Saturday Surprise — Happy Father’s Day

It’s Saturday, folks!!!  The WEEKEND is finally here!  For me, it’s a quiet weekend.  Chris is in Chicago for a band competition, so it’s just me and Miss Goose.  Yesterday … we did nothing useful.  We both went for a walk, she took out the trash, I tidied the kitchen, and we snacked on whatever is residing in the fridge that isn’t covered in green fuzz.  Who knows what today will bring?  I definitely have to at least do a load or two of laundry, but beyond that … probably not much!  Sunday is Father’s Day, so before I forget, I want to wish all you dads out there a very Happy Father’s Day!!!

And thus ends another Saturday Surprise!  Have a great weekend, my friends!weekend

Saturday Surprise — Tidbits of Humour

I admit to being somewhat depleted tonight as I sit down to do this Saturday Surprise post, so I thought I’d go with a hodgepodge of humorous tidbits … I think we could all use a laugh right about now, yes?


Jeff Foxworthy, famous for his “You Might Be a Redneck If …” one-liners, often brings a chuckle.  I liked the first two best.foxworthy-jokes.png


I haven’t shared any of those funny signs for a few months … this first one caught my eye and since it made me laugh, I thought it would bring a chuckle from you also.

sign-1sign-2sign-3sign-4


I always like a little quip … a short joke with a quick punch …

A HAPPY MEAL

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?

A: “Does this taste funny to you?”

A GUMMY PROBLEM

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A: He was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

BIRDMAN

Little girl: “Why does your son say, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck?'”

Mother: “Because he thinks he’s a chicken.”

Little girl: “Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?”

Mother: “We need the eggs.”


Of course there must be some funny animal memes, right?

meme-1meme-2meme-3


A few ‘toons …

birth-facebookcow-moon-tooncroaked


I’m sorry to cut this short, folks, but I truly am running on fumes, and anyway … it’s the WEEKEND, and a long, 3-day weekend at that!!!  I know you’ve got all sorts of fun planned, yes?  So do I!!!  I’m going to wrestle a chair from my upstairs bedroom to the downstairs living room, and vacuum the 15-step staircase!  Bet you’re jealous, huh?  You’re more than welcome to come help!  Have a wonderful holiday weekend and keep safe, my friends!

Jolly Monday — This ‘n That!

woman-coffeeWha … What???  Is it Monday again … already???  I knew there was something evil about Monday … it rolls around too quickly.  But, I’m happy to see you, my friends, so there is an upside to the day.  Hold on just a sec while I bring out some treats and make a fresh pot of coffee … I’m a little ‘off’ today because one of our special friends is missing.

There, now … that’s better.  So, how was your weekend?  Mine was okay … we went out for a bit Saturday and it poured rain the entire day, then on Sunday the sun was out, humidity finally gone and I went for a bit of a walk.  I’m not able to do the 4 miles I was doing last summer, though, and that’s rather got me bummed, but I’ll work back up to it.  Well, I know you all have schedules to keep, so let’s find some things to make us smile before you put your noses to the proverbial grindstone.  I’ve got just a few short tidbits for you today.


I actually laughed at this video.  It happened at the toll plaza in Kanpur, Uttar Pardesh, India when a car pulled up to the toll booth and … well, see for yourself …

Police said the monkey is believed to be a pet that was trained to steal by its owner. The primate took the equivalent of about $72, officials said.


Imagine waking up one morning, opening your front door, and finding … a bowl of mashed potatoes on your front porch.  mashed-potatoes-1This is what the people in the Belhaven neighbourhood of Jackson, Mississippi, were going through last month.  The residents of this neighborhood are no stranger to funky things.  According to one neighbor, Jordan Lewis …

“This neighborhood does a lot of quirky things. We decorate road signs, we put Christmas trees in our potholes, so it’s not surprising at all. That’s why I love this neighborhood because they do so many strange things, but it’s definitely one of the weirdest things I’ve seen since living in Jackson.  They’ve found it on their mailboxes on their cars. So, we don’t know if someone is just playing a prank or if someone just had a lot of leftovers and decided to share.”

mashed-potatoes-2Other comments included …

“Whoever was behind the mashed potato mystery was driving all over Belhaven, putting several houses and even streets in between his vehicle.”

“I got up and was headed to work at seven o’clock and there was just a Styrofoam bowl of mashed potatoes on the doorsteps right there.  Some people were thinking maybe the mashed potatoes were poisoned to kill animals. I didn’t taste it. I have a three-second rule so I didn’t touch it but some people were worried.”

And my favourite …

“I hope they just keep doing stuff like this, I know I wonder what they’ll do next. Like, a whole Thanksgiving meal?”


tooncat-meme


Ever try your hand at throwing a boomerang?  I haven’t … heck, I had enough trouble learning to throw a Frisbee, and I’ve seen those cartoons where a guy throws a boomerang and it comes back and knocks him silly!  No thanks!  But here’s a short clip by a guy who really makes it look easy as 1-2-3 …

I think even I could get the hang of that!


toon-2


toon-3


cat-meme-2


A FEW GOOD LAWYERS

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.”
“Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”


toon-4


A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, “What’s wrong?”

She says, “My mom died.”

He told her to go home, but she said, “No, I’ll be fine.”

Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, “What’s wrong?”

She replies, “I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!”


Maxine


And for a grand finale … I give you a funny video about Scaredy Cats


jollyTh-th-that’s all for today folks!  Have a great week, and please share a smile and a kind word with those who seem to need one.  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!

Tryin’-To-Be-Jolly Monday

Good morning, friends, and welcome to the first day of a new {yawn} week.  Now, I want to start by reminding you all that today is Earth Day!  I tried … I really tried to find a way to combine Jolly Monday with an Earth Day post, but it just wasn’t working out, and finally I had to admit that it was about as much fun and as interesting as a trip to the dentist.  Part of the problem, of course, is that Jolly is in the shop for repairs and without him I’m … well … Jolly-less.  Sigh.  I may have an Earth Day post this afternoon if I can quell the mind bounce and focus later on, but for this morning, I think we shall just try to have a bit of humour with which to start our week, okay?

I did not bake this morning, so you’ll have to settle for treats from the local donut place.  Leave the one with sprinkles for Benjamin, okay?  It’s the only kind he likes. Grab a bite and let’s see what we can find to bring a smile to our faces. 

 


…………………………………………………………………………. 🤔

…………………………………………. 🤔

…………………………….. 💭

……….  😣

Okay, well … um … that worked out well, didn’t it?  Tell you what … how ‘bout I dig up some jokes?

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunk, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home.

As he’s leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, “Hey, you’re not gonna leave that lyin’ here, are ya?”

“Hmph,” says the man. “That’s not a lion — it’s a giraffe.”

Um … yeah … fell flat, huh?  Let me try again …

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?

A: Beer.

Not even a chuckle, eh?  One more try … lawyer jokes are always good for a grin at least …

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”

”Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the–”

”I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. ”Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”

”Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road–”

”Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and told the lawyer so.

”Well,” said the farmer, “as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'”

Ah, at least a few grins, so I think I’ll quit with the jokes while I’m ahead … kinda sorta.  Okay.  I have no choice but to revert to my old standby … cute critters.  {Oh Jolly, please get well soon … I NEED you!}


According to one site … a couple, actually … these are the ten cutest animals in the world:

Cute-hedgehogs

Fun Fact: Hedgehogs are largely immune to snake venom.

Hedgehogs are spiny mammals that can be found in Asia, Africa and Europe. Although they look more like a rat but are undeniably cute and harmless too. Which is the reason they are increasing in popularity as exotic pets. If you are looking for a cute pet which is also unique in itself, go get a hedgehog.

Little-Baby-Penguin

Fun Fact: Penny the Little Penguin was the mascot for the 2007 FINA World Swimming Championships held in Melbourne, Victoria

What could possibly be anything cuter than penguins, it’s their little version. These penguins are absolutely similar to normal penguins except for the size. Their small size make them much more cute than normal ones, so much so they can be said one of the top 10 cutest animals on earth.

Northern-Pygmy-Owls

Fun Facts: Northern little owls often take prey same size or larger than themselves.

Northern Pygmy Owls are small owls native to western north America. These little birds are the smallest species of owl. Adults are 15-17 cm in overall length (nearly 6 inches) and are gray, brownish-gray or rufous in color.

Cute-Koala-Bears

Fun Fact: Koalas do not drink much water as they get most of their moisture from the leaves they eat. Even the word “koala” means “no water”.

Koalas are easily recognizable animal by its stout, tailless body and large head with round, fluffy ears and large, spoon-shaped nose. The koala has a body length of 60-85 cm and weighs 4-15 kg. Koals are very cute animals, and their face has innocent kind of expression, which just enhances the adorableness.

Arctic-Foxes-Cute-Animal

Fun Fact: Arctic foxes can survive extreme cold, they won’t start shivering until temperature go lower than -70 degree Celsius.

Arctic foxes also known as polar foxes or snow foxes are the breed of fox adapted to live in extreme cold environment. Their round body shape is good to minimize heat escaping from the body, and it also give them a very cute fluffy look.

Cute-Red-Pandas

Fun Fact: They are Herbivorous Carnivoran, means genetically they belong to carnivore group but are more similar to Giant pandas (which are herbivorous).

Red pandas are mammals native to the eastern Himalayas and southwestern China. Even though, their name consists of Panda, genetically they are not closely related to Giant Pandas.

They have reddish-brown fur, a long, shaggy tail, and a waddling gait due to its shorter front legs, and is slightly larger than a domestic cat.

They are an endangered species. Habitat loss and fragmentation, poaching, and inbreeding depression, although red pandas are protected by national laws in their range countries.

White-Pomeranian-DOG

Fun Fact: Two dogs were rescued from Titanic wreckage and one of them was a Pomeranian.

Pomeranians are also known as toy dogs due to their small size and cute teddy bear like appearance. They are continuously going smaller in size. But their smaller size is rapidly increasing their popularity.

In terms of registration figures, since at least 1998, the breed has ranked among the top twenty most popular breeds in the USA, and the current fashion for small dogs has increased their popularity worldwide.

Baby-Bunnies

Fun Fact: Rabbits have a lot of babies. Mommas can give birth as much as nine babies each year.

Rabbits are small cute herbivorous mammals that are some of the most popular pet animals on earth. Rabbits come in many different colours and patterns, just like cats and dogs, and are family friendly. Although require some special measures around kids due to those little teeth, that can easily pierce human skin.

Cute-Fennec-Fox

Fun Fact: Those oversized ears are not only excellent for listening purposes but also serve as a way to dissipate heat and keep cool in the desert environment.

Fennec Foxes are exotic animals that you can also have as pet, though they require different treatment than domestic cats and dogs. They are extremely playful and family friendly, even look more like a mix of cat and dog than a fox. Their furry body, small size and big ears make them one of the cutest animals on earth.

Cute-Persian-Cats

Fun Fact: Persian Cats‘ long hair look may look like it requires high maintenance. But in reality, they are considered to be one of the most low maintenance and friendliest cat breeds.

Even though almost all of the cat breeds are cute. Watching a playing kitten in the early morning puts a big smile on your face. If you’re are an animal lover, you most likely have a cat or dog in your home or around you right now. If you own a cat and it’s not Persian, so please don’t be upset. But we’re choosing Persian cat for this entry as they’re tiny bit more cute than other cats.  Note:  We have a part-Persian and she is the meanest darn cat I’ve ever known.  We named her Tiger Lily before we knew how ornery she was!


Friends, this isn’t much of a Jolly Monday post, and for that I apologize.  I’ve had the wind knocked out of my sails in the past week, between the Mueller report and related reactions, the Notre-Dame fire, and yesterdays horrific bombings in Sri Lanka and I just can’t find my humorous side, especially with Jolly gone.  Next week … I promise to do better.  Meanwhile, have a great week, and please, find a smile and share it with someone this week.  Love and hugs from Filosofa … and the missing Jolly!Maxine

A Short Jolly Monday

Good morning, friends and welcome on this cold Monday morning!  You may want to keep your jackets on, for my furnace is not working and while I’ve tried to warm the place up with the oven, it is still quite chilly in here.  I brought down a few blankets for any who would like one.  Yes, I called the emergency maintenance number several times, starting at noon yesterday, but … well, I guess they had better things to do than come fix my furnace.  But enough of that … how was your weekend?

Since I’m in a bit of a funk this morning and feared my humour might turn out to be a bit macabre, I’m turning Jolly Monday over to … well Jolly!  Let’s see what he can come up with, shall we?  Snacks, coffee, and tea are on the table, so help yourselves!


jolly Hi everyone!  You like cartoons?  I like cartoons a lot.  I find some funny cartoons dis morning I think you’ll like, okay?

cartoon-1

Mutts-toon

ZiggyMonday


Look at dis cute li’l video I found with an owl lookin’ at hisself in da mirror …


Oh!  I know!  I heard a joke da other day … wanna hear it?

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was “cute.” She asked, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”


I think I’m puttin’ you to sleep … wanna look at some really neat critters?Bush-ViperDis is a Bush Viper.  It lives up in the trees of the tropical forests of Africa, and does most of its hunting at night.  I think it’s cute, but kinda scary.

Giant-Isopod

Giant-Isopod-2.jpgThis one’s a Giant Isopod, one of the largest of the existing isopods. “The enormous size of the giant isopod is a result of a phenomenon known as deep sea gigantism. This is the tendency of deep sea crustaceans and other animals to grow to a much larger size than similar species in shallower waters.”  I would be scared of it, wouldn’t you?

These are named Glaucus Atlanticus, but they’re usually just called Blue Dragon.  I think that’s easier to say.  They are a species of blue sea slug. You could find it in warm waters of the oceans, as it floats on the surface because of a gas-filled sac in its stomach.  I think they’re pretty!

Goblin-sharkDon’t be a-scared!  It won’t hurt you.  It’s a Goblin Shark!  It’s really rare, and they sometimes call it the ‘Living Fossil’.  “… the only extant representative of the family Mitsukurinidae, a lineage some 125 million years old.”  Goblin sharks inhabit around the world at depths greater than 100 m (330 ft), with adults found deeper than juveniles. Given the depths at which it lives, the goblin shark poses no danger to humans.   See, I told ya it won’t hurt you!

Mantis-shrimpThis one is a Mantis Shrimp!  Also called the “sea locusts“, “prawn killers” and even “thumb splitters”, this is one of the most common predators in tropical and sub-tropical waters; little is known about them, however, because of how much time they spend hiding in their burrows.  Isn’t it beeeeeooootiful?

Panda-antHow can you not love this cute little Panda Ant?  This one will hurt you, though!  The Mutillidae are a family of more than 3,000 species of wasps (despite the names) whose wingless females resemble large, hairy ants. Found in Chile, they are known for their extremely painful stings, hence the common name cow killer or cow ant. Black and white specimens are sometimes known as panda ants due to their hair coloration resembling that of the Chinese giant panda.

red-lipped-batfishYou like dis Red-Lipped Batfish?  It looks like it has lipstick on, doesn’t it?  Found on the Galapagos Islands, this fish is actually a pretty bad swimmer, and uses its pectoral fins to walk on the bottom of the ocean.  I don’ think I wanna meet up with dis one!

Umbonia-SpinosaDis is the most interesting one, I think.  Umbonia Spinosa is its name.  These thorn bugs are related to cicadas, and use their beaks to pierce plant stems to feed upon their sap. Their strange appearance still poses many questions to scientists.  I think it’s pretty, but kinda scary, too.


Okay, Jolly … I think that’s about all we can do for this morning, don’t you?  Remember that cute baby animals video you found last night?  Let’s show ‘em that, shall we?


Sorry, folks, but Jolly and I seem to be a bit short on humour this morning, but I hope we at least brought you a small smile.  Perhaps by sharing that small smile, you can grow it into a bigger one, yes?  I do apologize and we will try to do better next Monday.  Have a great week, my friends, and keep safe.  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!

Is It Monday Yet?

Good Monday morning, my friends!  I’m so glad you could drop by this morning.  How was your weekend?  Mine?  It was fine … we went out for a bit on Saturday and it started pouring rain as soon as we walked out of the house, so after being drenched numerous times, we gave up and came home to the warm, dry, and furry house!

I must admit that I am anything but jolly this Monday morning, so please forgive me if the humour falls a bit flat.  No, no … nothing wrong … just too much of … well, you know what.  And perhaps a bit too much of this grey and gloomy winter.  But, good news lies ahead, for according to the forecast, it is supposed to top 70° on Thursday!  Perhaps if I can resume my daily walks, my humour will improve (not to mention the shape of my winter-worn body!).

Well, grab a donut and cup of coffee or tea (yes, rawgod, I remembered the tea this morning!), and let’s see if I can pull off a bit of a smile.  Oh … by the way … today is National Napping Day, so let’s all do our patriotic duty and catch a midday snooze, eh?

juice boxes                      fruit


The mayor is a …

I’ve written before about towns that have dogs, and even cats for mayors.  The first one I had ever heard of was Rabbit Hash, Kentucky where the first elected mayor in Rabbit Hash history was Goofy Borneman-Calhoun, who was inaugurated in 1998 for a four-year term.  Since that time, Rabbit Hash has never had a mayor that wasn’t a canine.

Goofy-mayor

Goofy Borneman-Calhoun

Then there was Stubbs, the feline mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, for nearly 20 years until her death in 2017.StubbsBut I really think that the town of Fair Haven, Vermont, is the first in history to have elected a goat as mayor!  Yep, folks, you heard right … a g-o-a-t.Lincoln.jpegMeet Lincoln, the new mayor of Fair Haven!  With 13 votes, Lincoln eked out a victory over Sammie the dog, who received 10 votes.  Talk about voter apathy!  The town has approximately 2,500 residents, and only 23 of them bothered to vote?  Sheesh!

Well, people might laugh at a goat for mayor, but heck, we live in a nation that elected a jackass for president, so what else can be said?


The price of beauty …

Now, I don’t go to a hairdresser … I trim my fringes and ends, and that’s the extent of my ‘hairdressing’.  And we don’t take our kitties to the groomer … they get frequent brushings right here at home.  So, I am not familiar with what hairdressers and pet groomers charge, but apparently groomers charge more than hairdressers do.

People must frequently complain about their groomer’s charges and ask why they charge more than the hairdresser down the street.  Now, personally, if I were a groomer, my comeback would be, “Because we make your dog/cat look beautiful, but look what your hairdresser did to you!”  However, that would likely cause me to go out of business quickly, wouldn’t it?

One groomer in Copenhagen,  Laura Gedgaudaite , came up with her own witty solution, and placed this sign in the window of her shop …groomer-signHmmm … makes perfect sense, don’t you think?


Elephant!  Cover thyself!dressed-elephant

Elephant!  You’re on the wrong side of the road!

traffic-elephant


Road signs …

It has been a long time since I’ve included funny road signs in my Jolly Monday, so let’s take a look at a few new ones …

sign-1Edinburgh’s streets are old, narrow and extremely crowded, especially near Waverley Railway Station where this photo was taken.  This can make road-crossing treacherous for drivers and pedestrians alike.  But what exactly is this sign getting at?  Is it warning pedestrians to be vigilant, or telling drivers to aim for the tourist?sign-2Ya think???sign-3Seriously???  Somebody needs to go back to school!sign-4Seems like sound advice.sign-5Um … perhaps the sign painter had one too many?sign-6.jpgWhatever for???sign-7Well drat!


Anybody up for a couple of jokes this morning?

I’ve heard this joke before, but it never fails to make me chuckle …

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.”

“Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.”

“Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.”

“Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.”

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

“What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

And …

A Policeman Is Interrogating 3 Men Who Are Training To Become Detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second guy smiles, flips his hair, and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the third guy replied.” He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”


Who doesn’t love to watch those adorable koalas in action?


Well, friends, that’s about all the humour I can muster this morning, and besides, some of you have to get to work, and some of you have to rake the snow off your roofs so the roof doesn’t cave in!  Hey Hugh … here’s a little something to keep you warm while shoveling …

Monday-famous-grouse

jollyRemember, folks, spring IS on its way!  There will soon be flowers!  Keep those gorgeous smiles on your face this week, and spread a few of them around … some people have lost their own and it would be nice if you gave them one!  Have a safe and happy week!  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa and Jolly!

truck-in-snow

Reset the counter?

Jolly Monday — Funny Furries

Hey guys!  Come in out of the cold … I hear some of you got dumped on over the weekend … last night I heard that Chicago’s O’Hare Airport had canceled some 700 flights!  Luckily, I think it’s supposed to go north of us and land in Maine somewhere.  Mr. LePage deserves it!  So how was your weekend?

I had a really difficult time doing ‘funny’ last night, and even Jolly wasn’t much help.  All the humour in my usual ‘go-to’ sources seemed a bit macabre, like the guy who was trying to steal gasoline from a U-Haul and set himself and the U-Haul truck on fire.  Somehow … it just didn’t make me laugh.  So, instead of a variety of humour today, I am falling back on the one thing that always works, funny animals.  Jolly, by the way, is still in bed … I think perhaps he’s coming down with something.

Grab a snack and a nice hot cuppa java, and settle in for a bit of furry funnies before you set out to start the week off.

juice boxMonday-coffee-potsprinkle donuts


And let’s wrap up with a few jokes, shall we?

 

 

And I’m sorry, folks, but that’s all the funny I have in me for today.  Share a smile, a laugh, or even a hug today with a friend, a co-worker or a stranger, okay?  Keep warm, keep safe, and have a great week!!!Monday-smile-2

Jolly Monday … And Happy Labour Day!

Hello dear friends, and welcome to Jolly Monday, once again sans Jolly.  You’ll remember that last Monday I thought Jolly had run off again.  Choosing in the Netherlands thought he might turn up there, but as it turns out, Jolly did not run off at all, but was Jolly-napped!!! In the Monday afternoon mail, I received a ransom note!  The amount of money demanded was simply ridiculous!  But still, Jolly is special to me and cannot be replaced, so I paid it … the whole, bloomin’ $5.  For some reason they wouldn’t take a credit card or check, and demanded it be paid in small, unmarked bills, so I had to wait until I could borrow a car to get to the bank.  But the ransom has been paid and …

Jolly should be back next Monday, unless I fail in my mission, so for today I shall carry on and do my best to be humorous, even though it is not my strong suit.  Last week, young reader Benjamin suggested that since I burnt the toast, put out black bananas, spilt the coffee and mistook milk for juice, I “should not cook alone anymore!”  So, I debated just buying some treats, but no … I am determined to prove young Benjamin wrong and have outdone myself with my baking this morning, I think.  So, grab a treat and a cuppa and let us start the week out right … with a few chuckles!


Today is the celebration of Labour Day, so it seems appropriate to make this a post about Labour Day.


My wife came home from work yesterday and was raging about her boss. She said to me, “I’m never going to work for that man again!”.

I asked her, “Why, what did he say to you?”

She said, “You’re fired.”

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In the week before Labor Day, Eli, a dirt-poor country farmer won the Lottery – half a million dollars.  So to celebrate, he treated his wife and their four kids to a trip to see the Labor Day parade in New York.

He booked them rooms in the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North.  They’d never been to anywhere like New York before, in fact they’d never traveled further afield than their local town, so when they got there they were completely bowled over by all the glitz, glamor and excitement of the “Big Apple”.

Eli and his son Clem were particularly mesmerized by a shiny box with silver walls in the hotel reception. They’d never before come across doors that could move apart, and then automatically close again, as neither had seen an elevator before.  So they were totally amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the doors closed on her. The lights on the wall by the doors flashed for a minute or so, then the doors opened and out stepped a beautiful young woman.

Eli turned to Clem and said, “Son, go get your mother.”

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labour day toon-1My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day. Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.

He said to me, “You can’t drink while you’re working.”

I said, “Oh, don’t worry – I’m not working.”

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As a young man …

  • My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
  • Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
  • After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
  • I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
  • I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
  • I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.

In my prime …

  • Next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
  • I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
  • Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.
  • I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.
  • I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  • I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.
  • I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
  • I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
  • I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

Later in life …

  • Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
  • I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in it.
  • Next I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.
  • I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
  • I turned to farming, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
  • I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs, and I got the shaft.
  • I sold origami, but the business folded.

Finally …

  • I took a job at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself.
  • I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
  • I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally withdrew from the job.
  • I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn’t live on my net income.
  • I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
  • I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
  • So I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job!

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Have a safe & happy Labour Day, my dear friends!  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa!

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labour day toon-2

labour day toon-Maxine

Saturday Surprise — Beauty, Humour and Furry Critters

Well, well, well … we have all survived yet another week and here it is, the first official weekend of summer!  So, does everyone have happy plans for the weekend?  Me?  No, no … Chris is at yet another band competition this weekend, this one in Dublin (Ohio, not Ireland), so Goose and I are just chillin’.  I don’t know about you all, but I think my U.S. friends will know what I mean when I say it’s been a tough week, and personally, I’m in the mood for some beauty, some humour, and some cute furry critters.  But first, a funny-sad story about a member of the Sig-7 (short for Significant Seven):

A few nights ago, I was sitting with my laptop perched half on my right leg, half on the arm of my chair, two kitties curled up sleeping peacefully on my lap, when suddenly the quiet was pierced by a ultra-sonic, high-pitched shriek!  A glance across the room, and there is Boo jumping no less than four feet into the air, turning in circles mid-air, and screaming, shaking his front paw.  Imagine me trying to get the laptop safely on the desk, the kitties safely off my lap and go to the rescue or poor Boo … somehow in this process I whacked my knuckle on something and cracked or chipped the bone.  As I began to approach this jumping, shrieking kitty, something flew at my face, then landed at my feet.  A bumblebee.  Boo had been stung by a bumblebee!  I managed to get the bumblebee outdoors on a piece of paper, but sadly, later that evening he was found belly-up and cross-eyed. Boo is not kind to bugs.  Believe it or not, I cried over that darned bee — for two days!  Boo is fine – since Chris was at band and Miss Goose was out, I was very thankful that he wasn’t allergic to bee venom.  He limped for an hour or so, more for sympathy than out of pain, I think.  The next morning I found another dead bee, this time a wasp, on the kitchen floor.  Sigh.  Gonna be a long summer.


And now for a little beauty …MosqueThis is the Nasir al-Mulk Mosque in Shiraz, Iran.  The Mosque was constructed between 1876 and 1888, during the Qajar dynasty, which ruled Iran from 1785 to 1925. It has been dubbed the “Pink Mosque” due to the plethora of pink-colored tiles blanketing the ceiling. The best time to visit the mosque is in the early morning, when the sun reflects the stained glass patterns onto the floor.

The designers were Mohammad Hasan-e-Memār, an Iranian architect, and Mohammad Rezā Kāshi-Sāz-e-Širāzi. Restoration, protection, and maintenance of this monument is being continued by the Endowment Foundation of Nasir ol Molk. The colourful windows and doors are handcrafted by carpenter master Hajj Mirza Ayat.

Isn’t it beautiful?  I would love to visit there someday.Mosque-outside


Now, I promised some humour, but I am finding my sense of humour is a little off these days.  In fact, before I put anything on my Jolly Monday posts, I run it by either Chris or Miss Goose first, for I was informed when I was about to use a story about a lady who was run down by a car … I don’t remember the details, but I found it funny, and Chris happened to be reading over my shoulder and said “GRANNIE … NO … You cannot use that for Jolly Monday!!!”  And so, I now have two content editors who tie my hands just a bit, in addition to my literary editor who only gnashes his teeth when I misuse the comma or apostrophe.  Or misspell a word.  Or make a sentence too long.


You can always count on kids for a bit of humour, yes?  I came across this a few days ago … snippets from children who were asked for their instructions on life. I put my favourites in blue … what are yours?

  • Never trust a dog to watch your food. — Patrick, Age 10
  • When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. — Matthew, Age 12
  • Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. — Andrew, Age 9
  • Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. — Rocky, Age 9
  • Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning. — Stephanie, Age 8
  • Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. — Rosemary, Age 7
  • Don’t flush the john when your dad’s in the shower. — Lamar, Age 10
  • Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. — Carrol, Age 9
  • Never bug a pregnant mom. — Nicholas, Age 11
  • Don’t ever be too full for dessert. — Kelly, Age 10
  • When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. — Heather, Age 16
  • Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. — Michael, Age 14
  • Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. — Joel, Age 12
  • When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. — Alyesha, Age 13

And then there’s this …joke


Which brings us to my favourite part of the day … funny animal videos!!!  Today, I dedicate this segment to my youngest friends, Benjamin, Reuben & Amelie …

And one more — just an 18 second clip — watch the baby panda …

Well, my friends, I should let you go so you can get started on those special weekend plans.  Anybody having a grill-out this weekend?  Save me a burger, if you don’t mind.  Have a safe and wonderful weekend!

Jolly Hallowe’en Eve Monday!

Welcome, friends … take off your coats, hats, scarves and gloves and come over here by the fire.  A chilling start this Monday morning, don’t you think?  But never mind … we shall make it a Jolly Monday nonetheless by finding some humour, some things to laugh and smile about, yes?  How was your weekend?  Mine was far busier and more angst-producing than I like, so I am happy to return to the routine of a ‘normal’ week, whatever that is.  Grab a cup of coffee and a bite o’ breakfast … my friend Steve was none too happy about my offering of fruit last week and he let me know about it, so … sigh … back to the lovely, gooey carbs …


Julie Ann Upright is none too upright …

54-year-old Julie Ann Upright was diligently working Sunday, stealing cement pavers from a home in Port Richey, Florida. Cement pavers are very heavy, yet she managed to get 42 of them in her car before driving off.

upright

Upright?

The homeowner later told detectives that he caught her in the act while doing a remodeling project. The blocks were about 4 feet from the roadway, and being that close they were just irresistible to the Florida woman. Pasco County is still under a state of emergency under chapter 252 after Irma, so there’s still plenty more home improvement stuff to steal.

Deputies caught up with Julie and took her to the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center. She told the cops it was all a misunderstanding, and that she “thought the blocks were just trash.”

Julie Ann Upright started feeling more like Julie Ann Hunched Over after all that exertion… Following the modern trend of blaming who’s not to blame, she threatened to sue the homeowner because she hurt her back while loading all those heavy blocks into her car.


They should have stuck with pumpkin pie and caramel apples …

Two stories caught my eye, tales of strange foods concocted for the Hallowe’en season …

First, Starbucks has unveiled the Zombie Frappuccino at its stores throughout the United States and Canada.

What is it? “The Zombie Frappuccino blended beverage has a ghastly green body made with frappuccino crème infused with flavors of tart apple and caramel and topped with pink whipped cream ‘brains’ and red mocha drizzle,” according to the Starbucks website.

Zombie frappaccinoStarbucks has celebrated Halloween since 2014, starting with the Franken Frappuccino blended beverage, followed by the Frappula Frappuccino in 2015 and 2016.

Then, an Australian fast-food joint called Huxtaburger outdid itself with the Bugstaburger, that will be sold only on Hallowe’en day.

bugstaburgerNow, I thought that surely they were not using real insects … I mean, aren’t there rules against that sort of thing?  But it turns out this ‘masterpiece’ is stacked full of edible mealworms and ant mayonnaise, atop a regular beef patty, cheese, etc., all sitting in a bright blue bun. I do hope my Aussie friends, Ian and Andrea, are not planning to try one of these, but if they do, it’ll cost them A$10.50, or $8.10 USD.  A bit pricey for … bugs.  Blech.


Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp …

ramen-noodles.jpg How do you guys feel about ramen noodles?  We eat a lot of them in my house … they’re cheap, quick & easy, taste pretty good, and cost about 20 cents per pack, so we eat a lot of them!  Now, my girls eat them with chopsticks, but I rather like the noodles actually making it into my mouth rather than slithering down the front of my shirt, so I crunch them up before cooking, then eat them with a spoon, like soup.  Anyway, when eaten with chopsticks, one tends to make slurping sounds.  Now there is a solution for offsetting those slurping sounds … a noise-canceling ramen fork!

ramen forkHow does it work, you ask?  Well … a microphone embedded inside the large, white fork detects the sound of slurping, prompting the user’s smartphone to play a sound effect using near-field communication.

And how much does it cost, you ask?  Sit down … $130.  Yes, folks, for only one hundred and thirty dollars you, too, can eat your noodles without the embarrassment of slurping!  But hurry … pre-orders are being taken only until December 15th!  As for me, I’ll just stick with my spoon.

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Check those Amazon packages closely …

A Florida couple ordered some plastic totes from Amazon … you know, those things that you store your Christmas decorations and summer clothes in?  But when the totes arrived, the couple thought they seemed a bit heavier than they expected.  Well, imagine their surprise when they opened them and found what turned out to be 65 pounds of marijuana in them!  Hundreds of orders from Amazon over the past 15 years or so, and all I’ve ever gotten is toilet paper, Tide, etc.  Sigh.

The funniest part, though, was that they tried for over a month to find out from Amazon just how this had happened, but never could get through to a supervisor or manager to get answers.  Eventually, Amazon sent them an email with a gift card for $150 and a message that said, “I am unable to do anything else at this time.”


Politically incorrect?  or … When you gotta go, you gotta go …

A friend told me about this one last week, and I just had to see for myself.  Turns out French President Emmanuel Macron’s dog upstaged an on-camera meeting at Elysee palace by peeing on the fireplace!  Check out this short (18 seconds) video …


And because tomorrow is Hallowe’en, I thought a few funny jokes appropriate to the holiday would be in order …

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?

A: For the Boos.

Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?

A: He had no guts.

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite drink?

A: Bloodveiser (or Blood Light)

Q: What do you get when you mix Frosty the Snowman with a vampire?

A: Frost bite.

Alright, alright … stop throwin’ the tomatoes … so, they’re corny, but isn’t that pretty much what Hallowe’en is about?  Candy corny?  OW!!! 

candy corn

Candy Corny


Well, folks … that about wraps up another Monday … I have to go wash this tomato juice off before the moggies come after me!  I hope you’ve enjoyed our time together … I know I have.  Be careful tomorrow night, there will be little creatures in the streets, so slow down and watch out for them, okay?  Have a safe and fun Hallowe’en, have a wonderful week, and as always … please share those smiles … as one who could use a few myself this week, I know how important it is, and you’ll feel happier too!