelligent, more well-spoken and outwardly more even-tempered than her father, however many consider her to be a Donald Trump clone. I tend to agree – when you look at what she says, she says the same things Trump says, only in a quieter, nicer way.
Corey Lewandowski, Chief of Staff – Fired by Trump in June, Lewandowski almost immediately went to work for CNN where he continued to campaign for Trump, leaving one to wonder if he had ever actually left Trump’s employ. Turns out his ‘firing’ was nothing more than a political ploy, as he still campaigns with Trump, remains on the Trump payroll, and spreads Trump’s rhetoric far and wide through CNN. His tendency toward violence and brashness should go far in making him a much-loved Chief of Staff! He will take great pleasure, I am sure, in doing Trump’s dirty work when necessary … like, daily.
Stephen Miller, Counselor – Often called ‘Donald Trump’s warm-up act’, Miller’s job in the campaign has been to go behind Trump with his whisk broom and dustpan, cleaning up the detritus left behind. Surprisingly, Miller is capable of speaking in complete sentences, hence his value during the campaign and thereafter.
Hope Hicks, Deputy Communications Director – Ms. Hicks, dubbed by the New York Times as ‘the woman who totally understands Donald Trump’ (scary, isn’t it?), was once a model (seem to be a lot of those in Trump’s retinue, don’t there?) who only entered the political arena a year ago. It is said that she has a ‘unique bond’ with Trump … no, I am not going to speculate further on that! But I am unclear, since she refuses to appear on camera, how she will be an effective communications director. Ah well, I don’t suppose it much matters … if you look at her picture, you can see how she keeps her position. Just once I would like to see one of his female staff members with a normal body!
Dan Scavino, White House Photographer – Scavino, a life-long Trump employee, began as Trump’s golf caddy, worked his way through the ranks in Trump’s businesses, and now serves as director of social media for the Trump campaign. He has been dubbed ‘Trump’s Twitter Troll Ringmaster’, since he, like the rest of Trump’s advisors, runs around with a whisk broom and dustpan, cleaning up the messes left by the head clown. Then again, Scavino is no saint. He is known for posting doctored or false pictures, including one that implied, untruthfully, that Ted Cruz had an affair with his former staffer Amanda Carpenter. His unorthodox use of Twitter to convey campaign messages was apparently not lost on Trump, who seems to favor Tweeting over all other forms of communication.
Kellyanne Conway, Communications Director – Kellyanne, his current campaign manager, as communications director? I am not so sure about this one, as I believe that by the time election day rolls around, she will be happy to walk away from Trump and never look back, except perhaps in her nightmares. As campaign manager, she is responsible for trying to spin all the outrageous things he says in such a way that the public is somewhat less offended, or convince the public that what he said made some sort of sense. It is not a job I would want, and she has shown signs many times of being frustrated with da man and his mouth. But then again, politics makes strange bedfellows, as they say, so who knows?
Steve Bannon, Senior Advisor – America’s #1 thug, is a perfect choice for Trump’s senior advisor, as he shares Trump’s mentality of bullying rather than negotiating to get what he wants. Bannon is the former (?) CEO of Breitbart, the alt-right website that is so far to the right if they went any farther they would fall into the Atlantic Ocean. The man could be Trump’s twin brother, bluster, bluster, and yet more bluster until nobody hears the conversation. It is said that Brannon’s influence led Trump to his ridiculous claim that he is the target of a vast globalist conspiracy of bankers and journalists and that his election to the presidency is the only hope for Western civilization. Yes, he and Trump will make a wonderful couple. Bannon even looks as disgusting as Trump! I imagine Breitbart would suddenly be invited to all White House press events. Ugh.
Alan Garten, White House Counsel – Not much is known about Garten, other than that he is a lawyer (that says it all, doesn’t it?) and likes to sue people. He and Trump should quickly become best buddies, if they aren’t already. It is Garten who sends all those letters threatening to sue media outlets for saying bad things about da boss man.
Michael Flynn, National Security Advisor – Although an Obama appointee and a registered Democrat, Trump and Flynn have much in common: they both love Vladimir Putin, and they both want to throw Hillary Clinton in prison. He has hands-on military experience, as a retired lieutenant-general, but otherwise I think his only qualification is … well … I cannot think of anything else that would qualify him to be responsible for the security of the nation.
Rudy Giuliani, Senior Advisor – If ‘senior advisor’ is synonymous with ‘boot-licker’, then Rudy is certainly the man for this job! Giuliani, once known as ‘America’s Mayor’ due to his superior instincts in leading New Yorkers through the tragic aftermath of 9/11, jumped tracks sometime in the last year and is now an obnoxious, fanatical, yes-man to Trump. If Trump says it, Rudy goes out and says it even louder, if that is possible. However, as an advisor, I suppose he would have to wait for Trump to tell him what advice he wants, and then Rudy could give him that very advice. Rudy traded his soul for a position on the Trump team, so I imagine it will work out well for him.
Chris Christie, Attorney General – Well, based on this morning’s ‘breaking news’, I imagine Mr. Christie will be seeking some form of permanent employment in the near future, and I predicted when Christie sold his soul and endorsed Trump that he was doing it in hopes of winning the Attorney General spot in a Trump campaign, so I suppose this should come as no surprise. Of the aforementioned motley crew, Mr. Christie is the only one with government experience beyond the city/local level. And he would fit well with the team, since even in the aftermath of brutal, cruel insults from Trump during Christie’s own campaign, he caved and endorsed Trump just days after dropping out of the race. So, he is definitely what Trump is looking for in an advisor: a whipping boy.
There is only one name off the top of my head that I would add to the list, and that is Dr. Ben Carson, who I believe, like Governor Christie, endorsed Trump for the sole purpose of gaining a high-level position in a Trump administration. So, I predict that he would be named Surgeon General by da trumpeter. Like all on this list, he is a yes-man, so whatever Trump believes in, Carson will also believe in. This likely means that people with disabilities, or those who are weakened by illness will be sent away somewhere … perhaps they could be bussed to a nice set of toxic showers somewhere out in Idaho … out of sight, out of mind.
So there you have it … Trump’s potential advisory team. If the man himself doesn’t disgust you enough to make you determined to vote for Hillary Clinton, this ragtag bunch certainly should. My imagination is not yet quite done, so look for at least one more post before Tuesday … Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue, Part II.