Jolly Funday Monday!

Good Monday morning, friends!  Come in and get warm … it’s f-f-freezing out there!  I don’t know about you guys, but I am ready for some sunshine!  I know, I know … a few months from now I’ll be complaining about the heat and wishing for rain … never satisfied, am I?  So, did you guys have a great weekend?  Mine?  Meh … it’s always good to have daughter Chris home, and we did go out yesterday, despite the frigid temps and blustery conditions, but I guess the events of last week just left me in rather a foul humour.  Plus, the battery is dead in my van … again.  But, I’m not complaining … honest I’m not!  I’ve got you guys here and we’re going to go in search of something fun, so grab a snack and a cuppa and let’s get this show on the road!

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Caerphilly cheese for David


Oopsie, Mr. Postman …

Be thankful you are not Dan and Dee Cain of Twinsburg, Ohio!  Mr. Cain recently went to the post office to collect his mail, and his first clue there was a problem came when the clerk at the post office told him that his mail wouldn’t fit in his box, and he would need to drive around back to collect it.  Hmmmm …

So, he drove his truck around back and … well, it’s a good thing he has a truck instead of a Volkswagon, for he had to make two trips, even in his truck.  The postal workers helped him load 79 plastic mail bins, each packed with around 700 letters into his truck.  You’d think Dan had a huge fan following, but turns out each of the approximately 55,000 pieces of mail were identical!  Yep … 55,000 reminders that the payment on the student loan he and Dee had taken out for their daughter was due!Dan-Cain

“I was shocked. Are you kidding me? Who makes that kind of mistake?”

The student loan carrier apologized to Cain, blaming a glitch in its new outgoing mail system. But, it gets even better … the loan company said they will issue another statement to Dan, for the one(s) they sent used the wrong interest rate!  Dan is concerned, and with good reason, I’d say.  Even if the company used the bulk rate, that mail cost the loan company $11,000 and change.

And now Dan & Dee have a garage filled with useless mail they don’t know how to dispose of.  I know what I’d be tempted to do with it … but, Jolly Monday is a family-friendly feature, so I’ll just keep my ideas to myself for now.


I was thinking … I haven’t done jokes in a while … what say we have a few jokes?

In his late 80s, my father-in-law went to the DMV to renew his driver’s license. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his left, and cruised straight through the stop sign. “Sir! You didn’t look to your right,” yelled the frightened inspector.

My father-in-law calmly shook his head. “That’s Mum’s side.”


My 35-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I’d left my wallet in my truck. As I headed out the door, I told the waitress what had happened. “But don’t worry,” I said with a grin. “I’m leaving my son for collateral.”

She looked at him. He winked at her. She turned back to me. “What else you got?”


I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: “Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.”


While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, “How’s your love life?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ll ask my wife.” He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, “Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex.”

His wife shouted back, “No, the only thing we have is Medicare and Blue Cross.”


Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit? He stopped to take a leek.


Our manager kept reminding us waitresses to encourage customers to order dessert. At the end of an especially exhausting day, I walked over to a couple who had just sat down, gave them each a menu and a glass of water, and asked, “Would you care for anything else?”


A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”

The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again “What’s for dinner?”

She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stew!”


A man came in to give his application to the manager. But the manager asked, “Why is there a four-year gap in your application?”

And the man responded, “Yale.”

The manager hired him and the guy said, “Thanks. I needed a yob.”


I especially loved the one about the man and his wife’s hearing!  Ready for some ‘toons and memes?

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And of course, I cannot wrap up Jolly Monday without a cute animal video!  Sloths get a bum rap, but they are so darned cute!  I want one!


Folks … no matter which side of the big pond you’re on, we have all had some tough times these last few weeks.  Let’s make an extra effort to give somebody an extra smile and a hug this week, shall we?  I hope you all have a great week … keep safe and try to stay warm!  And this one last thing is for our friend Hugh who, last I heard, had a foot or so of snow! 

Saturday Surprise — A New Year!

Good Saturday morning, my friends, and welcome to theweekendSince the new year is right around the corner, I thought we should have a little bit of fun with it. new-year-costume

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new-year-costume-3Here in the U.S., the big televised celebration takes place in New York City’s Times Square, where an estimated one million people, many wearing funny hats ‘n glasses, pack themselves into the square to watch a big ball drop over a 60-second period, reaching the ground at exactly midnight EST.  Now, I found a bit of interesting trivia about the ball drop.  The Times Square ball drop dates back to 1907 when the ball weighed 700 pounds and had a diameter of 5 feet. It was constructed out of wood and iron and had one hundred light bulbs on it. new-year-ball-1907This year, the ball is a geodesic (whatever the heck that means) sphere, 12 feet in diameter, weighing 11,875 pounds, and covered with a total of 2,688 Waterford Crystal triangles that vary in size, and range in length from 4 ¾ inches to 5 ¾ inches per side. It will have some 32,000 LED lights.  Personally, I think the 1907 ball was just fine … no, I wasn’t around then, but I just like simplicity, and all those lights and Waterford Crystal seem like overkill to me.new-year-ball-2020The celebration at Times Square drops over 2,000 pounds of confetti on a million people each year. Needless to say, these people make quite a mess … such a mess that it takes 200 people to haul away the 50 tons of trash, rendering the square spotless again by 8:00 AM the next morning.

So, we know that people in the U.S. celebrate mainly by drinking too much, making lots of noise in whatever manner they can, whether it’s fireworks of banging pots ‘n pans.  But, how do people in other countries celebrate the new year?

  • New Year’s Eve in Greece has many traditions. During the day, children sing the New Year’s carols to be given money or treats. Then, it is time to have family lunch or dinner. In the evening, people cook a pie named “King’s pie” or Vassilopita, which is actually a cake flavored with almonds. Following tradition, they put a coin wrapped in aluminum foil inside the pie. During the family dinner, the hostess puts some of her jewelry in a plate and serves it in the side of the table, as a symbol of the coming year’s prosperity. After the dinner is over, the dish is not washed until the next day. The reason for that is that Saint Vassilis (Greek Santa Claus) is awaited during the New Year’s Eve and it is considered common courtesy to leave some food for the traveler who visits the house to bring the presents during the night. When midnight arrives, the families count down and then they turn off all the lights and reopen their eyes to “enter the year with a new light”.  After the fireworks show, they cut the Vassilopita and serve it. The person that gets the wrapped coin is the lucky person of the day and he is also blessed for the rest of the year. Gifts exchanges may follow.

  • In Italy, New Year’s Eve (Vigilia di Capodanno or Notte di San Silvestro) is celebrated by the observation of traditional rituals, such as wearing red underwear. An ancient tradition in southern regions (rarely followed today) was disposing of old or unused items by dropping them from the window (I rather like that idea!). Dinner is traditionally eaten with relatives and friends. It often includes zampone or cotechino (a meal made with pig’s feet or entrails), and lentils. At 8:30 pm, the President reads a television message of greetings to Italians. At midnight, fireworks are displayed all across the country. Rarely followed today is the tradition that consist in eating lentil stew when bell tolls midnight, one spoonful per bell. This is supposed to bring good fortune; the round lentils represent coins.

  • In Portugal the New Year celebration is taken very seriously. The tradition is to drink champagne and eat twelve raisins – one for each month of the year, making a wish for each. Another Portuguese tradition is a special cake called Bolo-Rei (literally: King Cake). Bolo-Rei is a round cake with a large hole in the center, resembling a crown covered with crystallized and dried fruit. It is baked from a soft, white dough, with raisins, various nuts and crystallized fruit. Inside is hidden the characteristic fava bean. Tradition dictates that whoever finds the fava has to pay for the Bolo-Rei next year. Initially, a small prize (usually a small metal toy) was also included within the cake. However, the inclusion of the prize was forbidden by the European Union for safety reasons. The Portuguese brought the recipe of the Gateau des Rois from France in the second half of the 19th century. To this day, this recipe is a very well-kept secret.

Although many people make resolutions for the new year, rarely are they kept past the second day of January.  I haven’t made a new year’s resolution in probably 40 years, for I learned early on that resolving to do something is the surest way to ensure it won’t get done.  If you want to do something to improve yourself or your life … just do it.  There’s no need to talk about it or write it down … just do it.  That said, I thought these were humorous …

  • My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full … with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
  • My resolution was to read more … so I put the subtitles on my TV.
  • I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year … but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
  • At the beginning of this year I made a New Year’s resolution to lose 10 pounds … only 15 more to go!
  • My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!

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Not all of the New Year jokes are about resolutions …

A New Year’s Wish

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well it was kind of embarrassing.  As the clock struck – the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Lecture Tour with A Difference

On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.’I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Roger.’And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ enquired the constable sarcastically. ‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

How to Quit Smoking

Peter, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette. ‘I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,’ Ken responds. ‘I’m in the process of quitting,’ replies Peter with a grin. ‘Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. ”Phase one?’ wonders Ken. ‘Yeah,’ laughs Peter, ‘I’ve quit buying.’

A Bad Dream?

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means? ”Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly. At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package.  Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’.

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And that wraps up today’s Saturday Surprise!  I hope you found something to bring a smile to your face, and now … get out there and enjoy the last few days of 2019!!!

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Jolly M-M-Monday!!!

Good Monday morning, my friends, and welcome!  Please overlook the messy house … with the air-conditioning out this weekend, I haven’t felt like doing much to the house.  How was your weekend?  I didn’t bake for you this morning, again because the house is hot and muggy, but Jolly dug up a few things, and we made sure to remember Benjamin’s donut with sprinkles and juice box!  And rawgod’s tea.  And even Larry’s bacon!  So, grab a bite and let’s find some fun stuff to start our week off with a laugh or two, shall we?

 

 

Larry's bacon

Sorry, Larry, you’ll have to cook it yourself, for it’s too hot to have the oven on!

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Polite intruders …

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to find a stranger cooking himself breakfast in your kitchen.  It happened in Safety Harbour, Florida, about 15 miles from Tampa Bay.  The residents of the house woke to the smell of breakfast, and when they went to the kitchen to investigate, there was a man, Gavin Crim, cooking himself a nice little breakfast.  He was polite … told the owners to go on back to sleep, he’d clean up after himself.

Apparently, conscientious burglars were a bit of a thing in Florida last week: On Monday, a woman in Pensicola returned home to discover a man holding a purple Swiffer mop and attempting to clean up her house.

Shortly after 3:00 a.m., police responded to a call from a woman claiming a strange man was in the house. The woman, who requested anonymity, said she had barricaded herself in a back room.

When officers arrived, they found Tyler Matthew Smith still holding a Swiffer. Apparently Smith, 33, had already swept up glass he broke to get into the home into a dustpan. “It appeared Smith had attempted to clean up the mess,” reads the Pensacola Police Department report.  Okay, well … I guess it pays to be polite if you’re in somebody else’s home, right?


Some pricey sneakers!

What did you pay for your last pair of sneakers?  I’m a frugal person, and it nearly killed me to replace my old ones back in July 2018 … after all, I had only had them for 6 or 7 years, but they were holey and the sole had come loose on one, which meant I was in danger of falling flat on my face.  But, when I found a new pair of Reeboks that I thought would meet my needs, I nearly had heart failure seeing the price tag of $48.19!!!  I think the pair before that cost only around $29!  I mean … it’s shoes, not a new computer!!!  To add insult to injury, I’m not all that happy with them, but … they are going to have to last for the rest of my life at that price!  Anyway …

Sotheby’s auction house and retailer Stadium Goods have paired up in an online auction of … the world’s rarest sneakers!  Now, before you get all excited and think about owning a pair of these gems, check the status of your bank balance, and if it isn’t at least 5 digits, don’t bother.  Take a gander at this one, for example …

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This is the Nike Waffle Racing Flat Moon Shoe, a handmade running shoe designed by Nike co-founder Bill Bowerman, and one of only a few pair in existence.  These are expected to fetch around $160,000 at auction.  Pick your jaws up off the floor now.  Or how about these …shoes-2

They are the Nike SB Dunk Low with artwork by French painter Bernard Buffet.  Um, okay, but if you bought those and paid say even a lowball $50,000 for them, could you really bring yourself to wear them out walking, or even to the grocery store?

Now these …

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… are the once-fictional sneaker worn by Marty McFly in Back to the Future Part 2. Nike released only 26 pairs of the 2016 self-lacing version, the proceeds of which benefited the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. Due to the power-lacing feature and extreme rarity, a size 11 pair up for auction is estimated to sell for up to $70,000.  Self-lacing???  Who knew?

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These are more to my liking …

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The “Chanel x Pharrell x Adidas NMD Hu TR – 1-of-1 for Karl Lagerfeld” is said to be one of the most coveted models in the collection.  It was released only at a special Chanel pop-up shop at Colette in Paris in extremely limited quantities, but this shoe is even more special. It features a modified design that replaces “Chanel” across the top of the right shoe with “Karl” and was given exclusively to Karl Lagerfeld as a gift from Pharrell.  Sorry folks, but no, I am definitely not paying $50,000 for a pair of shoes to slog through the mud in!

As I say at least 10 times a week … Some people got more money than sense.


Cheers for Governor Sununu!

Wendy Auger of Rochester, New Hampshire, has had the same vanity license plate for some 15 years now.  It reads “PB4WEGO”.  Suddenly this year, Wendy got a ‘recall letter’ from the state’s Department of Motor Vehicles, asking her to turn in her plates for new ones.  Why?  Because apparently, after 15 years, somebody figured out what her license plate says and decided they “do not conform to legal requirements”.  Why?  Because the state says phrases related to “excretory acts” aren’t permitted.  Oh for Pete’s Sake!!!  Has the State of New Hampshire nothing better to worry about?PB4WEGO“I’m not a political activist. But this is a non-offensive thing that I’ve had and it’s part of who we are as a family and who I am and there was zero reason for them to take it away.”

Well, Ms. Auger’s story somehow came to the attention of New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu, who rallied to the cause!  According to the governor …

“Upon this being brought to my attention, I reached out to the Division of Motor Vehicles and strongly urged them to allow Wendy to keep the license plate she has had for the last 15 years.  I recently left a message on her phone to share the good news that her plate will not be recalled.”

What a nice governor … don’t you just wish all politicos were like that?


And speaking of license plates …

In Australia, starting this year, drivers can get license plates with emojis!  😄 😉 😎 😍 ☺️ Plates will still need three letters and two numbers, as the emojis will not be included in official registration numbers. However drivers can decorate them with one of five decorative emojis — “laugh out loud,” “wink,” “sunglasses,” “heart eyes” or “smile” — for up to AU$500 ($350).

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I was looking for a few knock-knock jokes to knock you guys out with, but first … I came across this one …

Two country dudes are walking down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what’s in the sack.

The first man says, “I got me some chickens for dinner tonight.”

The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack.

“Well, I’ll tell you,” replies the first guy, “If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I’ll give them both to you.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Or how ‘bout this one …

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, “This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it.”

The librarian says to her coworkers, “So here’s the person who took our phone book!”

😁😁😁😁😁

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Spell.

Spell who?

Okay, okay: W. H. O.

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Okay, okay … stop rolling your eyes!!!  🙄


And last, but not least, if it’s Jolly Monday, then there must be a cute animal video somewhere, mustn’t there?  Now … where did I put that … JOLLY!!! Where’s that animal video you found last … oh … yeah … here it is …


jollyWell, folks, it’s that time again … time to put on your workweek smiles and go do things to make other people happy so that they will give you money at the end of the week.  I shall stay here and risk ulcers trolling the news of the day so that I can give YOU ulcers when you return home each night!  Seriously, though, have a wonderful week, and remember to share those gorgeous smiles with others, okay?  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!Maxine

Saturday Surprise … Just For Fun

Okay, folks … it’s the WEEKEND!  Time to shed those stifling work uniforms and kick up your heels just a bit.  And, after a brief hiatus, Saturday Surprise is back!  Except for the Feral Five, I rarely show personal pictures, but today I have a few that I just must share.  This spring, we planted our usual array of flowers, our favourites being sunflowers.  Well, to say that we planted them would be a fib … Miss Goose actually did all the planting.  We … she … waited a bit late, and so, while they sprouted quickly enough, we have been waiting all summer long for most of them to bloom.  The cosmos came up and bloomed quickly, but everything else has been just rather a jungle, devoid of colourful blooms.  But, in the past week, the sunflowers have bloomed!

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This was a couple of days ago — there are more now, but since it’s dark, I can’t take another pic

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The cosmos

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This tiny little sunflower, only about 6″ tall, sprouted up among the 5′ giants!

Now, every year, our tiny garden is visited by a pair of beautiful yellow birds, but we hadn’t seen the birds yet this year.  On Thursday morning when I had just come in from watering the jungle, I looked out the front window and …

I still haven’t seen his partner … I hope he or she (I haven’t yet determined their genders, for they don’t allow me to get close enough) … is okay, and hopefully now that the sunflowers are in full bloom, they will both come ‘round to visit more often!

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Oliver says “Hi”


I have no particular direction today, but just went looking for fun things to start this weekend out on the right foot.


And speaking of feet … the holidays aren’t all that far away, y’know, so it’s time to start shopping for those fun things for your friends and family.  I came across the perfect thing!  Chicken Leg socks!  Look!

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They are available on Amazon, in case you’re interested, for $5.99 and up!  Might want to order several pair for those quirky family members … don’t deny you have them … we all do!


I’ve seen some … um, shall we say “different” hair-do’s in my day, but … these take the cake!

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What do you bet he’s from Texas?


A few funny pictures …

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A couple of jokes …

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And I wrap it all up with an adorable animal video about a baby pig named Debby and a giant dog named George …


And that, my friends, is all I’ve got for today.  Have a safe and fun weekend!!!weekend

Saturday Surprise — Happy Father’s Day

It’s Saturday, folks!!!  The WEEKEND is finally here!  For me, it’s a quiet weekend.  Chris is in Chicago for a band competition, so it’s just me and Miss Goose.  Yesterday … we did nothing useful.  We both went for a walk, she took out the trash, I tidied the kitchen, and we snacked on whatever is residing in the fridge that isn’t covered in green fuzz.  Who knows what today will bring?  I definitely have to at least do a load or two of laundry, but beyond that … probably not much!  Sunday is Father’s Day, so before I forget, I want to wish all you dads out there a very Happy Father’s Day!!!

And thus ends another Saturday Surprise!  Have a great weekend, my friends!weekend

Saturday Surprise — Tidbits of Humour

I admit to being somewhat depleted tonight as I sit down to do this Saturday Surprise post, so I thought I’d go with a hodgepodge of humorous tidbits … I think we could all use a laugh right about now, yes?


Jeff Foxworthy, famous for his “You Might Be a Redneck If …” one-liners, often brings a chuckle.  I liked the first two best.foxworthy-jokes.png


I haven’t shared any of those funny signs for a few months … this first one caught my eye and since it made me laugh, I thought it would bring a chuckle from you also.

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I always like a little quip … a short joke with a quick punch …

A HAPPY MEAL

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?

A: “Does this taste funny to you?”

A GUMMY PROBLEM

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A: He was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

BIRDMAN

Little girl: “Why does your son say, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck?'”

Mother: “Because he thinks he’s a chicken.”

Little girl: “Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?”

Mother: “We need the eggs.”


Of course there must be some funny animal memes, right?

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A few ‘toons …

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I’m sorry to cut this short, folks, but I truly am running on fumes, and anyway … it’s the WEEKEND, and a long, 3-day weekend at that!!!  I know you’ve got all sorts of fun planned, yes?  So do I!!!  I’m going to wrestle a chair from my upstairs bedroom to the downstairs living room, and vacuum the 15-step staircase!  Bet you’re jealous, huh?  You’re more than welcome to come help!  Have a wonderful holiday weekend and keep safe, my friends!

Jolly Monday — This ‘n That!

woman-coffeeWha … What???  Is it Monday again … already???  I knew there was something evil about Monday … it rolls around too quickly.  But, I’m happy to see you, my friends, so there is an upside to the day.  Hold on just a sec while I bring out some treats and make a fresh pot of coffee … I’m a little ‘off’ today because one of our special friends is missing.

There, now … that’s better.  So, how was your weekend?  Mine was okay … we went out for a bit Saturday and it poured rain the entire day, then on Sunday the sun was out, humidity finally gone and I went for a bit of a walk.  I’m not able to do the 4 miles I was doing last summer, though, and that’s rather got me bummed, but I’ll work back up to it.  Well, I know you all have schedules to keep, so let’s find some things to make us smile before you put your noses to the proverbial grindstone.  I’ve got just a few short tidbits for you today.


I actually laughed at this video.  It happened at the toll plaza in Kanpur, Uttar Pardesh, India when a car pulled up to the toll booth and … well, see for yourself …

Police said the monkey is believed to be a pet that was trained to steal by its owner. The primate took the equivalent of about $72, officials said.


Imagine waking up one morning, opening your front door, and finding … a bowl of mashed potatoes on your front porch.  mashed-potatoes-1This is what the people in the Belhaven neighbourhood of Jackson, Mississippi, were going through last month.  The residents of this neighborhood are no stranger to funky things.  According to one neighbor, Jordan Lewis …

“This neighborhood does a lot of quirky things. We decorate road signs, we put Christmas trees in our potholes, so it’s not surprising at all. That’s why I love this neighborhood because they do so many strange things, but it’s definitely one of the weirdest things I’ve seen since living in Jackson.  They’ve found it on their mailboxes on their cars. So, we don’t know if someone is just playing a prank or if someone just had a lot of leftovers and decided to share.”

mashed-potatoes-2Other comments included …

“Whoever was behind the mashed potato mystery was driving all over Belhaven, putting several houses and even streets in between his vehicle.”

“I got up and was headed to work at seven o’clock and there was just a Styrofoam bowl of mashed potatoes on the doorsteps right there.  Some people were thinking maybe the mashed potatoes were poisoned to kill animals. I didn’t taste it. I have a three-second rule so I didn’t touch it but some people were worried.”

And my favourite …

“I hope they just keep doing stuff like this, I know I wonder what they’ll do next. Like, a whole Thanksgiving meal?”


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Ever try your hand at throwing a boomerang?  I haven’t … heck, I had enough trouble learning to throw a Frisbee, and I’ve seen those cartoons where a guy throws a boomerang and it comes back and knocks him silly!  No thanks!  But here’s a short clip by a guy who really makes it look easy as 1-2-3 …

I think even I could get the hang of that!


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A FEW GOOD LAWYERS

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.”
“Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”


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A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, “What’s wrong?”

She says, “My mom died.”

He told her to go home, but she said, “No, I’ll be fine.”

Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, “What’s wrong?”

She replies, “I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!”


Maxine


And for a grand finale … I give you a funny video about Scaredy Cats


jollyTh-th-that’s all for today folks!  Have a great week, and please share a smile and a kind word with those who seem to need one.  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!

Tryin’-To-Be-Jolly Monday

Good morning, friends, and welcome to the first day of a new {yawn} week.  Now, I want to start by reminding you all that today is Earth Day!  I tried … I really tried to find a way to combine Jolly Monday with an Earth Day post, but it just wasn’t working out, and finally I had to admit that it was about as much fun and as interesting as a trip to the dentist.  Part of the problem, of course, is that Jolly is in the shop for repairs and without him I’m … well … Jolly-less.  Sigh.  I may have an Earth Day post this afternoon if I can quell the mind bounce and focus later on, but for this morning, I think we shall just try to have a bit of humour with which to start our week, okay?

I did not bake this morning, so you’ll have to settle for treats from the local donut place.  Leave the one with sprinkles for Benjamin, okay?  It’s the only kind he likes. Grab a bite and let’s see what we can find to bring a smile to our faces. 

 


…………………………………………………………………………. 🤔

…………………………………………. 🤔

…………………………….. 💭

……….  😣

Okay, well … um … that worked out well, didn’t it?  Tell you what … how ‘bout I dig up some jokes?

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunk, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home.

As he’s leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, “Hey, you’re not gonna leave that lyin’ here, are ya?”

“Hmph,” says the man. “That’s not a lion — it’s a giraffe.”

Um … yeah … fell flat, huh?  Let me try again …

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?

A: Beer.

Not even a chuckle, eh?  One more try … lawyer jokes are always good for a grin at least …

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”

”Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the–”

”I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. ”Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”

”Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road–”

”Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and told the lawyer so.

”Well,” said the farmer, “as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'”

Ah, at least a few grins, so I think I’ll quit with the jokes while I’m ahead … kinda sorta.  Okay.  I have no choice but to revert to my old standby … cute critters.  {Oh Jolly, please get well soon … I NEED you!}


According to one site … a couple, actually … these are the ten cutest animals in the world:

Cute-hedgehogs

Fun Fact: Hedgehogs are largely immune to snake venom.

Hedgehogs are spiny mammals that can be found in Asia, Africa and Europe. Although they look more like a rat but are undeniably cute and harmless too. Which is the reason they are increasing in popularity as exotic pets. If you are looking for a cute pet which is also unique in itself, go get a hedgehog.

Little-Baby-Penguin

Fun Fact: Penny the Little Penguin was the mascot for the 2007 FINA World Swimming Championships held in Melbourne, Victoria

What could possibly be anything cuter than penguins, it’s their little version. These penguins are absolutely similar to normal penguins except for the size. Their small size make them much more cute than normal ones, so much so they can be said one of the top 10 cutest animals on earth.

Northern-Pygmy-Owls

Fun Facts: Northern little owls often take prey same size or larger than themselves.

Northern Pygmy Owls are small owls native to western north America. These little birds are the smallest species of owl. Adults are 15-17 cm in overall length (nearly 6 inches) and are gray, brownish-gray or rufous in color.

Cute-Koala-Bears

Fun Fact: Koalas do not drink much water as they get most of their moisture from the leaves they eat. Even the word “koala” means “no water”.

Koalas are easily recognizable animal by its stout, tailless body and large head with round, fluffy ears and large, spoon-shaped nose. The koala has a body length of 60-85 cm and weighs 4-15 kg. Koals are very cute animals, and their face has innocent kind of expression, which just enhances the adorableness.

Arctic-Foxes-Cute-Animal

Fun Fact: Arctic foxes can survive extreme cold, they won’t start shivering until temperature go lower than -70 degree Celsius.

Arctic foxes also known as polar foxes or snow foxes are the breed of fox adapted to live in extreme cold environment. Their round body shape is good to minimize heat escaping from the body, and it also give them a very cute fluffy look.

Cute-Red-Pandas

Fun Fact: They are Herbivorous Carnivoran, means genetically they belong to carnivore group but are more similar to Giant pandas (which are herbivorous).

Red pandas are mammals native to the eastern Himalayas and southwestern China. Even though, their name consists of Panda, genetically they are not closely related to Giant Pandas.

They have reddish-brown fur, a long, shaggy tail, and a waddling gait due to its shorter front legs, and is slightly larger than a domestic cat.

They are an endangered species. Habitat loss and fragmentation, poaching, and inbreeding depression, although red pandas are protected by national laws in their range countries.

White-Pomeranian-DOG

Fun Fact: Two dogs were rescued from Titanic wreckage and one of them was a Pomeranian.

Pomeranians are also known as toy dogs due to their small size and cute teddy bear like appearance. They are continuously going smaller in size. But their smaller size is rapidly increasing their popularity.

In terms of registration figures, since at least 1998, the breed has ranked among the top twenty most popular breeds in the USA, and the current fashion for small dogs has increased their popularity worldwide.

Baby-Bunnies

Fun Fact: Rabbits have a lot of babies. Mommas can give birth as much as nine babies each year.

Rabbits are small cute herbivorous mammals that are some of the most popular pet animals on earth. Rabbits come in many different colours and patterns, just like cats and dogs, and are family friendly. Although require some special measures around kids due to those little teeth, that can easily pierce human skin.

Cute-Fennec-Fox

Fun Fact: Those oversized ears are not only excellent for listening purposes but also serve as a way to dissipate heat and keep cool in the desert environment.

Fennec Foxes are exotic animals that you can also have as pet, though they require different treatment than domestic cats and dogs. They are extremely playful and family friendly, even look more like a mix of cat and dog than a fox. Their furry body, small size and big ears make them one of the cutest animals on earth.

Cute-Persian-Cats

Fun Fact: Persian Cats‘ long hair look may look like it requires high maintenance. But in reality, they are considered to be one of the most low maintenance and friendliest cat breeds.

Even though almost all of the cat breeds are cute. Watching a playing kitten in the early morning puts a big smile on your face. If you’re are an animal lover, you most likely have a cat or dog in your home or around you right now. If you own a cat and it’s not Persian, so please don’t be upset. But we’re choosing Persian cat for this entry as they’re tiny bit more cute than other cats.  Note:  We have a part-Persian and she is the meanest darn cat I’ve ever known.  We named her Tiger Lily before we knew how ornery she was!


Friends, this isn’t much of a Jolly Monday post, and for that I apologize.  I’ve had the wind knocked out of my sails in the past week, between the Mueller report and related reactions, the Notre-Dame fire, and yesterdays horrific bombings in Sri Lanka and I just can’t find my humorous side, especially with Jolly gone.  Next week … I promise to do better.  Meanwhile, have a great week, and please, find a smile and share it with someone this week.  Love and hugs from Filosofa … and the missing Jolly!Maxine

A Short Jolly Monday

Good morning, friends and welcome on this cold Monday morning!  You may want to keep your jackets on, for my furnace is not working and while I’ve tried to warm the place up with the oven, it is still quite chilly in here.  I brought down a few blankets for any who would like one.  Yes, I called the emergency maintenance number several times, starting at noon yesterday, but … well, I guess they had better things to do than come fix my furnace.  But enough of that … how was your weekend?

Since I’m in a bit of a funk this morning and feared my humour might turn out to be a bit macabre, I’m turning Jolly Monday over to … well Jolly!  Let’s see what he can come up with, shall we?  Snacks, coffee, and tea are on the table, so help yourselves!


jolly Hi everyone!  You like cartoons?  I like cartoons a lot.  I find some funny cartoons dis morning I think you’ll like, okay?

cartoon-1

Mutts-toon

ZiggyMonday


Look at dis cute li’l video I found with an owl lookin’ at hisself in da mirror …


Oh!  I know!  I heard a joke da other day … wanna hear it?

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was “cute.” She asked, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”


I think I’m puttin’ you to sleep … wanna look at some really neat critters?Bush-ViperDis is a Bush Viper.  It lives up in the trees of the tropical forests of Africa, and does most of its hunting at night.  I think it’s cute, but kinda scary.

Giant-Isopod

Giant-Isopod-2.jpgThis one’s a Giant Isopod, one of the largest of the existing isopods. “The enormous size of the giant isopod is a result of a phenomenon known as deep sea gigantism. This is the tendency of deep sea crustaceans and other animals to grow to a much larger size than similar species in shallower waters.”  I would be scared of it, wouldn’t you?

These are named Glaucus Atlanticus, but they’re usually just called Blue Dragon.  I think that’s easier to say.  They are a species of blue sea slug. You could find it in warm waters of the oceans, as it floats on the surface because of a gas-filled sac in its stomach.  I think they’re pretty!

Goblin-sharkDon’t be a-scared!  It won’t hurt you.  It’s a Goblin Shark!  It’s really rare, and they sometimes call it the ‘Living Fossil’.  “… the only extant representative of the family Mitsukurinidae, a lineage some 125 million years old.”  Goblin sharks inhabit around the world at depths greater than 100 m (330 ft), with adults found deeper than juveniles. Given the depths at which it lives, the goblin shark poses no danger to humans.   See, I told ya it won’t hurt you!

Mantis-shrimpThis one is a Mantis Shrimp!  Also called the “sea locusts“, “prawn killers” and even “thumb splitters”, this is one of the most common predators in tropical and sub-tropical waters; little is known about them, however, because of how much time they spend hiding in their burrows.  Isn’t it beeeeeooootiful?

Panda-antHow can you not love this cute little Panda Ant?  This one will hurt you, though!  The Mutillidae are a family of more than 3,000 species of wasps (despite the names) whose wingless females resemble large, hairy ants. Found in Chile, they are known for their extremely painful stings, hence the common name cow killer or cow ant. Black and white specimens are sometimes known as panda ants due to their hair coloration resembling that of the Chinese giant panda.

red-lipped-batfishYou like dis Red-Lipped Batfish?  It looks like it has lipstick on, doesn’t it?  Found on the Galapagos Islands, this fish is actually a pretty bad swimmer, and uses its pectoral fins to walk on the bottom of the ocean.  I don’ think I wanna meet up with dis one!

Umbonia-SpinosaDis is the most interesting one, I think.  Umbonia Spinosa is its name.  These thorn bugs are related to cicadas, and use their beaks to pierce plant stems to feed upon their sap. Their strange appearance still poses many questions to scientists.  I think it’s pretty, but kinda scary, too.


Okay, Jolly … I think that’s about all we can do for this morning, don’t you?  Remember that cute baby animals video you found last night?  Let’s show ‘em that, shall we?


Sorry, folks, but Jolly and I seem to be a bit short on humour this morning, but I hope we at least brought you a small smile.  Perhaps by sharing that small smile, you can grow it into a bigger one, yes?  I do apologize and we will try to do better next Monday.  Have a great week, my friends, and keep safe.  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!

Is It Monday Yet?

Good Monday morning, my friends!  I’m so glad you could drop by this morning.  How was your weekend?  Mine?  It was fine … we went out for a bit on Saturday and it started pouring rain as soon as we walked out of the house, so after being drenched numerous times, we gave up and came home to the warm, dry, and furry house!

I must admit that I am anything but jolly this Monday morning, so please forgive me if the humour falls a bit flat.  No, no … nothing wrong … just too much of … well, you know what.  And perhaps a bit too much of this grey and gloomy winter.  But, good news lies ahead, for according to the forecast, it is supposed to top 70° on Thursday!  Perhaps if I can resume my daily walks, my humour will improve (not to mention the shape of my winter-worn body!).

Well, grab a donut and cup of coffee or tea (yes, rawgod, I remembered the tea this morning!), and let’s see if I can pull off a bit of a smile.  Oh … by the way … today is National Napping Day, so let’s all do our patriotic duty and catch a midday snooze, eh?

juice boxes                      fruit


The mayor is a …

I’ve written before about towns that have dogs, and even cats for mayors.  The first one I had ever heard of was Rabbit Hash, Kentucky where the first elected mayor in Rabbit Hash history was Goofy Borneman-Calhoun, who was inaugurated in 1998 for a four-year term.  Since that time, Rabbit Hash has never had a mayor that wasn’t a canine.

Goofy-mayor

Goofy Borneman-Calhoun

Then there was Stubbs, the feline mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, for nearly 20 years until her death in 2017.StubbsBut I really think that the town of Fair Haven, Vermont, is the first in history to have elected a goat as mayor!  Yep, folks, you heard right … a g-o-a-t.Lincoln.jpegMeet Lincoln, the new mayor of Fair Haven!  With 13 votes, Lincoln eked out a victory over Sammie the dog, who received 10 votes.  Talk about voter apathy!  The town has approximately 2,500 residents, and only 23 of them bothered to vote?  Sheesh!

Well, people might laugh at a goat for mayor, but heck, we live in a nation that elected a jackass for president, so what else can be said?


The price of beauty …

Now, I don’t go to a hairdresser … I trim my fringes and ends, and that’s the extent of my ‘hairdressing’.  And we don’t take our kitties to the groomer … they get frequent brushings right here at home.  So, I am not familiar with what hairdressers and pet groomers charge, but apparently groomers charge more than hairdressers do.

People must frequently complain about their groomer’s charges and ask why they charge more than the hairdresser down the street.  Now, personally, if I were a groomer, my comeback would be, “Because we make your dog/cat look beautiful, but look what your hairdresser did to you!”  However, that would likely cause me to go out of business quickly, wouldn’t it?

One groomer in Copenhagen,  Laura Gedgaudaite , came up with her own witty solution, and placed this sign in the window of her shop …groomer-signHmmm … makes perfect sense, don’t you think?


Elephant!  Cover thyself!dressed-elephant

Elephant!  You’re on the wrong side of the road!

traffic-elephant


Road signs …

It has been a long time since I’ve included funny road signs in my Jolly Monday, so let’s take a look at a few new ones …

sign-1Edinburgh’s streets are old, narrow and extremely crowded, especially near Waverley Railway Station where this photo was taken.  This can make road-crossing treacherous for drivers and pedestrians alike.  But what exactly is this sign getting at?  Is it warning pedestrians to be vigilant, or telling drivers to aim for the tourist?sign-2Ya think???sign-3Seriously???  Somebody needs to go back to school!sign-4Seems like sound advice.sign-5Um … perhaps the sign painter had one too many?sign-6.jpgWhatever for???sign-7Well drat!


Anybody up for a couple of jokes this morning?

I’ve heard this joke before, but it never fails to make me chuckle …

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.”

“Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.”

“Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.”

“Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.”

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

“What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

And …

A Policeman Is Interrogating 3 Men Who Are Training To Become Detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second guy smiles, flips his hair, and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the third guy replied.” He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”


Who doesn’t love to watch those adorable koalas in action?


Well, friends, that’s about all the humour I can muster this morning, and besides, some of you have to get to work, and some of you have to rake the snow off your roofs so the roof doesn’t cave in!  Hey Hugh … here’s a little something to keep you warm while shoveling …

Monday-famous-grouse

jollyRemember, folks, spring IS on its way!  There will soon be flowers!  Keep those gorgeous smiles on your face this week, and spread a few of them around … some people have lost their own and it would be nice if you gave them one!  Have a safe and happy week!  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!

truck-in-snow

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