Contrary to my predictions and yes, hopes, Trump won the New Hampshire republican primary last night. He received 99,268 votes at last count (Wednesday, 12:55 p.m.). So, let us take a look at some of the headlines you might see two years from now in the unlikely event that Trump can actually fool enough people to win in the general election in November:
Dateline February 10, 2018:
• This November, the ballot will include a referendum to select a new name for the nation. Your two choices, your only two choices, are:
o The Trump States of America
o The United States of Trump
• The latest census information indicates although a record 41.3 million refugees and immigrants were either deported or executed in 2017, the population of the U.S. continues to rise, as a record number of unwanted babies are being born to teens and others since abortion became illegal and Planned Parenthood was dissolved. New orphanages are being built, but will not be completed until next year, as funding for the project was delayed by Congress in favour of further military expansion.
• Some one thousand new prisons are being funded this year, approximately twenty per state, since all gun laws and controls were removed and the crime rate has increased by a factor of 500%. The new prisons are expected to provide 94,000 new jobs nationwide.
• Delta Airlines, who as recently as two years ago saw profits of $4 billion annually, has filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and it is anticipated that other major airlines will follow suit by the end of the year. Since the disbanding of TSA, coupled with gun control laws being overturned, the skies are no longer a safe place to be and people just do not travel anymore. The losers here will be the stockholders, as it is highly unlikely there will be anything left for distribution among ownership.
• Former Secretary of Education, John B. King, Jr., was recently arrested and taken to a labour camp outside of Juneau, Alaska. Other heads of recently-abolished federal government departments have been taken to Palinslavia, a concentration camp near Nome, Alaska. Both President Trump and Vice-President Palin deny rumours that there have been mass executions.
• The unemployment rate saw another sharp incline last quarter, as teachers and others in the education field joined the ranks of the jobless since the dissolution of public education. Additionally, many parents have been forced to leave their jobs to stay home and care for children who are no longer in school.
• Senator Cliven Bundy (R-Nevada) introduced legislation for a constitutional amendment to extend the president’s term of office from the current four-year term to a sixteen-year term. The bill is expected to receive wide support in both the Senate and the House. If the bill receives 2/3 approval in both the House and the Senate, there will be no need for ratification by the states. If passed, President Trump’s term would not expire until 2033, meaning our next presidential election would be in the year 2032.
• The average life expectancy in the U.S. has dropped from 78.74 years in 2012 to 57.2 years in 2018. The reasons include the dissolution of the CDC (Center for Disease Control), increased gun-related deaths, seniors going without needed treatments and medications since Medicare was abolished in 2017, and increased police brutality, particularly in the African-American community. An investigation was launched by WHO (World Health Organization), but thus far they have been denied access to data by the federal government.
• The states of Washington, Oregon and California have reportedly formed a coalition with the intent of seceding from the United States. President Trump has threatened to “bomb the shit out of them”.
• With millions of children no longer in school, Vice President Palin is asking Congress to consider a proposal to reverse laws that prohibit or control children in the workplace. Former president of the AFL-CIO, Richard Trumka, spoke against the proposal at a rally in downtown Manhattan last Saturday. Trumka has not been seen since and his wife claims that government agents took him from their home in the middle of the night on Saturday. The matter is currently under investigation.
• President Trump will travel to the NRE (New Russian Empire) next week to meet with President Vladimir Putin regarding joint operations against the EU. NRE is the only remaining ally of the U.S. since it severed all ties with the United Nations last year when the UNSC (United Nations Security Council) attempted to bring charges against the U.S. and President Trump for genocide and crimes against humanity.
• Public transportation in most major cities, including Washington D.C., New York and Los Angeles has been suspended indefinitely due to increased fuel costs and fuel shortages. President Trump has stated emphatically that he will not negotiate with OPEC countries regarding sanctions he imposed last year and he plans to build a pipeline from the Middle East and make OPEC pay for it. Meanwhile, the cost of gasoline at the pump this week remains a steady $18.93 per gallon.
I could go on … and on … and on, but in the interest of keeping this readable, I will spare you any more of this depressing drivel. Farcical? Satirical? Sure it is, but sometimes you have to over-dramatize in order to get a point across. Am I worried that Trump will actually become president? No, for a few reasons:
• Trump lost in Iowa, where his poll numbers were showing him in 1st. What happened? How many more times will he lose where the polls predict him to win?
• Trump won 99,268 votes, in NH, but on the democrat side, Sanders and Clinton came in with 147,291 and 93,443 respectively (data as of Wednesday, 12:55 p.m.). New Hampshire is a “red” state, meaning that the republicans are in the majority there, yet even the second-place candidate on the democrat side fared nearly as well as Trump. This says a lot about the direction the independents or “undecided” voters are taking.
• A large portion of republicans have declared that they will either vote democratic or stay home in November if Trump wins the nomination. Either way, it helps the democrats and hurts Trump.
• Finally, though I sometimes question it, I do still have faith that the American people are more savvy than this and will come to understand that, while Trump promises to give people the very things they want, he has thus far been unable to offer any answers to the question “and how will you do these things?” Talk is cheap and it is easy to make promises … much harder, sometimes, to follow through on promises.