What Is R.E.S.P.E.C.T.?
Yesterday, I played Aretha Franklin’s wonderful song, R.E.S.P.E.C.T. And then, I did my usual perusal of the day’s news and a question began to form in my mind: What, precisely, is respect? My first answer was that it is something we have far too little of in this world today.
A quick look at the online dictionary gives two definitions for the word “respect”:
- a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
- due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.
Both are apt, I think, and certainly there are people who deserve our respect as per the first definition, though we might not agree on who those people are. But the context in which I typically speak of respect is more aligned with the second definition … which can be simplified by my motto: Live and Let Live!!!
So, let’s talk about this just a bit. I’ve written about this before and will no doubt have occasion to write about it again, but I keep trying to understand, and keep hoping to make a difference somehow, even if only to open one mind.
I am a woman and I believe in women’s rights. I believe in women having the same rights as men to vote, to be treated and compensated fairly in the workplace. I believe women have just as much right as a man to own property, to divorce her spouse if a marriage isn’t working, and to make her own decisions about her own body. I believe that a woman has a right to have access to birth control and to have an abortion if she deems that is what’s right for her, just as a man has a right to have a vasectomy if he decides he does not wish to sire children. This does not, however, mean that I don’t respect women who choose not to have an abortion. It is every woman’s own personal decision … it is NOT the decision of legislators, governors, and Supreme Court justices – or at least it should not be. Just because I believe in the right to an abortion does not in any way mean that I would impose my will on your body. It should, however, work the other way too.
Respect is a two-way street. IF you expect me to respect your rights, then you must also respect mine … that’s just the way it works.
I am also an atheist, but I am very careful to show respect for other people’s religious beliefs as long as they do not harm anyone. The law of this land, the U.S. Constitution, provides for freedom of religion … that means you can follow Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or be an atheist … you cannot be discriminated against for it! But, the law of the land also calls for a “wall of separation between church and state” so that no one religion can become the national religion to the exclusion of all others. I don’t tell you where to go to church or what to believe, and I respect your right to believe as you wish, but again … it must work the other way, too. You must, in turn, respect my right to not believe in the religious rites and rituals of any religion.
I keep asking why people are so determined to attempt to force everyone into their own mold, and I think perhaps the answer boils down to fear of the unknown or the misunderstood. Perhaps people spend so much time living in their narrow enclaves that they do not understand the world and therefore fear it. Fear is a powerful motivator, and unfortunately people in power, whether political heads or religious heads, know how to use fear to drive hatred. And We the People, like a herd of cattle, allow ourselves to be driven.
In this country, it is fear of Black people, fear of Muslims, fear of LGBTQ people, that are keeping the country so divided that it is truly a tinderbox just waiting for someone to throw a lit match. You mind if I let you in on a little secret? I have Black friends, Muslim friends, gay friends and trans friends, Christian friends, atheist friends, agnostic friends, and Jewish friends, and I love them all … I do not fear any of them. I respect them, their beliefs, and it is in part our differences that keep our friendships interesting! We learn from one another! Wouldn’t the world be a lackluster, boring place if we were all exactly the same?
We need to learn to embrace our differences, to respect others’ rights as we expect them to respect ours, and we need to learn to LIVE AND LET LIVE!!! If we don’t, we will soon destroy ourselves, destroy the nation from within, and turn it into some dystopian society in which nobody would want to live.







The song was used in the movie Milk, about gay rights activist Harvey Milk who, in 1977 when he won a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, became the first openly gay elected official in the United States. Less than one year later, on November 27, 1978, Milk was gunned down along with San Francisco Mayor George Moscone. The shooter was Supervisor Dan White, a conservative board member who had campaigned on a platform of law and order, civic pride, and family values. The movie is worth a watch, if you haven’t seen it.
Sly & the Family Stone was a mash up of musical styles with band members of different genders and ethnic backgrounds — they lived the message they sang about. And now, I’ve chattered enough … just listen …
