Smorgasbord Funnies 2023 – Sally’s Favourites – Valentine’s Day the lighter side of Romance.

I slept way too late today … probably because I didn’t manage to fall asleep until well after daylight … and my brain is still sleeping, so instead of trying to write something halfway intelligent, I’ll let Sally entertain you with a bit of Valentine’s Day humour! Thanks, Sally!

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Something from my archives and I hope you will enjoy the Valentine funnies… Sally

And a little something that might come after the proposal…..just kidding.

Taking it with you

A very wealthy but mean businessman tragically died in an accident and when the lawyer read out the will his wife was astonished to discover that he insisted on all his money being buried with him.

On the day of the funeral as the family and friends gathered to pay their respects one of the wife’s friends stood with her arm about her.

“I understand that he wanted to be buried with all his money, how did you get it all in the coffin with him?”

The wife smiled resignedly.. “I gave him a cheque”

Nostalgia

A husband takes the wife to a disco.

There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the…

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Saturday Surprise — George The Mouse Is Back!!!

Way back in 2019 I posted about nature photographer Simon Dell and the little mouse he discovered in his yard one day.  Since then, Dell has provided many pictures of George the mouse and the little homes he has built for him over the past three years.  George has since been joined by other mice and Mr. Dell has created many fun and beautiful scenes featuring George and his friends.  I thought some of his more recent efforts would be a great way to start out the weekend, so I’m sharing a few here …

🤓 are those balloons for me little mouse ?

🐭 No! they is for my Girlfriends .

🤓 Girlfriends ? you have more than one.

🐭 sure do . it would not be fair for one person to enjoy all this cuteness and snuggles.

Ok who wants some dinners ?

🐭 so tell me again how many of these do we need to cut for all our fans on valentines day ?

🐁 around 75.000 should do it .

🐭 Wow that’s a lot can we not just post a photo of one and say it is for them all ?

🐭 Mr Tographer I nibbled you a Apple to give the wife for Valentines day . Can I have some peanuts now please .

🤓 sure you can  little mouse and I am sure the wife will love the apple

🐭 Ohhh Mr Tographer these flowers are nice . Can I eats them ?

Row houses for mouses

You can also find Simon, George and the gang on Facebook to keep up with his latest.  And to wrap up today’s Saturday Surprise, a video of George the mouse!

Th-th-that’s all, folks!!!  Have a great weekend!!!

Jolly Monday — Is It Spring Yet???

Good Monday morn, dear friends!  Be careful of the ice on your in … Jolly salted the sidewalk, but it’s so cold I’m not sure how much good it did.  Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr … come in, warm yourselves by the (imaginary) fire!  So, how was your weekend?  Did any of you do anything special for Valentine’s Day?  It isn’t a holiday that I celebrate in general, but a special someone sent me and the girls chocolates from ‘cross the pond, and that brought a big smile to my face.

Joyful has been concocting something in the kitchen, but she won’t even let me in to see what it is, or to offer my expertise, so we’ll just have to mosey over to the table and see what delicacy she has prepared for us!  Then, we’ll proceed to find something to start this week out on a positive note and with a smile on our faces!

food-coffee

Jollys girlfriend Joyful  Can’t forget the bacon lovers, now can we?


Lucky dog!

Lulu is an 8-year-old border collie who, until recently, lived with her human, Bill Dorris.  Sadly, Bill died late last year, and now Lulu lives with Martha Burton, who sometimes took care of Lulu when Bill was out of town traveling on business.

When Mr. Dorris’ will was read a few weeks ago … imagine Lulu’s surprise to find that Bill left her $5 million!!!  In it, he stipulated that Lulu is to reimburse Ms. Burton for ‘reasonable monthly expenses’.  Wow … the dog’s a multi-millionaire!  I suspect Lulu’s reasonable monthly expenses are likely to come to several thousand dollars per month, eh?


A Valentine’s Day … gift?  💔

This from the Associated Press

A North Carolina sheriff’s office is giving people a chance on Valentine’s Day weekend to show their former lovers they’re still wanted by turning them in if they have outstanding warrants.

The Nash County Sheriff’s Office is offering what it calls a “Valentine’s Day Weekend Special,” which it described as “a special too sweet to pass up.”

The “offer” posted on its Facebook page includes what the sheriff’s office described as a set of limited-edition platinum bracelets, free transportation with a chauffeur and a one-night minimum stay in “our luxurious (five-star) accommodations.” It tops the offer with a special Valentine’s dinner.


And on that note, it’s time for some ‘toons!

toon-1toon-2toon-3toon-4toon-5toon-6toon-7toon-8toon-9toon-10


In the mood for a few funny signs?

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And last but not least, if it’s Jolly Monday, it must be time for a cute animal video, yes?  I just know you’re gonna fall in love with this baby fox!


Well, my friends, it’s that time once again … time for us all to be useful in one way or another.  I’ve really enjoyed our time together today, and I hope you have too.  Have a great week, and please share those smiles … tough times with the pandemic and the political situations in so many countries … just a smile sometimes makes it all seem bearable.  Love ‘n hugs from Filosofa, Jolly and Joyful!

Good People Doing Good Things — We Just Never Know

For some reason, every time I Google “good people doing good”, I’m directed back to Filosofa’s Word.  I realize that’s a good thing … an honour, really, to be among Google’s first picks … but not terribly helpful.  Still, I’ve managed to find some good people.  Today I’m focusing, as I often do, on little things that make a big difference.


Dr-Don-RiceDr. Don Rice is a Urgent Care Medicine Specialist in Lincoln, Nebraska.  On Monday, Dr. Rice decided to do something special for National Random Acts of Kindness Day, so … he helped the 80 patients that came into the clinic that day by paying their co-pay for the visit!  The average co-pay being around $50, Dr. Rice estimates he spent around $4,000 that day.  Says the doc …

“I think that we have a culture that sometimes forgets that we can have a much better world if we start being kinder to each other.”

Rice says the random act was inspired by a kind family friend, who died from cancer.

“Even though she had two types of cancer, was always giving to other people, so we thought it would be fun to do this in her honor.”

A relatively small thing?  Sure … but maybe for some people that extra $50 meant they could have a bit extra with their supper or buy their child a much-needed new pair of shoes.  You just never know, do you?

Thumbs up to Dr. Don Rice!!!


If you lived in Idaho Falls, Idaho, you probably saw a good bit of snow last week.  You might also have looked out your window and seen …shoveling

Yep, those are some of the members of the Idaho Falls fire department out shoveling driveways and sidewalks for the town’s residents.  One resident, Eric Nelson, said …

“I actually thought my wife was the one that did it and she thought I did it. We didn’t realize until I thanked her for it later that night and she said she thought it was me. Totally surprised.”

Again, just a little thing, but … these guys didn’t have to do it … they could have stayed warm and cozy in the firehouse until a call came in, but instead they chose to help people.  And maybe … just maybe, they saved an elderly person from slipping and falling on the ice and breaking a hip.  We’ll never know, will we?


Raj Singh owns his own taxi service in Roseville, California, and one day last week he got a call to pick up an elderly woman – 92 years old, to be exact – for she needed a ride to her bank.  When he started chatting with her, she told him she was about to withdraw $25,000 to settle a debt with the IRS.  Well, as you can imagine, warning bells went off in Raj’s head!

As Singh talked to the woman, trying to find out more, she told him that someone had called her and asked for the money. When he asked if it was a family member, the woman grew silent.  Singh finally got her to agree to let him call the number to the person who was posing as an IRS employee.

“We called this number again and I asked the man, ‘Do you know this lady?’ He said no. I knew something was wrong.”

When Singh pressed the man, saying the woman was 92 years old and she was nervous, the man hung up on him. After repeated calls back, Singh said the number blocked them.  Despite that, Singh said the woman still didn’t believe him, so he came up with another idea.

Raj knew she was being scammed, but … how to convince her?  Finally, he talked her into letting him stop by the police station.  Singh spoke with an officer in the station, who then spoke with the woman, and the officer was finally able to convince her that she was being scammed.

Singh took his passenger home, her bank account saved. A week after the potential scam was thwarted, Singh said he got a call asking him to come back to the station where officers gave Singh a $50 gift card to thank him for what he did.Raj-SinghRoseville police posted on their Facebook page …

“We love this story because several times throughout, Raj could have just taken his customer to her stop and not worried about her wellbeing. He took time from his day and had the great forethought to bring the almost-victim to the police station for an official response.  His quick thinking saved a senior citizen $25,000 and for that, we greatly appreciate his efforts.” 

Another one of those ‘little things’, but this one saved an elderly woman … perhaps her life savings.  We never know, do we?


And lastly, I came across this story on a friend’s blog, Nuggets of Gold and thought it made a great addition to this post.  Thank you, Miss Joy Roses!

Jayme Woolley is 16-years-old and attends Axtell High School, just outside Waco, Texas.  Now, guys buy flowers on Valentine’s Day for their girls, but Jayme … well, he went a step or two further.  Young Jayme bought a flower for every girl in his school between 6th and 12th grade!

Jayme’s mom, Amy Gordon, posted a photo on Facebook showing 170 roses lying across their living room floor.flowers-1On the 14th, Jayme waited by the entrance to Axtell, placed the flowers in silver tins and handed them out to each girl as they walked into school.JaymeNow why did he do that?  Because, he said, he wanted to make every girl at Axtell High School feel special.  Wow, huh?  And maybe, just maybe, one of those girls was very much in need of a bit of love, needed just for a moment to feel special.  We just never know, do we?


Remember, folks, if you see a chance to be a good people, be one!  You just never know what a difference a small act of kindness might make in someone’s life.

Valentine’s Day Cards of Yore …

Valentine-MaxineToday is February 14th, otherwise known as Valentine’s Day.  In modern culture it is a day for romance, for flowers, cards, candy hearts and chocolates.   Even this ol’ hag awoke to a lovely card in my inbox this morning that started my day with a smile.  But throughout history, Valentine’s cards have sometimes taken a dark turn …

In the mid-1400s, Charles Valois, the Duke of Orleans, penned a Valentine poem for his wife. Considered to be one of the earliest Valentine’s poems, Valois’s missive is far from an ardent declaration of marital passion. Instead, the sombre wording reveals a 21-year-old who is already ‘sick of love’.

I am already sick of love,
My very gentle Valentine,
Since for me you were born too soon,
And I for you was born too late.
God forgives him who has estranged
Me from you for the whole year.
I am already sick of love,
My very gentle Valentine.

Why such a bleak tone on a day intended to celebrate love? The circumstances in which the verse was penned may shed some light on Charles’s sense of desperation. Having already lost one wife, Valois was still only 15 when he married 11-year-old Bonne D’Armagnac in 1410. Their time together was short-lived: Charles was captured by the English at the battle of Agincourt in 1415 and held captive for 25 years. The above verse was penned during a period of imprisonment in the Tower of London. Alone in a cell, having outlived one wife and been involuntarily separated from another, Valois’s solemnity might be excused.

The unfortunate pair were never reunited: Bonne had died by the time her husband was released. This fascinating letter is held in the manuscript collections at the British Library, though sadly there is no record of any reply.

While it was common practice to exchange letters and love tokens in February, the first ‘cards’ were not sent until the late 18th century. Lack of technology meant that early cards were handmade, with lovers decorating paper with flowers and romantic symbols. Pamphlets were available designed to assist those who struggled to express themselves. The Young Man’s Valentine Writer, published in 1797, offered a selection of poems that could be copied out and sent to the beloved.

In Britain, the oldest surviving Valentines card is thought to date from 1790. The recipient had to work to discover their valentine: the card was a puzzle that had to be unfolded in a particular way in order to reveal delicate illustrations and the verse hidden within. Known as a ‘puzzle purse’, this unusual example is among a collection of 800 Valentines held in the archives of the Postal Museum’s archives.

puzzle purse.png

A ‘puzzle purse’, a popular type of card from the Georgian period that had to be unfolded in a particular way to reveal the hidden verse within. 

The sending of cards became more common during the Victorian era, with the development of new printing techniques and reductions in the cost of paper. Handmade efforts, often featuring lace paperwork, flowers and love knots, continued to exist while mass-produced cards flooded the market.

I think I might be a little offput to receive this handmade Valentine containing a taxidermy canary …Stuffed-canary-Valentine

Then there were the ‘Vinegar Valentines’: cards designed to point out faults in the recipient and demonstrate the sender’s desire not to claim their love. Although the nature of the card often lent itself to its immediate destruction, sufficient numbers survive to suggest that Vinegar Valentines were not gender specific.

vinegar-valentine

An 1870s “vinegar Valentine”, the sender Repelled by his “glitter”, the sender rejects the snakelike gentleman, preferring to remain alone than live a “bitter” life in his company.

Some cards offered women the opportunity to comment anonymously on personal appearance, with scathing words and demeaning sketches. Others, commenting on the recipient’s habits, reflect societal concerns of the day.

Valentine's Card

The text at the bottom reads: “The kiss of the bottle is your heart’s delight,/ And fuddled you reel home to bed every night,/ What care you for damsels, no matter how fair!/ Apart from your liquor, you’ve no love to spare.”

Valentine's Card

“Pray do you ever mend your clothes/ Or comb your hair? Well, I suppose/ You’ve got no time, for people, say,/ You’re reading novels all the day.”

The Valentine card traveled across the Atlantic during the 19th century, but printed cards were often too expensive for the average American. Things changed dramatically in 1913, when the Hall Brothers produced their first Valentine card. Becoming Hallmark cards in 1928, the company is now considered a key player in the commercialization of Valentine’s Day with more than 1,400 varieties of card now in circulation.

Despite popular belief, not all 20th-century cards featured the romantic symbolism we see today. Some cards employed fruit or animals to suggest lewd intentions, and others were used as marketing opportunities by Walt Disney and McDonald’s.

Not all cards were so benign. Overtly racist cards depicted cannibals preparing their loved ones for the pot, claiming to be “all a stew for you”, while others played with cowboy imagery to suggest the recipient’s capture.  And then there was the truly macabre …valentine-card-skunk

I hope you all have a fun Valentine’s Day!  To all my friends, I wish you a …Happy Valentine's Day

No Politics Monday #2

Welcome once again to “No-Politics Monday”.  I have decided to make this a weekly tradition, as the one I did last Monday seemed to make a few people happy, and as I said last week, Mondays are hard enough already.  So every Monday I will abstain from my usual socio-political commentary and attempt to find more light-hearted, upbeat topics.  Mondays only, though!

Saturday night the time changed here in the U.S.  Clocks went forward by an hour … yes, a whole 60 minutes … whether we wanted them to or not.  I awakened yesterday morning with a headache, so I have decided that I will not participate in daylight savings time all at once, but shall accept the time change in increments of ten minutes per day for six days, starting today (Monday).  Therefore, dinner will be served at 7:50 p.m. tonight, 7:40 p.m. on Tuesday, and so on until finally on Saturday we will be back to eating at 7:00.  Apologies to my family for rumbly tummies or other inconveniences, but I simply cannot lose the entire hour at once.

I came across a few bits of interesting trivia this morning:

  • That lovely red condiment, ketchup, that which makes most any food palatable, is banned in primary school cafeterias in France. Not for any health reasons, but rather because “We have to ensure that children become familiar with French recipes so that they can hand them down to the following generation,” implying that ketchup is in some way ruining French cuisine,” according to the chairman of the National Association of Directors of Collective Restaurants. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/8806553/The-French-have-some-sauce-to-ban-tomato-ketchup.html
  • I bet there are a lot of parents in the U.S., especially in the month of December, who wish we could adopt this Swedish law: television advertisements that are specifically directed at children under the age of 12 have been banned in Sweden since 1991. At the time, research showed that children could not clearly differentiate between advertising and regular programming until this age. http://www.commondreams.org/headlines01/0529-05.htm
  • Last month I told you my feelings about Valentine’s Day, so imagine my goofy grin when I found out the Valentine’s Day is, in fact, banned in Saudi Arabia! But not for the reason you might think … it is banned because, although it no longer has a religious connotation, it began as a Christian holiday, and Saudi Arabia is an Islamic nation.  Saudi Arabia actually bans Valentine’s Day and actively prevents celebration by raiding and confiscating any floral arrangements, chocolates, or gifts for sale in mid-February that may be seen as symbols of love. http://worldnews.about.com/od/saudiarabia/qt/vdaysaudis.htm
  • Do you chew gum? I don’t, have not since before I was a teenager with braces many years ago, but if you do chew gum, you may want to avoid Singapore on your next trip to Asia.  Chewing gum has been banned there since 1992 in an effort to make the country more sanitary and progressive, as the habit was seen as old-fashioned and disgusting.  I can’t say that I disagree with them, especially the way some people chew gum! http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-32090420
  • Want to name your child “Bailey”, or “Lee”, or some other name that could be suitable for either a boy or a girl? Not in Germany!  In Germany a person’s first name must clearly indicate their gender. This means that babies cannot be named unisex names (i.e. Sam, Alex), names for the opposite gender (i.e. naming a girl Robert), or last names (i.e. Anderson, Emerson). If you want to challenge one of these rules you must go through a lengthy and expensive appeals process wherein a government office will evaluate your chosen name and it’s suitability. Other countries also have laws regulating what you may name your baby … be sure to check out the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/24/banned-baby-names_n_5134075.html

Just a few days ago, I updated my October 2014 piece about driverless cars, then yesterday I came across this snippet and just couldn’t resist passing it along:

Spend enough time behind the wheel, and chances are you’re going to see some pretty wild things — if you work for Google, at least.

One time, an onlooker was so excited to see one of the company’s self-driving cars pass by that he ran out onto the street completely naked and leaped onto the vehicle.

Another time, the car had to slow down because there were as many as three other cars driving the wrong way up the street toward it.

There was the time a group of people hopped across the street in front of a Google car, interrupting its route with a real-life game of Frogger.

And then there was the mysterious case of a woman in an electric wheelchair chasing a duck in circles in the middle of the street.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2016/03/12/the-time-a-naked-man-greeted-googles-driverless-car-and-other-completely-true-stories/?hpid=hp_hp-cards_hp-card-technology%3Ahomepage%2Fcard

So, that wraps up my non-political Monday.  I leave you with this from Calvin & Hobbes, arguably the best cartoon strip ever written:

calvin-hobbes1

Filosofa, the Anti-Valentine

You know it is February when you see red, heart-shaped boxes of candy all over every store you are in, even the local bookstore!  You know it is February when advertisements for florists, chocolatiers, and greeting cards are in your face everywhere you go in both the real and virtual world.  The reason?  It is called Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s Day is what I refer to as a “faux holiday”, but there is nothing faux about the $19 billion that will be spent for candy, flowers, cards, jewelry, etc.  Why do people go gaga over Valentine’s Day?

  • One-quarter of men spend because they feel obligated or are just trying to get lucky. According to a recent poll, roughly half of men say they celebrate Valentine’s Day in order to “spend quality time with my partner.” (What, you can’t spend time with her without bringing flowers? You need a new partner!) However, nearly one-quarter of men admit that they mark Valentine’s Day out of a sense of obligation or “because they’re hoping to get lucky.” Meanwhile, 13% of women say they celebrate just “because everyone else does.”
  • The longer the relationship, and the older you get, the less you spend. Love may or may not fade over time, but the likelihood of going all out on Valentine’s gifts sure seems to die the longer couples are together. One poll shows that men spend an average of $154 on fiancés, versus $136 for wives.
  • Americans will spend more than $700 million on Valentine’s gifts … for pets. That’s according to the National Retail Federation. And that’s roughly double what we spend on Halloween costumes for pets, which is probably good—surely your dog prefers a Valentine’s snack to being dressed up in a ludicrous Madonna outfit.
  • 1 in 5 women buy Valentine’s gifts … for themselves. Data cited by the Society of American Florists indicates that while men are more likely to buy Valentine’s gifts for their spouses—63% of men versus 30% of women—the ladies are more inclined to buy for their moms (30% versus 11% of men), friends (19% versus 7%) and themselves (19% versus 1%).
  • Rose prices spike just in time for Valentine’s Day. It’s not just your imagination. Roses really do get more expensive around February 14. While wholesale prices vary depending on location, florists say they typically pay twice as much for roses in early February than they do at most other times of the year. It boils down to supply and demand: Roses cost more for Valentine’s Day because people are willing to pay more. (Filosofa’s favourite flower is the dandelion … they grow wild and free!)
  • The two people most responsible for modern-day Valentine’s Day were entrepreneurs trying to make a buck. For centuries, Valentine’s Day was a mashup of a wild Roman pagan festival known as Lupercalia and the celebration of two Catholic saints (both named Valentine) who were executed on February 14. By the Middle Ages, it had become somewhat of a tradition to offer a handmade card or flowers to one’s beloved. It wasn’t until the mid-1800s, however, that it became popular to give mass-produced chocolates and Valentine’s messages, and we have two business-minded visionaries to thank for this. First, there’s Richard Cadbury, a member of the famous chocolate-making family that been perfecting the bite-sized delectable then known as “eating chocolate.” Cadbury had the brilliant idea of packaging and selling these chocolates in heart-shaped boxes for Valentine’s Day, and the rest is history.  Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, a Massachusetts woman named Esther Howland was building her reputation as the “Mother of the American Valentine” for designing and popularizing high-quality lace-paper Valentine cards featuring messages of love and devotion.

grump_valentine

Now seriously, folks, people complain about inflation, the economy, fuel prices, food prices, taxes, and the like, but they are willing to spend upward of $100 for a Valentine’s Day gift?  Personally, I can feed my family for a week, buy cigarettes for two weeks, buy four Christmas gifts, or buy ten books for this amount!  And personally, I just don’t find a heart-shaped box of candy or roses to be all that romantic.  Now granted, I am not a romantic person … I know this.  I am a pragmatist.  However, I do have what passes for a romantic side, but do you want to know what I think is romantic?  A phone call just to say “Hi, I was thinking of you and just wanted to see how your day is going.”  Cleaning the snow from my car without being asked.  A pat on the head.  There are so many other (read less expensive) ways to show love, that to spend so much money on flowers that will die within a few days or chocolates that will be consumed within a few hours just seems ridiculous to me.  For anyone interested in the history of Valentine’s Day … http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day.

By the way, February 16th is “Do a Grouch a Favour Day”!  If anyone would like to come re-vent my clothes dryer, shampoo my carpet, vacuum my stairs, or clean out my storage shed …