A new, independent candidate has thrown his hat into the ring in the 2016 presidential election, and personally I am psyched! No, I did not say I am psycho … I said ‘psyched’! He will run as an independent, and while it is true that an independent candidate has never before won the presidential election, I think this guy might just have a chance! He has actually run four times before, in 1968, 1972, 1976, and 1980. So without further ado, allow me to introduce the next POTUS, none other than the illustrious roly-poly, rumbly-tumbly Winnie The Pooh! [deafening applause, foot stomping and whistles]
“Thank you … thank you so much! I am … um … happy to be here and … um … well, I forget, but I am happy.”
Mr. Pooh will now take a few questions from the press:
- Pooh, every president has a campaign slogan … can you tell us what yours is?
- “I promise hunny in every pot and a smile on every face”
- Pooh, have you decided on your running mate, or your campaign staff yet?
- “Eeyore will be my … um … campaign manager, Tigger has agreed to be my press secretary, and of course my dear friend Piglet will be my running mate.”
- What, Mr. Pooh, is the foundation of your political platform?
- “There are things about ourselves that we need to get rid of; there are things we need to change. But at the same time, we do not need to be too desperate, too ruthless, too combative. Along the way to usefulness and happiness, many of those things will change themselves, and the others can be worked on as we go. The first thing we need to do is recognize and trust our own Inner Nature, and not lose sight of it.” *
- Pooh, how would you respond to your opponent’s claim that he will “Make America Great Again”?
- “We don’t need to shift our responsibilities onto the shoulders of some deified Spiritual Superman, or sit around and wait for Fate to come knocking at the door. We simply need to believe in the power that’s within us, and use it. When we do that, and stop imitating others and competing against them, things begin to work for us.” *
- You know, of course, that one of the biggest issues facing the U.S. today is the threat of terrorism. What is your plan to deal with terrorism in the U.S., Mr. Pooh?
- “The play-it-safe pessimists of the world never accomplish much of anything, because they don’t look clearly and objectively at situations, they don’t recognize or believe in their own abilities to overcome even the smallest amount of risk.” *
- What are your thoughts, Mr. Pooh, on the issue of LGBT rights, specifically same-sex marriage and transgender restrooms?
- “Egotistical Desire tries to force the round peg into the square hole and the square peg into the round hole. Cleverness tries to devise craftier ways of making pegs fit where they don’t belong. Things may get a little Odd at times, but they work out. You don’t have to try very hard to make them work out; you just let them. When you know and respect your Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don’t belong.” *
- One final question, Mr. Trump: what do you think of all the name-calling and lies that have become the basis for ‘Campaign 2016’?
- “Sourness and bitterness come from the interfering and unappreciative mind. Life itself, when understood and utilized for what it is, is sweet.” *
Okay, Mr. Pooh … well this has been a very enlightening press conference and I would like to thank you on behalf of all the networks and media represented here tonight. I know I am certainly looking forward to following your campaign and I would like to wish you the very best of luck! Do you have any final words for the voters tonight?
- “Has anyone seen my Hunny Pot?”
(Credit for this post goes to my granddaughter, Natasha, who provided the idea! Thank you, Goose!)
* All quotes so de-noted are from The Tao of Pooh, Benjamin Hoff, 1983