Good Monday morning, friends! Come in and get warm … it’s f-f-freezing out there! I don’t know about you guys, but I am ready for some sunshine! I know, I know … a few months from now I’ll be complaining about the heat and wishing for rain … never satisfied, am I? So, did you guys have a great weekend? Mine? Meh … it’s always good to have daughter Chris home, and we did go out yesterday, despite the frigid temps and blustery conditions, but I guess the events of last week just left me in rather a foul humour. Plus, the battery is dead in my van … again. But, I’m not complaining … honest I’m not! I’ve got you guys here and we’re going to go in search of something fun, so grab a snack and a cuppa and let’s get this show on the road!
Oopsie, Mr. Postman …
Be thankful you are not Dan and Dee Cain of Twinsburg, Ohio! Mr. Cain recently went to the post office to collect his mail, and his first clue there was a problem came when the clerk at the post office told him that his mail wouldn’t fit in his box, and he would need to drive around back to collect it. Hmmmm …
So, he drove his truck around back and … well, it’s a good thing he has a truck instead of a Volkswagon, for he had to make two trips, even in his truck. The postal workers helped him load 79 plastic mail bins, each packed with around 700 letters into his truck. You’d think Dan had a huge fan following, but turns out each of the approximately 55,000 pieces of mail were identical! Yep … 55,000 reminders that the payment on the student loan he and Dee had taken out for their daughter was due!
“I was shocked. Are you kidding me? Who makes that kind of mistake?”
The student loan carrier apologized to Cain, blaming a glitch in its new outgoing mail system. But, it gets even better … the loan company said they will issue another statement to Dan, for the one(s) they sent used the wrong interest rate! Dan is concerned, and with good reason, I’d say. Even if the company used the bulk rate, that mail cost the loan company $11,000 and change.
And now Dan & Dee have a garage filled with useless mail they don’t know how to dispose of. I know what I’d be tempted to do with it … but, Jolly Monday is a family-friendly feature, so I’ll just keep my ideas to myself for now.
I was thinking … I haven’t done jokes in a while … what say we have a few jokes?
In his late 80s, my father-in-law went to the DMV to renew his driver’s license. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his left, and cruised straight through the stop sign. “Sir! You didn’t look to your right,” yelled the frightened inspector.
My father-in-law calmly shook his head. “That’s Mum’s side.”
My 35-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I’d left my wallet in my truck. As I headed out the door, I told the waitress what had happened. “But don’t worry,” I said with a grin. “I’m leaving my son for collateral.”
She looked at him. He winked at her. She turned back to me. “What else you got?”
I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: “Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.”
While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, “How’s your love life?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ll ask my wife.” He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, “Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex.”
His wife shouted back, “No, the only thing we have is Medicare and Blue Cross.”
Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit? He stopped to take a leek.
Our manager kept reminding us waitresses to encourage customers to order dessert. At the end of an especially exhausting day, I walked over to a couple who had just sat down, gave them each a menu and a glass of water, and asked, “Would you care for anything else?”
A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”
The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again “What’s for dinner?”
She turns around and says “For the THIRD time, beef stew!”
A man came in to give his application to the manager. But the manager asked, “Why is there a four-year gap in your application?”
And the man responded, “Yale.”
The manager hired him and the guy said, “Thanks. I needed a yob.”
I especially loved the one about the man and his wife’s hearing! Ready for some ‘toons and memes?
And of course, I cannot wrap up Jolly Monday without a cute animal video! Sloths get a bum rap, but they are so darned cute! I want one!
Folks … no matter which side of the big pond you’re on, we have all had some tough times these last few weeks. Let’s make an extra effort to give somebody an extra smile and a hug this week, shall we? I hope you all have a great week … keep safe and try to stay warm! And this one last thing is for our friend Hugh who, last I heard, had a foot or so of snow!